Chapter 155: Chapter Nineteen

Mason

I sat in complete darkness on the windowsill. My gaze on the stars. Thousands of years ago, I’d asked to be the Great Wolf, without any regard to what that would mean.

And now?

Now it just felt like I was failing my parents all over again.

All they’d ever wanted was for me to be powerful.

Instead, I was turning into a blood-obsessed freak, unable to control any of my emotions. The very fact I could shove Cassius, without putting effort into it, terrified me.

The fact that I could somehow sense the fear in that room—the anxiety—to the point where it wrapped itself around my neck and squeezed was wrong.

All of it was wrong.

Her heartbeat increased until I was afraid she was going to pass out, and then the sound returned to normal.

I listened a bit longer, interested in the way my ears were able to pick hers out amongst all the different immortals’.

What was even more interesting—I heard Cassius’ heart.

Felt it beat in my ears.

It was louder than the others. More powerful, but slower.

Purposeful, like each beat was communicating something to the universe that none of us would ever get the privilege of seeing or understanding.

“Knock, knock.” Hope shoved the door open and made her way toward me, her brown eyes sparkling.

“Why do humans say ‘Knock, knock.’ instead of just knocking? And you didn’t even wait for me to let you in.” I crossed my arms.

Hope sat opposite me on the window and smiled brightly. She tugged at her plain black shirt and pressed a hand to her stomach briefly before answering. “First, it’s more like ‘Hey, I’m announcing that I’m coming in, and you can’t stop me,’ and second, I didn’t want to give you the opportunity to say no.”

I growled.

“Oh, stop.” She scooted closer until I could feel the heat from her body. Her heart began to race.

I frowned down at her. “What?”

She licked her lips.

I pressed an ear to her chest and then jerked away, before slowly falling to my knees and pressing an ear to her stomach.

“How long?” I whispered, gripping her hips with my hands as I laid my head in her lap.

She ran her fingers through my hair.

I closed my eyes as warmth washed over me. I’d chosen well in a best friend.

She exhaled. “A few weeks. I told Alex yesterday. I had no choice. I puked all over him.”

I chuckled. “I would have loved to have seen that. Filmed it. Looked at it every now and then when I’m tempted to rip his head from his body.”

She gave me a light slap on the shoulder then kept playing with my hair. “I’m afraid.”

I pulled back and gripped her hands. “Fear isn’t weakness, Hope.”

“It feels like weakness.”

I stood and pulled her into my arms then led her to sit on the bed. It dipped under our weight. I brushed a kiss across her forehead. “Give me your fear then. I’ll take it.”

Tears filled her vision. “Elves used to die. That was their purpose, mate with an immortal then die after giving birth.”

“You’re not just an elf, Hope. You’re the last. You’re royalty. You can’t die.”

“How do we know that though?”

I hugged her tighter. “I know because Cassius says so, and I believe him. I trust him. He wouldn’t ask you to mate only to have you lose one another. He isn’t that cruel. Nobody is.”

“But you lost your mate,” Hope pointed out.

“Lost.” I rolled the word around a bit. “Lost always seems like the wrong word. ~Lost~ means that she simply couldn’t find her way back home and was taken. ~Lost~ seems like I did something wrong, that I couldn’t keep her.” I shook my head. “Maybe it is the right word. Maybe I never really had her. I was always too much for her, too strong, too big… too hairy.”

Hope burst out laughing, “You aren’t hairy.”

“I’m a wolf. It’s a compliment to be hairy. Could you imagine if I was bald?”

Hope made a face. “You’d be like one of those naked cats.”

“Absolute demons, those cats. Hey, I’ve got a though. Let’s get Alex one. I’ll put a diamond leash on it, buy it a pillow—”

She slammed a hand over my mouth. “Don’t you dare!”

I licked her hand and winked. “Tell him to behave then.”

“You guys are impossible,” she crossed her arms. “Thanks for making me laugh. I know I’m being ridiculous. Here you are, trying to figure out why you keep wanting to bite people and being forced to mate again, and I’m complaining.”

“We all have… things,” I said simply. “Doesn’t make any one of them less important. Don’t compare problems because no matter what, to the person going through it, it will always seem impossible to solve.”

She pressed a hand to my chest. “You said you trust Cassius, right?”

I nodded. “With my life.”

Hope pulled away; the faint smell of vanilla filled the air as she locked eyes with me. “Then trust him in this. Don’t lose Serenity as your mate. Keep her.” Hope pressed a hand to my heart. “Trust that it’s going to be okay.”

I had been afraid to speak my fears aloud.

Afraid it would make them come true.

But it was Hope. My best friend since having run into her on the streets of London in the one-thousand-eight-hundreds.

“What if it unleashes something I can’t control?” I whispered. “What if I really am a monster? An other?”

“Look at me.” Hope gripped my face with her hands. “It won’t happen. Your heart is good, Mason. You’re good. This thing, you feel, this beast—maybe once you stop fighting it, you’ll be able to control it by joining it.”

I gasped.

“Stop fighting, Mason,” she stood. “You’ve been fighting yourself so damn long, from joining your place with your pack to enjoying a freaking steak—stop punishing yourself for mistakes others made on your behalf.”

“Mistakes?” I repeated. “What do you mean mistakes?”

“You’re not too hairy. Or strong. Or any of those things. The biggest mistake your dead mate made was taking your love for granted. This is your second chance to be with someone who gets you.”

I looked down at the ground. “I’ll break her.”

“She’s a vampire. She can lift a car off a tree. I think she’ll be okay.” Hope winked then patted me on the back and walked off.

I lay back against the bed and sighed.

Little did Hope know I was way heavier than a car.

I smiled.