Book 9 Chapter 5

Joan watched the approaching group and gave a soft sigh. She supposed, technically, Emeline had done what she asked. She didn’t remember any of the escort trying to kill the Hero. Granted, she became distressingly aware of how few of them she actually knew the names of. It turned out that the Hero had been very bad at memorizing the names of his attempted assassins. She supposed she’d just add that to his list of faults.

However, Prince Garbert coming with them just filled her with more unease than she’d have thought. While he’d never tried to kill her, he really seemed like he’d wanted to last time. Last she heard he was still on the front lines. If he was back, well…

She reallllllly hoped he wasn’t upset about the whole sneaking through the front lines with Searle thing. Sure, it was for the good of the world but it wasn’t like her doing the correct thing hadn’t annoyed people before. Her relationship with the queen was already difficult enough WITHOUT her getting into fights with the heir. Hopefully he at least wouldn’t try to assassinate her or anything.

Joan reached down and checked her gear one more time. Shielding bracer, wind boots, amulet to not die, ring of hiding and don’t die from poison, crystal armor of who needs to see anyway, awesome pouch of holding daggers. She even had her creepy bracer of talking to spiders and making webbing, though she wasn’t wearing it. Not to mention two awesome swords. “I really need to get better at naming things,” she muttered under her breath.

Still, at least they were almost here. She gave a little stretch before turning to head down from the keep and greet them. Soon they’d be on their way and she could get to the fun part. It was a good thing Bauteut wasn’t here, she’d have soooo scolded her if she knew how excited she was to be running into danger again. They hadn’t been attacked at all the entire week! Seriously, it was like these people didn’t even WANT Ifrit or something.

But sooooon they’d be on their wayyyyyyy.

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Or not.

Joan lightly picked at her meat pie, trying to stop the growing agitation. She understood what they meant. Their escort had been traveling for days at a slow, steady pace to get here. One extra night of rest for them to recover and prepare for the journey to Hearth wasn’t so bad. She also understood why they couldn’t just teleport there. Teleporting all of them across the country would be rough even with Korgron. But with them trying to negotiate peace most mages capable of teleportation spells were currently occupied. Still, a part of her missed the days of being the Hero and having the power to cast such spells herself.

It was going to make it a long journey, but she had time now. She didn’t have a timer on her brain waiting to kill her. She could afford to relax and enjoy this. Dangerous or not, she was actually looking forward to this journey. It might be nice to ride a horse for a week or so and NOT be frantically worried that if they didn’t get there in time everyone would already be dead.

No, the delay was frustrating but it wasn’t what annoyed her.

What annoyed her was seeing Garbert and Francis bonding.

“So there I am,” Francis said, a wide grin on his lips. “The net around my ankles. I know if I try taking a step forward I am dead. I realize he can’t see it, though. His friend is already on the ground, I can see him looking between me and Ifrit. So I do the only thing I can do.”

“Oh?” Garbert asked, a grin on his lips.

“I yell in as intimidating a voice as I can,” Francis said before yelling the next part. “’Go now, flee! Tell your masters I don’t care if there’s three of you or three hundred, you’ll never lay a hand on her!’ He just turns and runs, I thought he was going to drop his spear then and there! Oh man, he would have so had me if he’d tried. It took me forever to get my feet out of that stupid net.”

Garbert just roared with laughter. “That reminds me of the time the demons tried sending this great twenty legged lizard demon at us. They’d constructed this crossbow platform on its back and were hurtling great nets down at any who approached. It--”

Joan focused on her meal and tried to ignore them. She’d actually have preferred the bard. Assuming he didn’t sing any songs about the Hero.

“Joan?” Vivian asked. “Are you feeling well?”

“I’m fine,” Joan said before taking another small bite of the pie. Judging by the look she was getting, her words weren’t believed. She swallowed and gave a shrug. “I mean it. I’m never really the best when it comes to waiting around and resting. Buuuut I see it’s important so I’m not complaining.”

Vivian sighed before giving a small nod. Ahhhh, she was used to that concerned look.

“I swear, I’m fine,” Joan said. “Actually fine. I’m not pushing myself or anything, okay?”

“If you say so,” Vivian said. “I know you’re looking forward to tomorrow, but just… please. Be careful.”

