Chapter 34: Agreement
"Pax, wait!" Audra said, as I was about to walk away from the group, a few minutes after my proposal.
Seeing me not turning to her, Audra rushed to my side, caught my hand instead. "I said wait, Pax. Just wait."
I stopped walking. Behind us, the boys were beginning to arrange the camp, trying to destroy all the evidence that we were here in the first place, before we leave.
But going in front of me now, Audra, face pleading, didn't remove her hand from mine.
"It's not that I don't support your decisions," she began.
"Then what?" I said. "I thought you'd be more agreeable with me, but you just said no. Flat out."
A few minutes ago, when I placed my hand in the middle of the group to garner support, none had participated, especially Audra and Hanz.
I might have expected it from other people. But Audra? Surely, she knew why I wanted to do this. Surely, she of all people would understand.
"Don't be mad," she begged.
"I'm not."
She squeezed my hand, shook her head. "You don't understand. At this point. . . At this point, you're the only I have, Pax."
"You have Neil," I reasoned, though I immediately knew that was a lie. With me and her it was different. With me. . .
I could see Audra swallowing hard as our eyes met. A resolve was forming on her face, while I tried not to shy away. Why? For the first time ever, I was willing to make a stand for myself, and I wanted her there to support my cause. Only, she didn't really listen. She probably thought me fighting Blackwell was stupid. After all, she said no.
"Pax," Audra said again. "Please. . . Don't you see? I had lied. I had kept many things. I had denied myself for the longest time from you because I wanted to protect you from me." She finally let go, bit her bottom lip. "And truthfully, this is the first time I'd ever been afraid. It's not even for me. What you're asking to do with Blackwell is suicide."
"It's not." I denied. "And nothing bad will happen to me."
Wrong. . . Both of us knew that me suggesting this was impossible. Especially alone. I was basically telling them that I would fight against a whole freaking army. I wouldn't win.
But I was not asking them to come with me, was I? I was only doing this to protect them. If all us kept running, one of these days, Blackwell would catch up to us, then what? He would 'cure' me. Do the same to Audra too. And I could not unlove her, no matter what.
As such, my hand went to Audra's cheek. She couldn't help but to close her eyes and lean onto me. Even when she looked like she didn't want to.
"I'll think of a way," I said firmly. "To save us. To free us without me giving up to them. It's either you're with me or not. You choose what happens."
Everything followed so quickly after that. Returning to the boys, they had already packed our bags, had erased the traces of us setting up camp.
But then, Neil, who was against me earlier, was now giving me a sly smile, was ruffling his hair as customary to him, his eyes flitting to Hanz before getting back at me. "You know what I realized these couple of minutes, Leighton? While we were fixing the camp?"
"What?" I said, barely looking at him.
"I just realized that I'd never had a boyfriend."
What?
My eyebrows cocked at him.
"I might be the last gay in this country," Neil said. "Or probably even the world. We don't know what's happening out there. So many possibilities."
"But there's me," I reasoned. "I'm gay."
"And you're lesbian." Neil rolled his eyes. "Excuse me. But eew!"
I folded my arms. Neil was always taking his sweet time trying to prove his point.
"Thing is," he continued. "What's the use of being gay in a world where I can't be gay with somebody else?" His shoulders shrugged at me, while he attempted to brush his hair up. He suddenly couldn't make up his mind about it. "So I guess for my sake. . . For my sake, I will join your little expedition. No matter how stupid. For my sake. You get it right, Leighton? For me? Not for you. Not even for Audra."
"I guess I'll join you too."
Both Neil and I turned to Hanz, who had just spoken by then.
The big guy, shouldering his bag, then grinned to us. "What?" Hanz said. "You think I'm not coming? Think again, guys."
"But Hanz. . ." I then turned to Neil. "You don't need to do this," I said.
Neil rolled his eyes once more. "I said, it's not for you, Leighton. Get over it."
"So where should we begin?" Hanz chimed in.
