50) ANYTHING

MAUSAM

I was shocked to my core.

When did this happen anyway?

My confused gaze collided with Shiv , but he shook his head , indicating we will talk later.

I then forced a smile at his wife , wife , it sounded arranged to my ears.

After then time passed and I was in dazed state.

I was aware of Armaan's hostility towards Shiv and His brother . But I could hardly control him. Though he was somewhat curt while being polite.

I began to gather the glasses off the table .

When Armaan brushed against me , he snatched the glasses from my hands.

" Let's go out for dinner , the cook will be here starting tomorrow , other servents too." He nodded at me , not meeting my eyes.

I too averted my gaze , the not-so-arguement still being fresh in my memory.

I have no idea how I am going to navigate this minefield of old wounds , it's like I have to pick every word carefully , when I am not even aware of what I should be careful about.

It was always like this. I never understood him. I never knew what he wanted form me.

He said one thing but his actions ...

Maybe I was the one he misunderstood him.

What did he think of me ?

was I just his children's mother ?

Why did he never even thought of loving me?

Why did he not give me our marriage any chance !

No, no, no. I am not . I am not going to think about all this!

I am not going to think about any of this.

I am just .. I am just what?

Just stay married ? No the better words would be just not get divorced , and be a mother.

It was perfectly reasonable , then why why does it sound so depressive ?

I tired living for love , what happened ?

I had hoped Armaan would fall in love with me , I hoped and hoped , I waited for him , but what did I get?

Him having affairs left and right ?

Him abandoning me when I miscarride?

Him refusing to divorce me when I found someone else to love?

Him refusing me to leave house when I was pregnant with my second child?

And what did Rehansh did?

He abandoned me ? Didn't he?

I wasn't enough for him.

He couldn't leave his company , his career for me , then why did he even make me divorce my husband ? Leave my children when he knew I had no one by my side ? No means to support myself ?

I loved Reyansh , did it make me happy though ? Did it not just made me leave my children?

I had chosen love over my kids , that had not been the path I wanted , so now I was choosing kids .

But did choosing kids mean I would never be loved ?

That I would not have anyone to rely on?

I had lived my life without it before , I was able to survive with my work , could I do it again?

Off course , I could , love wasn't important at all , I am going to build my future better than before . And I am never going to think about love ever again. I have had enough experience with love in this life.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was again sitting at a very posh restaurant.

And again I ordered plain rice and Dal.

I gazed at Aarav , trying not to look greedy and elegantly eating his food.

Him and Armaan were sitting side by side , and well the image was too endearing.

" Mom , I can eat it with fork too , look." Aaruhi chirped to gain my attention.

I turned to her with a smile , scrunching my nose at her , I squeezed her cheeks ," off course my daughter is the brightest and smartest ." I blew her a kiss.

" she still doesn't know how to eat with knife though." Aarva said , as he sliced the pastry perfectly with a practiced grace.

Armaan and I locked eyes for a moment , trying not to laugh , and then suddenly remembering our fight , we averted our eyes.

" Well she will learn it too , see how well you do it , you will teach her right?" I smiled sweetly at Aarva , and as expected his ears tinted red , but not showing his pleased expression he nodded , copying Armaan's poker face.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I entered my bedroom after I put Aaruhi to sleep.

They both wanted to sleep in their new bedroom , I didn't have a problem with that , well maybe I missed sleeping with my babies , but the bigger problem was well .. my husband.

We have decided that it would be best if we both shared a bedroom to make our relationship healthy for our children.

And when I had thought it was a perfectly reasonable thing to do , because I had thought Aarva and Aaruhi would always sleep between us , and now they both were asleep in their own rooms.

I gulped as I saw Armaan sitting on the bed looking at empty space.

Then Armaan cleared his throat.

I felt a nervous whoosh down my spine.

His somber gaze was on me , and it made my stomach clench.

Now , what ?

" Aaras is asleep?" I asked , gingerly sitting on the opposite side of bed , on the edge .

" Yes, I take it Ruhi is asleep too?"

I nodded.

" So , Mausam , I , I have a , well , wanted to say that , umm , I have been thinking about something .. so , well , you know you said you wanted to attend college and you even talked about going to therapy ."

I nodded , he remembered that ? Was he asking me not to do it. My fist clenched around my kurti.

"So , I , you know these days , I have seen you taking  responsibility of Aarav and Aaruhi , and I appreciate it , they both seem much happier now." I am sure he didn't even realise he was smiling very softly .

" And I too have less on my plate now thanks to you , so well I thought that if you are doing so much for me and children , I can so something for you in return." He finished , and I looked at him agape , was he asking what I wanted ? As in money and gift ?

" Umm just so you know if you want to do anything like go to college or want a a lot money , open a flower shop , or want a property , or go to therapy , or well something else , I am saying I will support you and will give you whatever you want , not that you need my permission or anything like that." His words shocked me .

He was so different! When had he changed this much ?

" You used to give me orders you know! Why such change" it slipped my mouth and gasped in horrer.

His eyes shut and he winced.

" Well just like you I have emotionally matured too , I am not the 19 or 21 or even 24 year old anymore. I am 30 years old man " he said with authority .

Oh.

" I see." I smiled.

Can I really be honest ? Can I really trust me ?

" Please choose to trust me , give me a chance. That is the only path forward for us." His words sank into me.

His gaze didn't waver form mine now , looking steadily into mine .

My breath hitched.

Could I trust him with my plans? Would he not run roughened over my dreams for his so called social image? Would he choose my goals over his family's expectations? Would he just choose to help me just for my sake , and not because I was his children's mother?

Only one way to find out.

" What if I want not one but a lot of things" I questioned him.

He smiled ," Anyrhing , I didn't say it was limited to one thing , only that it was limited to something within my powers."