CH 33

By the time he returned to the office, darkness had already covered the entire sky. After checking the time and seeing that it was well past 10, Ha Joyoon quickly headed over to his desk.

Check the file. Please check it by tomorrow morning.

The desk was scattered messily with documents, but there was a post-it note with something written on it atop a blue file in the corner. The editor-in-chief told him he could leave first, but the scrawl on the note let him know that the situation was urgent.

Ha Joyoon pressed the desktop power button while quickly looking through the items in the order. After a while, the sound of the fan was heard and the monitor screen quickly brightened.

Drag– Pulling the chair out, he approached it with tired steps and slumped down. The soft cushion supported his back comfortably. As he tilted his head, drowsiness flooded over him. The fatigue accumulated throughout the day, covering his entire body, was only then let out with a sigh.

“Phew…”

The lights weren’t turned on, so he couldn’t see anything in the dark office. The only light was the one created by the computer monitor. As he blinked slowly a few more times, a distant headache came in little by little. Inserting a memory card before clicking on the mouse, his hands soon slowed down noticeably.

With his thoughts all over the place, he eventually decided to leave everything behind for a while and completely closed his eyes. He rubbed his face in the dry air. On each joint of his fingers, there was a feeling of fatigue that could barely get him through a day.

He endured today as well. As his body grew more tired, the clearer his mind became. Ha Joyoon closed his blurred eyes and opened them, looking back on each day he had endured until today. It had become a habit at some point.

After the break up, each minute and second felt like hell. He had been scared of enduring each day more than torture. 24 hours seemed to last forever, and it was painful that he had to get through another day. Groaning and grabbing onto his chest dozens of times a day, he couldn’t believe that he really broke up with Kang Taejung. The pictures he took with him, the things that still had his touch on them had made Ha Joyoon feel like he would go crazy, and it had hurt so much that it felt like someone was scratching at his heart. It wasn’t just psychological pain but physical pain that had made him fear that his heart was going to eventually explode.

…However, time went by steadily. The pain that made him feel like he was dying weathered little by little in the wind of time, to the point where it became less noticeable. It was both ironic and sad. As Ha Joyoon was gradually met with the reality given to him, he tried his best to expand the focus of his life, which had previously only revolved around Kang Taejung and photography.

That way, the breakup didn’t mess up everything for him. It gave him a chance to look back on what had been missing and lost at some point in his life. He simply focused on his current ideals and made an awkward effort to not focus on the past that stayed by him.

It was still painful when he had sudden memories while he went on with daily activities, but maybe one day…

Click-

The thoughts that were about to penetrate through his unconscious, quickly dispersed and evaporated. The noise cutting through the space where you could barely hear the sound of breathing, alerted Ha Joyoon and he quickly jumped up from his chair like a spring. The person who came into the office also seemed surprised, their slow moving shadow stopping in its tracks.

“…Ha Joyoon?”

“Huh… Sunbae.”

“Why didn’t you turn on the lights?”

Click.– At the sound of pressing the switch, the dark interior quickly brightened. Ha Joyoon gently frowned at the sudden pouring light and turned to the door where the familiar voice could be heard. The man looked as neat as ever dressed stylishly in a clean gray tone suit and a classic design trench coat. Whether he knew his turbulent thoughts or not, the other looked at him with his usual firm expression.

“Why are you at the office this late?”

“The editor-in-chief asked me to do something since the exhibition conference is tomorrow. I heard there’d be a meeting with the event host in the afternoon.”

“Oh, right.”

“My evening schedule ended a little late too.”

As Shin Kwonjoo approached him, Ha Joyoon began to arrange the things on his desk. And of course, it didn’t help much. As he got closer, the look on his face made it obvious that he didn’t like something. Ha Joyoon looked from side to side due to the awkwardness, unable to avoid Shin Kwonjoo’s stinging gaze, he asked reluctantly,

“What are you doing here at this time, sunbae?”

“I also have some things to work on.”

