Book 8 Chapter 17

“You know, for one of your plans it’s not as bad as I expected,” Hardwin said.

“I particularly liked the little drawing,” Chase said.

“I don’t like it,” Searle said.

“Me either,” Korgron said.

“Yeah, well, do you have a better idea?” Joan asked. “That doesn’t involve all of you fighting it! That has never worked out well in the past.”

“That was then, this is now,” Korgron said. “We’ve got abilities we didn’t have before.”

“And we only get the one chance to do this,” Joan said. “You can destroy the heart. All of you can. On top of that, it’ll take all of you to break through that seal. It ONLY opens for the Chosen. I should know, I’ve been trapped by it often enough.”

“You’ve always mentioned that,” Hardwin said. “How you were trapped. What… exactly happened during those times?”

Joan cringed but took a long, slow breath. She supposed it was time she told them exactly what happened. “I… don’t remember everything. Or, well, I do. But it was… I’ll just… I’ll talk about the first time, okay?”

------

Owain stood before the door. Finally. They’d killed four of the Envoys, fought monsters who had been unlike anything they’d ever faced. But they were here. Slowly, he held the key aloft, draining away the magical protections on the door and weaving the gathered magic into a spell to help all of them recover.

Finally, they were almost there. The door began to swing open and for a few moments there was peace. Just a little more.

A roar split the air, turning even his blood cold. He turned to face the Avatar of the Inferno God. A mighty beast made of flames that could incinerate all. Bodies of ash and fire rising from behind them.

Another opponent? Owain rolled his eyes before he turned and ran at them, lifting his sword high. It was always something, wasn’t it?

It wasn’t like he could know what was coming.

It wasn’t like he could know this would be his greatest defeat.

It wasn’t like he could know he was a failure who’d never do anything but damn all of them.

He didn’t know. He didn’t know. He didn’t--

------

Joan yelped when suddenly an arm wrapped around her. To her surprise, it wasn’t Korgron or Myrin.

It was Hardwin. The Chosen had a single arm around her shoulders and pulled her to his side, looking down at her with a look of concern. “What did I tell you when we first met?”

“Stop trying to get myself killed?” Joan asked.

“No child should make a face like that,” Hardwin said. “Ever. It’s just wrong.”

Joan gave a light chuckle before shaking her head. “Sorry. Just… where was I?”

“You said the Hero opened the door and then just kind of stopped,” Searle said softly.

“Right,” Joan said gently. “We fought it. All of us did. But we couldn’t damage it. We didn’t find out until later. Its life was tied directly to the Inferno God’s. So long as it still lived, nothing could kill it. So long as the Heart was in the temple… we couldn’t do anything about it.” Tears welled up in her eyes. “If the Hero had stayed behind, if I had stayed behind and just told all of you to go ahead, we would have been fine. If I just hadn’t made that stupid mistake…”

“Joan, it’s not your fault,” Korgron said.

“Even if it’s not entirely my fault, it’s more my fault than anyone else’s,” Joan said. “I made the choice. I decided who stayed behind. I didn’t know, how could I? I didn’t know. In the end, the seal was broken and the Heart was taken. When it left, the Avatar disappeared. But… by then…”

“We were dead?” Hardwin asked.

“No…” Joan said softly, closing her eyes and beginning to shake despite her best attempts not to. She couldn’t help it, she lunged forward and hugged Hardwin around the side, the tears beginning to flow down her face. “I-I’m sorry! I’m so sorry! I won’t mess up this time! I promise, I’ll do better! I just, I don’t want anyone to die! I know what to do this time, so please. Trust me. Just trust me this one last time a-and it’ll all be okay. I know what I’m doing. Please, please don’t leave me again…”

“Joan…” Hardwin said softly, his hand gently rubbing her hair. “It’s okay. We’re not going to die. Any of us. But I expect the same from you.”

“I won’t, I promise I won’t,” Joan said softly. “T-there’s still too much for me to do.”

“Isla is going to kill me after this,” Andreas said with a soft sigh.

“Why do I suspect there’s something we’re not being told?” Chase asked. “I mean, we died then, big deal. We’re not going to die now, we know what we’re facing.”

