CH 75

TL: Hua

Shen Boyan opened his mouth, as if he wanted to explain, but then he showed a look of abandonment and stepped forward to hug Xia Shu’an.

“Xia Shu’an, I miss you so much.”

What the hell?

Xia Shu’an frowned and stepped on Shen Boyan’s foot. He only regretted that he was wearing cotton slippers, which had no deterrent effect.

“Go away; I’m not your savior.”

Shen Boyan didn’t refute anything. Instead, he stared at Xia Shu’an’s face carefully, shook his head, and said, “Are you jealous?”

Xia Shu’an smiled.

“I’m just reminding you of this fact. After all, a single-celled organism like a paramecium like you may not be able to understand the logical closed loop of higher organisms.”

Shen Boyan may not have understood this sarcastic remark, but he still complained with a grimace: “You have become so savage now.”

Xia Shu’an’s face was expressionless. “Men must be more ruthless to avoid being cheated.”

Shen Boyan was silent for a while, as if he had completely erased the interlude before, and said again, “Xia Shu’an, I know what kind of person you want me to be,but I really don’t have what it takes to be an honest and straightforward person. My past is very ugly. Like all male creatures who want to pursue a mate, I just want to show you my attractive side.”

Xia Shu’an couldn’t help but think:

So you thought your past behaviors were your attractive side?

Why don’t you see a psychiatrist first?

Shen Boyan had a self-deprecating expression on his face. During the two weeks he had been separated from Xia Shu’an, he never had a happy day. During his week in Beijing, he was unhappy and forced to focus on his work. During the week of becoming Xia Shuan’s “neighbor,” he remained depressed, thinking every day about how to appear in front of him in the most natural and appropriate way, so that he wouldn’t be frightened by the hurt or accusatory emotions in Xia Shu’an’s eyes and immediately shrink into his shell.

In the end, he simply gave up. Anyway, he was not a perfect person from the beginning, and it could even be said that he was terrible. If Xia Shu’an really can’t accept it, he could spend his whole life pursuing him. The worst that could happen was that there would be no more fragrant and sweet hugs in the future. Anyway, he wouldn’t let anyone else appear around Xia Shu’an.

He said quickly, “We’re going to be together for the rest of our lives anyway. I’ll show you my ugly side; let’s go!”

After saying that, he tried to pull Xia Shu’an away and run outside.

Xia Shu’an: ? ? ?

“Wait a minute -” Xia Shu’an grabbed the door frame and used the reaction force to pull Shen Boyan back.

“At least let me get my coat, keys, change my shoes, and grab my mobile phone; do you have any common sense at all?!”

Shen Boyan: “…”

Well, the romantic elopement plan ultimately lost to the logic of reality.

Xia Shu’an not only took his coat and keys before going out but also slowly enjoyed a very high-quality breakfast at home. After all, if you want to drive out for breakfast in a big city, you first have to find a parking space for ten minutes. And that’s if everything is going well.

Xia Shu’an initially wanted to ask Shen Boyan where he was going, but as the car slowly drove towards the highway outside the city, he knew their destination.

The spring breeze in April carried the fragrance of flowers in the distant fields and slowly filtered in through the open car window. Xia Shu’an looked out the window with half-squinted eyes, and let his black hair be blown by the wind.

Shen Boyan turned to look at him from time to time, as if he wanted to spy on the emotions on his face, but Xia Shu’an always had an expressionless face, as if he were wearing big sunglasses.

The atmosphere in the car was calm and awkward. There was a sense of distance between the two of them, showing a bit of deliberate unfamiliarity.

Shen Boyan could feel that Xia Shu’an was slowly moving away from him. Xia Shu’an’s compromise was not because he didn’t mind, but because he was a rational person and he was waiting for Shen Boyan’s final explanation. If the answer isn’t what he wants, he will ruthlessly say no to this relationship, then throw Shen Boyan into the trash can that needs to be scrapped and seal him in the ground forever.

It took more than three hours from Rongchuan to Changning City. They stopped at the service area twice to rest, but Xia Shu’an didn’t want to eat in the service area. At noon, he ate some biscuits in the car to cushion his stomach. At nearly 1 o’clock, they finally arrived in Changning City.

