Chapter 128: Chapter Thirty-Four

Alex

I jolted awake.

It was a dream.

It had to be a dream.

I was hallucinating.

Right?

“Wrong.” Cassius’s voice scared the shit out of me. “You were wrong then, you’re wrong now.”

“I really, really hate you, most days. Just saying.” I clenched my teeth. “Why are you here still?” My heart tossed, twisted, turned with the need to tell Hope how I felt— to find her— to make it right.

God, I’d been so wrong.

So. Wrong.

The dream haunted me, fragments, bits and pieces of Hope’s smile invaded my consciousness. Maybe a side effect of the demon bite was that I was wishing for things that could never happen.

“You haven’t sought out sex.”

“Nope.” My body jerked at the thought, screamed at me to do something about the pain slicing down my chest, cutting me open, filleting me alive. My heart felt like it was going to explode. And maybe it would—maybe that was what had happened to the rest of the sirens in existence. Without sex, without love, they simply ceased to care, and they lay rotting in a bed until their hearts just… burst.

“Damn, I’ve never heard such depressing thoughts from you.” Cassius had the audacity to laugh.

“And yet he smiles.” I clenched my eyes shut as another wave of pain hit me between them. Oh good, a new location for the lust to pulse.

“It’s easy you know… the answer to this puzzle, simply go have sex with something.”

I clenched my teeth together. “I want Hope.”

“Do you deserve her?”

“No.”

“And yet you still want her?”

“Yes.”

“Can you protect her?”

“I can try.”

“I’ll ask you the same thing tomorrow… try to get some sleep.” Cassius stood and walked out of the room, leaving a trail of white frost behind him.

I tried to sleep.

It had to be night, right?

Ethan and Mason took turns making sure I wasn’t dead— their words not mine, and while I didn’t deteriorate, I wasn’t getting better. The wound wasn’t healing, but neither was it festering.

I was in a constant state of arousal and pain.

And the only way to stop it was to do what sirens did— get laid.

And in the cruelest joke of all, every time I thought about jumping in my car, or in my case hobbling toward the door, I saw her face.

A sick feeling would invade my stomach until it felt like I was going to puke all over Mason.

And I’d close my eyes, only for the torture to continue.

Her. I wanted her.

I just wished I knew why.

Why I was compelled, why it felt like I had lived an eternity without her— and was only now realizing how empty it had been, especially since the dream felt so real.

Like I’d lived that life with her— but instead, it was a cruel joke from Cassius, or maybe just a cruel joke from the universe, once again reminding me, that even if I had her.

I would never deserve her.

I was bad.

I would always be bad.

Now, more than ever, it was important to control myself, because if I didn’t— I feared the only future we had would be death.

I thought about her hands. Hands weren’t sexy. Hers were.

Her feet.

Sexy.

Her damn leggings.

Sexy.

And her laugh.

Familiar.

I was the reason her entire race was dead. I didn’t deserve her, I never did.

My eyes jolted open.

~Sleep.~ A voice had commanded. ~Until the time to remember is upon you.~

“Cassius.” I grit my teeth. “Is that you?”

No answer came.

Great, now I was talking to myself.

~A vision of Hope in a morning gown of white and lace hit me square in the face followed by another. She had on a blue bonnet.

I’d always thought it was hideous because it covered her face and muffled her laugh.

Carriages.

I clenched the sheets with my hands and bit back a curse.

“I love you,” I said with my mouth, my heart beating for her, as I walked away into another woman’s arms.

A woman who was diseased, who did nothing but sate my lust so that I didn’t share my darkness with the only one I’d ever felt anything for.

I was dirty.

I was a whore.

I wasn’t worthy.

Of her purity.

Of her goodness.

I was the same boy who had been stabbed by my own mother— the same boy whose disgust and disdain was enough for his father to want his death.

I was that boy.

All my life I had been that boy.

And then… Hope.

