CH 20

Oh My Love, The Last

The scenery outside the window was filled with the scent of autumn. The flowers and leaves that showed off their beauty in the hot summer along the cool wind became fallen leaves scattered along the road. Before he knew it, one season of the year was over and a new season was approaching.

“This exhibition was quite amazing.”

A woman with red glasses stretched her arms over the partition.

“A success.”

“It was worth it. Wasn’t it nice?”

The other employees voiced their agreement here and there.  Seo Youngwoo nodded, staring at the monitor and sipping the coffee he had just brewed. The sluggishness of the afternoon in the event planning team disappeared gradually due to their mixed feelings of excitement.

“That’s right, there were a lot of really cool pictures too.”

“Are things going well with TPA?” The assistant manager sitting next to him asked.

“Umm.” Seo Youngwoo frowned for a moment and then rolled his eyes over the calendar. Suddenly, something troublesome flashed across his mind.

“It’s not matching up quite well. We talked about it last month, but I think we need to meet the detailed schedule. I have to have a meeting with the person in charge of the head office next month. First of all, I think we should ask the Korean branch for cooperation. I think it would be better to select photos related to Korean history first… though I’m not sure yet. Assistant Manager Min is constantly adjusting the schedule.”

The sound of the ballpoint pen tapping on the desk gradually got louder.  Although the process of planning a valuable and meaningful event was difficult, the results were always satisfactory. This year’s Waiton News Agency photo exhibition was one of them. The photo exhibition, covering all historical records from World War I to the present day, was expected to succeed even before the start. Since he participated in the initial planning under the leadership of the team leader, his contribution was special, and the outcome was rewarding which received the spotlight in many ways.

As the photo exhibition was successful, the company’s follow-up measures were strong. Seo Young-woo had participated in the photo exhibition project for all three major news agencies due to the team leader’s relentless drive and was unable to decide whether to enjoy the situation or struggle. TPA News Agency. A press company with the oldest history among the existing news agencies and with accurate reporting of facts as an iron rule.

…And the place where the man’s enemy was located.

Of course, there won’t be any actual encounters, but that alone made him feel uncomfortable and he just wanted to avoid it.

“Still, there were a lot of good photos. I don’t know much about photography but I felt a lot of different things while preparing this time.”

“Well, they’re the people who do their best in their respective fields. Journalists who work in dangerous places are truly admirable.”

During the resumed conversation, Seo Youngwoo briefly recalled what he had worked on to select photos for the exhibition. It wasn’t a major role, but it was a great opportunity to see photos with decades of history. However, even such works may eventually be history recorded under the patience and sacrifice of those who stand by their side.

The calm expression he had on till now crumpled at the fleeting thought. In addition, like a chain reaction, someone’s face came to mind. Someone who was selfish and irresponsible, who suddenly left behind even the most precious person for the sake of a single photo.

The grip on the pen grew stronger. As his distorted face revealed the soot inside, he defenselessly exposed the hatred that had ignited within him.

Seo Youngwoo tried to justify his anger and anxiety as a natural feeling to protect his loved one countless times, but he also knew that in reality, not everything was Ha Joyoon’s fault alone. However, what the mind knows and what the heart accepts were two different things. This hatred was a form of deviation from feelings toward only one person. Love would sometimes transform into a selfish, blind, and foolish mess of emotions. Before his colleague had announced the lunch break, Seo Youngwoo wandered through the river of chaos for a long time with duplicitous feelings for Ha Joyoon.

***

“Hyung!”

A tall man, leaning against the pillar of the lobby, raised his head at the call filled with joy. A suit that accentuated the lines of the body as they were, and tall stature. A smile bloomed like a flower on Seo Youngwoo’s face as he looked at Kang Taejung through the crowd.

The most handsome and wonderful person. My lover. An exhilarating and proud feeling lightened his steps. The other party also found Seo Young-woo and waved his hand with a smile on his lips. If it hadn’t been his workplace, he would have run and kissed him.

