Chapter 5: Chapter Four

[A/N]  From now on this book will be updated every Friday !  ･°˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°.  So the next chapter will be posted in 4 days...

I woke up with Milk on my chest jumping just with his front paws to get me to wake up and get him some food.

I was late to wake up again, and I could see that the breakfast supplies were dwindling as I approached. I was too hungry to care and went straight to the kitchen first thing. Normally I fed Milk in my room because he had a habit of jumping on people's laps.

That was just Milk though, enthusiastic, compared to how flat and disinterested everyone else was he was like a bright light in a dark space.

Still I picked him up and put him back behind the modified baby gate when I was done, because Milk liked to follow me to school otherwise, and given any opportunity was pretty good at finding me if he got out, so his bed and toys were mostly on the upper floor of the house.

I picked up his muzzle and buried my face on the top of his hair, between his ears, kissed him and paused for a moment, charging my energy from he happy panting bright eyed dog, whose tail was fanning the steps, and finally let go, leaving, looking back to see his snout pressed up through the bars of the gate, still happily panting.

I picked up my phone from the table and grabbed my backpack.

"You don't want a lift?" Irene asked me as I got ready to leave.

"No." I replied.

Colby tilted his head at me. "Aren't you gonna eat breakfast?"

"I've eaten."

Irene sighed and sat back down. "Let him be, if he wants to be sulk."

I stared at her for a moment, then pulled my backpack on and took a deep breath, leaving.

Sometimes I wanted to fucking shout at them, get up in their faces and just have at it, but I knew I'd be in the wrong, I'd be the mental patient there, and the aftermath of that wouldn't even be worth the brief relief of it.

It sucked, you know? When the morning arrived and everything seemed so calm and perfect for a moment, so peaceful, birds in the cherry tree in our yard just outside my window, singing, Milk sitting heavy on my chest, panting and licking my hand as I raised it. Calm and perfect in our solitude, for a moment. Then the day started, and before the serenity had slowly dripped from my bones I was reminded of who I was.

I took a long walk to school and got there late.

The teacher briefly told me off but when I got up to my desk I realised it was somewhat clean.

Whoever had scribbled on it, I realised, had been caught, and made to wash it off with a damp paper towel, not quite enough energy was put in to wipe it all off and a piece of the blue paper was still on the table but I found my first smile of the day in that.

~⌣︵⌣︵⌣︵⌣︵⌣︵⌣~

At lunch I sat with the diary and reread the past couple of pages over and over for a while. Nothing had really happened that day worth mentioning, was I supposed to write down that I massively failed a quiz in Mr Henderson's class? I got one answer right by accident, I thought I checked another box.

I was about to write that in when I felt a tap on my shoulder and nearly flew sideways, looking up in shock, I saw Victor's gleaming smile looking down at me.

"Hey Elliot."

My heart thumped loudly as I watched him sit down beside me on the fire escape stairs which were so badly trashed and vandalised that if I fire did ever break out in the science block kids would probably rather jump from the windows to escape.

He put a plastic bag on the metal flooring before sitting down.

"What you up to?"

I slowly closed my diary, a little shell shocked.

Victor was pretty much everything I'd have liked to be, handsome, got great grades, everyone liked him, had this air of royalty about him that people felt driven to follow. But over my years in this school I'd never actually had him properly sit with me, outside of the occasional times he let me sit next to him at lunch to stave off Patrick and them from harassing me.

"Writing a book?"

I shook my head slowly. "Just... an essay or..."

"Essay? I'll go through it for you." He smiled at me, eyes glittering, blond hair darker in places, it looked softer than usual, lacking the gel or something.

"Oh, that's fine thanks..." I pulled it an inch away from him.

He stared at me, then smiled. "Alright. Eaten lunch?"

"Skipped it. Forgot I didn't bring money."

"Aw man, want me to buy you some?"

I blinked wide for a split second, a tumble of butterflies pacing in my chest like they were prepping for exams. Buy me lunch?

"That- That'd be nice."

"Alright." He got up but left the bag, and as he walked away I stared at him from the second level of the fire escape stairs, watching. He was coming back because he left the carrier bag.

I felt warm as I looked back down at my diary.

I wasn't giving this back to Miss Polwarth anyway, not with everything I'd written in it. If she asked for a diary I'd give her one, but not this one.

I was sitting on the metal stairs at lunch and thinking I didn't know what to write because today nothing much has happened. Except yesterday Irene told me I had to go on the Treewalk trip because they want time off. But she knows I'm being bullied, so why can't they go to a hotel instead of getting rid of me? I'm not going to lie, it stings, but it's impossible to make them like me more, when I'm honestly beginning to really hate them the way I am.

Victor came and sat with me. He's real friendly and nice. I didn't have my wallet so he offered to buy me lunch, he left now to get it. I didn't ask for anything in particular but I'll eat anything. It's nice to have a friend I guess. He's pretty cool too, a lot of people like him. He gets on with everyone...

I should have said no to the sandwich and just hung out. I'm not even that hungry, not really.

I wanted to write that I knew it was partly because I was attracted to him, because he was so painfully out of my league, not to mention taken, that it played into the fantasy in my head that pretended he liked me, that that was why he was buying me food, but I wasn't that stupid.

If someone did read this diary I would be fucked in so many ways except the one I wanted.

But then I sat there for a while and it got later and later.