Changning isn’t a developed big city. The slow pace of pedestrians on the streets, the figures of old people strolling in the parks, the sounds of sales promotions filling the streets and alleys, and the air full of leisurely smells. This is obviously a place suitable for retirement.

The car drove along the wide main road and passed an old residential street. The walls that still retain traces of the past easily make people relax.

Shen Boyan suddenly pointed to a store on the left and said, “That was the bookstore you often went to, but now it’s become a hot pot restaurant.”

Times are changing, and coupled with the shifts in modern people’s reading habits, the bookstores that students love to visit are slowly moving closer to Xinhua Bookstore1Online book distribution platform. Many small shops have been converted into hot pot restaurants and barbecue restaurants, taking advantage of the wind of the times to continue to move away.

There is a small county town below Changning. The local noodles are quite delicious. Because they are not made into “chain brands,” they are almost impossible to eat anywhere except Changning City.

This was a rare opportunity, so they stopped the car and entered a relatively clean shop. The noodles tasted similar to what they remembered—not particularly delicious, but the sentiment elevated it.

After eating, they walked around the city for another half an hour. Old memories emerged from the deep sea of consciousness in his brain, including those he thought he had forgotten: the paths he’d passed after school with his classmates, the location of his favorite fruit shop, the weekend skating trips to the only shopping mall in the city, or walking into the bookstore next door while his classmates went to the internet cafe and sat there all afternoon.

Shen Boyan: “Do you still remember the auntie who sold pancakes at the school gate?”

“It’s rumored that she got rich selling pancakes with her son early in the morning and late at night, and last year she bought the newest villa in the middle of the city.”

“…”

“There was also the owner of the newspaper stand next to the school, who finally decided not to work. This year, he was picked up by his family and started living the days of going out to Rolls Royce for pick-up and drop-off, going home by elevator, and going fishing and playing chess on his own estate on weekends.”

Xia Shu’an: “…”

“There is also the doorman I hate. His wife finally couldn’t stand him, divorced him, and kicked him out of the house. It is said that he can only live on the money he earns from working in the supermarket and can’t even afford cigarette money.” The man said it happily.

Xia Shu’an: “….” What is he playing at?

The school gate has not changed, and even the lone sweet-scented osmanthus tree at the door has not found a companion. Shen Boyan has contacted the principal in advance. The bald man in his fifties welcomed the two into the school gate with a smile, explaining as he walked: “It’s rare for you to return to your alma mater. Over the years, the school has renovated the library and expanded the area a bit. The dormitory building and cafeteria have also been refurbished, and the rest has generally remained unchanged.”

Shen Boyan: “I remember that there was not enough equipment in the school at that time. In physical education class, there were always students who couldn’t get the sports equipment they wanted to play with. On the rare occasion that I get to visit here, I will replenish a batch for the school.”

The principal said repeatedly, “It’s hard to find someone as thoughtful as you!”

This “thoughtful” student obviously received great convenience from the school. After chatting for a while, Shen Boyan said that he wanted to go for a walk by himself and experience campus life again, and the principal readily agreed.

As the principal said, there are almost no changes in the school. The water in the fountain in front of the school’s main entrance is still dirty, which makes Xia Shu’an worry about whether the fish inside will get skin diseases.

There is a big banyan tree near the playground. Some students are taking physical education classes, just like they used to. There are also people in groups of three or two standing under the tree, talking.

Youth is infinitely good.

After passing the small playground, there is a teaching building on one side of the corridor, a lake on the other, and the dormitory building on the other side. Shen Boyan stopped at the flower bed leading to the dormitory building outside the teaching building.

“At that time, you often waited for your friends here.”

The man raised his head and looked at the teaching building above. Looking down from the seat next to the window, he could see the flower bed and the vines twisting and turning. When the flower branches were in full bloom in spring and summer, the blooming green leaves, red, and yellow flowers would cover the young man standing in the corridor, only revealing his slender and straight figure vaguely.