Another set of footsteps came behind me. I knew it was Audra, but for once, I didn't turn to her. Nodding, I said, "Let's get out of here first. And then we'll plan everything."
Our group decided that it would be wiser to hide from one place to another, though not necessarily in the city where people could recognize us. Blackwell had said that we would not be wanted criminals for the time being, which we didn't know if was true or false. The man was obviously playing with us. He was a different kind of predator altogether.
But we did need to find a place soon, preferably somewhere we could access the internet, and we happened to find one just a few hours after walking.
There was a farmhouse, a small one, and we didn't know if its occupants were out to kill us or not. But other than that, Hanz was more than willing to take a chance, so while in the distance overlooking the farm, he said to us, "Okay, guys, stay out here for a while. I'm going to check if the owners are cool to let us in."
"I'm coming with you," Audra said.
"Me too," I added.
"Me three. . ."
Even Neil had wanted to go.
Hanz, pouting to us, said, "What's the use of this covert operation if all of us are going anyway?" He pointed to Audra. "You, come with me. Neil and Pax, I'm sorry but you have to stay here."
My gaze went to Audra's, but she was already making her way.
And with Hanz by her side, they started to go to the farmhouse, presumably to ask for permission, even when Audra didn't look like she really wanted that.
The two of them came back bearing good news after a few minutes. At least that was what Hanz looked like, as he bounced back to us, Audra still by his side.
He hadn't even finished going under the tree where Neil and I had rested when he said, "The owners are old. Really old." Then moving his arms animatedly, continued. "They also had an old computer. Like those awkward, awkward ones I'd only seen on movies. Do you know how cool is that?"
Neil, rising up, slapped the other guy's hand, asking in return. "So what did they say?"
"Say about what?"
Neil and I glanced at each other, then glared together at Hanz. "Did they allow us to use their computer or not?" Neil said. "Damn it, Peterson! Get your head out of your ass!"
"Oh. . . That." Hanz then looked guiltily at Audra, who was the more reasonable of the two. We should have asked her in the first place, not Hanz. "Well did they?" Hanz said. "Agree, I mean?"
Audra, nodding her head, confirmed, "Yes. Though I think we shouldn't stay there too long. The owners seemed like they have a lot to do."
"Finally!" Neil said, rolling his eyes at Hanz. "Next time, I won't trust you to do this job for us. Seriously, Peterson."
"Sorry." The four of us started to go to the house. Audra, meanwhile, didn't say a thing after that.
It turned out that we were far from downtown; a few days walking at most.
And how did we find out? Well, the lovely couple who looked like to be ninety years old, showed us to their office following our knock, then lead us to a map taped on the wall when we asked for our location.
I looked around, observing it all.
First, there was the old couple themselves. Both dressed in flannels and jeans, they had white hair, thick glasses over their eyes, and though they were not stooped over, it looked as if they could barely even walk, much less hear.
In fact, Hanz and Audra had to talk really loud when they tried to introduce me and Neil. Because of this, I highly doubted that they would give us to the authorities or the tracers, much less had even known what was going on in the first place.
Second, of course, was our location. Which we had now pinpointed because of the map in the office the couple took us to. According to it, we were hours from any stores, buildings, even neighbors. Mr. Crowley, the old man, explained.
"See, kids?!" he yelled, pointing to the map. "That, there, is the Braxton's farm. I hate those fella's! They're always copying us!"
"Why are you shouting though?!" Neil said.
"Huh?!"
"Never mind! Can we use the computer?! Also. . . Do you know what a gay is, Mr. Crowley?! I'm one of them! I'm gay!"
"What, son?!"
"I said I'm gay! And I'm really getting desperate! Do you have any gay grandsons I can meet before I die?!"
What the hell was Neil talking about? Where did all that come from?
Hanz turned bright red while Audra and I tried not to laugh.
Mrs. Crowley, meanwhile, had heard Neil. A little bit of what he said anyway. "We have hays!" she said. "A lot of it, young man! But we don't have any spare bedrooms! If you like, you can sleep on that!"
