Matthew Wild
I woke up to a dull, throbbing headache, my mouth dry and my body heavy with the lingering effects of the previous night's drunkenness. As I blinked my eyes open, the morning light filtered softly through the curtains, casting a gentle glow across the room. I turned my head slightly and felt a warmth beside me.
Sebastian was lying next to me in bed, his presence both comforting and confusing. Shouldn't he be on his honeymoon? His face was relaxed, and for a moment, he looked as if he had no worries at all. Then all of a sudden memories from the night before filled me â the drinks, the dancing, the overwhelming emotions. A mixture of guilt and relief washed over me.
Carefully, I shifted slightly, trying not to wake him. My mind raced with the implications of the previous night. I couldn't remember much after leaving the party. The details were hazy, fragments of conversations and feelings jumbled together in a confusing mess.
I lay back down, staring at the ceiling, my mind spinning. Despite everything, having Sebastian here felt like a balm to my frazzled nerves. I knew it was wrong to feel this way, but the comfort of his presence was undeniable. The lines between what was right and wrong had blurred so much that I didn't know where to draw them anymore.
As I lay there, lost in thought, Sebastian stirred beside me. His eyes fluttered open, and he turned to look at me, a sleepy but concerned expression crossing his face.
"Morning," he said softly, his voice rough from sleep. "How are you feeling?"
"Like I've been hit by a carriage," I replied, managing a weak smile. "What happened last night?"
Sebastian sighed, propping himself up on one elbow. "You had a bit too much to drink. Alice and Marcus brought you back, but you were in pretty bad shape. I stayed to make sure you were okay."
I nodded slowly, the pieces starting to fit together. "I don't remember much. Just... snippets."
He reached out, brushing a strand of hair from my face. "You were really out of it. Do you remember saying anything... important?"
I swallowed hard, anxiety bubbling up. "I don't know. Did I?"
Sebastian's eyes searched mine, and he seemed to be weighing his words carefully. "Alice and Marcus know you were in a bad state, but beyond that... they didn't mention anything specific. They were just worried about you."
I nodded, too hazy to remember the pervious night. As I closed my eyes again, exhaustion tugging at me, I felt a sense of solace knowing that, for now, Sebastian was here with me. Despite the chaos and the uncertainty, his presence gave me a small measure of peace.
"Shouldn't you be on your honeymoon right now?" I asked, my voice barely a whisper.
Sebastian's expression grew more serious, his gaze shifting away for a moment. "We ended things early," he said softly.
I blinked in surprise, my mind trying to process his words. "How come?" I asked, my curiosity piqued despite my fatigue.
He sighed, his eyes filled with a mixture of regret and something I couldn't quite place. "Katharina and I just preferred being at the castle" he said, his tone carefully neutral. "There were some things we needed to address that were easier to handle here, away from the pressures of the honeymoon."
I frowned, trying to make sense of his answer. "Address? What kind of things?"
Sebastian hesitated, his fingers gently brushing against mine as he sought the right words. "Just... personal matters," he said finally. "It's not something I want to delve into right now. What's important is that you're okay."
His attempt to shift focus didn't go unnoticed, and I sensed that there was more he wasn't saying. Despite my weariness, I felt a pang of concern. "Is everything alright between you two? I mean, really?"
Sebastian's gaze softened, though his eyes still held an undercurrent of complexity. "Of course"
I searched his face for any hints of the truth, but his expression was carefully controlled. "I think we should stop if this is affecting your duties with your wife"
Sebastian's face tightened slightly, and he shook his head. "That's not the reason," he said firmly, though his voice was soft. He reached out, his hand gently cupping my face. "It's nothing to do with you or my new marriage."
Before I could respond, he leaned in and pressed his lips to mine in a tender, lingering kiss. The warmth of his touch, the softness of his lips, and the sincerity in the kiss conveyed more than words ever could. His kiss was gentle but filled with an urgency that spoke of unspoken feelings and unresolved emotions.
