Book 6 Chapter 6

“Are you scared of me?” Korgron asked.

“What? Why would I be scared of you?” Joan asked.

“Do you really have to ask that?” Korgron asked before glancing back towards her. She lifted up her left hand and swirled a single finger. Shards of ice appeared around them, drawing shrieks of fear from those in the village.

Joan rolled her eyes. “I’d only be scared if I was your enemy.”

“I am a demon though, aren’t I?” Korgron asked. A moment later the shards of ice turned to water and dropped on the ground. “I didn’t think you had those feelings towards my kind, but I’m starting to think I misjudged.”

Joan gave a soft sigh and shook her head. “Korgron, I don’t. I mean, I did. The Hero did. Once, before. Some lives. But… you’re different. Kazora is different.”

“Really?” Korgron asked. “You seem fairly certain that once someone becomes like me, they’ll turn evil.”

“Nobody can be like you,” Joan said. “But no, that’s different. Someone like that, they… well…”

“Well?” Korgron asked.

“It’s not the same,” Joan finally said, unable to come up with the words. She looked around at the elves watching them. “Let’s go somewhere quiet, please? Alone? I just…”

Korgron glanced around and began walking a little faster, making Joan struggle to keep up. Still, it wasn’t long before the two were out of the village proper and she could speak freely. “How is it not the same?”

“I’ve seen it,” Joan said softly. “Every time. When you mix the essence of a demon with yourself, it changes you. It alters you on a level that’s just…”

“What?” Korgron asked.

“Whenever the Chosen did it, they killed each other,” Joan said. “They took on the essence of a demon, tainted their very souls, then--”

“Did I?” Korgron asked.

“What?” Joan asked.

“Did I take on the essence of a demon? Did I ‘change’?” Korgron asked.

“Well, of course not,” Joan said. “You were already a demon, you--”

“But I did kill the others in some of those timelines, did I not?” Korgron asked.

“Well, I mean--”

“Or perhaps me killing everyone is just natural for a demon?” Korgron asked.

“No!” Joan said before reaching out to try and grab Korgron’s hand. The demon pulled her hand away, not letting her. “Korgron, please, that’s not what I meant. It’s--”

“But it is what you’re saying,” Korgron said before turning to face her. “I’m vicious, aren’t I? I’m dangerous? Demonic? Chosen or not, it doesn’t wipe what I am? What my people are?”

Joan opened her mouth to object, but she choked on the words. She’d seen Korgron like this before, hadn’t she? Upset, angry. But she thought she’d done better this time. Hadn’t she? Hadn’t she learned to accept Korgron? To accept demons? At least, the good ones? Slowly her eyes lowered. “You’re not bad.”

“I’m not. We’re not,” Korgron said softly. “We’re trying to stop this, just as much as any of you humans. I want to know. Is all of this meaningless?” Korgron asked. “Are we destined to be your enemies regardless? Are we just the taint you’ll endure until the world is saved?”

“NO!” Joan screamed, unable to keep herself from screaming. “DON’T SAY THAT!”

“I’m not the one saying that,” Korgron said viciously. “’Korgron the Vile’? Did I ever truly take that name? Or was it a name I just accepted because it was the only way to be around you? Around the precious ‘Chosen’ and the ‘Hero’? Was it the only way for any of you to accept me?”

“It’s not, I swear,” Joan said, though she was unable to stop herself from taking a small step back when faced with Korgron’s ire.

“I’m not blind, Joan,” Korgron said. “I see the way humans look at me. The way elves look to me. I hear the way they talk. What about this Neia? Is her sole crime truly ‘being part demon’? Is this the kind of people we’re working so hard to save?”

“N-no,” Joan said, shaking her head. “It’s--”

“Is this the big, terrible thing you wanted to protect Neia from? The possibility of her being associated with something like me?” Korgron asked.

“NO!” Joan screamed again, tears welling up in her eyes. “Please, just let me explain! Korgron, please!”

Korgron gave another low, angry growl. Her tail flickered angrily behind her, but slowly she nodded. “Very well, make it quick.”

Joan gulped and stared at her, she opened her words and tried to explain, but try as she might, the words refused to come out. Everything she said just sounded like more excuses. Was this another thing she was wrong about? She lifted a hand to her chest and tried to think of how to phrase it before finally she mumbled the words. “What happens when the ritual is performed in Kazora?”

“What?” Korgron asked.

“What happens?” Joan asked. “Is it different there? Because I’ve seen it. Not just on my enemies, either. I’ve certainly seen those undertake the ritual. Become stronger, faster. I even…” She felt a chill run up her spine and pressed a hand into her chest and felt her heart pounding. “I’ve been in the middle of one once, I think.”

“In the middle of one?” Korgron asked. “What do you mean?”