“I will, promise,” Joan said. “I’ll be perfectly safe.” She was very tempted to make a joke that if Vivian was lucky, she’d never need to worry about her again. She felt it was a testament to her growing awareness of how much people cared about her that she knew such a comment would go poorly. She knew she was taking all of this a little too casually. Far more than she probably should. Scorpion’s Venom was probably dangerous to most people. If she got sloppy, they’d probably be dangerous to her. Actually they might be dangerous to her regardless. “I’ll be careful. But this isn’t a Chosen danger threat. It’s just… people. Normal people. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m pretty good at handling people.”

“You’re pretty good at handling a lot of things,” Vivian said. “It doesn’t mean I’ll worry any less.”

“That is sweet,” Joan said with a small grin. “I’ll be good. Promise. I’ve got a whole family waiting for me to come home. No way am I going to let all of you down.”

Vivian gave a small chuckle before nodding. Joan smiled herself. She really was looking forward to this adventure. But she was going to miss this and a small part of her was already looking forward to coming back home. Especially now that she had a home to come home to.

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Joan glanced out over the courtyard and took a long, slow breath. The night air was nice. It felt relaxing. From her position, leaning against the roof’s railing, she could see everything. The town below, the walls. The two guards keeping watch. It was almost amusing knowing that this was the ‘highly increased security’ the keep had after the prior attack. She was going to miss this place. It was quiet, calm, not the least bit exciting. It didn’t suit her forever, but it was nice to have someplace she could go and just be. A home. A place she felt she truly belonged and was wanted. She’d never had that as the Hero. She wondered if most people had a place like that. She hoped they did, but was beginning to suspect they didn’t. She really was fortunate.

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She twitched slightly when she heard footsteps behind her. Heavy ones. A guard? No. They sounded more steady and determined. Definitely heavier, though. Not Vivian. She glanced back and let out a low groan. “Your highness,” Joan said.

“Joan,” Garbert said before walking to stand besides her. He wasn’t smiling now.

“You look like you want to throw me off the wall,” Joan said.

“It’s a keep,” Garbert corrected her.

“Part of the wall is built into it,” Joan said. “Close enough. So you want to?”

He was silent for a long while before answering. “No.”

“That’s not ominous or anything,” Joan asked. “Really gonna be awkward if the queen sent you to assassinate me. I really hoped she was over that whole trying to kill me thing.”

“She didn’t,” Garbert said quickly. “Ask me to harm you, I mean. As far as I can tell she believes your ridiculous story.”

Joan blinked a few times before glancing back at him. “Ridiculous story?”

“That you’re the Hero,” Garbert said before turning to look at her. “I’m not here to hurt you. But I do intend to keep a close eye on you, Joan. I don’t know what you’re… you’re… are you laughing?”

Joan shook her head but she knew it was hopeless. Try as she might, she couldn’t stop herself from snickering. Covering her mouth with her hand did little to hide it. “S-sorry. Sorry. I’m taking this seriously. Really. It’s just, wow. You don’t believe me? Oh nooooo. Okay then.”

Garbert’s eyes narrowed on her. “You think this a joke?”

“If it is, I’m the punchline,” Joan said. “I mean, are you planning to try and kill me? Toss me off the keep when my back is turned? Stab me in my sleep?”

“W-what?” Garbert asked, his mouth falling open and staring at her with alarm. “I already said I wasn’t! Don’t be absurd. I--”

“I’ve already won,” Joan said. “Look out there.” She motioned towards the village. “Did you know a few weeks ago someone had a baby? A little baby boy. Isn’t that great?”

“I don’t… understand,” Garbert said.

“Because you don’t have to,” Joan said before turning back to him. “Nobody EVER has to! That’s the beauty of it. The only one who knows how bad things COULD have been is me. The Inferno God is gone. The gods are still there. Our world isn’t slowly sinking into decay and ruin. Everything I failed at, everything that went wrong? It’s dealt with. Everything else is easy in comparison.” She turned and started walking, lifting her hands up behind her head. “Even if I die right here and now? I still won. I didn’t fail. At this point? It’s all… it’s just me being me. I get to be ME.” She glanced back and Garbert was staring at her with the look she was all too familiar with. He thought she was insane. “You don’t have to believe I’m the Hero. That’s just it. It doesn’t MATTER anymore.”

“Then why insist you were?” Garbert asked, slowly following after her.

