: Chapter 10

I barely slept last night thinking about the conversation I had with Elianna. I don’t know what possessed me to tell her that I was into her. I was completely sober, unlike her, and yet I was the one having the drunken confessional. I suspected she felt similarly and I’m glad I was right and didn’t completely fuck everything up.

I hear Isla and Elianna giggling in her room just as SJ comes up from the basement.

“Is Ellie back yet? I’m starving. What are we having for dinner?”

“She is, but she’s resting so I’m thinking about ordering in. It’s still her day off. And how are you starving? We just got back from lunch an hour ago.” It was supposed to be breakfast but naturally, getting three kids out of the house at one specific time is always a challenge.

“Works for me. What are we getting?” He pulls his hood up over his head and moves toward the refrigerator. I’m surprised when he pulls out the bowl of mixed fruit Elianna put together instead of going to the pantry for chips like he usually does and it’s just a reminder of all of the little things Elianna has changed since working here.

“Chinese food?” I ask him and his eyes light up.

“Sweet. You know what I like.”

A squeal comes from Elianna’s room and SJ looks at me before biting into a strawberry. “I thought you said she was resting?”

“Isla is in there with her watching a movie.”

He glances again toward the sound before he walks to Elianna’s room with the bowl of fruit tucked under his arm. Twenty minutes later, when he doesn’t return, I peek my head in her room and see Isla curled up next to Ellie on her bed and SJ lying on the couch in the corner, equally engrossed in the movie.

“You’re watching a Disney movie?” I tease my son. “I thought you said they were for babies.”

“Lion King doesn’t count,” he says through a mouthful of fruit.

Elianna looks over at him and gapes at him in shock. “You watched Beauty and the Beast with us last weekend.”

“That is a secret!” SJ groans.

“I can’t hear!” Isla looks at SJ before turning back to the TV mounted on the wall. Elianna and I share a smile before I leave them to finish their movie.

One movie turned into three and then there was dinner and bath time and Isla wanted to read a book, so it’s almost nine before I have a moment alone with Elianna again. SJ and Margot are both in their rooms, though I assume neither of them is asleep so I know we have to keep our voices down. I’m standing next to Elianna while she washes the dishes from dinner, trying my best to help her but she keeps waving me off.

“You know we have a dishwasher, right?” I tell her.

“It’s called a pre-wash! God, my mother would be turning over in her grave, if I just put dishes directly in there.” She scrunches her nose before handing me what looks like a squeaky clean plate.

I shake my head as I put the plate in the dishwasher. “Did you have fun last night?”

“I did.”

“I’m kind of surprised you’re a little party animal under there,” I joke. “For some reason, I saw you only nursing one drink the whole night.”

“It’s called being professional while at work! But yes, the Ellie that isn’t working has a bit of a different vibe.”

“Is that so?”

She nods as she rinses another plate. “Yep. I can let loose!”

“Glad to hear it.”

I inch closer to her, letting my shoulder brush against hers and I watch as the gentle touch affects her. She glances up at me before turning back to the dishes. “Mr. Kincaid.”

“I think you can call me Rowan.”

“That’s what I was going to say…” She trails off and I don’t think I like where this is going. “I don’t make it a habit to get involved with…” She swallows. “Anyone in the family I nanny for…let alone the father.” She bites her bottom lip and I sense the nervousness all over her. “I do like you, but…I think this has the potential to get really messy and quickly.” She blinks up at me. “And I’m sorry I kind of set all of this in motion last night and my intention was absolutely not to jerk you around and…”

“Hey.” I stop her because I can already see her spiraling. I know that she hadn’t intended to do that at all. Elianna is kind and cares about everyone’s feelings, and I know even at this moment, she’s thinking about everyone else’s but hers. “I didn’t think you were.”

“You hired me to focus on them,” she says. “And…I can’t if I’m focused on…well, you.”

I turn so that the back of me is against the counter and I can look at her straight on. “I respect that, Elianna.”

She looks up at me. “I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologizing.” I reach for her hand and give it a squeeze hoping it doesn’t make her uncomfortable.

Her brown eyes find mine and I can see the sadness lurking behind them, which I’ve only seen once when we talked the other night about her mother and Bianca. There’s always so much light in her eyes, it’s a bit jarring to see it extinguished. “Maybe whenever you leave us.” I smile at her and her eyes immediately leave mine to turn back to her dishes.

“Maybe.”

