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I shrieked as Jungwon suddenly entered my room, almost tripping over my suitcase, which made it crash on the floor.
Why is it so dark in here?" he complained, groping disoriented for the light switch.
The sudden brightness made me squint my eyes and bury my head in a pillow.
"Jungwooon! Turn off the light," I whined.
But he ignored my demand and looked around my devastated room in shock. Since I was normally a decent person, my best friend knew right away that something was off.
"What's the suitcase for?".
I sighed and finally sat up. "Promise you won't kill me?".
"Are you going on a trip?", with wide eyes, he looked at me.
"Promise!".
"Okay, agreed.".
Nervously, I scratched the back of my neck. I couldn't gauge how Jungwon would take the following. After all, I was the one who had promised him the summer of our lives.
"On Monday, I will travel back to America...".
You could clearly see his shock written all over his face.
"Like, I don't know how long yet, but I can't stand it here right now. So much has happened, and most of it has been crap. I just have to vent now.".
"Are you...are you serious right now? Like, you haven't even been back for 3 months, and now you want to leave again?", his voice sounded angry.
"I know, Jungwon. But how would you feel if every second of your life you felt shadowed and constricted in some way? Sunghoon just upsets me so much, and I definitely want to avoid him now, as long as he doesn't change his behavior and attitude and get his aggression under control. This is just not the life I had in mind.".
"And what about me? I'll be alone again, just because you can't handle your brother's cocky behavior? Just ignore him...".
"...You just don't know what it's like! It's not just because of Sunghoon. It's just a general feeling at the moment. Everything will go to pieces if I don't leave now and have time for myself.".
A soft knock on the door silenced us both and Jungwon turned around.
"Hyeona?". My mother cleared her throat. She was obviously uncomfortable bursting into our argument. "You have another visitor.".
The door opened a little more and Heeseung peeked through the little gap and entered my room as well.
Jungwon looked back and forth between the two of us, then nodded.
"So that's how it is.", he laughed deceived. "So you got what you wanted.".
In the next second, he hurriedly left my room. Didn't look back and hissed past my mother. Heeseung looked after him in amazement.
Desperately, I buried my hands in my hair.
"Mom, could you please...".
She nodded quickly at me and quietly closed the door behind her, leaving the two of us alone in my room.
"What just happened? Is Jungwon okay?". You could see that Heeseung was completely confused and didn't have a glimmer of a clue.
"I don't know," I sighed and lowered my head.
Heeseung took a few steps further into my room and I sat up completely, leaning against the headboard.
"You haven't responded to any of my calls or messages."
"Yes, I know.". I felt bad anyway. But this realization dragged my negative mood even deeper.
"I mean, are you okay? Why did you start crying yesterday?".
I noticed him swaying around on his legs, which is why I nodded towards the edge of the bed. "You can sit down, you know.".
He accepted my offer and settled down on my blanket.
"It's not your fault. It's just, I'm not going to stay here in Korea.". Pausing for a moment, I waited for his reaction. "That's why I turned you down in the end. Like, I felt so bad for not telling you earlier. And I know this is not going to work as long as Sunghoon exists.".
"When are you going to leave? How long?" he asked me.
"I'm going to fly on Monday. My friend Kathy offered me her apartment. I lived with her for the three years during my time in America.".
"In two days? Why? How long? It's your birthday on Sunday, Hyeona.".
"I'm planning to graduate this year there. Then I'll see...".
"Your graduation is three quarters of a year away!". He looked at me in shock.
"I know. But listen to me.". I adjusted my sitting position. "The day we met at the beach in the evening, that was the day I bought my plane ticket. At that point, I had no idea we were going to be sitting here in my room talking about this. I just knew that I really needed to get out of your group of friends. And having a crush on you, where would that lead? You would lose your best friend. Sunghoon would hate me forever. Our family would be even more divided than it already is. That's why I decided to leave. It's best for everyone.".
"You want to leave in the hope that you will forget about me?".
âI just...want to come back and see you happy with another girl, you know. So I can stop worrying all the time about jeopardizing your friendship with Sunghoon.".
But Heeseung quickly shook his head. âYou shouldn't do that. Don't punish yourself for nothing.".
âIt's not nothing. It's the best decision, okay? So stop trying to talk me out of it".
He sighed with a sad smile. âYou are stupid. And stubborn as hell.".
I propped myself up completely and slid closer, flopping back on my knees next to him. âShut up. Can't you just hug me?". I rested my chin on his shoulder, as I felt his hands loosely wrapped around my waist.
***
The next morning, I sleepily trotted down the stairs to the living room. Contrary to my expectations, my mother and Sunghoon were sitting at a beautifully laid table. My brother, of course, was engrossed in his cell phone again, while my mother jumped up happily from her chair.
"Hyeona, Honey. Happy 19th birthday. How does it feel to be an adult?". She hugged me tightly and let me go only after what felt like half a minute.
"Good, I guess.".
"Mom, I told you I didn't want to celebrate my birthday," I smiled wryly as I spotted a small, round cake with my name on it.
In the meantime, Sunghoon had more or less reluctantly risen from his seat and congratulated me. "I wish you all the best, too," he said, waving his hand through my tousled hair. It was funny, but I couldn't be happy about it either. This was the first sentence in days that my brother and I had exchanged for a while.
"This is not a celebration," my mother complained. "It's just a nice breakfast and a little cake".
We then sat down at the table and began to eat, Sunghoon still busy with his cell phone, grinning throughout. Of course, I noticed that he was texting with someone.
"Is everything okay with Jungwon again?" she asked me and I shook my head slightly. "No...I don't know. We haven't talked since yesterday.".
"Oh no. Please don't leave your argument out in the open. I can tell you from experience that it won't end well.".
I mean, of course my mother was right. It was never good not to settle an argument or to just avoid each other. But strictly speaking, the thing with Jungwon was not a quarrel, but a difference of opinion. He could not understand my decision, and I was angry because he could not.
"Yes, I'll talk to him," I assured her, resting my head on my hand as I stirred my cocoa.
"What's going on with you?" my mother now addressed Sunghoon. "Eat something and put your phone on the side.".
He immediately locked his screen, still grinning over both ears. "You know what? Guess who finally got a girlfriend?". I looked at my brother, quite unimpressed. After everything what happened last night, it wasn't a real surprise for me anymore.
"Oh really. I'm happy for you.", my mother gushed. She seemed to be really happy that her son was finally looking for something steady and not having one one-night-stand after another.
"I thought I'd introduce her to both of you. She wants to come over at noon today.".
Today at noon? Great. My birthday was now definitely doomed. He actually managed to ruin every single day for me.
"I guess I'll go talk to Jungwon then.". I pushed my chair back and received a worried look from my mother, whom I smiled at encouragingly. "I'll be back at noon today.".
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