CH 55

at three in the morning, the overhead light in the surgical ward flickered silently for a few moments, then made a soft sound, going out without warning.

ji yao, who was half reclining on the bed, seemed to be awakened by this subtle noise and reflexively sat up from the folding bed.

the room was dimly lit, with a faint streak of light seeping through the partially closed door. outside the door in the corridor, the soft sound of a nurse passing by could be heard, deliberately pushing a cart with almost inaudible metal clinks.

ji yao stared at the door for a while, confirming that no one was coming to call him to attend to a patient. he breathed a sigh of relief and reclined back on the bed, lifting his arm to cover his eyes with his forearm.

ji yao had just had a dream, and he was still trembling from it. cold sweat had soaked the back of his shirt, and the collar clung damply to his skin.

the dream was chaotic and far from pleasant, and now, with his eyes closed, everything seemed vividly imprinted in his mind.

in the dream, he had confessed to jiang heng once again on christmas day. this time, jiang heng didn’t evade the topic but straightforwardly accepted, agreeing to let go of the past and start anew.

in the dream, ji yao was overjoyed. he wanted to celebrate with jiang heng and go out for a nice meal, but before they could get far, xiaotong suddenly appeared and blocked their way.

“i don’t agree to this,” xiaotong’s expression was unusually serious, and in the dream’s already abnormal atmosphere, it seemed even more eerie. “someone told me that you two shouldn’t be together at all.”

xiaotong stepped aside, revealing ji yao’s parents, who inexplicably emerged from behind her. they were still wearing the clothes they had worn to attend a wedding, and both looked angry and exhausted.

ji yao didn’t realize he was in a dream. his logic automatically filled in the gaps in the dream’s narrative, to the point where he actually explained seriously, “i’ve said before that i’m gay. if i don’t be with him, i’ll be with other men. this is something that can’t be changed.”

ji yao’s father angrily grabbed something to hit him with, and his mother choked back sobs, wiping away tears as she held onto his father’s hand. she tearfully pleaded with ji yao, “don’t be stupid, child. do you understand what it means to start a family? do you want to go down the same path as your mother?”

“she’s right.” in the dream, jiang heng, who had been silent for a long time, suddenly spoke up. “maybe we should just call it quits here. let’s not make it so that we can’t even have good memories of each other in the end.”

the tone of the dream took a sharp downturn from sweet to bitter, and the abrupt change was as awkward as the worst domestically produced horror movie. but in the dream, ji yao had no resistance at all and was almost forcibly awakened.

after having such a nonsensical dream, ji yao’s mood was far from good. he let out a long breath, wiped the cold sweat from the back of his neck, and sat up in bed, walking heavily to the water cooler. he poured himself a glass of cold water.

the icy liquid flowed down his throat and into his chest, making ji yao shiver suddenly, fully awake.

he turned on the screen of his phone, and the time on it had already rolled over to a new day. on his memo, there was still a reminder about christmas, and the “deadline” set by jiang heng was approaching.

maybe it was because he was too nervous, ji yao thought.

the pressure from his parents in the dream still lingered, but ji yao, lost in the aftermath of these emotions, for the first time in his life, didn’t feel the urge to escape.

in the past few weeks leading up to the new year, ji yao’s on-call schedule had changed slightly, and he had become busier with work. this had significantly reduced the time he could spend with jiang heng, mostly limited to brief encounters after work and hurried breakfasts together in the morning.

the brief separation in their lives stabilized the release of dopamine, and ji yao’s earlier eagerness, which bordered on obsession, began to subside. he started to think about the future with jiang heng in a more sober and reflective manner.

perhaps in a person’s life, the most crucial decisions are made impulsively. just as “limited-time offers” make consumers feel a sense of urgency, the opportunity to “regain what was lost” was also driven by the heat of emotion.

during this time, ji yao had pondered this matter. he understood jiang heng’s reservations, so after calming down, he tried to view himself as objectively as possible.

but every time, his answer remained the same.

at this moment, in the midst of the lingering atmosphere of this chaotic and inexplicable dream, ji yao sipped his cold water and asked himself one last time on this late night, “do i really need him?”

he hardly hesitated and quickly gave an affirmative answer.

after parting ways with jiang heng, he had attempted to start over, but he had failed. it was as if jiang heng was the only one in the world who could give him that dangerous yet comforting feeling, making him both restless and secure.

it was as if jiang heng had stolen his heart three years ago, to the extent that among all the people in the world, ji yao was only willing to give that special place in his heart to jiang heng.