Hope was the cruelest of all words. It presented itself as attainable only to be snatched away at the last minute.

But my own shame, my own pain, had kept me from fully allowing myself to mate with her then.

And now? My vision cleared.

And a dawning realization hit me square in the chest, replacing the constant burning with raw truth.

History had in fact repeated itself.

I had kept myself at arm’s length.

Only this time… I had used her body.

While withholding the only thing that has ever truly been hers — my heart.

With mind-numbing pain, I pushed to my feet. My legs wobbled under the weight of my own body. I’d never gone this long without sex. Ever.

But I needed answers.

And the only place I was going to find them.

Was with Hope.

And a freaking demon.

It took me five minutes to put on one boot, ten to put on the second, since I kept dropping my hands sending it tumbling to the floor.

When I stood, dizziness overwhelmed me. How the hell was I supposed to drive?

“What are you doing?” Mason’s voice sounded from the door.

“Going after her.”

He was quiet and then. “You can barely walk.”

“I know.” I stumbled toward him, nearly face-planting against the wall. “I’m fully aware of what I can and can’t do, Wolf.”

He cursed, his brown eyes taking in my pathetic form. “I’ll take you. God knows you’ll get yourself or someone else killed if I don’t.”

“True friendship,” I slurred.

“You look like shit,” Mason added and wrinkled his nose in distaste. “You smell bad too.”

I sniffed myself. “I’m a siren. We never smell bad.”

“You smell sweet all the damn time.”

“We smell different to different people, just depends on what you’re into. I smell like rain to Hope because she’s always so hot. I smell like berries to you because… well, I think that’s self-explanatory.”

“I hate you, at least ninety percent of the time I talk with you.”

“Love you too, Wolf.” I leaned heavily against him as he walked me down the stairs, then clearly getting impatient, swept my six-foot-nine-inch frame up into his arms and charged out the door. “Sweeping me off my feet already.”

With a grunt, he dropped me on the ground. “Wait here while I get the car.”

“Werewolves don’t drive.”

“There’s a first time for everything,” he called over his shoulder.

“Great, just great,” I grumbled as he pulled one of Ethan’s newer Mercedes SUVs out front and almost took out the mailbox and part of my foot.

The door clicked open. I stared up at it. What? Did he want me to crawl in?

Then he was behind me, and I hadn’t seen him move. “Up you go.” He heaved me into the seat and nodded to the seatbelt. “You’re gonna need that.”

“Or ten.” I rolled my eyes.

“Somebody destroyed my motorcycle.” His glare said it all. “So, where are we going?”

“Funny you should ask,” I hit the windows down and held up my shaky hands. “I’m gonna need you to follow her scent.”

“You can’t?”

“I literally see seven of you right now. If I track her, we’ll end up in China, and I know how you feel about rice.”

“IT’S NOT REAL FOOD!”

I laughed. “Neither are pinecones.”

“They have sustenance.”

“Tree, Mason. They are from a tree.”

“A seed, actually.”

“Either we argue about pinecones in the driveway, or you track Hope, your choice.”

“Really?”

“No!” I yelled, “Go! Hurry!”

“Someone’s not very grateful.” He put the car in reverse, taking out a potted plant in the process of backing up. Cursing, he hit neutral, added rocks onto the broken plant pot, then hit drive and jammed his foot down on the accelerator.

My body slammed back against the seat. “It’s going to be a long night.”

“I like the wind in my hair.” Mason closed his eyes.

“STOP THAT!” I grabbed the wheel narrowly missing oncoming traffic, “You can’t close your eyes when we drive!”

“It’s how I track!”

“How do you NOT run into trees?”

“Trees are soft.”

“O-kay… it’s suddenly occurred to me that you’re a very private person, and while I may not know much about you even though we’ve been through centuries of war, it’s alarming that you think a tree is soft.”

“It’s the bark.” Was he purring?

“Eyes on the road, you can fantasize about trees later, Casanova.”