His eyes were always sparkling, as bright as the sparkling lake beside him. When the breeze brushed by, the water instantly flew through a circle of cleansing ripples, and golden light was projected into the bottom of the teenager’s eyes along the white line of the lake. When he smiled, it was as if fine gold foil were overflowing from his eyes.

The boy sitting by the window felt very strange. How could there be such a good-looking boy in the world?

Is he really a boy? Why does he look so good?

Until later, he forgot to ask himself that question and just subconsciously captured the teenager’s figure.

Xia Shu’an looked at him strangely but still said nothing.

Opposite the dormitory is the large playground, where flag-raising and morning exercises are held. Facing the flagpole is a grandstand, and the center of the grandstand is a mandatory place for the top students or the class monitors.

“You have spoken on that stage several times. Do you still remember?”

Students who perform well or are favored by teachers can give speeches on stage after the weekly flag-raising ceremony, such as Xia Shu’an. Another example is Shen Boyan, who has never been on that stage even once. Of course, if he wants, he can now sit in the top middle seat in the school hall and talk to teachers and students about the secret of his success.

Shen Boyan stretched out a hand to block the sunlight directly opposite, looked at the podium, and said, “You said at that time, ‘The ancient Greek scholar Eudoxus proposed the geocentric theory in the 2nd century AD, and Copernicus proposed the heliocentric theory in the 16th century. In 1609, Galileo created the astronomical telescope, discovered the uneven surface of the moon, and discovered the composition of the Milky Way.

In 1903, mankind first achieved air flight. Over the past one thousand years, mankind has continued to explore the universe, but the mysterious, boundless starry sky still leaves us with countless secrets. This starry sky will belong to us, and it is waiting for us to unearth its greatest secrets …… As I hurl the tiny fragments of my hand together into the Milky Way, may we meet again under the same starry sky.”

The childish and arrogant thoughts of his youth seemed a little embarrassing to the adult Xia Shu’an, but he was still touched. He remembered that he had spoken at the flag-raising ceremony, but he had no memory of what he said specifically. When Shen Boyan said this, he seemed to remember the scene of that day again.

The sun was shining brightly that day, and there was a hint of sweet moisture in the air. He stood on the stage and let his eyes jump to all his companions in the audience, feeling full of confidence and calmness. At that time, he was the true pride of heaven—beautiful, noble, and elegant. Although he didn’t say it, at that age, when he was still a middle school kid, he was secretly proud in his heart and felt that he was the best person in the world.

“You also wrote a cheering note for your class at the sports meeting; do you remember?”

Shen Boyan turned around and looked at him with a smile: “At that time, I was competing in the 400-meter dash with people in your class. You wrote a cheering note for him, and then I overtook him in one go. As a result, your class came in second.”

Xia Shu’an: “…”

Damn it, you’re the one who prevented us from getting first place?

Shen Boyan pulled Xia Shu’an and continued to walk forward, passing the dormitory building and the cafeteria.

In the middle of their tour, the dismissal bell rang. This may be the sound imprinted in the DNA of all Chinese people. When that piece of music sounded, the two of them couldn’t help but tremble.

Standing under the tree, they watched the group of teenagers running out of the classroom excitedly. Some rushed to the canteen, and some rushed to the playground. The two watched quietly for a while, and finally walked back.

There were many bicycles placed at the school gate. At that time, Xia Shu’an used to ride to and from school, but because he had to pet cats, he would often walk for a while before starting to ride.

The original path had blazed into a thoroughfare, lined with beautiful scenery, perfect for precocious young men and women to take a slow stroll when their teachers weren’t looking.

Shen Boyan walked a short distance and squatted in front of a raised dirt field from memory: “I wonder if there are still any kittens that will run into the school now.”

Xia Shu’an was silent all the way and then finally spoke: “That person is indeed you.”

Shen Boyan smiled briefly.

“I look forward to meeting you every day. As long as I think about seeing you after school, even the most boring classes have their own fun, and even the waiting time is like the introduction before the movie starts.”

Although Xia Shu’an wanted to stay calm, he still frowned at his exaggerated words.

Shen Boyan’s expression suddenly darkened. After coming over for a while, he lowered his head and said, “Xia Shu’an, do you know what I was thinking when I fell to the ground covered in blood that day?”