“The Hero walked into many traps,” Joan said softly. “One particularly cruel one was… people were turned into demons. Right in front of his eyes. Good people. People he knew. Allies. He tried to… I tried to save them. I felt it. As the… essence took hold of their bodies. As it overtook them.” She couldn’t stop herself from breathing faster. “It was terrible. I could hear them screaming. They weren’t… my enemies, then. But they became my enemies. They attacked me. Him. They attacked him. I killed them. I failed to save them and instead I killed them. Because it… it’s not the same,” Joan said. “You’re good. Isla is good. Kazora is good. Because you’re still you. I don’t know what it is. I don’t know if it’s because you’ve adapted to it. But when someone is changed? When they’re turned demonic? It’s not… the same. It changes who they are on a fundamental level. It alters them. They lose who they were.”

Korgron stared at her and, oddly, the demon no longer looked angry. She looked sad. “You truly believe that, don’t you?”

“What else am I supposed to believe?” Joan asked. “But maybe I’m wrong. How many people have you seen who became demons? How did they change? Did they change? Can you say they were the same people after?”

Korgron opened her mouth, but this time she seemed speechless. It took her a few moments before she shook her head. “I’ve never seen them, myself. But I’ve heard of it, a few times. It changes a person, fine. But it’s hardly tainting their soul. Turning them into something they’re not.”

“Are you sure?” Joan asked. “How does it change them, then?”

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“It depends on the demon they have their essence mixed with,” Korgron said. “… Have we truly never discussed this?”

Joan shook her head. “Not really, no. At least, I don’t think so.”

“I thought you said we were close in other lives?” Korgron asked.

“We were,” Joan said. “But we were also constantly fighting, running. It’s… different now. It’s a lot different.” She then frowned. Actually, now that she thought about it, it was incredibly different. There had been a few more threats, but things seemed to have calmed down. There had been a handful of things they’d dealt with early, but many they hadn’t even had to deal with.

“It doesn’t taint their soul,” Korgron said. “It’s not a foul thing. It’s just different. It makes you different. Aggressive, I guess. More powerful. Stronger. But it doesn’t change who you are.”

Joan gave a soft sigh. She’d love to believe that, but she couldn’t. She’d seen good, kind people altered against their will. Turned into violent, vengeance filled monsters. “Can you be sure?”

Korgron was silent for a moment before giving a soft sigh of her own. “No, I suppose not. But being a demon isn’t evil.”

“It’s not,” Joan said softly.

“You act as if it is,” Korgron said.

“Being born isn’t bad,” Joan said. “No matter what you’re born as. Falling in love with a demon isn’t bad either. But becoming a demon? Willingly mixing your soul, corrupting yourself, with something like that? All in a desperate attempt to get more powerful? Forsaking everything you knew and loved? That is vile.”

“That’s what you see it as?” Korgron asked. “Forsaking everything?”

“Yes,” Joan said, before pausing. “No. Maybe? I… don’t know. I don’t know now. I never really thought about it much. I never had time. I don’t think I have time now, either. There’s so much going on. But that’s what we were always taught. What I saw. But maybe it’s wrong. I don’t know,” Joan said, feeling more unsure about it. She then glanced up to Korgron before lowering her eyes. “It’s why I’d want to do it.”

“Oh?” Korgron asked.

“It’s been on my mind a few times,” Joan said before holding up a hand. “I’ve almost died a few times, you know? It’s easy for me to die now. I’m only human.” Korgron gave a light snort at that. “Sure, an impressive human. But my greatest feats at this point are just delaying long enough for the Chosen to save me. But if I had the power of a demon, maybe I wouldn’t be broken so badly. Maybe I could fight back.”

“How many demons do you know who could have?” Korgron asked.

“What?” Joan asked.

“How many do you know who could have fought back against the things you needed to have us save you from?”

Joan paused and considered that. There were a few who, if she was a fully grown demon, maybe. But at her age? Most demons wouldn’t be that much stronger than she was now. In fact, some demons she could beat herself. “I never said it was a smart plan.”

“So like your others?” Korgron asked.

Joan nodded glumly. “I guess. I don’t know. I just…”

“This Neia, then,” Korgron said. “You hate her, don’t you?”

“No,” Joan said.

“Are you sure? You act like you do,” Korgron said.

“I don’t,” Joan said. “I just…”

“Yes?” Korgron asked.

How could she even put it into words? The amount of betrayal and hurt she felt? How much of a failure she felt like? “I hate me,” Joan finally said. “And I guess I blame her.”

“What?” Korgron asked.

“I knew Neia over so many lifetimes. I’ve never seen this woman before. There’s never been any hint to… there’s been so many hints to something like this,” Joan said before crossing her arms and keeping her eyes lowered. “If I consider that it was a lie, that Neia wasn’t the actual Neia? If I actually look at it as if Neia was pretending to be Neia, but wasn’t? It makes sense. Worse than that, I can remember times I think she tried to tell me. Tell the Hero. Us? Him? Me? I… I think there were a lot of times. I don’t want to believe it. But I think it’s true.”