“Didn’t he die of syphilis?”

I pinched the bridge of my nose. “Mason, I have no energy right now, like none, I need you to focus on—”

He slammed on the brakes and turned a hard right. “She is only a few miles East.”

“Good.”

Mason sniffed and then parked, “Not good. It is guarded.”

“By what? Demons? You could fight them blindfolded.”

“Not exactly.” Mason’s eyes widened. “It’s guarded by wolves.”

“Come again?”

“Wolves.” He said slowly. “I am their leader. I don’t understand why he would have wolves guarding him?”

“Maybe he likes pets?”

Mason growled, his claws snaked out ready to impale me.

“Sorry,” I apologized.

“If he likes pets who wouldn’t even blink at the thought of tearing him limb to limb only to eat his bones once they fight over the last drumstick, then your idea may have merit.”

“I forgot…” And I had because I was selfish. Because I kept to myself. “You like the taste of demon.”

“It’s like barbecued chicken.” He licked his lips like he was about to have Christmas dinner.

“Isn’t everything?” I asked out loud. The pain in my chest was making my body shake with uncontrollable tremors.

Mason drove the car down a windy road because of course it couldn’t just be downtown Seattle off the I5 near a Starbucks and really nice restaurant.

His house or compound or whatever had to be in the dark woods.

Away from civilization.

The paved road slowly turned to gravel. A light up ahead revealed an iron rod gate with an intercom on the side.

“Think they’ll just let us in?” I asked once Mason pulled the car up the long gravel driveway.

Mason sniffed the air, and his dark eyes flashed silver for a brief moment. “They aren’t… unfriendly.”

“Does that mean they’re friendly, then?”

“No,” Mason barked out a growl. “It means they won’t slit our throats and use our spleens as target practice.”

“Good people, those werewolves, violent, but good,” I said sarcastically as the gate buzzed open, allowing us inside.

The house was white brick, modern, and there was only one light shaped like a small medieval torch, near the door, where two vampires stood.

When the car slowed, Mason let out a protective growl as two werewolves about ten feet tall stomped toward our SUV.

“Nice night for a drive,” Mason called out in a polite voice.

I suppressed a groan.

“Timber isn’t expecting visitors,” the tallest of the two called out. His long shaggy hair was pulled back into a low ponytail, his eyes black.

“We’re more like…” I searched for the word and swallowed the lie. “Close family?”

“Bullshit, Timber doesn’t have family,” the other snarled.

“Do you know who I am?” Mason suddenly spoke, his voice low and commanding. The hair on the back of my arm stood at attention as he seemed to grow right in front of me.

The two wolves backed up a few feet, recognition flashing in their eyes. “But… we haven’t seen you in years! You rarely leave the immortal compound.”

True… all of that was true. Mason ruled in secret, kept to himself, and mourned the loss of his mate as if he was no longer living.

For his own kind to not even know he was still around was no big shock.

“I’m here, now,” Mason growled. “You will let us in that house or you will die. Your choice.”

The men exchanged a few glances then nodded. “Sorry, Mason, it won’t happen again.”

“It better not.” He shoved his door open. “If it does, I’ll break your legs with my teeth.”

“Easy, friend,” I hissed under my breath. “I’m in no condition to fight.”

“You’re never in a condition to fight,” Mason said cheerfully. “That’s why I let you live, it wouldn’t be fair.”

“Hilarious.” I opened my car door and tried to weave toward the front door, only to be intercepted by Mason’s gruff arms. “Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it.” He nodded to the two vampires eying us warily. “Ever.”

“Fine.” I winked at the vampires. “Like what you see?”

One scowled while the other sniffed, his fangs elongated past his bottom lip.

“Don’t worry, he has that effect on everyone.” Mason pushed open the door. “She’s… close.”

“Oh good, as long as she’s close,” I snapped. “I can’t last much longer. I need to see her, I have to see her.”