“I should get some work done,” I tell her and she nods without looking at me. “Elianna…” I start because I feel like she’s about to break down on me, but she shakes her head.

“I’m fine. I just don’t do well with any kind of confrontation.”

“This isn’t confrontation, Elianna. Look at me.” She does briefly before casting her gaze downward, but even in that brief look, I saw the tears swimming in her eyes. “We’re good, alright?” She nods again. “Can I see a smile?” She gives me one that looks a little forced but I’ll take it for now. A part of me wants to hug her but I don’t want to push her, so I just nod and head to my office.

The next few days I barely see Elianna. I was already planning to have a very busy week, and maybe I’m now using that as an excuse to stay out of the house and allow Elianna and I to get back to how things were. I didn’t want there to be any awkwardness between us and I got the feeling that she needed some time to get back to normal.

My thoughts are interrupted by the sound of my phone ringing and I see it’s my brother.

“I feel like I haven’t seen you in months. Wasn’t hiring a nanny supposed to give you some free time?” he says before I can even utter a greeting.

“Work has been kicking my ass. What’s up?”

“Nothing, I just hadn’t talked to you. I wanted to see how things were.” It was true; I usually talked to him more, especially on the days when he picked the kids up from school. Now that he isn’t doing that anymore, there isn’t a specific need for us to be constantly talking, but hearing his voice reminds me that I’ve missed it.

“Sorry, man. That’s on me.”

“I’m not crying over it. I’m fine.” He chuckles. “But you’re good?”

“Yeah.” Part of me wants to tell him about what happened with Elianna but then I remember nothing actually happened.

“Well, now that we’ve gotten the pleasantries out of the way, what are you doing tonight?”

I lean back in my chair, already regretting the curiosity moving through me. “Why?”

“Come on. We haven’t been out in ages.”

“It’s a Thursday.”

“And? You used to love going out for Thursday Night Football and Washington’s actually good this year.”

“Why do I feel like there’s more to this story?”

“Okay, and maybe because there’s this new bartender at The Dugout.” And there it is.

“Since when can’t you go to a bar by yourself? You work better without a wingman anyway.” I chuckle because while we were both no stranger to women’s attention, I’m usually more reserved and River entertains everyone unashamedly. At all times.

“Well, I do also want to hang out with my big brother. Sue me,” he says sarcastically. “Come on, just a drink…” I hesitate and he speaks again. “Or four.”

“One drink, River,” I tell him and I can’t tell if he claps or slaps whatever’s in front of him before he lets out a cheer.

“Let’s gooo. Alright, I’ll pick you up around eight?”

Knowing that getting River to leave a bar a second before he’s ready or before he’s decided who he’s going home with later is nearly impossible. I shake my head. “Nice try. I’ll meet you there.”

“Well, I wanted to see the kids too, but you know what, that’s even better, you can drive.”

“I’m not staying all night with you.”

“That’s fine. I can Uber later.”

“Fine.” I rub my temples, trying to stave off the headache I feel forming behind my eyes. “See you at eight.”

When I get home that night, Elianna is in the kitchen while Isla is sitting at the table coloring and I’m starting to notice that wherever Elianna is, Isla is never more than a few steps away. “Daddy!” Isla gets off the chair and I lean down to give her a hug.

“Hi, sweetheart. How was your day?” I set my briefcase and laptop bag on one of the chairs.

“Great! Art day is next week.” She holds up a picture she’s drawing. “See! That’s our house. There’s you, and me, and Margot, and SJ, and Ellie!” She points at each of the stick people and Elianna looks over at us with a smile.

“I’m in your picture?”

“You live here!”

She smiles before going back to seasoning the chicken breasts in front of her.

“What’s that?” I ask, pointing to a small brown thing with ears in the corner of the paper, but I already know what it is.

“A doggie!” she says giving me her best puppy dog eyes. Isla has been begging me for a dog since the day they moved in to live here full time but I’ve been hesitant because I didn’t think she was old enough. Now, she’s enlisted SJ and Margot in her campaign and I know it’s only a matter of time before she convinces Elianna too.

“That’s a beautiful picture, honey.” I press a kiss to her forehead before I stand up and make my way to Elianna.

“Hi.”

“Hi,” she responds and while things don’t feel awkward, I can still feel the tension between us.

God, I fucking wanted her and I’m pretty sure she still wants me too.