The man, who answered simply, took off his coat and randomly hung it on an empty chair. Suddenly, the paper bag he was holding came into view. Even at a short glance, Ha Joyoon could tell that it was filled up with food. Aware of his eyes, Shin Kwonjoo leaned on the desk with a short smile.

“Have you had dinner?”

“Yes.”

“Your eyes tell otherwise.”

“…”

Lf kjr rbwfbcf ktb kbeivc’a yfilfnf la gfujgvifrr. Lj Absbbc geyyfv tlr mtffx, agslcu ab reqqgfrr atf fwyjggjrrwfca atja qbqqfv bea klatbea gfjilhlcu la.

Thud.–

Cr rbbc jr tf ibbxfv jkjs, rjcvklmtfr jcv vglcxr kfgf qijmfv bc tlr vfrx. Ktfs kfgf atf obbv ogbw atf qjqfg yju. Cr tf ibbxfv ja Vtlc Bkbcpbb jujlc klat tlr tfjv aliafv, atf batfg rwlifv mgbbxfvis, ecibmxfv tlr meooilcxr, jcv gbiifv eq tlr riffnfr. C kjamt kgjqqfv jgbecv tlr olgw kglra kjr gfnfjifv. Ktf rxfifabc vlji kjamt, gfwlclrmfca bo atf Zfvlafggjcfjc, rtbkfv j mjgfogff rfcrf bo mijrr.

“Eat.”

“What about you?”

“I bought more than enough.”

Another sandwich came out of the bag with a rustling sound. Seeing as the bag still looked heavy despite two persons’ worth coming out of it, he really must have bought a lot like he said.

Contrary to the image that he was likely to scrutinize the quality of his food, the things he bought were low quality and glutinous instant food that even convenience stores would find difficult to sell. Ha Joyoon smiled faintly at the out-of-place combination.

Despite his reaction, Shin Kwonjoo drew a chair next to him and bent his upper body toward the monitor. The unique cool scent was pushed deep into his lungs with the calm air.

“Are these the pictures you took today?”

Looking at the open window on his screen, he answered with a ‘yes,’ and began clicking with a hand on his mouse. The low noise and stroke of his cheek were solemn. Click.- Click.- The mouse cursor moved along with the familiar hand gesture, several photos continuously displayed.

The people in the photo seemed intelligent and dignified, like those in power representing a country, and they had that mean spirited and selfish appearance to them as well. It was a hyper realistic scene that would have never seen the light of day without direct confrontation and insight of the scene and its characters. Exclamation flowed out of Shin Kwonjoo’s lips as he saw the photo that looked almost like grotesque art.

“This one! It’s good…”

“Mhm…”

With familiarity, the other met his eyes as soon as he took out the bread and took a big bite. The mask of the cool headed man which he had worn until the day before yesterday had been completely distorted. No matter how calm Ha Joyoon was, he was a little offended by the other’s dark pupils that spelled the word ‘pathetic’ at him.

At that moment he wondered whether to chew or not, and since it was weird to spit out what was already in his mouth, he hurriedly chewed and swallowed the piece of sandwich that already filled his mouth.

“… Didn’t you say you already had dinner?”

At the dumbfounded tone of his words, Ha Joyoon quickly wiped at the corner of his mouth and replied,

“… I just felt hungry.”

“You’d have cried if I didn’t offer to give you.”

“That’s not true…”

Shin Kwonjoo smiled and handed over a drink when he replied with a gloomy face. Unable to drink it or his mood would worsen, he simply stared at the drink, turning to his side as soon as hard fingers touched his cheek. There was silence everywhere except for shallow breathing. The touch that tickled his cheek and jaw were rough and dry. The familiar face came closer before he even realized what was going on. Black and black, along with breathtaking eyes.

…

After a short silence, he felt a small peck quickly touch his lips. His dark eyelashes blinked. The man’s face returned to normal, as if it had never happened. Shin Kwonjoo’s eyes looking at the monitor again were peaceful, as if everything that happened a little while ago was a dream.

Ha Joyoon, who was staring at the other’s face, soon turned to the screen as well. His slightly cracked lips were warm, so he painfully bit at his lower lip.