“And what exactly—” He heaved me higher into his arms. “—is your plan? Hey, Hope, nice seeing you, aren’t you proud of me I haven’t had sex with a stranger in twenty-four hours.”

My heart sank.

“No.” I fought to keep the emotion out of my throat. “That’s—that’s not what this is.”

“So it’s not a booty call, then?” Timber’s voice sounded from down the hall. “Because that’s exactly what it looks like.”

“Alex!” Hope called my name.

I closed my eyes as her voice washed over me.

“Hope.” My body trembled, shook with need for her.

She rounded the corner, joining Timber. A thousand different feelings hit me at once, love, protectiveness, and finally, the most painful of all.

Jealousy.

Timber’s arms swirled with blue fire.

They matched Hope’s.

And just like that, a part of me died, the part still holding onto what we had, what we could have.

“No.” I shook my head at them. “No.”

Timber’s black-rimmed eyes shed red tears. “If you touch her, I will kill you.”

“Do your worst.” I answered in a smug voice I most definitely didn’t feel.

Just as Timber took a step toward me, he paused, as if his feet were stuck in mud. “What the hell?”

“Hell.” A dark voice boomed. “I doubt it’s as nice as I’m being.”

Bannik appeared out of the shadows, and fear slammed into me. “Mason, get her out, now!”

“No.” Bannik grinned up at me. “Silly siren, I’m not here for the elf, though her blood would be quite useful for later. No… I need you.”

“NO!” Hope screamed.

Timber’s eyes locked on mine, and he shook his head slowly.

With a shrug, I said, “I have no power left, and I’m hardly in a position to have sex with anything. If you need me, take me, but she lives.”

Bannik’s smile was cruel. “All these years… all I needed was for you to reach your full potential, Alex. Do you know why?”

“Because you’re a really optimistic person?” I offered. “You want to take credit for my awesomeness? I don’t know. I give up.”

“You were late. Her race died because of it. But she survived. She was the key to your awakening and then she just… disappeared into thin air.”

Dread washed over me.

“And now look!” He clapped his hands slowly. “All I had to do was follow one disloyal demon and… jackpot!”

Mason growled, his transformation already complete, as he stood flanked on my right, ready for a fight.

“I need your power. All of it.” Bannik’s dark eyes were hollow, soulless. “But not this way, tell me, Siren… have you finally learned to love?”

“No,” I lied. “I hate. And by the looks of it, any more darkness will destroy you.”

He sniffed the air, his head falling back as his body shuddered. “Lie.”

Shit. I forgot he could taste lies just like Cassius.

“You forget a great many things.” My body went completely numb as old memories washed over me. Of Hope, of meeting with Bannik in private, not realizing he was the enemy and not the key.

“You will be very useful to me one day,” he said. “Now, forget.”

And I did.

I forgot it all.

The training.

The hatred.

The fear that I would always be a prisoner of my own desires.

How in moments of weakness—when a hollow ache burned through my chest, Bannik sought me out and gave me access to power—my power.

His smile was cruel as he pulled a dagger from his leather belt and tossed it directly at Hope’s chest.

“NO!” I roared as Timber tried to shove her out of the way.

Time stilled.

An icy white smoke enveloped everything.

The dagger slammed into her arm instead of her heart.

She fell to her knees as silver-blue blood began spilling out of her body.

“Such a waste of life-giving blood,” Bannik spat.

I burned.

The blood.

The sight of the blood transported me back to a time when I was late— to a time when all I wanted to do was love an elf— to a time when my love and selfishness destroyed an entire race.

“No!” I roared, and my voice sounded foreign to my own ears as power surged from my chest out toward my fingertips, a bright white orange fire shot out from my body as my vision went completely red.

“Finally.” Bannik exhaled in relief. All I saw was pain— all I felt was anger. And then Hope’s eyes lifted to mine.

And I felt it.

Her love.

But it was too late.

It always was, wasn’t it?