“Oh, we didn’t die right then,” Korgron said with a soft sigh.

Joan cringed. Right, she’d forgotten about that. Korgron had seen many of their final moments, hadn’t she?

“What does that mean?” Hardwin asked.

“Joan, mind if I tell them what happened?” Korgron asked.

Joan leaned against Hardwin a little closer. To her surprise, he lifted his other arm and gave her a reassuring hug. “Go ahead. It’s not important, but if it makes you feel better then fine.”

“Apparently we didn’t die immediately,” Korgron said. “When Owain, err, the Hero?”

“Saying Owain doesn’t hurt my head anymore,” Joan said.

“When Owain came out, some of us were still alive. I’m guessing we died right after?” Korgron asked.

“I’m sorry,” Joan said softly.

“Giving our little wannabe Hero here quite the little memory and last words before passing on,” Korgron said.

“I’m so sorry,” Joan said again.

“But that’s not going to happen this time,” Korgron said. “We really couldn’t kill this thing?”

“No,” Joan said. “We tried, the most we could do was knock it around a bit. I don’t… know how you all died. But the wounds it made, they were like… they…”

“They don’t heal right,” Myrin said softly. “If at all.”

“Exactly,” Joan said softly.

“I am disliking this idea more and more,” Searle said softly.

“Same,” Hardwin said softly. “Is there really no other way?”

“I’m going to run,” Joan said. “I have Guardian Nova. I know what it can do, I know how the minions of the Inferno God move. I can escape. Besides, it won’t be focused on me, at first.”

“And you think you can stop it from coming after us?” Korgron asked.

“Of course,” Joan said. “That was what I needed the Key for, after all. So long as you’re not in there for hours, I’ll be fine.”

“And if it takes us longer than you think it should?” Korgron asked.

“… Then maybe instead of the whole world dying, I’ll die instead,” Joan said. “But I do not plan to let that happen. You seven CAN do this. You will do this. I’ve been over this too many times, I know exactly what we’re facing. I know you can do this. The moment you destroy the Heart, the Inferno God dies. With it, his minions collapse. We win. I’ll hold out to buy you time. Please, just trust me the way I trust you.”

Korgron’s tail gave an agitated flicker. “What if--”

“Do we really have any other options?” Thalgren asked.

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“Honestly?” Joan asked. “I don’t think so. Things are going in a new way, but we’re still ahead of the problem. For now. The longer we wait, the more likely it is that things will go wrong. But right now the Inferno God isn’t as strong as he had been. This is the perfect opportunity. And if he’s weaker, then his Avatar will be. I can do this, I know I can. Even if I’m weaker than I was, I can still run. I promse, I’ll be fine.”

“Then I say we end this here,” Thalgren said.

“I don’t like this at all,” Korgron said bitterly.

“Keeping the lil missy up all night arguing with her isn’t going to help,” Thalgren said. “And I think we all know how this will turn out. Why tire ourselves out if we’re likely to give into her in the end? Better we be prepared for tomorrow and able to get in and out before she gets in over her head.”

Korgron gave a light growl before jumping to her feet and storming off. Andreas gave a sigh and got to his feet, walking after her. Joan eyed their retreating forms before giving a soft sigh. “Thanks, Thalgren.”

“I’ll be holding you to that,” Thalgren said.

“Huh?”

“That you’ll be okay,” Thalgren said. “Your word. Don’t break it.”

Joan blinked a few times before snickering. “Gee, now I have two reasons not to die. I guess I don’t have a choice now, do I?”

“No, you don’t,” Thalgren said before he got to his feet as well. “I’m going to go take a little walk myself. Keep an eye on the lil missy, won’t you?”

“I’ll try,” Hardwin said, though his arm slowly pulled away from her. “You okay?”

“Just tired,” Joan said softly. “I think… I’m going to go get some sleep. Tomorrow is a big day. Saving the world, celebrating. I’m going to sleep for like… a month when this is over.”

“Oh? Relaxing? That’ll probably be new for you,” Hardwin said. “Sure you can handle it?”