—he really wanted to spend a lifetime in love with jiang heng.

with this thought in mind, all the swirling and swaying emotions seemed to settle with a single decisive blow.

ji yao finished the remaining water in his glass and couldn’t help but curl his lips.

but soon, he realized another problem — how could he make jiang heng believe him? that was the real issue.

thinking of this, ji yao’s face showed a look of distress. he got up from the bed, paced around the room, glanced at his phone several times, and in his mind, an image of a clever strategist appeared.

after a moment of hesitation, he walked out of the rest area and looked around to ensure there were no unexpected situations in the corridor. then he turned back into the rest area and dialed ge xing’s number.

fortunately, ge xing was a night owl with a reversed sleep schedule. he didn’t get annoyed even when ji yao called him in the middle of the night and enthusiastically chatted with ji yao about the matter.

“so, you mean you want me to help you come up with a plan?” ge xing said with a cluck of his tongue, amused. “aren’t you two a perfect match made by fate, with the matchmaker’s blessing? do you really need someone else’s help?”

“oh, forget it then,” ji yao, who was willing to admit his mistake, said straightforwardly. “i’ll just wait until jiang heng wakes up and ask him myself.”

“hey hey hey, you!” ge xing repeatedly called out, displeased. “why are you in such a hurry? is this your attitude when seeking help from others?”

“i’m sorry, my bad,” ji yao said with a smile. “since you’re the expert, please help me think of a solution quickly. for example, how should i express my sincerity?”

“how to express it?” ji yao asked humbly.

“it’s simple,” ge xing said. “as adults, there are only a few ways to express sincerity. one is by causing some trouble, the second is through formal means, and the third is by cutting off all retreats—”

ge xing said a few words and then sighed, saying, “for example, in a romantic relationship, when you reach the end, it’s marriage, right? what is marriage? it’s essentially the same as these three approaches; the essence is the same.”

ji yao found himself agreeing with ge xing’s words. he thought for a moment and suddenly asked, “do you know a lawyer?”

“what for?” ge xing scoffed. “there’s a live lawyer right next to you. are you asking me if i know one? i’ll give you jiang heng’s business card, how about that?”

“find another one,” ji yao said with a good temper.

“huh?” ge xing raised his voice in suspicion, his tone filled with amusement. “already at the stage of establishing pre-marital property? alright, wait a moment, i’ll find you a lawyer who specializes in property notarization.”

ji yao thought for a moment and suddenly asked, “do you know a divorce lawyer?”

“no, that’s not possible,” ge xing said righteously. “if you do that, you’ll ruin my reputation. i’m all about reconciling, not encouraging separation.”

ge xing was hesitant, but he was reliable when it came to getting things done. he quickly found a contact for ji yao and told him, “he specializes in non-litigation cases. you can consult with him, but anything beyond that, he won’t be able to help.”

“alright, thank you,” ji yao said.

“don’t mention it.” ge xing said.

ji yao hung up the phone and quickly added the new business card to his contacts. ge xing’s friend was quite similar to him, and they both kept unusual hours. however, he was more experienced in these matters, having gathered both experience and theories over the years. in just a few words, he had gotten to the heart of the matter.

“very reasonable,” ji yao thought for a moment. he then sent a message to jiang heng, who was celebrating his birthday that day.

“happy birthday,” ji yao said.

“i’ve prepared a birthday gift for you.”