She looks so pretty tonight. Her hair is pulled up on top of her head, except for a few curly tendrils framing her face. Her lips are pink and glossy and I want to taste them to see if the gloss is flavored. I realize I’m blatantly staring at her and haven’t said anything. “Ummm, I’m going to get a drink with River in a bit. I probably won’t leave until after Isla is asleep…”

“Oh!” She claps. “That’s good. I was wondering if you were ever going to capitalize on having me here and actually go out sometime.” She laughs. “Do you have time to eat before? Dinner should be ready by seven.”

Obviously. One of my favorite things about coming home is figuring out what Elianna has made for dinner that night. “Yeah, I’ll eat. It smells great.”

“SJ is outside practicing for his game Saturday and Margot is sitting out there with him.”

I nod and make my way through the house toward the back where I see SJ practicing his shots on the small soccer goal River got him. Margot is sitting at the table on the patio doing her homework, heckling him between missed shots.

“Booo!” Margot yells when he misses and he shoots her his middle finger.

“Uh uh, SAWYER JACK!” I yell at him and when his scared eyes snap to mine he pales slightly.

“When did you get home?” he asks nervously as he runs after the missed ball.

“I don’t want to see that. You know better,” I tell him. Margot snickers from behind me and I turn and glare at her. “From you either.”

She scoffs. “Excuse me! Did you see me do it?”

“I’m just warning you.” I loosen my tie and look at all of the books littering the space in front of her. “Test tomorrow?”

“Next week,” she tells me as she continues to take notes on her flashcards.

“Sucks not to be as smart as me and barely need to study, doesn’t it?” Margot scowls at SJ as he jogs over and gives me a high-five. “Hey, Dad.”

“How was school?” I ask him.

“Fine.” He shrugs before taking a sip from his water bottle on the table.

“Just letting you guys know, I’m going out for a little tonight with Uncle River.”

“Oh sweet, for the game? Can I come?” SJ asks.

“Nice try.” I chuckle. “And you need to be in bed at halftime.”

“Daaad, come on,” he groans.

“Sawyer,” I warn.

I sense movement in my periphery and when I turn, I see Margot making a face at him telling him to relax. I narrow my eyes at her. “I don’t want him up until eleven-thirty when he has school tomorrow.”

“One day won’t kill him!” Margot says.

I roll my eyes, very used to being ganged up on by my two oldest children. “If you stay up, I don’t want to hear a word about you being tired tomorrow.” I point at him.

“Oh bet!”

“Not. one. word.” I point at him and he cheers before going back to his soccer ball.

“You’re annoying,” I tell her and she gives me a grin.

“You love me!”

I press a kiss to her forehead. “The most,” I tell her like I have ever since she was a kid.

“Love you the most,” she responds before she turns her head back to SJ. “Let’s go fourteen, even I could have made that shot!” She giggles and I snap my eyes to SJ and he looks at me innocently before making an obvious show of shooting her his index finger.

“You good, Row? You’re kind of quiet,” River asks me and I shake my head before taking a sip of my beer.

“Yeah, just a long day. Long week, really.”

“I hear you.” He smiles at the bartender who he’s been flirting with ever since we sat down, and she shoots him another coy grin.

“River Kincaid,” she says as she stands in front of us, “this is the second time this week. Are you in love with me?” Her blonde hair is pulled back into a sleek ponytail and her blue eyes are so striking even I do a doubletake. Her lips are painted bright red and all it does is make me think of Elianna’s lips and my recent obsession with wanting to taste them.

“Is it that obvious?” He leans forward and bites his bottom lip as he drags his eyes up and down over her salaciously. “What time are you off tonight?”

“I close tonight but I have an early class tomorrow.” She tears off a piece of receipt paper before writing something on it. “Maybe this weekend? I’m not working Saturday.” She giggles before sliding it to him.

“I’ll text you.” He smirks and she nods before walking away and I give him a look.

“An early class? How old is she?”

“She’s a senior, relax.” He shrugs still staring after where she disappeared.

My eyebrows practically shoot to my hairline. “A WHAT?”

He turns to look at me and groans. “In college…calm down!”

I put a hand over my heart because while eighteen is a little young even for my brother, I really can’t be too sure. “You’re going to kill me.”

“Speaking of younger women…” He blinks at me.

“Yes?”

“Ellie?”

“What about her?”

“Oh, come on. I saw the way she was looking at you when we left.”

“How was she…” I ask nonchalantly because I have been trying my best to keep my eyes off of her in mixed company.

