: Chapter 13

We are walking to the soccer fields, and just before Sawyer takes off, he bumps his fist against Ellie’s.

“Good luck!” She calls after him.

“GO SJ!” Isla cheers while still holding Ellie’s hand and dragging the sign behind her. “Oh, there’s Sabrina, byeeee!” she says before she takes off running toward her best friend who is already sitting on the sideline in a pink chair that matches my daughter’s that I’m still holding. She’s pretty fast for a six-year-old. Even her physical education teacher has sent a note home asking me to consider enrolling her in soccer, but Isla isn’t having any of it.

Not only does she seem to hate wearing any kind of tennis shoe, but she prefers to be in a dress at all times and is terrified of getting hit in the face with a soccer ball after seeing it happen during SJ’s games.

“Do you want your chair?” I call after her and she turns around and nods and waves me toward her.

“Yes please!” We continue walking toward them and just when I approach them, Sabrina’s mother, Daphne looks at me like she’s seen a ghost.

“Well well well, look who it is!” Daphne and I have the best kind of relationship one can have with someone who was best friends with your ex who eventually died. After the divorce, she wasn’t my biggest fan, but after Bianca passed, she put her grievances aside for Isla and Sabrina’s friendship. When Bianca and I were married, we went out with her and her husband often, and while her husband—Rob—isn’t who I would call a close friend, he is tolerable when he isn’t being a total dick. I spot him next to the coach with a few of the other dads probably trying to tell the coach how to do his job.

“Always nice to see you, Daph.” I nod at her with a hint of sarcasm.

“I was not expecting you. The office must be on fire without you.” She gives me a fake smile before giving a real one to Ellie and raising her sunglasses back over her eyes. “Hey, Ellie.”

I look at Elianna who responds with a wave and a smile before I roll my eyes and nod my head away from them. She follows me until we are out of earshot of her and most of the parents.

“You guys are friendly,” she observes.

“I think I mentioned that she was their mother’s best friend, so…she has a lot of thoughts about everything when it comes to me.” I pause but Elianna doesn’t say anything so I continue. “She thinks I work too much.” I chuckle. “Like I haven’t heard that before,” I add sardonically.

She hesitates for a moment before she speaks. “I know Sawyer is really glad you’re here and that’s all that matters.”

“I should be here more…” I shake my head.

“You’ve been doing the best you can,” she says and when I look down at her, she’s staring at the field watching the teams warm up. If there weren’t so many people around, I’d slide an arm around her waist or over her shoulder. She looks up at me, “I’m glad you’re here too.”

She bumps her shoulder against my arm playfully before we both turn our gazes back to the field where I see them getting in formation to start the game. Sawyer looks over at the sidelines and I watch him scan it, probably looking for me and when he sees me, he nods before turning back toward the ball. I suddenly feel a pang of guilt as I think about all the times he probably looked for me when I wasn’t here.

“I can’t stop thinking about last night,” she whispers, and I watch as her eyes look around to make sure no one is paying us any attention.

I turn to her, surprised that she’s choosing to bring this up now. “You want to talk about that now?”

She looks up at me and her mouth falls open slightly and I watch as her tongue darts out to lick her bottom lip before her teeth scrape over it. “We’re alone.”

A smirk pulls at my lips and I slide my hands into the pockets of my jacket. “I haven’t stopped thinking about it either, but I haven’t stopped thinking about you all week.”

She looks up at me with those innocent eyes that I’m beginning to think may not be so innocent just as the whistle blows and I watch as all of the kids scatter.

I’m about to tell her my plans for the next time we’re alone when I feel a hand on my shoulder and a squeeze followed by, “I know SJ has to be hyped that you’re here.” River appears next to me, dressed in jeans and a Bulldogs football hooded sweatshirt under a denim jacket. “Let’s go fourteen!” He cheers and Sawyer’s head immediately looks toward us and smiles. River comes to Sawyer’s games more than I do, but he’s missed the last few due to the football team he coaches having afternoon games, so I know Sawyer is excited to see him too.

Isla’s head snaps toward us when she hears my brother from where she’s sitting and she jumps up to run to us. “Uncle River!”

“Isles!” He drops to his knee before he picks her up. “I’ve missed you, pipsqueak.”

“Me too. Ellie doesn’t always let us get donuts after school,” she whispers loudly and River looks over at her with a grin.

“She doesn’t? Well, maybe I was giving you a little too much sugar.” He kisses her cheek and squeezes her.

“A little?!” Ellie chimes in.

“Oh, what was that?! Ref! That was out!” He shouts before shaking his head. “Pay attention!”

“Yeah!” Isla yells with a giggle before River sets her back on her feet and she goes back to where she was sitting with Sabrina.

“Ignore him. He takes every sport way too seriously, even when they’re children,” I tell Ellie with a groan. “What are you doing here anyway? You didn’t tell me you were coming, I figured you had a game today?”