Seo Youngwoo, who ran cheerfully as if he were dancing, grabbed Kang Taejung’s arm as if snatching it. The strong body could not overcome the recoil and staggered for a moment.

“What’s up?”

“I had work nearby.  I called because I thought it would be the right time for you to get off work.”

“Oh my gosh, Hyung. I’m really happy right now.”

A smile that could not be hidden revealed itself in the corners of his eyes and eyes. After receiving a text message that said that he was waiting in the lobby, Youngwoo was unable to concentrate on his work properly for even a single minute. This is because it was the first time Kang Taejung came to his office on his own. It was just a casual evening meeting, but the meaning given to it by Seo Youngwoo was actually more than just a simple engagement.

“Qts jgf sbe atlr tjqqs?”

“Aera… P ilxf la jii.”

Kang Taejung smiled shyly and scratched his cheek at Seo Youngwoo’s continued cheers. His eyes looking at the other person were somewhat gloomy and somber, but they never came into view. When he saw Seo Youngwoo being so happy at the mere fact of them meeting, Kang Taejung felt that the guilt left in him was completely naked and exposed to the world. Was I so indifferent to you that such a trivial thing is enough to make you this happy? Was I that terrible?

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“Youngwoo-ya.”

He couldn’t hold his hand properly because there were many eyes to see, but he quietly called out his lover’s name with all his heart. As if his sincerity had passed, Seo Youngwoo’s expression as he looked at him was infinitely serious.

“I’m really sorry. I’ll do better from now on.”

“Hyung….”

Taejung-ah….

For a moment, the voice of the one I longed for was overlaid, and my stiff cheeks trembled. The end was such a mess. I had never thought of such an ending for us, but ultimately, our parting was nothing more than just a plain parting. It was the last time I saw someone I didn’t want to see, and I had to say something harsh to move on, something which I didn’t want to remember again. The end of Ha Joyoon and I was so insignificant and shabby.

A few days had passed, but whenever he would fall asleep, the image of Ha Joyoon crying with red, swollen cheeks, often came to mind as vividly as it was yesterday. Did I really have to react like that- The hellish day stained with shame and remorse, repeated itself like a spinning wheel. Around the time when memories and thoughts hit the bottom, Seo Youngwoo, staring at Kang Taejung quietly, pulled his arm.

“Hyung, do you have any other plans for tonight?”

After checking the time on his watch for a moment, Kang Taejung silently shook his head.

“No, not yet. I just came to see you for a bit.”

“Then, can I come to your officetel today and sleep?”

It was a question mixed with extremely intimate intentions. He was not so dull as not to know what his partner wanted.  Sometimes Seo Youngwoo was obsessed with intimacy as a means to express his feelings to Kang Taejung. Kang Taejung smiled awkwardly and nodded as he forcibly erased the remnants of Ha Joyoon, who continued to make his way into his mind.

“Sure.”

“What day is today? You didn’t back out and said okay right away. I’ll have to do my best to serve you later.”

Confirming his consent, Seo Youngwoo’s voice became even higher.

“Youngwoo, you…”

Kang Taejung, unable to hide his embarrassment, looked around and tightly grabbed his arm to pull him. At the same time as the upper body was slightly bent, Seo Youngwoo, with a playful expression, put his face close to his ear.

“I will do my best with all my heart and soul.”

He whispered mischievously, and a troubled expression appeared on the beautiful face of his lover who had stiffened somewhat awkwardly. Giggling so refreshingly that the lobby rang, Seo Youngwoo was genuinely happy at that moment with Kang Taejung.

***

When he opened his eyes again, it was the middle of the night when all the sounds of the world were asleep. It was not until Seo Youngwoo realized that his arm was not touching anyone that he opened his heavy eyes. The man who slept in his arms until a few hours ago, was nowhere to be found, leaving only traces of a crumpled sheet. Just as he was about to get up with a sudden surge of anxiety, a faint light came in through the gap of the open door. After hearing the rustling outside, he realized that Kang Taejung was in the living room and let out a sigh of relief.