“Nope, but I’ll learn,” Joan said with a chuckle before walking to her bedroll and collapsing on it.

If they pulled this off, if they saved the world, all that was left was Penthe and Arta. Save the world, save everyone. Then she was done. She’d finally be done. What was she going to do then? Had she ever actually been ‘done’ before?

Eh, she’d figure it out. For now, she just had to worry about an angry fire thing and hope she could keep her word. If she didn’t, none of them would ever forgive her.

This time EVERYONE got a happy ending. She’d been through too much now to allow anything but.

------

Joan’s eyes opened and she was almost instantly alert. An attack? Were they going to have to--

No. Nothing was happening. The full moon was high in the sky, allowing her to see even with the fire having gone out. Some of the Chosen were sleeping, off in the distance she could see Searle, keeping watch. She couldn’t even pretend to be surprised, if anyone was going to make sure to keep watch through the night it was going to be him. She wondered if this was his first watch, or if he was intending to stay up all night and just let the others sleep. Probably the latter.

Joan rolled her eyes and got to her feet, slowly walking towards him. “How long have you been keeping watch?”

“I relieved Hardwin a little bit ago,” Searle said, not looking back at her.

Joan’s eyes widened slightly. He wasn’t just trying to keep watch all night? Wait, which watch was this? “What time is it?” Joan asked.

“Not sure,” Searle said before motioning up towards the sky. “Full moon, though. When it’s about two thirds across I’m supposed to wake up Andreas. He’s taking over third watch.”

“I see,” Joan said before sitting next to him. “This brings back memories.”

“Good ones?” Searle asked.

“Kind of,” Joan said. “In way. You used to keep watch all the time. Heck, most nights you’d take first watch and just never wake anyone else up. It’s nice seeing you’re not doing that now.”

“Hardwin scolded me when I tried it,” Searle said. “He tries to always take first watch now.”

“Oh,” Joan said, unsure of what to say to that. She felt a small rush of guilt. Why hadn’t she ever done that when she was the Hero? Of course, she knew why. Because she’d undervalued him. She’d just been thankful he was doing something useful and didn’t see the issue with him pushing himself harder because she didn’t think he really mattered. She had been such an idiot. “That was smart of him.”

“It was,” Searle said. She couldn’t be sure, but she thought she heard some annoyance to his voice. At least an edge of some kind.

“So, uhhh…” Joan said softly, nervously fiddling with her fingers in her hands. “Tomorrow is the big day. Your destiny and all that. Nervous?”

“Are you planning to die?” Searle asked.

“What?” Joan asked.

“Tomorrow,” Searle said. “Are you planning to die? Is this all part of something you think is the only way?”

“No,” Joan said. “I’m not. Why would you think that?”

Searle just looked at her. While she couldn’t make out his features well enough in the moonlight to be certain, she was pretty sure she knew that look she was getting.

“Okay, fair,” Joan said with a heavy sigh. “But no, I’m not. Maybe once I wouldn’t have minded. But I fully intend to make it out of there tomorrow.”

“And if we can’t get it done in time? If we take too long? If we can’t protect you?” Searle asked.

“You will,” Joan said.

“But if we can’t?”

“You will,” Joan said again.

“How can you know?” Searle asked.

“Because none of you have let me down yet,” Joan said. “You’ve always been there to save me when I needed you the most. No matter what threat, no matter what danger. I know I can trust you all to get the job done and save me at the last second.”

“And if we can’t?” Searle asked.

“You will,” Joan said again.

“But if we can’t?” Searle asked.

“You always will,” Joan said. “I spent too many lives doubting you all. I spent too many lives not trusting you enough. I spent way, way too many lives failing you. This time? I won’t.” She reached out and gently put a hand on his shoulder. “Searle?”

“What?” he asked softly.

It felt so weird. He had always seemed so small when she was the Hero. But, now? He was taller than her. Larger than her. Far stronger and faster than she could ever hope to be. He was probably more her shield now than he had ever been the Hero’s. She felt her cheeks go a little redder. “You’ve gone so, so far beyond anything I ever expected. Anything you’d been like when I was the Hero. You’ve become more incredible than I thought possible. This time will be no different. I know you can do this. So please, trust that I can buy you all the time you need.”