When he finally pulled back, I gazed at him, taking him in with a mixture of awe and confusion. His breath was warm against my face, and his cheeks had a slight flush. He was beautiful, more so than I remembered just a couple of days ago, with an almost ethereal quality in the soft morning light. His eyes, though clouded with a mixture of uncertainty and something deeper, still held a captivating intensity.
"Okay," I whispered, my voice barely audible but filled with the weight of my emotions. "I believe you."
"Good," he responded, a smile spreading across his face. The warmth of his smile was a balm to the raw emotions swirling within me. His fingers traced the contours of my faceâover my eyes, my cheek, and finally my lips. The touch was light, almost reverent, as if he were trying to memorise every detail.
"I can kiss you all day," he murmured, his voice a soft promise. His fingers lingered on my lips, his touch a gentle caress that sent shivers down my spine. The intimacy of the moment was overwhelming, each touch and kiss deepening the connection we shared.
His lips brushed against mine again, this time with a tenderness that spoke of both reassurance and affection. The kisses were slow and deliberate, each one carrying an unspoken promise of care and understanding. The room around us seemed to fade away, leaving just the two of us in our cocoon of warmth and quiet intimacy.
There was a knock at the door.
Sebastian and I froze, the bubble of intimacy around us bursting with the sudden intrusion. My heart raced, the warmth of the moment quickly giving way to a rush of panic. I looked at Sebastian, whose expression mirrored my own surprise and anxiety.
"Matthew?" Katharina's voice called out again, more insistent this time. "Are you in there?"
Sebastian's eyes widened slightly, and he quickly moved to disentangle himself from me, his movements hurried but careful. I could see the conflict and concern in his gaze as he silently communicated his worry about the situation.
I scrambled to sit up, my mind racing to find a way to handle the situation. The warmth of the bed seemed to amplify my embarrassment and the pressing urgency to act.
"Yes, I'm here!" I called out, trying to steady my voice and keep it calm despite the racing of my heart.
Katharina's footsteps approached, and the handle of the door creaked as she tried to open it. I could hear her murmuring something about checking on me, and it was clear that she was growing more anxious.
Sebastian quickly slid out of bed, his expression a mix of frustration and guilt as he glanced back at me, urgently moving towards his clothes.
I nodded, my mind still spinning. "I'll talk to her. Just...try to stay hidden."
Sebastian nodded, quickly slipping on his clothes and finding a spot to hide behind the drapes of the large window. His eyes were full of concern as he glanced at me, his fingers brushing mine one last time before he stepped out of view.
I took a deep breath, trying to compose myself before opening the door to face Katharina. She stood there, her face etched with worry. Her eyes flicked around the room, searching for any signs of what might have been happening.
"Matthew, how come the door was locked" she said, her voice a mix of relief and concern. "Is everything alright? you don't look well."
I forced a smile, though it felt strained. "Everything's fine. I was just...resting. Couldn't sleep"
Katharina's eyes remained fixed on me, her concern palpable. She moved closer, her gaze assessing as she placed a gentle hand on my forehead. The warmth of her touch only heightened the intensity of the moment.
"You look flushed," she said, her voice laced with worry. "Have you got a high temperature? Shall I call for the doctor?"
I quickly shook my head, though I could feel a flush spreading across my cheeks. "No, no, Katharina, that's not necessary. I've just been feeling a bit off. It's nothing to worry about."
"Well," she said, her tone softening slightly but still carrying a hint of her earlier worry, "if you're sure. But please, let me know if you need anything. I don't want you to get worse."
"What are you doing here so early?" I asked, trying to shift the focus away from my current state.
Katharina sighed, her shoulders slumping slightly. "Yes, I know. I should be on my honeymoon right now, but... I just need to see my family right now. Can I come in?"
Her words were tinged with a mix of sadness and urgency. I hesitated for a moment, glancing at Sebastian, who was standing quietly by the window. He looked conflicted but ultimately gave a small nod, signalling that it was alright for her to enter.
