ARMAAN
She had broken up with him.
She had chosen to end her relationship with him .
It was a big , A HUGE step for her ,
It spoke volumes about her decision to take responsibility of our children.
I was stunned and still a bit in shock after what happened at the cafe.
All sort of emotions whirled in me.
I was even feeling anger at her and at him.
Because however much I try to believe that her infidelity only bothers me because no married woman should love anyone other than her husband cause it's embarrassing for her husband , and hurtful for her children.
I have hated HER for her infidelity,not because it would embarrass me and not because of others would find out.
It was because I just did not like it.
And I have hated myself for feeling so selfish and entitled for feeling that way when I don't even love her.
Because what right did I have to feel angry at her for loving another , it was a forced marriage, a contract marriage, I had no right to demand her loyalty.
As we reached our home ,
She silently followed me to my study.
" So what does this mean for us?" I asked as I settled on sofa.
" Hmm?" She questioned when she followed me into my office.
" I mean , the reason we are in this situation is because you were forced to marry me , you did not want me to as your husband , much less children with me , but you did sleep with me and it had consequences and the decisions should have been yours.so I want to know your feelings about how exactly you want to have your relationship with children, because as parents , we are supposed to provide love and care , time and even sacrificing ourselves , sacrificing small things like wearing certain clothes that they stain will be washed easily , and not sleeping all night , answering their honest questions spoken without any care to our feelings , and big things like putting their needs ahead of us , and sacrificing your youth , your hardly earned money. So tell me what sacrifices you can make? What needs of their you can fulfill?"
She looked dazed , and scared so damn scared. And pained.
I could not exactly pinpoint the reason for her fears, though it must be about children I reckoned.
" Why do you do that for them?" She asked softly.
I furrowed my brows in confusion.
" Why would you do all the sacrificing and fulfilling their needs? What do you get from it?"
" Oh. I never thought about it. All parents do it this for their children , don't they? Or they should do that for them that is what I believe. I- I when I saw then I was terrified , but I felt a sense of protectiveness crept into my heart. I could not see them crying or in pain. I sometimes look at them and they are so adorable. I feel good , so happy when they are smiling, excited. I feel revealed that they are safe , they are okay. I feel I belong with them."
" They never anger you? Disappoint you? Irritate you ? You won't wish they were never born?" She questioned.
I sighed.
" I get angry at them , I shout sometime I try to not to though , I feel irritated , because my mood is worse not because they ruined my mood , I feel lazy , sick , tired often to do things for them , but disappoint , never. I know my children could never done something to disappoint me , I disagree with them , even when they are so young , such little hellions they are. I know what I raised them to be.i could never be disappointed with them . "
" Ohh.oh." she let out and streams of tears slid down her face , she sobbed into her hands and it shocked me.
I was quite surprised,
I didn't know what to do with a Mausa who cried in front of me , I only knew the hostile and angry version of my wife.
I knelt in front of her.
" Hey" I said gently , daring and Patting her knee.
" Hey , what is it?" I inquired.
" How could you be?" She sniffed , " how can anyone?" She gulped and looked up at me," how can you be such a good father and have everything figured out."
I scoffed in disbelief.
My ears turned red form embarrassment.
I - I never had Mausam complement me, that too a compliment given with such intensive sentiments that was far from empty praises .
I looked into her eyes , " I hardly have everything figured out. I don't have patenting figured out , nobody does , I just do what I think I wanted from my parents.
Unconditional love , that's what I wanted from my parents , thought I did not tell her.
" She rubbed her eyes.
" ARMAAN " she softly uttered my name , and something flipped in my stomach , had she ever said my name?
Why does my name from her lips sound so .. so.. different ?
" Yes."
" I want to do what you do. I want to give our children what I wanted form my parents , I want to give them love , freedom to do what they want , support them in their life choices and a home they can always count on , I want to make them strong and independent , financially independent, emotionally strong so they can live life with hope , zeal and courage."
I nodded.
" Yes , we will give them that." I agreed with her.
Updated on - 12/10/24