“Joan…” Searle said softly.

“I promise not to take any more risks than I need to,” Joan said. “I haven’t come this far just to fail at the end, you know? That wouldn’t be any fun.” She pulled her hand back before sighing. He really had come a long way. She really wished she could just explain to him that all that happened really wasn’t his fault. For all she knew, killing the Hero was what he needed to do. Penthe was there, supporting him. So maybe they were all right when they killed the Hero. Maybe it was time she told him that. She hoped it would relieve some of his nerves. “Hey, Searle? I uhh… I have something to tell you. Before we start tomorrow… I uhhh…”

“Don’t,” Searle said, his voice taking on a sharp edge she hadn’t expected.

“What? I just… I want to tell you, I just think… ummm…”

“Please,” Searle said softly. “Don’t. Bauteut already told me.”

Joan went entirely still. Already told him? What had Bauteut--

Her eyes bulged and she barely resisted the urge to squeak, though her cheeks went bright red.

“B-Bauteut told you I had a crush on you?” Joan asked.

“Wait, what?” Searle asked, turning to look at her. “She told me you had a crush on her.”

“Wait, what?” Joan asked, her face managing to go even redder. “She, she did? What? Why would she… tell you that… I…”

“I, uhhh…”

“I mean, I do, but, err, that’s not, oh… uhhhh… I didn’t… oh…” Joan wondered if the ground could just swallow her up now. No, she could hear Thalgren snoring, so that was unlikely. “Why, uhhh, would she tell you that?”

“Because, I mean, she and I, we’ve, errrr…” Searle said, now looking away from her.

“What?” Joan asked, staring at him.

“She, uhhh, she didn’t tell you?” Searle asked.

“Tell me what?” Joan asked, trying to will the ground to open up and swallow her. Alas, she remained uneaten.

“She and I, we’ve started, ummm…”

“Yes?” Joan asked.

Searle just groaned and kept staring at the ground.

Joan felt her frustration growing. What? Why couldn’t he just tell her? What were-- Oh. Oh. OH! Joan’s eyes bulged again and a hand covered her mouth. “Y-you two? You’re, I mean, when did, I mean, how long have, uhhh…?”

Searle gave a groan. “I thought she told you.”

“No, uhhh… but you two are… together, then?”

“Kind of,” Searle said softly. “I mean, not… fully? But, ummm, once we thought you died, we, ummm… we had this really long talk and… I uhhh…”

“You?” Joan asked.

“Once this is over, once we… save everything,” Searle said softly. “I asked if she’d like to… if we could travel together. If she’d ummm…”

Joan blinked a few times and stared at him, trying desperately not to snicker. Oh, he really was the sweetest thing ever. Here he was, the Chosen of the Shield. One of the most powerful and important people in the world. Yet here he was getting all flustered at the idea of trying to, well… court Bauteut. Not that she could blame him, Bauteut was amazing. She--

Oh. Oh no. The color drained from Joan’s face and she groaned. “And I just made everything more confusing, didn’t I?”

“I thought you said that you couldn’t, I mean, that I, uhhh…” Searle said, his gaze still locked on the ground.

“I mean, I didn’t think that, I just, I…” Joan tried to say, but couldn’t find any of the right words. “I don’t know. I just… it doesn’t matter, okay? I mean, if you and Bauteut are still, I guess… sorry. Just pretend I didn’t say anything, okay?”

“Joan, I--”

“Nope,” Joan said quickly.

“But I--”

“I know,” Joan said quickly, cutting him off. “Let’s talk about this tomorrow, okay?”

“But—”

“It’ll just mean I have to live, right?” Joan said sheepishly. “Extra motivation. We can, err… just… just focus on the task at hand, okay? I’ll figure this out.” She jumped to her feet and quickly retreated. Thankfully, Searle didn’t follow her.

Probably for the best, she imagined he felt just as confused and disoriented as she did now.

Good to know she could make the night before everything finally came to a head as confusing and awkward as possible. Oh well, she’d pushed off so much until after she saved the world, what was one more thing?