Book 6 Chapter 21

Joan’s eyes shot open. What? Something was wrong. She could feel it. A presence, almost choking her. Deadly. No. Not quite. Angry. Anger. It was stifling, strong, dangerous. Who?

She wasn’t alone. She didn’t dare move, in case she alerted whoever it was that she knew they were there. What was going on? Who--

Hardwin.

Joan relaxed slightly, though not too much. How long had he been here? How annoyed was he? She wondered if he was even aware of the sheer presence he gave off when he was controlling himself like this. It seemed to be late, though. While the slats of her window were closed there wasn’t any sign of sunlight through it.

“Hello, Hardwin,” Joan said.

“Did I wake you?” Hardwin asked in what she was sure he thought was a calm tone, but she’d known him too long to believe it was anything like that. She’d seen him in every mood imaginable, she read him better than she could anyone else.

“Yes,” Joan said before sitting up and looking around the dark room. He was sitting on her chair, turned to face her. She wondered how well he could see her in the dark. Probably pretty well, considering his status as a Chosen. “Did you need to speak with me?”

“You were right,” Hardwin said.

“I’ll need you to be a bit more specific,” Joan said. “I’m right about a lot of things. Wrong about a lot of things too, but I try to ignore that.” Myrin came to mind, but she tried to shove that aside.

“Someone tried to kill Emeline,” Hardwin said.

“I mean, she tried to kill me so I hope you won’t mind if I’m not too annoyed by this,” Joan said. Despite herself, though, she couldn’t help being a little upset about it. She tried to bury those feelings. The woman had tried to kill her so many times, the last thing she needed was to worry about her.

“We managed to stop him,” Hardwin said. “Actually caught him as well, but he killed himself before we could. He was a demon, subtle. But you were right.”

“She has a lot of enemies,” Joan said. “That can’t be that surprising, though.”

“Oh? Why do you say that?” Hardwin asked.

“I mean, I know next to nothing about politics,” Joan said. “But she is the queen. An accomplished mercenary, a healer, a fighter. Between her and the king you’d need to be stupid to try and kill the pair of them. She’s practically his bodyguard and, more than that, not a single drop of noble blood in her as far as I know. Even if it is traditional for the king to marry someone like her, she likely stands in the way of a lot of people’s goals and desires just by existing.”

Hardwin gave a small nod. “You’re not wrong. We can’t afford anything like that right now though, can we?”

“Who?” Joan asked. “Humanity or the Chosen?”

“Yes,” Hardwin said.

“I wouldn’t know,” Joan said with a shrug. “She hates me, remember? Apparently she thinks I’m going to destroy her pretty little kingdom or something. I don’t care, though. It’s all in shambles regardless, not my problem so long as the world keeps going.”

“I see,” Hardwin said. “I needed to talk with you.”

“I wanted to talk with you as well,” Joan said. “You’ve been avoiding me.”

“I have not,” Hardwin said, though she could hear the defensiveness in his voice.

“Oh, yes you have,” Joan said. “I know you. Possibly better than you know you. A lot better than you think I do.”

“Oh? Maybe you don’t know me as well as you think you do,” Hardwin said.

“Maybe,” Joan said. “For example, I didn’t think you’d be working with Penthe.”

“… Who?” Hardwin asked.

“Penthe,” Joan said. “Armored person. Err, goes by Gil, I guess? Demon Lord’s General? Very angry, swings around a big sword, thinks she knows more than she thinks she does?”

“You’re accusing me of treason?” Hardwin asked, his tone burning with barely contained rage.

“If I was accusing you of treason I would have told the others,” Joan said. “You’re Hardwin, though. My best friend. Like a brother to me. Well… I guess, now, you’re more like my daddy,” she couldn’t help saying that in a teasing tone and noticed him cringe even in the dark.

“Don’t call me that,” Hardwin said.

“You’ve been avoiding me,” Joan said. “I saw the Tapestry of Fate, though. Yours and Penthe’s threads connect a few times. Not for long, but they definitely have.”

She was greeted by silence.

“I wasn’t able to find out why,” Joan said. “I think I only get the one shot at that, actually. So I was hoping to find out… something else, once I can break this spell. But I know you’ve been talking with her. I want to know why.”