“The game was last night and we crushed them. My quarterback is insane, I think he has a chance to be All-American if he would just focus and stop trying to fuck every girl in a three-mile radius.”

“Sounds like someone else I know,” I say with a knowing look thinking about how my younger brother was in high school when it came to girls and focusing on anything else but them.

“Jealous?” he jokes and I roll my eyes just as a man I don’t recognize approaches the three of us.

“River, what’s up man.” He nods, shaking his hand, before looking at me. “Sawyer’s father, right?”

“Rowan,” I tell him and he shakes my hand before looking at Ellie.

“Hey, Ellie.” He smiles wide, revealing his teeth, and I’m instantly on the defense, irritated that this guy might be trying to flirt with her.

“Hi, Paul.” She smiles politely and I’m grateful I don’t see the look in her eyes she had last night when she was looking at me. Or any time she’s looked at me for that matter.

“I was hoping I’d see you today. I wanted to say thank you for the tip about the chicken piccata, it was—” I’m interrupted from listening to their conversation by River ushering me away closer to the sideline.

I turn back to look at them even as we’re walking away before I turn my gaze to River in question. “Why are we moving?”

“Give them some space, jeez.” He doesn’t take his eyes off the game before he continues. “Would you want some dudes hanging around when you’re trying to flirt with someone?”

“And why is he flirting with my nanny?” I ask, not even trying to hide the irritation in my voice.

“I guess, you won’t accept the obvious answer which is because she’s hot?” he jokes, smacking my arm.

I clench my jaw and turn my head again to see them talking, and although she’s smiling, she meets my eyes briefly before turning back to him. “He’s not married?”

“Recently divorced. He seems like a pretty decent guy. I’ve talked to him a few times—good defense!” He claps before turning to me. “What’s crawled up your ass?”

“Nothing.” I shake my head before running a hand through my hair as I try to calm my frustrations. I look down the sideline and manage to catch the look of a few men staring behind me. Some of them are hiding it better than others but a few of them are obvious in the fact that Ellie has their attention. “Why are they acting like they’ve never seen a woman before?”

He follows my gaze and chuckles before turning back to me. “Because twenty-five-year-old women that look like that rarely come to a ten-year-old’s soccer game, and if they do, they are rarely single.”

“Well, she shouldn’t have to deal with that.”

“Deal with what? I can assure you that Ellie is no stranger to male attention.”

Her comments last night come rushing back to me and feelings of protectiveness bloom in my chest. “You don’t know that.”

“Let’s see, she’s gorgeous and smart and charming and great with kids. No, you’re right, men never notice her. You’re being real fuckin’ weird. Like—” He pauses and moves to stand in front of me so he can look me in the eye. He turns his baseball hat he’s wearing backward to really study me before his brown eyes narrow. “No shit! I fucking knew it,” he whispers before punching me softly on my arm. “I should kick your ass, you hypocrite.” He points at me as a wolfish grin pulls at his lips. “You said I was too old for her, but what you really meant was, ‘no, River, you can’t stick your dick in her because I want to!?’”

“Lower your voice,” I grit out. Glancing behind me, I notice that Paul or Pat or whatever the fuck his name is still talking to her, so I’m sure they can’t hear us, but I still guide my brother even further away from them. “And don’t talk about her like that,” I snap.

“Did you guys hook up?!” He claps his hands together once. “Oh, we are getting a drink later tonight. How? When? I need to know everything,” he says excitedly and I’m sure he’s probably the only person as excited about this revelation as I am.

“I’m not telling you anything.”

He snorts. “If you don’t, I’ll go over there and ask Ellie myself.”

“You won’t.”

He raises one eyebrow at me and I’m not even sure why I said that because I know for a fact that River absolutely would. “Watch me.” He starts back toward her when I grab him by the arm to stop him from moving.

“You’re such a fucking pain, you know that?”

“Did you guys fuck?!” he asks excitedly as he joins me back at my side.

“No,” I tell him, trying to focus on the game and not the way Elianna felt in my arms when she ground her cunt against my dick.

“But…” He looks at me as if to say, I know there’s more to this.

“Well, not yet.”

“Oh shit. So, you’re going to?”

I sigh, knowing that I’d probably end up telling him eventually. “We probably would have last night, but Isla woke up.”

He groans. “I swear that’s why I don’t have kids. Always cockblocking. What were you doing?”

“Kissing on the couch. That’s it.” I swallow. “Well, she was in my lap.”

He whistles and slaps my back. “Well, fuck, man, I’m proud of you. It has been a long time. Like a year?”

“Yeah.” I clear my throat, suddenly very aware that it’s been a long time since I’ve slept with a woman. I’ve never had any complaints in that department, but the thought that I won’t last longer than thirty seconds with Ellie sends a wave of unease through me. “I like her.”

“You like her? Or the thought of being inside of your nanny?” He nudges me as a smirk pulls at his lips.