Neil nodded his head. "I like that!" he yelled. "You're offering your place to us?! You're such a kind woman, Mrs. Crowley! I hope you're not a backstabbing beotch because I'm really tired of that!"
Audra pulled her best friend away just in time. "Thank you, Mrs. Crowley," she said. "I'll take it from here."
Thankfully, Audra's smile while trying to pull Neil away, made the old folks understand what she was trying to say. Soon, the couple were going out of the door, waving at us. Miraculously, they lent us their office without so much as a fuss.
The rest of us who were left in the room breathed a sigh of relief when they were gone.
"You're incredible." I turned to Neil. "Really great there, dude."
"Who, me?"
"Duh!"
"Well, thank you."
"I don't believe it's a compliment." I smirked.
Meanwhile, Hanz who was interested with the computer started pointing to it.
"See?" he said, getting excited all of a sudden. Rushing behind the table, he examined the white monitor, which was a little bigger than his head. "How do you even operate these things?"
Neil, leaving me and my insults behind, started going to the computer too, then banged the sides of the monitor. "I believe you do this," he said, "My neighbor used to have this old junk. You have to be very patient."
I wasn't sure if the boys were joking right now, but only Audra had the sense to go under the desk and see if the monitor was hooked up somewhere.
Finding something underneath, she said, "It's on. Wait for it."
We did. And it took some time. But in the end it was just like a normal computer, except for the crappy display and the loading time. But we were glad when the search page popped up eventually.
"Maybe you should find something to do in the meantime," Hanz said. "As you can see, the loading time is bad, and I doubt if the internet is faster. But what do you want me to look for, Pax? You were really insistent on searching for a computer."
"Anything about Blackwell," I said.
"Copy." He then turned to Neil. "Dude, you want to help me?"
"What if I don't?"
Regardless, Neil came up to Hanz and tried to push me aside. In doing so, I stumbled right onto Audra's arms, who hadn't spoken to me directly since this morning.
Glancing down at me, she tilted her head to the corner, where there was another space where Hanz and Neil wouldn't be able to see us talk.
Several shelves of books served as a partition.
"Come with me," she said.
Behind the shelves was a couch, a small table, and a lamp. It wasn't as dusty as I thought, though. But like the rest of the office, had dark brown wooden walls, smelled of mothballs and a bit of decay, but felt enchanted all the same, especially with the books on the shelves.
Audra sat on the couch, me coming right beside her.
So. . . What now?
Next to me, Audra hadn't said a thing. Hadn't moved to hold my hand as well. Hadn't done anything, basically.
Was this what it felt like to have a misunderstanding with someone?
I took a sigh. I was new to relationships, especially one as intense as this. But eventually, Audra was exhaling rather loud, was leaning herself against my shoulder, was tucking her head on the crook of my neck.
Was murmuring to me. "If you die. . ."
"I won't."
"I will never forgive you," she continued. Then buried her head even deeper on my neck, until her rigid shoulders were surrendering, her muscles loosening up. Her arms wrapping onto mine. "What are we getting ourselves into, Pax?"
Death. Destruction.
I wasn't even thinking about my friends getting hurt. I wanted to do this alone. But they insisted on coming.
Audra tightened her grip on me. "We were just supposed to be kids," she said.
"We had to grow up fast." I sighed. "You know that."
"Still. . . I hate it. I hate that the world is cruel to us just because we're different. When would it end?"
Never. Not until we did something about it. I was so stupid to understand that just now.
Audra straightened after a while, her normally piercing eyes softening onto mine.
I kissed her. Just a soft, feathery type of kiss, but soon found that her arms had wrapped around my neck, and she was opening my mouth, inserting her tongue between my lips.
My heart was beating fast when she released me. Like I had just ran a marathon, though I had barely even moved.
And for the first time in hours, she smiled. "I'm proud of you, Pax."