[A/N] Double chapter! The reason I'm updating two is that the chapter I wrote turned into around 6K words, which is three times the size of a chapter. So I've split it into two. After these I think it's two more chapters until we meet the second protagonist? Maybe three... I can't wait. (- á´ - ) â§
I always walked home, because while students got to school at different times and entered through the school gates in twos and threes the students all left the school at around the same time, filtering down in one coordinated mass down to the street outside the school grounds to wait for their parents to pick them up, walk or go down to the bus stop at the end of the street.
If Irene picked me up at the same time as she picked up Colby it would be obvious, and I'd have to walk pretty far to get somewhere no one would see her pick me up with all the students walking around.
I didn't mind walking home, I wasn't as tired in the evening. Besides, it was in the morning when I felt the weight of my unpredictable fate resting on my shoulders as I dragged myself out of bed and slumped in the corner of the shower to wash. It was when I was heading back home that I realised I was okay, the day was over.
I watched the sun set on my way back, I walked through the park, even though it was a detour. I kinda hoped to see Victor on his way home somehow, but he had probably left much earlier than me.
I always felt sad walking through the park. Couples walking together, kids playing, groups of sketchy teens blasting music, feeding the pigeons their leftovers, or as my dad liked to say "tomorrows rat food".
Everyone seemed to have someone.
Someone out there that gave a single shit about them. A girl that liked them, their mom or dad, their brother to play-fight with, who, if they broke something tumbling about, would both be equally in trouble. Friends from school.
It was a sedated feeling, I thought, as I watched from afar, how unhappily happy everyone seemed, wrapped up in their own little worlds. I wasn't even on the cusp of those worlds, I was no one.
It was me and Milk, the fluffy large white dog that liked to pretend to be my pillow.
And if I faced up to the facts the truth was Milk only liked me because I fed him, took care of him.
When I got home the house smelled good and there was a happy conversation in the dining room. I stepped inside and realised there was a small celebration for dinner.
Irene cooked up shepherds pie, which admittedly was pretty good, and opened up some crisps. We normally had apple juice or water but we had cola to drink tonight and everyone seemed happy about it.
My brother Colby had done really well on his recent test, an important one I assumed, they were all the same to me, ninety-two percent. Irene was beaming at him and Colby looked pretty happy. He had studied for it, I knew that.
I didn't say anything and kept mostly quiet, I didn't want to ruin the nice atmosphere, didn't want to start an argument. But I didn't feel like a part of the group.
The night before was still under my skin, I still wore the purple-yellow mark of the bruise on my face, that they'd ignored in favour of arguing with me. And now there was no way for me to talk about it without seeming like an oversensitive prick, just trying to guilt trip them or something. Even bringing up the trip would be asking for an argument.
And ruining a special day for Colby was one of the best ways to have everyone turn on me in an instant, it made me seem like I was selfish. Sometimes I wasn't sure if it was my fault or if it wasn't, in the end it didn't matter because everyone thought it was.
I'd promised Victor that I'd go on this trip. Then again maybe he wouldn't even go, he didn't exactly say he would, he attend school that often, not sure why he'd attend such a pointless teambuilding trip.
But keeping a low profile got me a quiet night, and by the end of it my dad seemed to be no longer mad at me, which almost annoyed me, because he shouldn't have been in the first place. But I had to be grateful, had to be grateful. I had to remind myself not to be selfish, or at least not to show that I was selfish.
I couldn't exactly switch out families once I was done with this one, even if it bothered me I had to get along with them, for my own sanity. I desperately needed an ally.
Milk needed to go to the toilet just as I was heading up though, and whined and paced around, tottered into my room and grabbed his lead off the table and shoved his face into my hand, looking up at me with his big eyes.
I frowned nervously.
"Irene?" I went downstairs slowly. Colby was in the living room watching TV and there was the sound of dishes being washed from the kitchen.
I let Milk out through the baby gate.
"Uh, I'm taking Milk out, he needs to go." I walked up behind her toward the kitchen.
She glanced back at me. "What?"
"I'm taking Milk out to go do his business, he needs to go."
She looked puzzled. "Okay?"
