MAUSAM
I stiffened at seeing him here.
Now how is he gonna trust me to be true to my word ?
It is hard enough as it is!
" Reyansh please let go of me." I said loud enough so he too can hear.
Reyansh's eyes met his and he jerked in surprise , his hold loosened on me and he pushed himself far from me.
" I .. we . It's nothing, don't misunderstand us , Mr.kapoor, Mausam was just .. she was just a bit upset." He hastily explained , looking as if some catastrophe had fallen upon him.
And it was , we had always kept our relationship secret.
But I had told my husband the truth , I could not be dishonest with him about such a big thing.
Not that it changed the fact that I was cheating on him.
" Reyansh , it's okay, he knows . He won't tell anyone." I tried to assure him.
His face become shocked ," what?" He bellowed then.
Gripping me with force he shook me," what do you mean you told him? You .. but we agreed!"
His eyes blazed with anger , it was strange , he never got angry at me , but I had hardly ever gone against his wishes .
" Mr.khanna , I would advice you to keep your hands to yourself." Suddenly Armaan was beside me, freeing me from Reyansh's hold.
Reyansh's flashed with some emotion but he hid it in a second.
" You know Mausam loves me?"Â Reyansh asked him , narrowing his eyes.
Armaan's jaw clenched , and I felt remorse and humiliation washed over me , god how must be feel!
He must feel the shame and humiliation just like I felt when he got together with HER. When SHE took my place in his life.
I placed myself between them,
" Reyansh , he won't tell anyone . So let's just please end this." I pleaded with him.
" Do you love him now?" Reyansh asked accusingly.
" What?" I stammered.
" It must be it , right? Because he has more money." He nodded , accusations and rage filling his eyes.
" Reyansh that's not it." I tried to reason with him, but he walked away without a glance.
I tried to chase after him, but Armaan's vocie stopped me," does it really matter what he thinks the reason for your break-up is?"
His words halted me.
My eyes found his," he would probably find it easier to move on if he thought you moved on too."
And it dawned on me that he was right.
But would he hurt less if he thought i did not love him anymore?
" don't overthink it , you did the right thing." He told me.
I looked at him, yes i did the right thing, breaking up with Reyansh was the right thing for everyone, for me and for him and our family.
I closed my eyes and nodded.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was silent the whole time he drove back till Kapoor Mansion.
If i had not talked to him last night , then maybe i would not have been able to let Reyansh go.
Last night
" what is it?" I asked seeing his demeanor chamged to all serious and stern.
" you love Reyansh , don't you?" He asked.
I gasped.
I felt color left my face.
" i told you that's not true, my feelings for him were mistaken." I lied through my teeth.
If i wanted Armaan to believe me that i wanted to become a good mother and wife now, then i could not tell him i loved someone else.
He did not say anything just looked at me.
I sighed.
" really , i don't feel for him anyhting now, when i told you before that i lived him, i just was not ready to accept ohr relationship." I lied again , trying to look sincere and all .
" Mausam , i KNOW you .. love him." He said stiffly as if getting those words out were very difficult for him.
" i want you to be honest with me, only then we can move ahead."
But i said silent.
" you tell me you want to become a parent and wife now, and want to be trusted that you will not behave the way in past." His eyes bore into mine.
My breath hitched.
And then i could not lie to him anymore.
" you are right , i do , i do love him, but Armaan it's hurting . It's hurting everyone." I said and his eyes widened in surprise as if he was not expecting such words from me.
I nodded , " i konw all i have cared about is me in the past , and i will not lie that i sm suddenly feeling like living only for others . I just have realised that living the way i am , loving someone in hiding , feels so shameful and hurtful. I cannot look at my children wothout guilt."
He looked shocked , and his narrowed, " you .. feel guilt looking at put children?"
I nodded
" yes , i never wanted them" wincing as the truth tumbled out of me.
This truth had circled in my mind all my life , and saying them before had not felt so .. so bad, now i felt guilt for feeling this way, but he had asked for truth.
" you know how we convinced both our children." I said and looked at him.
A cold mask repalced his eyes , i could not read anything he flet about the subject.
But he nodded .
" and you and your family forced me to have them."
He nodded in assent.
His lips tightening.
" but we have two children , who expects us to love them . And i feel , i feel , i may love them too." I said , feeling my cheeks getting pink.
His expression softend and he gulped.
" and i .. i do not want to be their mother feeling guilt that i an cheating on their father , cheating your spouse is same as cheating on your children." I said.
" and , Armaan , i have realised that it is time to let go of my past and make whatever of my present with what i and given. I cannot live with the guilt , hurt and no one by my side." I whispered.
He nodded.
" i , i , if you want to have a relationship with our children , then i suppose you should put in efforts . I will help you , it is for our children after all." He said at last , with a strnage expression.
I nodded hastily , " yes , i would
But he cut me off , " you should break up with him first thing tomorrow . Do you think you can do that?"
Updated on -6/10/24