“There was an foreign press club journalist meeting today.”

Shin Kwonjoo spoke calmly, “Continue eating.” At the brief order, Ha Joyoon bit into the sandwich in a moment of bewilderment. Shin Kwonjoo’s gaze was still fixed on the photo.

“I don’t like meetings that much either.”

Shin Kwonjoo pressed between his brows, sweeping over his slightly messy hair. There was a sense of tiredness he hadn’t seen earlier amidst the edginess of his voice. There was another silence.

At times like this, the man would agonize over something, thoughts going through a filter twice before they leave his mouth. Ha Joyoon remained still and waited for his next words because it was something that he had gotten used to after sticking by his side for months.

At that moment, the half-covered wooden blind of the office window gently shook in the wind. Between the upper and lower partitions, there was a small gap where he could see the city’s neon signs shine beautifully like colored light bulbs on a tree.

October. His eyes narrowed dimly as he stared at the calendar. Time went by so fast, just like a grain of sand falling between fingers, unable to grasp or hold onto it.

“Let’s go together next time.”

The hand swirling around the drink paused. Unlike his slightly relaxed eyes, Shin Kwonjoo’s voice was serious and stern without any hint of joke. Ha Joyoon looked up with slightly surprised eyes at the unexpected suggestion.

“That’s a little…”

“I know it’d be uncomfortable to put you in that kind of situation.”

A cool voice cut off his hesitation like a knife.

“It’s good that you like to take photos but there’s bound to be a limit. You’ll sometimes encounter situations that you can’t solve on your own. You’ve experienced one before, haven’t you?”

His shoulders flinched at the sharp words that poked at his weakness.

“It’s better to build a human network as much as possible. If you manage it well, you’ll have more gains than losses. You need to do something about your closed off interpersonal relationships as well. Nothing will change in the future if you continue to do the same thing.”

Ha Joyoon’s hand trembled, still clutching his drink. He felt a penetrating gaze along with a long silence. He, too, did not rush to answer.

He knew Shin Kwonjoo’s words to him weren’t just because they were sex partners, but because he was Ha Joyoon’s boss and senior at work.

A small smile came naturally as he thought of the first time he had said Shin Kwonjoo might have a bit of compassion. Of course, he knew there’d be no exchange of feelings between the two of them. The man didn’t want to and neither did he.

“…I know. I’m just not used to it.”

“Then you’ll get used to it from now on. No one else can meddle in matters regarding your life. And even if they do, there’s a limit. How long do you plan on staying in Korea?”

The sudden question left him speechless. Korea was where Kim Taejung lived, which gave him a place and reason to always come back. But now the reason was gone. He consciously tried not to think about the future, but knew that avoidance wasn’t the only thing that worked.

His brown irises quivered, reflecting his confused mind. Shin Kwonjoo, who interpreted his silence as positive, continued to talk with a cool look.

“It’s because of rehabilitation now, but honestly, you don’t seem like someone who would stay long either. Am I wrong?”

“…”

“If you want to continue in this field, I think you would know that it’s of little use to be complacent and remain in a small pond. The next time you go to a war zone could really mean death. At the very least, it’s better to let someone know about your welfare home and abroad.”

“…”

“This time you were lucky to have contacted me but there’s no guarantee next time.”

His eyes fell to the floor, eyelashes wavering. And a lot of thoughts seeped into his mind.

He remembered the comfortable and happy shell that one person provided him with. Rubbing his cheeks into his warm and friendly embrace, he dreamed of using his love as a nutrient and stuck with his beliefs, but did not notice that said person’s love was drying up.

At Kim Taejung’s fence, Ha Joyoon just had to see what he wanted to see and do what he wanted to do. But now that the wall had collapsed, he had to communicate with the world first and actively let his beliefs be known. No one could do that for him and he didn’t want them to either.

Just as the night clouds that spread throughout the city sky gently covered the silver moon, Ha Joyoon nodded silently.

“Please let me know when the next meeting is.”

