Chapter 13: guilty thoughts

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I quickly rushed out of mom's car, straight in the direction from which the loud screams and cheers were coming. Damn, I was too late.

Even from a distance, I could see the stands filled to the brim on both sides of the field. Probably several hundred people had come to watch the game.

While I climbed a few steps to get to the third row from the top, I tied my jacket around my waist. Fortunately, the moment I looked up again was when I saw Jungwon sitting on the stone wall in the middle of the row.

"Excuse me! May I just pass by for a second...? Excuse me," I squeezed through the row of people, trying my best not to obscure their view.

"Oh my Gosh, finally.", with a sigh, I dropped myself down next to the red-haired boy and tucked my long brown hair behind my ears with both hands.

Jungwon let his cell phone disappear in his pants pocket. "Gosh, there you are finally. I was about to call you.". The elder grumbled as he looked up in surprise and observed me from the side.

"Why are you looking like that?". He lifted my perfectly wavy hair off my shoulder and frowned even more when he noticed the large gold earrings. Well, why do I look like that? This damn hair were the reason I was almost late for the championship game of my brother's team.

With the exception, that Sunghoon was on the bench today because he was suspended by the coach for this game due to the tantrum. You can probably imagine that he was anything but thrilled, and hadn't spoken to me in about two days.

It wasn't even my fault!

Well, whatever.

I pulled my hair out of Jungwon's hand and fixed it neatly over my shoulders. "I don't know what you mean. I look the same as always," I replied monotonously. Just because for once I had decided to wave my hair, wear a little more make up and apply three squirts of perfume instead of the usual two. That didn't make me turn into another person.

I flinched in surprise when suddenly the surrounding crowd jumped up and loudly greeted the players running onto the field.

Jungwon and I spontaneously got up from our seats and cheered for the boys as well. My eyes scanned the field, and where I usually looked for number 8 in the blue jersey, this time my eyes stuck on number 1.

Heeseung was coordinating his team with hand gestures across the court to optimize the lineup against the rival team.

Further to the right, below a small roof, sat the substitutes and the coach, who also tried to instruct his team with hectic hand movements. My gaze caught Sunghoon, who was sitting on one of the plastic chairs with his arms crossed and chewing on his lower lip. You could definitely tell from up here that he just wanted to rip a player's jersey off his body and play by himself.

Probably Jake's. Since he was one of the triggers for his suspension.

The game was kicked off with a whistle and immediately all the players rushed like crazy after the brown, egg-shaped ball, and it seemed like they were almost fighting over it in the middle of the field.

To be honest, I had no idea about the rules of American football. I just decided to stand up and cheer when the rest of the crowd did.

Time passed pretty qickly, and it was a close game between the two teams. When one scored some points, it didn't take the other one long to catch up. And I don't know how it happened, but it  felt like I kind of started to understand the rules of this game. Which made it even more interesting.

"AND TOUCHDOWN FOR RIVERFIELD ACADEMY!", the speaker yelled once again all cross the field, which made the opposing fans across from us holler like crazy. Not even a second later, the whistle blew for the second intermission and the players loosened up to leave the field.

"Fucking shit...they are 13 points ahead.", Jungwon chewed on his lip and ran his hands through his hair in frustration.

"So what, it's still possible to win, right?". I answered to courage him, since he seemed really down.

Our players walked off the field to grab their drinks, but I noticed Heeseung angrily throwing his helmet aside, before following his teammates. Damn, he looks like he is very disappointed and pissed.

"They need at least two Touchdowns and one Fieldgoal to pass 13 points. But I'm sure the other team will score as well again, so we probably need more.". Jungwon made me yank my head back towards him.

Well, I think I didn't understand the rules as well as I thought, though.

"What if they lose?". I asked like a dumbass, only to shift my eyes back on Hee. "Then they won't be promoted to the next higher league in the next season.", the red-haired boy explained to me, noticing my attention to drift away once again.

"You're nonstop staring at him.". Jungwon suddenly objected. "For your birthday, I'll gift you a pillow with his face on it for you to drool on.".

I punched my friend in the side without paying any further attention to him. "But he looks so damn good, how can I not stare all the time?

"Close your eyes."

The players gathered back on the court, and as I glanced down at my brother, who was talking to the coach, my eyes met Jake's. I kind of flinched, because I didn't really notice him today and felt bad because of what happened.

You could tell, by his blank, vacuous face, that he was still pissed off about the whole thing, and I couldn't blame him.

When he was called by Heeseung, he finally turned away from me and put on his helmet.

I couldn't really enjoy the rest of the game. The feelings of guilt in my body spread once again and drove everything else out of my head.