“With stars in her eyes, dude. I think she likes you.”

“No, I don’t think so,” I tell him. “She’s just comfortable around me, that’s all.”

“If you say so.” He shrugs. “I swear she gets more gorgeous every time I see her, I respect the restraint you have because I wouldn’t have lasted a day.”

“Believe me, I know,” I say sarcastically, just as I feel something pressed up against my other side and a hand on my bicep.

“Shit!” the voice murmurs and when I turn toward whoever is touching me, I see a woman I’ve never met before. “I’m sorry! I dropped my purse.” It seems like she was just walking by but once our eyes meet, I see hers widen and she hesitates for a moment before she takes a seat on the barstool next to me.

“You’re fine, no problem,” I tell her, and her eyes immediately drop to my hands. I can guess she’s looking to see if I’m wearing a wedding ring.

“I come here all the time and I’ve never seen you here.” She nods at River. “I see him often.” She adjusts the glasses that sit in front of her charcoal eyes and bats them a few times at me.

“Because I have a life unlike my big bro here,” he says before slinging an arm around me and using his other hand to squeeze my cheeks obnoxiously.

“I have a life, thank you.” I shoot him a fake smile. “I’m just very busy,” I tell her.

“He’s allergic to fun,” he says through a bite of his burger.

She giggles and leans her elbow on the bar so she’s completely facing me. “What’s your name?” she asks.

“Rowan.”

“Well, Rowan, I’m Lydia, and…it was really nice to meet you,” she says with a smile and then she’s off the stool and gone without another word.

River slowly blinks at me in shock and shakes his head in disappointment. “Have you just completely forgotten how to talk to women? She was cute and into you! Did you join the priesthood without telling me?”

I glare at him. “I don’t have time for—”

“Make time,” he interrupts. “You can still date, you know. Single fathers do it all the time. Don’t tell me you want to wait until Isla’s eighteen because you’ll be…shit,” he whistles, “I don’t even want to think about it because that’ll force me to think about how old I’ll be in twelve years.” He groans and presses a hand over his heart dramatically. “All I’m saying is don’t shut yourself off from the possibility of having some fun, going on dates, and getting to know someone. I’m not suggesting marriage or even trying to get laid—which you should be thinking about by the way—but some companionship wouldn’t hurt.”

“I know,” I say, thinking about the woman at home that I started to get to know and it hits me that she’s the only woman I want to go on a date with.

I stayed out longer than I planned, getting home a little after eleven to find Elianna on the couch just like always. River actually left with me, much to my surprise, and dropped next to Ellie on the couch as soon as we got in.

“Are you staying?” I ask him, wondering if he doesn’t feel like taking an Uber home and is planning to crash in my other guestroom.

“I’m leaving. I didn’t really get a chance to talk to Ellie when I was here earlier.” He turns his gaze to Elianna. “Ellie, we have to work on my brother.”

Her eyes snap to mine in question, and I frown wondering where he’s going with this.

“Oh?” she asks.

“Yes, oh?” I sit on the adjacent loveseat and shoot him a warning glare that I hope he heeds.

“He never gets out and then when he does, he’s practically repelling women,” he explains. “This very attractive woman tried to talk to him tonight and he was having none of it.”

She looks over at me before turning back to River. “Well, maybe he wasn’t attracted to her?”

“He said like four words to her, one of which was his name. He didn’t even give her a chance.”

“Well—” Elianna starts before River interrupts, pointing at me.

“And tell her why, Row.”

“River…” I glare at him before I look at Elianna who seems to be waiting for an answer. “I just…wasn’t interested.”

“You’re never interested! There has to be someone that catches your eye, sometime.” He nudges Elianna. “Tell him to stop being old,” he whispers loudly and I scoff in response. “Alright, my Uber should be here in a sec. I’m leaving my car here; I’ll swing by in the morning if I have time,” he says before he waves at me and then he’s out the door.

Elianna stares after my brother before she turns back to face the television. “Did you think she was attractive?” she asks without looking at me and I’m surprised by her question.

“Why do you ask?”

“I just mean maybe he’s right and you should give her a chance. If there’s an attraction.”

“There wasn’t,” I tell her.

“Are you sure?”

“Trust me, I know when I’m attracted to someone.” I give her a look I hope she can read before I stand up, not wanting to go any further down this road and risk being right back where we were on Sunday. “Goodnight, Elianna.”