Once more she received nothing but silence.

Joan gave another soft sigh and pulled her legs up to her chest, leaning her head against her knees. “I guess silence works as well.”

“I wasn’t talking with her,” Hardwin said.

“Oh?” Joan asked.

“We fought,” Hardwin said. “She said some things, but we were, in no way, discussing things.”

“Did you win?” Joan asked.

“Would I be here if I hadn’t?” Hardwin asked.

“Probably,” Joan said with a shrug. “I hope so. Maybe? I don’t know. She’s not right, either.”

“But you are?” Hardwin asked.

“Not even a little bit,” Joan said with a light chuckle. “Can you tell me what happened?”

“Why haven’t you told the others if you believed I was working with her?” Hardwin asked.

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“Because if you were working with her I assume it’s for the right reasons and I don’t want to screw it up,” Joan said.

“You trust me that much?” Hardwin asked.

“Duh,” Joan said. “I mean, I gave Andreas the benefit of the doubt and he had me tied up and locked in a cage. You’ve been with me since almost day one and have saved my life more times than I can count. The least I can do is keep trusting you. I’m sure whatever reason you have is for my own good or at least the world’s good.”

Hardwin gave a soft sigh before he spoke up. “I don’t understand you.”

“You say that as if you think I understand me, which I hope you’re not gullible enough to believe,” Joan said with a light chuckle.

“Fair enough,” Hardwin said. “I was investigating you.”

“Oh?” Joan asked. “Is Penthe investigating me as well?”

“No,” Hardwin said. “It was coincidence that I ran into her.”

“Coincidence? I doubt it,” Joan said. “She was likely tracking you or something.”

“You think she can?” Hardwin asked.

“I don’t think she can’t,” Joan said. “And that might be enough. What were you investigating about me?”

“Demonic territory,” Hardwin said.

“Ah, so am I a demon now?” Joan asked.

“No,” Hardwin said. “There were some ruins there, old ones. Abandoned. Nobody seemed to know where they came from. But Searle’s recent thoughts about who you were. Owain Raullin.” The name made her head hurt, but she suppressed the urge to cringe. “Call it a hunch, but I realized those ruins were near where Ernald Raullin died.”

“Oh?” Joan asked. “Good to know my past life’s dad liked old stuff.”

“That was just it,” Hardwin said. “Those ruins were unknown but they weren’t old. Or, rather, not all of them were. The place was in pieces, but I would have said it had been destroyed in the last fifteen, maybe twenty years. Yet there’s no records of anyone having lived there.”

“Uh huh,” Joan said. “So, what does that have to do with me?”

“I think it was where the Raullin family lived. The family. When I went to investigate, however, Penthe interrupted me. Said I was investigating things I shouldn’t, that only destruction led there. Interestingly, your name came up.”

“I don’t think it’s that surprising,” Joan said. “We have a real violent relationship. I hug her, she tries to murder me. Still better than a lot of relationships I’ve had.”

“She tried to convince me that you were a far greater threat than anything else I’d face,” Hardwin said. “I didn’t believe her, if you’re worried.”

“I mean, maybe I am,” Joan said with a shrug.

“You think you’re a danger?” Hardwin asked.

“Maybe,” Joan said. “Who knows? I don’t. That’s why I’m trying so hard to find out everything I can now. It’s why I’m trying to break this spell that’s ruining my memory. Who knows what important things I don’t know that I’m supposed to know? Maybe it’ll turn out that I’m the cause of all of this. Which, by the way, is why I’ve told a few people that if it turns out to be that they have to try and stop me.”

Hardwin gave another soft, exasperated sigh. “I doubt you’d be trying to destroy the world. You’d be pretty bad at it.”

“You’ve met her since then,” Joan said. “That explains one time. But why the others?”

“What?” Hardwin asked. To her surprise, he sounded genuinely surprised.

“The other times you’ve met her, what happened?” Joan asked.

“I haven’t met her other times,” Hardwin said.