“So?” Korgron asked.

“So? So what? I--”

“So you didn’t know her as well as you thought,” Korgron said with a shrug. “People--”

“This is a pretty massive thing to not know,” Joan said. “Across so many lifetimes of knowing her, I failed to see this. I failed to take ten seconds out of my life to put all the pieces together and help her. She was alone. Always. She--”

“Is that what this is about?” Korgron asked. “You pity her? I get it, some people were rude to her. But she got to be a Chosen and some kind of elven princess thing. It doesn’t sound like--”

“The Neia here was imprisoned,” Joan said bitterly. “She was dealing with that stuff her entire life. I thought I was at least some kind of help during all of that. But I wasn’t. I didn’t even know her.”

“So?” Korgron asked. “You can’t be expected to keep everyone safe and happy like that. It’s not your responsibility.”

“It wasn’t anybody’s responsibility,” Joan said. “Just like I’m not anybody’s responsibility but my own. But that doesn’t stop you all from trying to keep me safe, even when I don’t want or need it.”

“That’s not the—”

“It’s exactly the same,” Joan said. “When I need you, you’re there. She needed me, I wasn’t there. I failed so many times. But Searle, Neia and you were the ones I failed the most. I don’t want to do that again. I can’t do that again. I just, damn it!” Joan quickly wiped her eyes. Why was she crying now?

“Joan,” Korgron said, her tone gentle. “You haven’t failed me.”

“I have,” Joan said softly. “It’s a-all I ever do. I wasn’t there when… when Neia needed me. I probably didn’t even know her. I let my prejudices get in my way for you. Searle is just a long list of my failures. Look at him now. Without me being in his way he is so many times stronger and more amazing than I ever imagined. My entire lives are a long list of failures and I just don’t want to fail you all again. I don’t want to break anything anymore. I don’t want to hurt anyone anymore. I just… I just…” She felt Korgron come up and wrap an arm around her.

“Joan, it’s okay,” Korgron said in a soft tone. “It’s okay. You haven’t failed us. None of us. You made mistakes in the past. But you’re fixing them now. You’re working so hard to fix them. It’s going to be okay.”

“I don’t know what I’m doing, though,” Joan said softly. “I don’t know anything. I don’t know how these demonic ritual things work. I know they’re kind of bad, but are they? What if I’m wrong? What if I just assume they’re bad? What if everything I’ve ever known is wrong? What if I can’t even find Neia? What if I can’t find Chase? What if I end up damning the world because I’m an idiot who doesn’t learn? We’re already one envoy down! There’s still four more! What if I can’t do this?”

Korgron gently pat her on the back. “It’s okay, Joan. You’re still learning. You’re still young, you’ll grow into this.”

“Grow into this?” Joan asked. “I’m thousands of years old! I don’t have--”

“No,” Korgron said. “You’re not. You have memories, thoughts of thousands of years. But you’re not. You’re still young, still learning. You know a lot of things you shouldn’t at your age. But that doesn’t make you an adult.”

“But… but…”

“But you want to learn,” Korgron said. “And grow. You want to be better.”

“But what if I can’t?”

“Then we’ll help you,” Korgron said.

“Then who’s going to help you?” Joan asked.

“I don’t need help,” Korgron said. “But you can help the others, even if they’re helping you.”

Joan gave a light snort. “You don’t need help? Really?”

“Of course not, I’m invincible,” Korgron said in a teasing tone.

“Then what about your tail?” Joan asked.

Korgron went entirely still for a moment and Joan wondered if she had gone too far. A moment later she knew she had when the demon began to tickle her. She let out a shriek and tried to pull away, but even if Korgron was only using one hand it was all but impossible to escape.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry! I take it back! Eeeee hee hee hee hee!” Joan said between fits of helpless giggles.

Eventually the tickling subsided, by which point Joan was so tired she all but collapsed in Korgron’s arm. “You know, we do need to still discuss that, though,” Korgron said.

“W-what?” Joan asked.

“That thing,” Korgron said. “Did you know it would come up here?”

Joan shook her head. “No. I swear. It wasn’t summoned here last time.”

“It almost killed us,” Korgron said. “Thalgren got the worst of it, but the rest of of us didn’t fair much better. Which brings me up to my next question.”

Joan tensed up and looked up at the demon, the knot in her stomach reforming at seeing her friend looking so nervous. “What?”

“Will my tail grow back? It’s not permanent, is it?”

Joan blinked a few times before she couldn’t help it, she giggled. “Yes. You’re the Chosen, after all. You’ll probably all be entirely healed in a few more weeks. It’s just a lot slower with the Inferno God. But please, I need to know what happened out there.”

Korgron let out a slight sigh of relief before nodding. “Right. Now, where to start...”