“Her.” I scratch my jaw. “Trust me, I wish she was anyone else but my nanny. She’s so easy to talk to. I’ve told her things. Things I’ve only said out loud to my therapist. Things only you know. Stuff about our childhood and Bianca and the kids…last night wasn’t exactly the first time anything happened between us.” I sigh, and give him the rundown from last weekend and how we both admitted we liked each other before Elianna stopped us from going further.

“I knew I noticed something the other night before we went out. That was one of the reasons I came in when we got home and brought up the girl at the bar. If there’s one thing I know, it’s jealousy can make two people figure out their feelings for each other really fuckin’ quick.”

“You’re joking.”

“Well, it clearly worked.” He crosses his arms over his chest and gives me a look. I guess he’s not wrong. I recall her asking me if I was attracted to her and I’m fairly certain I noticed a jealous glint in her eye.

“She’s worried about how this will affect everything and…I get that. Part of me is worried I’m making a mistake but a bigger part is more worried that it’s not going to stop me.” I swallow hard. “No one has turned my head in almost a year and now the one woman that should be off limits has all my fucking attention.”

“Well, I don’t think it’s necessarily a mistake. You’re both adults and you both understand the risks. If you’re attracted to each other, what’s the problem?”

“The problem is my six-year-old is very attached to her. So is my ten year old for that matter though he pretends he’s not. If things end badly between us—”

“Okay,” he interrupts, “let’s come back from the edge, how about you cross that bridge when and if you get there? Have you even talked about what all of this means? What if she just wants sex? You guys could be like…boss and employee with benefits.”

“Yeah, because that always works out so well.” I roll my eyes. “And I don’t think that’s what she wants. I don’t think that’s what I want either…”

“All I’m saying is if you guys communicate what you want honestly like adults, then there really shouldn’t be a scenario in which this ends badly.”

I stare at my brother incredulously. “Well, this is rich coming from a guy whose way of communicating with women is by changing his number.”

“I only did that twice and both times were because ghosting wasn’t working. And I communicate. It is not my fault that I say one thing and women hear something completely different.” He clears his throat. “For instance, I tell a woman that I don’t want a relationship and this is just sex and the next morning, she asks if I want to come to brunch to meet her parents. Mind you, I was three hours from here for an away game.” He throws his hands up in exasperation before letting them fall. “What do you want from me?”

“Well, maybe stop sleeping with women with the emotional maturity of a napkin.”

Read: women in their early twenties.

“Their tits sit higher and their inhibitions are lower, sue me. But let’s get back to you, I assume you are planning to keep all of this from the kids.”

“Yes, definitely,” I say remembering the night Margot came home and seemed to be suspicious of why we were out on the patio alone. “Margot might suspect something but it might be all in my head.”

“Well, given that she’s older, you do have to be more careful when she’s home, but unless she’s caught you doing something, just assume she doesn’t know anything,” he says. “Are you going to have any alone time tonight? You want me to take SJ and Isla for the night?” As much of a pain as my brother can be, I’m reminded that he’d do anything for me and my family so I’m not surprised he asks. He’s gone above and beyond to help me the past year however he could.

“No, Isla is having Sabrina over.”

He nods. “Cute kid. Too bad she’s the spawn of Satan.”

“Daphne isn’t Satan.” I roll my eyes even though I know my brother isn’t loyal to anyone above me so I’m not surprised that this is his take.

“I’m not talking about Daphne; I’m talking about her husband.”

“Oh.” Well, that’s surprising. My brother is the extroverted one who gets along with everyone. “I’m not a huge fan of him either, but what’s your problem with him?”

“He’s just a tool and I was at a bar across town a few weeks ago and he was looking really chummy with some woman that was not Daphne.”

My eyes widen in shock. “What? Are you sure? You know what? I don’t want to know anything because I don’t want to get involved.” I shake my head, thoroughly annoyed by this knowledge already. “God, you’re such a gossip.”

“I’m a high school teacher and football coach, of course I am. What else you want to know?” He chuckles. “Oh, Jake cheated on Mikayla with Adrianna last weekend at Steve’s party.”

My eyes dart to all the parents on the sidelines trying to see if any of those names ring a bell. “Who the hell are they?”

“I don’t know. I think they’re juniors.” He shrugs. “You know who talks more shit than the girls in my third-period biology class? My entire football team in the locker room. It’s like I’m constantly listening to a fucking soap opera—”

“Thanks for ditching me!” Ellie’s voice interrupts our conversation and she appears next to me sporting a scowl with a hint of a smile beneath her full lips. She narrows her eyes at us before turning back to the game.

“I’m sorry,” I tell her, wishing River wasn’t here so I could tell her how much I did not want to leave her alone with another guy. “We thought maybe you’d like some space and we didn’t want to interrupt.”

“Yeah, that was my bad,” River interjects. “Thought you may be interested and we didn’t want to be in the way.”

Ellie looks up at me and then at my brother before turning back to the game. “No, I’m not interested.”