"Alright," I said, stepping aside and opening the door a little wider. "Come in."
Katharina entered the room, her gaze quickly scanning the space. She moved with a mix of grace and tension, her eyes catching on the disheveled state of the bed and the remnants of the previous night's turmoil. She looked at me with a blend of worry and curiosity, her expression reflecting her inner turmoil.
"I'm sorry for intruding," she said softly, her voice carrying a note of apology. "I just-" she then sighed.
"Is everything okay?" I asked, worry etching onto my face.
She paused, taking a shaky breath before continuing. "I should be on my honeymoon right now, only returning when I am pregnant. But here I am, nothing in my belly." Her voice cracked.
Her words hit me like a cold wave, and I was momentarily stunned. I could see the pain and frustration etched deeply into her features, her vulnerability laid bare. It was clear that she was struggling with a deep sense of disappointment and sorrow, and her admission felt like a blow to the chest.
I moved towards her, reaching out a hand in an attempt to offer comfort. "Katharina, Iâ"
She shook her head, her tears gently flowing down her face now. "No, Matthew, it's not just that. I've been trying so hard to meet everyone's expectations, to be the perfect wife, to give Sebastian what he wants. But everything feels like it's falling apart, and I've just started."
I didn't know what to say. Words felt inadequate in the face of her anguish. A heavy guilt settled in my chest; guilt for my part in the tangled web of emotions and relationships, guilt for the comfort I found in Sebastian that should have been hers, and guilt for not being able to ease her pain.
"And my husband is absent from me...It's almost like he doesn't want to be near me," she cried, tears running down her face. "He was absent on our wedding night, hell, we haven't even slept in the same bed. I don't know what I'm doing wrong."
Her words struck me deeply, the weight of her sorrow pressing down on me.
I reached out, taking her hands in mine. The memory of Sebastian being with me on their wedding night surged to the forefront of my mind, a stark reminder of the betrayal hidden beneath the surface. I had been the one to steal those precious moments from her, moments she had every right to expect from her new husband. What type of brother have I been?
"I'm sorry, Kathy" I whispered, the pain and guilt too deep to say anything else.
My hands in hers a touch both an attempt to soothe her and a silent plea for forgiveness.
"During our short honeymoon, he came close to sharing our bed, but then he stopped, saying he can't do this" she continued, her voice breaking with each word. "I think there's someone else. There must be. What the rumors say about him... I think they may be true."
Her words struck me like a blow. The truth she was grappling with was closer than she realised, and my heart ached for her. She was caught in the same web of confusion and hurt that had ensnared us all. The weight of my own guilt threatened to overwhelm me.
"Kathy", I said gently, "I'm so sorry"
I wasn't sure what to say to her, her pain amplifying mine. The truth was too tangled and painful to untangle here. My heart felt heavy with the betrayal I had been a part of, the deceit that now hung like a shadow over us all.
All I could do was pull her into a hug, holding her tightly as she wept in my arms. The warmth of her tears seeped through my shirt, each one a reminder of the trust I had broken, the loyalty I had shattered. She clung to me, seeking solace, unaware that the arms she sought comfort in were those of a traitor, her brother, who had betrayed her in the worst possible way.
As she sobbed, I stroked her hair gently, my mind racing with guilt and regret. The intimacy of our connection, the shared history, and the love we had for each other made the betrayal even more excruciating. I wanted to tell her everything, to confess and beg for her forgiveness, but the words caught in my throat, the fear of losing her entirely paralysing me.
All I could offer was my presence and my silent apology.
She pulled back, gathering herself and wiping her tears away. "Gosh, I already feel so much better unloading all this."
I gave her a sad smile, my heart still aching. "I'm glad," I said, hoping my voice conveyed the warmth and support I felt despite the turmoil inside me.
"Can we spend the day together, just me and you, like old times?" she asked, her eyes still glistening but with a hint of hope.
"Of course," I replied, my mind already racing with thoughts of how to make the day special for her, to give her a semblance of the comfort and stability she desperately needed.