And it almost seemed as if my mood was being transferred to the players.

While the opponents were scoring goals non-stop, our team seemed tired and weak-willed. Which was no wonder, because the entire team was more unbalanced than ever before.

All the negative tension between the boys, my brother who was suspended as a punishment and had his piercing gaze on Jake. Heeseung, who had told me that he was not satisfied with his leadership qualities. And the increasing booing from our fans didn't make it any better.

So the game finally ended 31 to 20.

All the spectators gradually left the stands with disappointed faces, while the players had spread out on the grass and watched the other team celebrate from afar.

"Jungwon, I don't know if you want to wait, but I need to talk to Jake again," I informed my friend, who was also starting to leave.

He nodded briefly. "I saw Riki over there. I'll go talk to him in the meantime.".

When only a few people were still sitting in their seats, I slowly walked up the stairs towards the field. I noticed how Beomgyu and Jeongin were laughing further back. They didn't really seem to care much about the defeat.

I swallowed once briefly and exhaled deeply, before I went indecisively towards Jake, who sat with his back to me.

Finally, I got his attention when I passed him and sat down next to him on the grass.

"How are you?". I asked cautiously, looking past him towards the dugout, where the substitutes and Sunghoon were still standing or sitting.

He didn't look at me and seemed tense as he began to chew on his lower lip while plucking out some grass. "Obviously sucks after losing the decisive game.".

I finally realized how Sunghoon had noticed me by now and his look was anything but relaxed, but I tried to ignore it as best I could.

"But you played well. It was just bad luck, I'd say.".

"Bad luck doesn't count in the sports world. We just weren't a good team today, that's all.".

I fell silent for a moment, not knowing how to enter the topic in a good way.

"I really wanted to apologize to you about what happened on Thursday."

He finally looked up at me.

"You know, what I said, it wasn't meant that way. But you disappeared so quickly, I didn't have a chance to explain everything to you. Not everything I said was true, you know.".

He tilted his head a little, waiting for me to continue.

"I didn't really think about what I was saying at that moment, and I didn't consider that it might upset you."

"I'm not mad, Hyeona.". He interrupted me, which surprised me. "You're not?".

A small smile appeared on his face. "I was just mad at myself, I just shouldn't have gotten my hopes up so high.".

"HYEONA!".

I heard a voice from somewhere in the back and saw my brother standing diagonally next to Jake's head, with his arms crossed on the sidelines.

However, I just ignored him and looked back at Jake.

"I've known all along that you weren't interested in me, but I just tried to block it out," he said while drawing on the grass with his finger.

I blinked a few times. "Wait, you're interested in... Why didn't you say anything? I had no idea.".

"Like I said the other day, you like Heeseung. So I didn't say anything.".

A heavy lump formed in my throat, why did I feel worse now than before our conversation. Especially the fact that I'm sitting here, and I can't fucking bring myself to approach Heeseung, while Jake has been around me so many times and I still haven't noticed anything.

"You can't imagine how bad I'm feeling right now.". I swallowed the lump as I noticed Jake's sad smile on his face. Even though I probably broke his heart, he was still nice and caring towards me.

"I'm so damn sorry.", I scooted sideways closer and wrapped my arms around him, what he gladly accepted, since I suddenly felt his chin resting on my shoulder. "Don't be. I'm fine. I just want you to be happy."

A sudden impact tore my arm away from his body, yanking me up from the ground. "AHH OUCH!!" I couldn't help but scream in pain.

"Get up from that fucking floor!".

Jake jumped up from his spot as he realized after a few seconds what had happened.

"What's wrong with you?!", he yelled at my brother, who held me tightly by the arm beside him. "She's your sister. Why are you huring her?".

"Would you rather get hurt again right now?". Sunghoon hissed, as I glanced up to him in shock. Why would he ever say something like this? What is happening to my brother I was so close with, when we were kids?

I tried once again to yank my arm away, which didn't work out this time as well. "Sunghoon, please.". I whined, as I could already feel bruises forming on my wrist.

"JAKE!"

All of us jerked our heads around, as we saw Heeseung approchaching our argument.

"I'VE TOLD YOU A THOUSEND TIMES TO STAY AWAY FROM HIM!", by brother now yelled at me, when he released my arm. "WHY WONT YOU JUST SIMPLY UNDERSTAND IT?".

Sunghoon pushed my shoulders back a little, but still hard enough to make me stagger back and crash to the ground. What a luck that the grass is at least soft.

"Hey, Hey, Hey. Hoon, come down!".  Heeseung moved between me and my brother. "You can't just push her like that.". His voice sounded stern this time, and I could see in Sunghoon's face that he was also surprised by his intervention.

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