Clack-

He carefully closed the bedroom door wearing only the T-shirt off the floor. From a distance he could see his lover sitting on the sofa in the living room, looking at something. Perhaps the light was dimmed as much as possible so as not to wake him up. Smiling at his thoughtful kindness, Seo Youngwoo lightly tapped the wall he was leaning on.

“Hyung.”

Kang Taejung raised his head quickly, surprised by the sudden presence.

“Youngwoo-ya.”

Even his voice calling out to me sounds startled.

“What are you looking at that you’re this surprised? You’re not looking at something weird, are you?”

Seo Youngwoo sat next to Kang Taejung with a joyful feeling, but soon hardened his expression when he saw the catalog in Kang Taejung’s hand. Kang Taejung also felt uneasy.

“Have you been looking at the photo catalog since dawn?”

Seo Youngwoo barely managed to swallow his bitterness and forced a smile. What Kang Taejung was holding was the catalog of the photo exhibition for the Waiton News Agency, which Seo Youngwoo participated in planning this quarter. It was just a plain catalog with some of the pictures on display, but Seo Youngwoo’s heart as he looked at him was not at ease. This feeling was entirely due to his own misgiving. I’m afraid you’ll remember that person if you ever go to another photo exhibition. I’m afraid you’ll regret coming to me.

In fact, while promoting the photo exhibition event, he did not say a word to Kang Taejung about what kind of work he was doing because he was worried about that very reason. He probably still doesn’t know that he’s one of the organizers of the event. Seo Youngwoo always liked to talk about his work but tried to hide it this time.

“Did you go to the exhibition?”

“No, this is…”

After stuttering for a moment, Kang Taejung looked at Seo Youngwoo again. The corners of his eyes were trembling enough for Taejung to realize he was overdoing it. Kang Taejung sighed with a glum look at Seo Youngwoo’s response, which clearly revealed his uneasiness. He soon put down the catalog he was holding onto the table and held Seo Youngwoo’s hand.

“I didn’t go for the reasons you’re thinking of.”

“…….”

“On the way home from work, the colleague I was coming with said he wanted to see it. I was only going to give him a ride, but he asked me to see it together with him because he was embarrassed to go there alone. There was no way I could refuse, so I had no choice but to accompany him. When I got in, the office kept calling me, so I just looked at the front part for a while and stayed in the lobby. The catalog was a gift from the group.”

Seo Youngwoo eventually nodded at the unobstructed explanation. At least the man he has been seeing for a long time, Kang Taejung, was someone who was not good at lying. Maybe what he told him right now was true after all.

“Actually, this exhibition… was organized by my team.”

As if it was an unexpected remark, the surprise was engraved in Kang Taejung’s eyes. “Really?”  In response to the mild question, Seo Youngwoo tightened his grip on the tangled fingers and shook his head.

“I couldn’t tell you. I didn’t want to tell all the stories related to the photos.  I thought it would remind you of him. Just like that, time passed.”

“Is that so?”

At the apologetic tone, Seo Youngwoo closed his eyes and smiled.

“But it’s okay now. I think I was just overthinking for a trivial reason.”

Slowly leaning his head on one shoulder, Seo Youngwoo grabbed his lover’s large hand and rubbed it repeatedly.

‘It’s completely over now.’

Kang Taejung said that when he came to visit him not too long ago with dead eyes. When Seo Youngwoo asked what was going on, all Kang Taejung did was repeatedly say that it was over as he smiled with a crying expression. The misery weighed on him in a huge lump. And only then did Seo Youngwoo realize.

He finally cut that person off. He’s totally done with him.

Seo Youngwoo felt sorry for his lover who fell down leaning on him as if he were about to collapse, but was happy that he had completely cut off the past for his sake. He felt disillusioned with it, but it was for a while. It must have been because of me that he acted on it faster than I thought, with more resolve.

“I… I think I’ve done a lot of wrong things to you.”

