46) Maybe

MAUSAM

He was scared.

Armaan was scared , he was scared about my miscarriage too.

A weird wash of relief spread in my chest.

I opened my eyes as the night wind rustled inside the bedroom , covering Aarav with the blanket that he kicked off in his sleep , I snuggled close to him.

I had thought that Armaan did not care about our child that we lost , I had thought only I lost my child , but he cared .

It made me happy .

It was weird , feeling happy about something like this , but in this whole world only he felt the pain I felt , he buried HER , she was our daughter .

If he had been with me , told me how he felt , if we had grieved together , would our relationship would have been better?

Maybe , maybe not.

Maybe his love for our children would have been enough to keep me hopeful .

Or maybe not , I would have given up on him just like in past , he would have broken my heart by his coldness.

I sighed.

He stirred , was he awake?

" Armaan" before I could think better of it , I called him.

"Hmm" he replied , in the silent night.

" You are awake?" I asked him, to fingering the loose thread of blanket.

He grunted.

" Hmm" I was unsure what to say to him. We have never been the couple to be honest with each other , we think and then speak, never could I take my guard off , or tell what was I thinking.

"Mausam , go to sleep , tomorrow I will take you to our 'Megha'" he whispered , facing me , in the dark I could just make out his shadow.

" Ohh" my heart thumped .

" Should we tell Aarav and Aruhi about their sister?" He asked me.

" Would that be okay?" I asked.

" I don't know , I am asking your opinion." I felt him shrug.

I would have to talk to my children tomorrow about why I ran off between our conversation , but telling them the truth , would it be okay? Maybe . Could they handle that their sister died? Can they even understand it?

" Can they understand it ? That their sister was , could never be born?" I asked him , even getting the words was hard.

his cold hand enveloped mine , I gasped at the contact and he retrieved it quickly.

Fumbling with his pillow , he turned to face me ," I do not know , but they are growing , they are curious about things , about .. you know death , birth , things . We have to talk to them about such serious topics , off course we can't tell them things that would be not good for them but learning about things from us would be better for them , I have read that it builds better emotional intelligence and sympathy in children."

I realized he was right ," I think you are right , so how do we tell them?"

" I think I may have a plan." He replied.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Today was Sunday and the children got up really early .

Even before the sun rose , they were shouting and had found something to fight about.

I said in hushed voice," shhh Papa is sleeping , chalo sau jao."

( Come on go to sleep)

" Papa " Ruhi ran to her father who just sat up , he ruffled her hair .

" Let's go out for breakfast." He suddenly announced.

" But don't you have to go to office?" I asked him cautiously , not looking at him.

" No , I take a break on sundays." He revealed as I lifted Ruhi in my arm.

My head whipped in his direction ," what ? You don't go to office on Sunday? ." I could not control my voice.

His eyes met mine , and from the way his lips tightened at the corners , I knew he was thinking about our past.

Armaan fixed his tie in the mirror , the sunrays slanted in the room , warding off a bit of winter chill.

" Suniye , aap office ja rahe he?" I clutched the blanket to my naked body , last night we had not even bothered to dress up after our love making.

( are you going to office? )

I blushed as the memories hit me , the cold air gliding against my bare skin.

He slanted a glance at me ," haa , Kyun?"

( yes, why)

My hands fisted on the blanket ," aaj voh , Mene socha hum dono bahar chalte he , aap kitne Dino Baad gahr lote he." I whispered uncertainly. he was in NEWYORK for the last 10 days , we barely talked on phone.

( i was thinking , why don't we both go out today, you just returned from your trip.)

He sighed , closing his eyes , he said," Mausam we have been over this , I am a busy man , and our marriage is not like an average marriage in india , I am a CEO , I have responsibilities , and you are my wife , we don't have time to go on dates or good around. This is the last time I am telling you ."

Before he would never stop working for a minute , now he has changed.

Had he changed so much and I was so consumed by my hatred and grief that I never noticed ?

But does it matter if he has changed ? It's not like our relationship would ever be that of a normal loving couple.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

UPADTED ON - 30/1/25

A/N

HII, PLEASE VOTE AND COMMENT !