"Okay, I'll wait for you after breakfast," she said, her voice a bit steadier now.
She gave me one last lingering look before turning and leaving the room. I watched her go, my heart heavy with guilt and a determination to somehow make things right, at least for today.
As the door closed behind her, Sebastian emerged from behind the drapes. The reality of our situation, the betrayal, and the lies weighed heavily in the air. His eyes met mine, filled with unspoken questions and concern.
"I need to be with her today," I said, my voice barely above a whisper. "She needs me."
Sebastian nodded, understanding in his gaze. "Of course, you go with her," he said softly.
I was confused, hurt with pain and guilt coursing through me. I wonder if he felt the same. Today was about her, and trying to mend a part of the bond we shared.
"I think we should stop this," I said, the words tasting bitter on my tongue.
"Hey, no," Sebastian replied, grabbing my hands and pulling me towards him. "This isn't about you."
"Yes, it is," I insisted.
His fingers brushed my cheek gently. "No, it's all about me, not you."
"We had sex on your wedding night, while your wife was waiting for you," I exhaled, tears now brimming in my eyes, the guilt too much to hold. "Of course, it's to do with me."
"Katharina is just worried about producing an heir, that's all. We spoke about this during our honeymoon."
"Then why haven't you bedded her?" I said, my voice breaking. "That is the duty of the royal family, to continue the line of succession."
He sighed, looking down at our hands entwined. His fingers traced the contours of mine, a tender yet desperate gesture. His brow furrowed, and his eyes seemed lost in thought, as if searching for the right words in the spaces between our fingers.
"I will bed her," he finally responded. "Just...as long as I still have you, I won't be able to look at her if you were gone from me. She has your eyes." His grip tightened slightly, as if holding on to me was the only thing anchoring him to this moment.
His words struck a chord deep within me, the complexity of our situation making my heart ache even more. I could see the sincerity in his eyes, the turmoil that mirrored my own. The lines between duty and desire, loyalty and love, had blurred so much that I didn't know where one ended and the other began.
"Sebastian," I whispered, my voice trembling, "this isn't fair to her, or to us. We can't keep going like this, in this constant state of deception and guilt."
"I know," he said, his voice barely audible. "But I can't lose you, Matthew. You're the only thing that makes sense in all this chaos."
Tears welled up in my eyes, the enormity of our predicament crashing down on me. "We stop, till she's with child, that way both of you are still carrying out your duty and I'm not a distraction to you."
Sebastian's grip tightened, his knuckles turning white as he processed my words. The pain in his eyes mirrored my own, a mix of love and desperation that tore at my heart. "Matthew, I... I can't- the thought of it..." His voice broke, and he swallowed hard, his eyes glistening with unshed tears.
I cupped his face, my thumb brushing gently across his cheek. "It's not forever," I said softly, my voice wavering. "Just until she's with child. Then we'll figure out what comes next. But right now, she deserves to have your full attention, to know that she's not just a duty to you."
Sebastian's eyes searched mine, the turmoil clear in his gaze. He took a deep breath, his shoulders slumping as he nodded slowly. "Alright," he said, his voice thick with emotion. "We'll stop until she's with child"
I pressed my forehead against his, closing my eyes as I fought back tears. He kissed me then, a desperate, lingering kiss that spoke of all the words we couldn't say. When he finally pulled away, his eyes were filled with a mixture of sorrow and determination. "One step at a time." he said quietly.
I nodded, my heart aching with the weight of our decision. "One step at a time," I repeated, my voice barely audible.
With one last, lingering touch, he nodded, his expression one of deep regret and acceptance. With a final, slow exhale, he opened the door and stepped out, closing it gently behind him. The soft click of the latch seemed to echo in the stillness of the room, leaving me alone with my thoughts and the enormity of the day ahead.
I watched as he walked away, his figure retreating down the hallway. The silence in the room was heavy, filled with the weight of our choices and the uncertainty of what was to come.