Joan paused. He didn’t sound like he was lying. But their threads had definitely intersected. So why? Her eyes lit up. The armor. If she was outside of her armor, he might have no idea who she was. A smile formed on her lips. Of course. That would be perfect. If the armor helped her hide who she was, then she could be anyone here and nobody would know who she was. It could be anyone! Her eyes went wide.

Emeline. It had to be Emeline. Penthe was Emeline!

A moment later she rolled her eyes and shoved that idea away. If that was the case, Emeline would have known who she was and probably pretended to care for her, she definitely wouldn’t have saved her life.

“Joan?” Hardwin asked.

“What? Oh, sorry,” Joan said sheepishly. “Just thinking.”

“A lot, it seems,” Hardwin said. “You think I’ve met her since?”

“Maybe,” Joan said. “I don’t know, now. Your threads intersected, but that might mean any number of things. I’m not one of the fates, I can’t really say what it means.”

“Great, so more guesswork?” Hardwin asked.

“I never said it would be easy,” Joan said with a shrug. “If this was I wouldn’t be here. The Hero would have done it all already.”

Hardwin gave a soft sigh and she could almost hear him shaking his head with frustration. “Nothing with you ever is simple, is it?”

“Nope,” Joan said. “So, did you have fun at the festival?”

“The ceremony?” Hardwin asked. “It was fine. Slow and tedious, but fine. Apparently I’m going to be hosting an event now? Mother seems to be quite excited about it.”

“Celebrations are fun,” Joan said. “Don’t worry, it’s just going to be some grand thing that draws a bunch of fancy people to come by, eat your food, meet the Chosen and wear on your last nerve.”

“And apparently there’s going to be rumors of me looking for a suitor for my daughter?” Hardwin asked, his tone tinged with annoyance.

“Just a rumor, not official,” Joan said quickly. “We need bait, after all. Otherwise most people won’t show. I mean, some will just for the Chosen.”

“Why do I suspect this is mostly just an excuse for you to get a fancy new wardrobe?” Hardwin asked, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

“It can be both,” Joan said. “Don’t worry, you’re not going to have to actually marry me to anyone. Once we have Chase we can finish this whole thing, save the world and then I can go.”

“Go?” Hardwin asked.

“Leave,” Joan said. “Maybe I’ll go with Korgron. I think she wants me there. Or… maybe I can see if the Crystal Phoenixes will take me back. Or maybe I’ll just explore. There’s a lot of stuff missing and damaged in our world. A lot of threats to come. I don’t know. But I won’t bother you anymore.”

“Why would you leave?” Hardwin asked.

“You don’t want me here,” Joan said softly.

“I never said--”

“You don’t have to,” Joan said. “You radiate it. And I understand. I’m kind of… troublesome.”

“Joan, I don’t--”

“Don’t,” Joan said softly. “I know I’m nothing but trouble for you. I’m not… I’m not what you expect. I’m just--”

“Joan, that’s not it,” Hardwin said before getting to his feet. “You’re not… I don’t…” His tone was softer than even she ever remembered hearing it. He walked to her and gently pat her on the head. “You don’t need to leave. It’s not you. You’re not trouble. You’re just not what I expected.”

“I was once,” Joan said.

“And that’s what makes this so hard,” Hardwin said. “You don’t need to go anywhere. I promise. You’re not unwanted. You’re not a bother. You’re just…”

“Not the Hero you expected?” Joan asked.

“Not the one I admired,” Hardwin said in a tone she couldn’t identify. “Or you are but not in the way.”

“Wait, what?” Joan asked, her head shooting up to look at him. “Admired? Since when have you admired the Hero?”

“Nothing,” Hardwin said with a shake of his head.

“That didn’t sound like nothing,” Joan said.

“It’s late, I’m going to bed,” Hardwin said. “You should try and get some rest as well. Mother intends to take you to get some new garments since you’ve… grown.”

“What do you mean, admired? Since when did you admire the Hero?” Joan asked.

“Good night, Joan,” Hardwin said before turning and walking away, ignoring her objections.

Joan stared at the door, struggling to contain her confusion. Sure, Hardwin liked the Hero, helped him, fought with him. But since when did he admire the Hero? And why did he say it like THAT?