“Because I was,” Joan said. “Allow me to rephrase. It no longer matters if people believe me. If the Chosen decide, right now, that I can no longer be trusted? Oh well. They saved the world. Everything will work out now. Or it won’t. Maybe there will be more war and strife and more people will die and it’ll all go down in history as the most bloody time in history. Maybe things will get better, maybe they won’t. I don’t know. But that’s just it. I don’t know. Everything I know, everything I failed to do? It didn’t happen this time. The world is saved. I won. Doubt me, hate me, even badmouth me. It doesn’t matter. Because the world isn’t dying. I didn’t fail. Now? I get to just be me. I get to help people and not run all over this world trying desperately to hold back an impossible tide of death and destruction as I feel like I am going more and more mad. My friends aren’t dead. The gods remain. The Inferno God is gone and a baby was born. More life is appearing in our world. You can’t even begin to understand how amazing that is.”

“You’re insane,” Garbert said softly.

“Probably a bit,” Joan said before shrugging. “But I’m starting to think we’re all a bit mad. Or maybe I just have that effect on people.” She glanced over the edge of the wall. “I’d probably survive.”

“Survive what?” Garbert asked.

“If you shoved me off,” Joan said. “But you already considered that, huh?”

Garbert gave a low growl. “Is this your plan? Talk nonsense until I believe your insanity?”

“Nahhhh, it just helps me cope,” Joan said. “It is incredibly fun to frustrate people and say things that they don’t get now and might understand later and be all ‘Oh you little brat!’ I wonder if this is why fae do it. Huh. I guess I kind of am the fae of people, aren’t I? Or fae realm. Whichever.”

“And if I do decide that your madness is contagious and you need to be stopped?” Garbert asked.

“It’ll feel really weird,” Joan said. “You never tried to kill me. Then again, our entire relationship was built on a lie. Good job, by the way. I never had any clue until our duel.”

“A lie? You being the Hero?” Garbert asked.

“Nah,” Joan said. “That you were weak. You never showed me what you were capable of. But you really wanna know what’s going to happen?” she asked before turning to face him. “You? Probably aren’t going to try and kill me. Say what you will, but you’ve ALWAYS been loyal to your parents. You may not agree with them, but I’ve never known you to not follow their commands. Even if you disagree. Not that I’m surprised, mind. You are the future king. So you’re going to grow up, become king, marry some mercenary, have your own kids and continue the traditions of your people. I, on the other hand? Am hopefully going to be long, long gone by then.”

That, at least, made his eyes go wide with surprise. “Gone? You intend to… die?”

“Me? Die? Please, no,” Joan said. “But I’ve done the whole ‘the royal family wants me dead’ thing. I’m not in the mood for that again. The moment you’re becoming king, I’m going to stay with Korgron. Who knows? Maybe I’ll learn what it is to be a demon like them. It’d be so weird, but maybe cool. Or maybe I’ll go on more adventures. Or maybe I’ll see the world. There’s a lot I’ve never done. So many things I can see. I don’t have that responsibility anymore. The world no longer rests on my shoulders. I’m free. I can do anything I want. BE anyone I want.”

Garbert’s hands tightened into fists at his side. “So you plan to flee the moment I have the authority to deal with you properly?”

“I plan to not deal with your doubts,” Joan said. “Almost a thousand lifetimes and I couldn’t convince your mother I was anything but a threat until I was Joan. If you’re anything like her, I don’t have the time to try and convince you. I don’t have to be the responsible voice of reason here.” He snorted at that but she ignored it. “I just get to be me. That’s all I have to be. That’s all I want to be. I’m not going to fight it out with everyone searching for a reason to hate me. Because, honestly? There’s a lot of reasons to hate me. I’m never going to convince everyone that I’m who I say I am. And it no longer matters. Hell, Francis can be the new Hero. Once we deal with this whole… thing with Ifrit. You two seem awfully friendly to each other, you two can go ahead and be best friends and hate me together.”

“He hates you?” Garbert asked.

“No, he…” Joan let the words trail off. She didn’t even know where to start. How to start. He hated the Hero. But now he loved the Hero. “Never mind. That’s not important. You should go get some sleep. There’s going to be a lot of riding tomorrow. Plenty of time to consider killing me in my sleep.”

Garbert just stared at her while she walked away.

Joan gave a sigh once she was out of sight. She wondered if she could have handled that better. If she should have even tried. Maybe she should have just gone off on her own to deal with Scorpion’s Venom, rather than wait for this escort at all. So many things she wouldn’t know the answer for until it was too late to fix them. Oh well.

Like she’d told him. She’d already won. Any problems that came now were hers and hers alone.