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Heeseung suddenly got up from his spot, and I glanced up at him in confusion.
"Your mom is already worried." He smiled wryly. "I don't wanna be that guy that brings his girl home late.".
He grabbed the two empty pizza boxes and threw them down from the roof first. Shortly after, he jumped down himself.
I remained on my spot as if frozen.
Did Heeseung just called me "his girl", or am I hearing things?
Naah...I'm hearing things for sure!
"Are you coming?", I heard his voice from below, which tore me out of my thoughts.
Immediately, a huge smile appeared on my face and I bounced around in circles like crazy a few times and squeaked silently to myself before I exhaled and left the roof as well.
âWhat did you take so long?".
I couldn't stop grinning. "Nothing.". I answered briefly and succinctly, before we made our way back to the car.
But with every step, with every meter, reality kicked back into life. Walking quietly next to Heeseung, after a really successful date, for nothing? I got absolutely nothing out of it except pain. At the thought of the coming Monday, my stomach twisted inside of me. But I knew deep inside that it was the right decision. I needed to get away from it all, because I would only destroy some people's lives.
When we reached the parking lot, I wordlessly took a seat in the passenger seat and stared blankly through the windshield into the dark forest.
It's your own fault, Hyeona. You should never have agreed to this date. I can't tell him, not yet. No one knows anything yet. Not even mom. How can I bring myself to do that?
"Are you okay?" asked Heeseung cautiously, as he must have noticed my drastic change in mood, and I was now trying to avoid his gaze completely.
"Yeah. Yes, I am.". I faked a small smile and gave him an encouraging nod. He shouldn't feel bad. Heeseung had done absolutely nothing wrong at all. The only one who did something wrong was me.
As he drove across the parking lot, back onto the lighted street, I notice tears inevitably welling up in my eyes. I tried with all my might to make them disappear by blinking, but quickly realized that I couldn't stop the silent tears from rolling down.
Therefore, I quickly turned my head in the direction of the window and supported my arm on the backrest. It would be easiest if I just pretended to be asleep.
The whole ride, I did not look up even once. Wiped a tear from my cheek occasionally and tried as best I could to calm down before I arrived home.
"Are you asleep, Hyeo?". I felt Heeseung lightly nudge my arm as the vehicle came to a stop.
I slowly looked up, hoping so much that my crying face and probably puffy eyes were not visible.
"I'm just a little tired.". I answered quietly, fortunately sounding normal. Relieved, I reached for the belt to unbuckle myself.
"I just wanted to tell you that I really enjoyed the date today, even though not everything went as planned.". Emotionally, I glanced up at him, but quickly looked away when our eyes met for a moment.
"I hope you liked it too, and we can go on another date soon.". The seat belt quietly retracted, which was the only sound in the car.
"Um yes. Definitely. I really loved this date.", I answered honestly, almost tearing up once again. "Thank you so much, Hee.". I added and reached for my cell phone in the center console.
But suddenly, I felt a light grip on my wrist that threw me completely out of concept.
My eyes slowly followed his hand and finally ended up at his eyes.
I gulped as he removed his hand from my arm and gently placed it on my cheek, pulling me a little closer.
"Can I kiss you?" he whispered, his eyes never leaving mine.
I almost followed the demand of my beating heart and slid a little closer, pressing my trembling lips together.
But then, as expected, I could no longer hold it back.
I backed away, tears bursting from me. "Shit, I-I'm so sorry. It's my fault."
In shock, Heeseung removed his hand from my cheek as he noticed tears rolling down my face.
"I'm so fucking sorry.".
Without wasting another second, I stepped out of the car and ran to our front door. I still noticed him trying to run after me, but I had already closed the front door behind me and slumped down behind it without any energy. I burst into tears on the floor and hid behind my knees as my mother ran worriedly down the stairs.
"HYEONA? OH MY GOSH, WHAT HAPPENED?" she was already in her pajamas, but you could tell she couldn't get a wink of sleep.
"I-I don't know what to do, mom!". She embraced me tightly, and my tears soaked her shirt. "I love h-him so much.". I could barely breathe through my sobs and leaned my weeping head against the door.
"Where have you been? I was so worried about you.". She still didn't think about letting go of me. Her voice trembled with every word.
"IT'S ALL FUCKING SUNGHOON'S FAULT". I shouted through the house, stamping my feet on the floor in despair as my tears started flowing again.
Indeed, I should not blame myself. I'm not doing this for myself, but solely for the good of everyone else, to give my fucking brother what he wants once again.
I hate him so much.
He is destroying my whole life.
"What..What is Sunghoon's fault?" my mother stroked my hair to calm me down. "Where have you been?" she asked again.
"I-I have been on a date...with Heeseung.", I told her. You could see the surprise written all over her face. "I like him, mom.".
That was the moment I realized that there was no way I could avoid telling my mother about my plans.
***
Curtains completely drawn, my room pitch black, me, rolled up in a blanket. I had been lying in my bed for several hours now, staring emotionlessly at the wall. I felt less energetic than ever before. Not even the dark room and a lot of sleep could displace the sinking feeling in my stomach.
Mom visited me several times and brought me food and my favorite smoothie. However, I was not hungry at all, and just thinking about it made me nauseous.
My phone was lying next to me on the mattress, covered by a mountain of pillows. It had already rung a few times, but I just didn't want to look at who had called me.
Another time a soft knocking sounded at the door, which let me unbothered this time as well.
Mom entered once again, pushing a suitcase in front of her and placed it next to my door.
âI thought I could help you pack all your stuff.". She said, and I finally rolled over on my back, propping me up with my arms.
âNo mom. You don't need to. I will do it later, some when.". I replied.
She signed and folded her arms. âSweetie, how can I help you? Please tell me.". You could tell, she was very overwhelmed by my depressive mood and would have done anything to help me.
âCan you call Jungwon? I need to see him.". I grabbed my blanket once again and rolled over onto my stomach.
âDoes he already know...?"
Only silence floated the room.
âOkay. I will call him.", she said, leaving me alone.
Finally, I could get myself to dig out my phone from under the pillow mountain and checked my missed calls with squinted eyes because of the bright display.
As already feared, Heeseung had called me several times, besides numerous messages as well. Of course, I already expected this, which is why it also required so much convincing to finally take my phone in hand.
âIs everything all right"
âHyeo, I'm worried"
âI don't know...did I do something wrong"
âHyeona?"
I dropped my phone back onto my mattress in frustration.
No damn shit! You did nothing wrong. Absolutely nothing. I would love nothing more than to kiss you. But I know I can't.
âHoly! What the heck!"
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