Only then did Shin Kwonjoo let out a low chuckle and ruffle his fluffy, brown hair. A neatly placed tie and onyx tie pin caught his attention.

He suddenly had the thought that it was beautiful.

“You could also sign up as a member while you’re there.”

“I’ll decide after I attend.”

“Even if it’s not at the club meeting, try to interact with other reporters whenever you get the opportunity.”

“…Okay. I’ll try.”

It seemed like his business there with him was over, as he began to pack his documents and items with a refreshed face, hands incredibly busy.

“When will you be done? Let’s go together after this.”

At the invitation, Ha Joyoon glanced at the clock on the wall and estimated his time of work. It looked like he would have to work till dawn. Was he trying to get involved again? He thought the amount of times their ‘relationship’ went on had become more frequent lately, but he couldn’t find the words to refuse so he gave a noncommittal answer.

“It looks like it’ll take a while. There’s a lot so…”

Shin Kwonjoo checked the time and turned his upper body to him again, making eye contact. His eyes were narrowed as if he wouldn’t allow excuses.

“I think it’ll also take me a while anyway. Did you say it’s the material for tomorrow’s photo exhibition? I heard they’re going to bring a project proposal. What are you doing for it?”

“Yes, it is. I’m just going to prepare a brief interview and portfolio.”

“You’re doing an interview? Did the editor-in-chief recommend you for it?”

“…Yes.”

He smiled with a stunned look, a grin evident in his black pupils after Ha Joyoon’s words. There was the air of carefreeness that came from someone who enjoyed their life.

“Make sure not to stutter.”

“It’s not that kind of interview. It’s just in a simple sketch format.… Don’t laugh like that.”

“Don’t look so cheeky.”

As he sulked, the other smiled playfully and reached out to flick between his frowning brows. Then let out a low laugh. Ha Joyoon suddenly felt a strange feeling at the mischievous, villain-like laugh which was unlike his usual cold or sarcastic laugh.

The man, who was giggling for a while, immediately stood up completely, with the coat he had taken off earlier on one arm. In an instant, their difference in eye level widened.

“See if you’ll need it. This is the complete version of the plan submitted by the agency. I think you probably received a summarized version.”

The thickness of the bundle of documents handed over was sizable. The cover of the plan and the names of the people in-charge seemed routine and boring as his brown-eyed gaze scanned through. It also looked like he saw a familiar name, but he didn’t think too much about it and shook his head quietly. As a participating writer, the summarized version was sufficient.

“I don’t think there’s enough time to go through it.”

Shin Kwonjoo no longer suggested it and nodded at the simple rejection.

“Okay. Then tell me when you’re done. Since it looks like you’re gonna finish up first.”

As he began to put the seat back in place, Shin Kwonjoo’s face returned to the usual demanding and cold expression. The scent of perfume which resembled the sea and bitter tobacco mixed with his own distinctive scent, following his movements and tickling the tip of Ha Joyoon’s nose. On the desk, sandwiches, drinks, and snacks bought by Shin Kwonjoo remained intact. There was nothing special about the scene, but his gaze remained for a long time.

“…Okay,” He replied, rubbing his forehead as it still tingled. The man who got the answer he wanted soon turned to make his way to his office. The sound of stubborn shoes resounded clearly in the office with only two of them. Ha Joyoon watched Shin Kwonjoo’s back as he walked away from him.

Thud.–

Everything quieted down after the sound of the door closing. The signs of their playful conversation a while ago also disappeared like a lie.

Through the blinds half-covering the office, he briefly saw Shin Kwonjoo walk toward a desk before disappearing once more. In the past, he was someone’s lover and someone’s spouse. After capturing the scene for a while, he soon turned to the monitor again. It wasn’t his part anyway. The surface of his mind, which had felt blue for a while, calmed down as if it had never been different.

The screen was full of pictures taken today. His lost thoughts floated aimlessly. At that moment, he felt a cool energy. It was the night breeze. In the night air that sneaked in through the tightly closed window, Ha Joyoon gently pressed his swollen lips with the back of his hand. He didn’t know the reason, but he thought his wavering heart was a little strange.