I stared at her for a moment longer but she turned back to doing the dishes.
Should I not have asked? I felt a bit daft as I left and connected the lead to his collar, grabbed the dog bag, shoved it in my backpack and left the house.
I didn't need my whole backpack but I didn't like leaving without it. There was something secure in wearing it. Hey if someone tries to stab me in the back I'll be glad right?
Milk was eager to go, and he did not stop to do his business, but was suddenly filled with energy to go on a walk.
I tried to make him stop outside, but he would go no matter what. I groaned.
"Milk, they'll get mad at me..."
Milk tilted his head, then barked and put his paws in the air like he thought I was trying to get him to do a trick. He seemed pleased to be outside, but those big wide eyes seemed to be confused, trying to get his human to understand he wanted to go for a walk. He jumped and put his paws on my legs again, yipping loudly.
I frowned at him, ruffled the fur on his head and sighed.
"Come on then buddy," I whispered. "Just for a short walk."
I took his lead and let him choose where to go, but tried to stick to the main street we lived on, which had the most lampposts, anywhere else and it began to get darker.
The later it got the more the streets around me changed, even Milk changed, from the clean white, soft fur, to the grey fur with the hidden expression, only his panting reminded me Milk was still Milk.
But the streets felt wider, the air colder, the night sky looming over me like a vast ocean about to drop on my head. Even the ground felt different, and the noise the cars made sounded different, the way our shadows stretched out in front of us when we passed by a lamppost, and then disappeared behind us.
I was tense, partly with cold and partly with nervousness, my joints locking up as the bushy trees made the path ahead pitch black.
If life had taught me one thing, it was that you think you're impenetrable until you're being held down having your teeth chipped against the concrete by someone bigger than you.
Someone could come and mug me and accidentally kill me, or I could trip and break my leg and the bone could show, I didn't have my phone because I had to put it in the box at dinnertime, so I wouldn't even be able to call an ambulance.
There was a hooting noise in the distance, somewhere far off, the sound of a barn owl or two, and a rustle in the bushes that made me jump and inspired Milk to try to get closer.
"Come on boy just go, go somewhere where there's light..." I tried to persuade him.
I was shivering, I should have put on a coat but no one ever accused me of being smart. I saw people chatting down the road, across the street, laughing about something as they walked up. Their voices sounded louder in the immediate quiet. One of them was grinning and the girl behind said something muffled and they turned and screech-laughed.
Milk continued, sniffing a sign post, eagerly hurrying down the street.
"Milk no," I pulled the lead, my heart thumping a little fast for no reason. "I can't go for long, I'll get in trouble."
I wasn't a pushover, Milk wasn't troublesome either, I just pulled him after me and he reluctantly followed, eventually warming up to the idea, re-examining the same fascinating scents he'd spotted on the way over, crisscrossing the path in front of me like an eager drunk man.
A loud screech, maybe thirty-forty metres away from me, pierced through the air, nearly sending me straight out of my skin. My heart pounded hard enough to nearly find its way into my throat.
I stumbled back into Milk as I turned, looking around wildly.
Another screech, and another, my heart pumped in my chest. "Fucking foxes..." I wheezed, trying to slow down to prove I wasn't bothered as I made my way back up to my house.
I was scared, I always was, and I didn't even know why, it was pathetic.
I looked up on my way back, saw the big bright moon that must have followed me there, illuminating my path as I went, but I hadn't noticed it at all. Milk looked brighter under that light trotting around me happily, unaware of how tense I was, he stopped to go along the way, close enough to the lamppost that I could see what I was picking up, and we headed back quickly.
I though I'd get in trouble honestly, but no one seemed to notice as I unlocked the door and stepped back inside.
Colby had gone to bed, the light was off in the kitchen. It couldn't have been more than thirty minutes but the house was quiet.
I headed upstairs, still half concerned someone would come out and tell me off, but nothing happened.
I cleaned his paws in the shower and brushed his teeth and gave him a snack before I got into bed. He got up onto my bed and pushed his paws into me, shoving me, trying to get me to play. I slugged an arm around him and he reluctantly laid down with me, and I heard his warm racing heart against my face as I fell asleep.