“I was thinking that it’s such a pity I couldn’t see you that day.”

Xia Shu’an’s eyelashes trembled.

The teenager had been stabbed several times by his enemy, suffered massive bleeding in the abdomen, and his consciousness was blurred. At the last moment, what he thought was:

“It’s such a pity that I can’t see that person today.”

Then, immediately after that, a bold thought came to him in a vague way:

If he comes over and doesn’t see me, will he miss me too? Would he wonder for a moment where I had gone?

And at the last moment, the thought that passed through his mind was:

It’s good that the boy didn’t come across this kind of scene. He would never let the person he likes encounter such a thing.

The man with his back to the young man smiled, turned around, and said with a sunny face: “When I woke up, I heard that a boy from the second year of high school had found me, and I was worried for a long time. I thought, What would I do if you saw that bloody scene? Would it scare you?”

“What if you have nightmares after you go back?”

The alley featured in this report made Xia Shu’an couldn’t help but recall the words in the investigation report. Although he had not seen it with his own eyes, the Internet and various news reports allowed him to easily imagine the scene. He felt a faint discomfort in his heart, and when he heard Shen Boyan’s words, he couldn’t help but retort, “I’m not that fragile!”

“But I’m just very worried.”

Shen Boyan said this while tilting his head. Possibly because he was speaking the truth, there were actually a few moments of innocence on that cunning face.

“Everything about you makes me care. On rainy days, I will wonder if you brought an umbrella. If you don’t bring an umbrella, I will secretly send it to your seat, hoping you will accept it.”

“When the sun is too bright, I wonder if you feel uncomfortable. I remember that your face is always pale, and you often stand aside during physical education class. When the sweet and sour fish in the canteen at lunchtime isn’t well cooked, I will wonder if you ordered this dish today or if you will be disappointed. Xia Shu’an, I care about everything related to you.”

“…”

“So, when I knew that the person who helped me wasn’t you, I was really relieved. I’m glad it wasn’t you, and I’m glad that you didn’t see that bloody scene.”

“Xia Shu’an, please believe me. I have never regarded you as a substitute, and you have never been anyone’s substitute. My liking for you has nothing to do with who saved me.”

“…”

If resentment has a real image, then there would be a white smoke slowly rising behind Xia Shu’an, and then it would continue to float to the horizon until it completely dissipated.

Shen Boyan is indeed hateful, but he does love himself sincerely and clumsily. You can question the way he loves, but you can’t doubt his love. So when Xia Shu’an saw the report, although he was sad and angry, he still decided to give him a chance.

He didn’t want to deny everything just because of other people’s words and an established fact that had long passed.

“Really?” he said hesitantly. “I’m really not a substitute?”

Shen Boyan stretched out a hand and said, “Absolutely not!”

“Not because I saved you?”

“No!”

“Isn’t it because I’m gentle?”

“Not entirely; your ‘gentleness’ is just one of the reasons why I like you.”

“…”

“Xia Shu’an is Xia Shu’an. That’s why I like him.”

“…”

Shen Boyan spied on his expression, watching the resentment in his eyes gradually dissipate, and struck while the iron was hot: “Can I kiss you now?”

Xia Shu’an raised his eyelids and looked at him expressionlessly.

Shen Boyan immediately changed his words: “Can we hold hands now?”

Later, they also visited a teacher who had retired long ago.

This old Chinese teacher is now recuperating at home. She looked at Xia Shu’an and said cheerfully, “It’s Xia Shu’an. Are you coming to see your teacher? Come here, come here.”

Then she looked at Shen Boyan again, her furrowed eyebrows and hesitant gaze causing him to straighten his back nervously.

Finally, she said, “I remember you. You were always hanging around outside our class. You looked so tall and scary. I thought you were looking for trouble with someone in our class.”

The corners of Shen Boyan’s mouth twitched slightly, and Xia Shu’an couldn’t help but snicker.

“But I also remember that it was you who stood up for one of the girls in my class when she was being pestered outside of school.”

The teacher looked at him gently and said, “Thank you, student.”

