describing the feeling of my breakdowns.
stage number 1.
it all starts with a sad feeling. melancholy, nostalgia, anything. the feeling can be bland or colorful in blue and black hues.
stage number 2.
a trigger. any kind of trigger that can cause you immense sadness. usually this is the place which causes creativity in a sad form. can be used for good, but also opens the way to other stages of my breakdowns.
stage number 3.
nothingness. basically the constant feeling i go through on my depressive episodes. it's the first stage in my depression, yet the third stage in my breakdowns. god i wish this stage was nonexistant.
stage number 4.
trigger number two. this time the trigger has to be bigger, a massive thing to get you to lose your shit. a letter, a story, a secret. for me it's usually a message. and usually it isn't even directed at me.
stage number 5.
the tears. they start with an ache in your throat, they aren't normal tears, these are the ones that come through pain. they stream down your face in rivers. normally, when i cry, not many tears hit the ground. but through breakdowns my tears are cascading down my cheeks with no effort whatsoever.
stage number 6.
the pain. oh the pain. this stage is the most hurtful physically of all. there's this immense pain in your chest, killing you. i've talked to other people about it and they haven't expierenced such a thing. for me the pain feels like i'm literally going to die. like i'm seconds away from death and my heart is stopping. oh how it hurts.
stage number 7.
resolution. i tremble. i shake and i hurt myself internally. i kill off my good thoughts and let all of the breakdown thoughts seep in. self destruction in all of its forms.
the seven stages of hell.