There was a deep sense of guilt that could not be hidden in the voice that spoke like a mutter.

“Seems like you’re well aware of that.”

Kang Taejung’s eyes became darker and cloudy as he frowned with the tip of his nose.  Noticing that, Seo Youngwoo waved his hands and made an excuse.

“It’s not like that, Hyung. I was just kidding. Did I accidentally make you sad?”

Seo Youngwoo’s expression, smiling silently, was not as bright as usual. The foundation of the relationship between him and Kang Taejung was mainly guilt. A relationship that started with and led to guilt.  Nevertheless, Seo Youngwoo was grateful for the opportunity given to him. No matter what the beginning, if he was by his side until the end, it would be okay.

Kang Taejung swallowed his breath in the heavy silence, looked down at Seo Youngwoo’s hand, which was still holding his own, and spoke with difficulty.

“I don’t have anything to do with Yoon anymore. Now that I’ve cleared it all up, there’s nothing you need to worry about. I’ll try to not let that happen.”

“But what if he constantly reaches out to you?”

Kang Taejung took a deep breath and stopped moving. Shredded pain spread like shards over his face.

“Something like that… he won’t.”

What exactly happened? It was his own consideration not to ask Kang Taejung about the situation, but he also couldn’t help but wonder. He could only guess that he completely cut off Ha Joyoon with his words and actions as he said.

“Don’t meet up or contact him. Even if you see him, just ignore and pass by. Please just completely bury him in the past. Can you do that?”

Kang Taejung’s expression became more and more stunned at the desire for monopoly that was fully revealed for the first time. “Youngwoo-ya.” In a bewildered tone, Seo Youngwoo quickly dug into Kang Taejung’s arms. I never wanted to hear any hesitation. The heartache he had suffered from for the past five years was enough.

“Promise me.”

Now that he fully belonged to him, Youngwoo could finally let out his true feelings. He couldn’t say it properly since they started dating because he was afraid that he would come off as a mean person, but things have changed now. A friendly and loving voice that touched the heart. Now a voice that whispered only for him. All of these things are completely mine. Kang Taejung was not just anyone but his own person.

“…Okay. I’ll try.”

It’s still a painful voice, but it’s okay. One day, I’ll cover it all with my love. Seo Youngwoo forced a smile as he rubbed his cheek slowly on his shoulder. The touch of the lover who comforted him on the back was so warm.

‘Really… I’m really… to you…’

‘Hyung….’

‘God… Youngwoo-ya, I’m really… I’m really sorry…’

‘Hyung, it’s not like that, I’m fine. I love you. This is nothing.’

‘Youngwoo-ya… I’m sorry. I’m really… sorry.’

Memories of forced, crumpled, and hidden drifted. In the sudden wave of the past, Seo Youngwoo closed his eyes tightly. Kang Taejung’s desperate voice and expression, which used to call him in his memory, were still holding me back even after some time. I knew that this insidious and vicious memory would climb up like a vine and eventually wind up my heart and burst it.

But hyung, Taejung hyung…

In a voice that the other person could not hear, Seo Youngwoo apologized to him over and over again. I’m sorry, I’ll be good enough to make up for all my faults. However, the courageous apology was scattered in the air like ashes that could not even reach the person in front of him and even the embers had disappeared.

“Youngwoo-ya, you.’re too cold.”

Kang Taejung felt that his body was getting cold like an ice cube, and he pulled away for a moment to check Seo Youngwoo’s forehead to see if he had a fever. However, the next attempt was thwarted by a strong pull again soon. Seo Youngwoo, rubbing his nose against the chest that wafted a soft odor, spoke in a cutesy tone.

“It’s because I don’t really feel well. Hyung, give me a hug.”

The lover, whose condition is unknown, breathed comfortably and hugged his body more tightly in his arms. Incomplete, insecure, and cowardly love.

Seo Youngwoo muttered repeatedly like a mantra as he stared blankly at the night sky through the front window.