…

After walking out of the teacher’s house, Xia Shu’an turned to look at him and asked, “Where to go next?”

“Well, let me take you to the place where I used to live.”

The car followed the main road in the city center and slowly turned into a remote road. In the car, Shen Boyan explained to Xia Shu’an the year he moved to Changning:

“My uncle took me in because I was not yet an adult. He didn’t treat me badly. It’s just that, at my age, I couldn’t be close to them like a child. My uncle also had his own children, and his grandchildren were about the same age as me, so it’s easy to get into conflicts when living together. In the end, I decided to rent a house and live there by myself.”

The car turned east and west and arrived at a residential area at the end of a small alley.

This is obviously an old district; the aisles are cluttered with many abandoned bicycles. The smell of dirty water seeping from the gaps between the stone bricks on rainy days lingers in the air for a long time. Looking up, one can only see quilts of varying colors drying on the upper floors of the mixed community. In a sunny open space, there are old people chatting in the sun, and there are children playing around the adults. Traces of decades of life are revealed in this moment.

The road ahead was narrow and difficult for the car to pass, so the two simply stopped the car and walked over.

Shen Boyan pointed to the end of a small road and said, “That used to be a vegetable market, so I often went there to buy vegetables. I really know how to cook!”

He spoke as if he were teasing a pissed-off little kid, but the kid clearly wasn’t falling for it and was still puffed up.

To be fair, it wasn’t really a bad residential area. But as long as Xia Shu’an thought about how Shen Boyan had to learn to live alone and shoulder all the important life responsibilities while he himself was still a treasure in the palm of his parents’ hands, he felt like his heart was blocked by something.

The depressed and swollen mood continued until Shen Boyan took Xia Shu’an’s hand and walked into a community. Probably because it was broad daylight, the security guard at the gate of the community didn’t pay attention to them and was busy chatting with the uncle on the roadside.

“I used to live in this building, on the sixth floor. The stairs are a bit narrow, so be careful.”

Two people cannot pass this narrow aisle at the same time, so someone must give way. The stairs that have not been cleaned for a long time are covered with dust, and the handrails are so dirty that Xia Shu’an dares not touch them. He can only straighten his back and walk up slowly, but they stopped after they reached the third floor.

Shen Boyan: “Forget it; we can’t go in anyway. It’s illegal to break into a private house.”

Xia Shu’an: “Why don’t you say this earlier?”

They walked slowly back along the old road. Along the way, various smells continued to stimulate Xia Shu’an’s brain. Shen Boyan saw that his face turned pale, so he took his hand and walked out to another intersection.

“There’s a dessert shop over there that tastes pretty good. Let’s go sit there for a while.”

Unfortunately, ten years have passed, and the dessert shop has been replaced by a convenience store. Fortunately, the convenience store has fresh air, and there are still places to sit.

The two asked for bottles of water and sat down.

Inside the shop, there were occasional people coming in and out, and when there was no one, the clerk was concentrating on his mobile phone, completely unconcerned about the people sitting in the shop. Modern security is fully reflected at this moment. Xia Shu’an lowered his head and looked at the water inside through the transparent plastic. The mineral water was so clear that there was no trace of haze, which made his brain feel empty.

“Shen Boyan,” the young man suddenly said: “Then why didn’t you say anything then? At least when I took the initiative to talk to you, you could be more generous and wait for the opportunity to be my friend and stay by my side.”

The man smiled slightly and said, “I was very poor at that time. Whether as a student or as an ordinary person, I belonged to the middle and lower classes of this class. To be honest, unlike my present image, I had very low self-esteem at that time. If you are liked by someone like this, you would definitely find it difficult, right?”

If Shen Boyan had confessed to Xia Shu’an at that time, the young Xia Shu’an would definitely feel troubled, not only because of their identity, background, and learning interests, but even as an ordinary student and minor, Xia Shu’an would not have considered such things.

The boy’s confession will only end in failure.

But Xia Shu’an still felt unhappy.

“Then you can stay with me as a friend.”

Although he felt that it was despicable to stay around the person he liked in the name of a friend, if it was Shen Boyan, he was already that bad anyway, and it wouldn’t be a big deal to add another despicable part to his arrogant and paranoid character.