I'd gone to the fire escape pretty early but at some point lessons would start up again, the bell would ring, and the longer I waited there the more embarrassed I felt. Like maybe he'd forgotten about me, or the paranoid part of my brain which suggested I'd been duped, and he was just laughing at me waiting.

But just as I put pen to paper and wrote the words; 'He isn't coming back is he.' Victor sprung into view out of nowhere and started walking up the stairs towards me.

"I got stuck talking to someone." He smiled at me.

I nodded and smiled back, maybe not as friendly as I intended, but my eyes were wide, looking at him like he was a knight in shining armour and I was Snow White ready to be rescued or something, any bit more of a smile and it would have made it painfully obvious how much I liked him.

"Thanks." I accepted the sandwich, my heart thumping away in my chest.

"Got the essay out again, can I read it?" He looked over, seemingly genuinely curious.

"No..." I laughed awkwardly. "It's not finished, I might rewrite it." I took a bite of the chicken and cheese sandwich.

"I can give you pointers, which class is it for?"

I nearly swallowed my own throat trying to get the large bite down. "It's fine thanks, what's the bookbag for?"

He smiled at me and lifted it. "Art project." But his eyes lingered on me in a way that made me incredibly nervous.

Probably just casually examining me, but it didn't feel like it, my brain overanalysed it and pretended he liked what he saw. I should have brushed my teeth better, and I didn't shave maybe there were some hairs peeking through I hadn't noticed.

"How is that? I'm pretty good at art, only thing I'm good at."

I regretted those words immediately. He'd told me just the day before his girlfriend was helping him out with art. Why was I trying to step in her shoes? I could have curled up from embarrassment.

"I'm not great at it, but it's fine..." He laughed awkwardly, scratching the back of his neck. "My girlfriend's helping me out with it, she's good at art too."

"Oh good." I replied too quickly, and my face burned horribly. I was an ass, and absolute fucking clown.

"Sure you don't want me to help you out with your essay?" He asked, eyes lingering on me, watching me from the side, a slight tilt to his lips that made a marvellous smile.

I didn't hear him initially, still too wrapped up in my own brain filled with screaming anxious ants, so he pointed at the diary in my lap to clarify what he meant and like an idiot I thought he was about to grab it and I snatched it, shoving it far in the other direction as fast as I could, heart pumping in a panic.

He blinked at me.

I stared back at him wide eyed. "I'm fine thanks."

I'm an ungrateful piece of shit. I should have just said it was my diary, he'd have laid off about it from the beginning. What was this habit of lying I had when I got nervous?

He nodded slowly and then laughed awkwardly. "Alright, well let me know if you want help. I know Patty likes bothering you, I don't think he goes to the library, it's a good place to study, no one judges you for not being smart."

I nodded slowly, warm again, calming down. "Thanks man."

He nodded. "Going on the Treewalk trip then?"

"Oh... Yeah..." I nodded again, feeling uneasy.

"Cool cool... Hopefully your face'll be fixed up by then." He laughed, gesturing towards the bruise on my face.

I nodded fast. "Yeah." Damn I'd forgotten about that, no wonder he was staring at me, he was looking at the giant fist imprint on my face.

He sat for a while but eventually got up and left, leaving the carrier bag behind.

In a weird way I regretted saying yes, I felt like I was locked in now.

I finished the sandwich on my way to class and noticed the lot of them spotting me as I was walking and walked a little faster, trying to keep out of their way, I'd had blissful little attention from them so far, maybe they'd considered laying off after the beating they gave me yesterday, I wished they'd get used to leaving me alone.

There were periods where Patrick and that lot chased me down to the ends of earth, for no real reason they'd lay their focus on me and clamp their jaws down, and then there were periods where they seemingly forgot about me, didn't like me but didn't really bother me. Maybe they'd still draw on my desk or laugh at me when I got a bad grade but nothing that resulted in a beating.

If I could maintain that during the trip I'd at least be able to get by.

But I wasn't immediately lucky. I shared the next class with Patrick and since he came late he was paired with the only unpaired person, me.

I shrivelled inwardly but tried to make no expression or reveal anything. But the way he grinned slightly when he looked at me had me thinking he'd noticed it.

He didn't do anything major though, just rested his head in his right hand and stared at me as I started taking notes for the project, eyes like ice cubes on my skin as I worked.

"Make two copies." He told me.

I looked at him from the side, felt a little burst of anger make my neck and ears hot, before slowly pulling out a second sheet. "Yes Patty." I mumbled under my breath.

He didn't hear me, because he didn't react, I think, but he stopped staring at me, leaned back in his seat and glanced at me, and then looked behind us and around the class. A strange stillness between us that wasn't usually there.

I looked up at him for a moment from where I was hunched over the papers minorly concerned he heard me and was just looking for the coast to be clear before he could well and truly thump me, I hoped the teacher didn't leave the room.

Instead I saw his dark gaze rest on me and he said nothing.

[A/N]  This book will start getting dark in the next chapter.  So please be prepared for this. Must get dark to make the sun shine brighter.

Please give a warm thank you to my patrons, and to the Wattpad Creators Program for sponsoring the creation of this book.

Also, I forgot to mention that the art on the cover is not mine, although I have edited it to match my book a bit more, it's a free image. It is by a skilled artist called Saydung89 from Pixabay, the original image is linked in the hyperlink.

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