However, Shen Boyan didn’t hesitate: “It’s impossible. I can’t be your friend. My inferiority complex and possessiveness are natural. If I stay around you often, one day I will lose control.”

Rather than having to watch the frightened boy escape when he was powerless, it would be better to hide and lie dormant. If he was still so weak and incompetent, then he would never be able to drag this boy down.

But if one day he was fully able to place this boy in his golden house, he wouldn’t hesitate to take action, firmly binding him in his palm and giving him everything he could offer.

This was what Shen Boyan thought when he had nothing at that time.

Of course, it’s better not to say this to Xia Shu’an.

Too tired from driving continuously, they decided to stay here for the night and wait until the next morning to leave.

They had dinner at a barbecue restaurant near the hotel.

“This meat has aged and is still raw!”

“…”

Xia Shu’an: “I don’t eat broccoli.”

Shen Boyan: “Okay.” Then he threw away the green pepper.

Xia Shu’an: “Wait a minute; the green pepper is innocent!”

Then he put the enoki mushrooms on top.

After a while, Shen Boyan said, “This enoki mushroom is really unpalatable.”

Xia Shu’an: “…”

This meal is not a delicious meal, but it is not a bad meal. After the meal, the two of them did not go back to the hotel immediately but walked slowly in the small park outside.

The slanted street light shone on the two of them, casting a blurry shadow on the ground.

“I’ll buy you a bottle of water.” There was a small shop ahead. Shen Boyan ran up a few steps and took out his mobile phone to pay.

Xia Shu’an stood there, waiting for him. He was bored and idly took out his mobile phone. He marked the location of Shen Boyan’s residence in the afternoon and happily used the map to check how long it took him to go to school every day.

Suddenly, he frowned, and his eyebrows furrowed deeper and deeper.

When Shen Boyan came back, Xia Shu’an took a picture of the map route displayed on the phone screen to his face: “Shen Boyan, the map shows that if you go to school from where you live, it is fastest to go from the main entrance through Luchuan Road. If you go from the alley, you’ll have to make a big detour, at least ten or so minutes longer than from Luchuan Road.”

Shen Boyan’s eyes wandered for a moment.

Xia Shu’an’s gaze grew perplexed. “Is it because it’s been renovated in the past few years? Well, no, the construction area shown here was already there.”

Shen Boyan coughed lightly.

“Yes, it’s always been there.”

“Then why did you take a long way home?”

Xia Shu’an was confused. Xia Shu’an tilted her head, and Xia Shu’an frowned.

Xia Shu’an suddenly realized this.

“So you didn’t meet me there by chance on your way home. You knew I was going that way and waited for me there on purpose?!!!!!”

Xia Shu’an was shocked.

Before this moment, he thought that they met in the alley because they happened to be taking the same road home. Shen Boyan also fell in love with him after getting along with him several times. But now it seems that things are completely opposite.

“You’re stalking me!!!”

Shen Boyan argued confidently: “I don’t, I don’t; I just happen to like you and have walked the same path as you!”

Xia Shu’an: “Get out of here; you know the bookstore I often go to, and you know the dishes I often order at noon. You will never go to the bookstore. If you weren’t following me, how would you know the bookstore I often go to!”

“You even memorized my speech at that time; you are a big pervert!”

Shen Boyan: “…”

“T-those were just accidents! I just memorized the speech because I have a good memory.”

“Your memory is good, but why are you so bad at exams!”

Xia Shu’an leaned back in a tactical manner and looked at the red-faced man with disgust. “I definitely hadn’t seen you before we met in the alley. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have forgotten it. We have never spoken or chatted. You don’t know me at all, but you just like me. You–”

Xia Shu’an’s face was expressionless. “You are only seeing lust.”

Shen Boyan: “How can that be?!!! It’s not like there aren’t people in school who are better looking than you; why didn’t I go and like them?!”

Xia Shu’an frowned. “Who looks better than me?”

Shen Boyan: “Uh,”

Xia Shu’an: “You are really just looking for s*x!!!”