Chapter 147

How he had come to be here, why he had come to find her, where the people who had been with him were now—all these questions piled up inside Theodora, aimed at the person who had suddenly appeared in front of her. She didn’t like how her lips fumbled over where to start. The attitude she had taken before, telling herself there was still time to talk, was gone, and instead, she found herself impatiently tapping her feet.

"Shall we walk for a bit?"

It felt as if her impatience had been caught. Theodora nodded to Maxime, who gently reassured her in a kind and soft voice. She walked ahead, leading the way, and Maxime quickly fell into step beside her.

It felt awkward.

It was the first time in her life Theodora had felt this way. She’d never felt this awkward, even when talking to strangers. Though the storm that had driven them apart had calmed, the distance it had created still felt vast. She opened her mouth several times to try to speak to Maxime, who walked slowly beside her, but failed each time.

‘I don’t know what to say.’

She let out a quiet sigh, looking away from him to make sure he couldn’t hear.

Are you thinking the same as I am? She looked back at Maxime with complicated feelings in her gaze. As the clouds cleared, moonlight softly cascaded down, making his eyes seem to glow under its touch. Normally, she’d be humming quietly while wandering like this, but now, she found herself worried about inadvertently letting a hum slip out.

How have you been lately? Is your body okay?

With your fiancée—you seem to be doing well with her.

Theodora kept her unsaid words in her mouth, unable to voice even one. It would almost be easier if someone just handed them both a pair of swords to spar with; at least that way, they might find talking to each other easier.

"How was the ball?"

It was Maxime’s question. Theodora blinked, sorting through her thoughts. Should she say she had kept watching him and then slipped out for a few drinks? Or maybe tell him she ignored all the nobles trying to talk to her and sat there blankly?

“It was nothing. I just had a few drinks alone, in a corner.”

As she said it, she felt strangely pathetic, and her face flushed. The fellow Crow Knights who were usually close to her hadn’t been able to attend this ball.

“I listened to the music and…things like that.”

In truth, she hadn’t even noticed the music, but she added it because she didn’t really have anything else to say.

"The dancing?"

Maxime’s voice sounded hesitant as he asked. She wondered what that tone meant. Was he worried she hadn’t had anyone by her side, that she had spent the ball just watching? Or was he worried she might have danced with someone?

"I didn’t dance."

Her answer was immediate, unlike her swirling thoughts. Maxime raised his eyebrows, looking surprised.

"The nobles just left you alone?"

She recognized that his tone wasn’t only one of surprise, and feeling a little pleased, she answered his question.

“I got a few offers, but I ignored them.”

She wasn’t sure “a few” really covered it, but right now, it didn’t matter to Theodora how many nobles she didn’t remember had asked her to dance. She looked at Maxime with a gaze carrying unspoken complexity.

“You seemed to enjoy dancing.”

She spoke in a quiet voice, almost timid. There was an undercurrent of jealousy she couldn’t quite hide. The sight of Maxime dancing with Marion had been beautiful, even to Theodora. Marion had looked up at him with sparkling eyes, and he had lowered his head, meeting her gaze with a soft smile.

In response to Theodora’s words, Maxime’s expression twisted slightly as if in pain, his eyes half-closed.

"…You saw."

“Everyone in the hall must have watched.”

Unintentionally, her tone turned chilly. She hadn’t meant to be like this. She should have responded calmly, indifferently. She was frustrated with herself for failing to act as she wanted.

"Now that I think about it, you were never one for dancing.”

Maxime’s voice was quiet, as though he was speaking more to himself than to her. Not dancing, but sparring.

“I never really liked balls either. You feel the same, don’t you?”

Not a lot of fond memories. The only ball she could call a pleasant memory was the one she attended once during her academy days. That was Theodora’s first and last dance. Maxime nodded slowly.

"Yeah. I haven’t attended many, to begin with."

“But I remember enjoying one. Just once, back in the academy.”

Maxime’s gaze narrowed. Theodora avoided looking directly at him, speaking honestly, as if driven by the night’s darkness pressing at her back.

“That time was a happy memory because you were there beside me.”

"…Yeah."

Not alone as she was now, but with her hand in his. She glanced at Maxime, whose expression was tinged with sorrow, then sighed and looked forward again. That happy memory had become a painful one, bitter in her mouth as it surfaced now.

Silence stretched between them. Crunch, crunch. The sound of their steps on the grass filled the empty night air. The voices of people gathered in the distance for the upcoming fireworks sounded faint and far away.

‘Maybe I shouldn’t have said that.’

Theodora reproached herself silently. The awkwardness she felt seemed to grow as the silence lengthened. She barely noticed the garden at night, the occasional moth flitting past her field of vision.

Would they part ways just like this, after wandering in silence? Her heart pounded with anxiety. Her restless feelings eventually began to settle, like tea leaves sinking to the bottom of a cup as the walk continued.

“About that time—I never got to tell you.”

Maxime spoke, his voice clear in the cold night air.

"Could I… tell you now?"

Theodora nodded. Without another word, they both sat on a bench beneath a towering tree. Maxime wore an expression as if carefully choosing his words.

“Roberto… he was your father… Leon Bening’s man.”

The story of Roberto’s betrayal, of wandering while carrying the dying Christine, and of being rescued by his mentor. Of Christine being taken to the Magic Tower, and meeting with the king. Of saving Marion in the East, then returning to the palace as Arsen Bern, meeting Adeline, and rescuing Christine.

Theodora listened as Maxime shared what had happened, biting her lip. Her efforts felt insignificant compared to all he had been through.

“I’m… sorry.”

When he finished, all Theodora could manage was a simple apology. Despite losing so much, he had slowly, painstakingly, reclaimed lost time and connections.

“I…”

What could she possibly say? I searched everywhere for you. I protected the remaining members of the Crow Knights, resisting my father’s schemes, fighting to the end. Whatever she said would likely feel like an excuse, a defense of her pride, in Maxime’s eyes.

“Thank you.”

And to her surprise, Maxime offered his gratitude.

“You vanished, leaving so much unsaid between us.”

A sad expression spread across Maxime’s face.

“Thank you for holding on until I came back. For not breaking down.”

Why did he always say the right things? Theodora’s voice trembled as she responded.

“…Since that day, I haven’t once forgotten you.”

That’s how I managed to hold on.

Maxime smiled bitterly. Their relationship had always been painfully bittersweet, and even now, after coming full circle to meet again, only that lingering bitterness remained. After a pause, Maxime spoke up again.

“Honestly, I still have a few regrets.”

Theodora tilted her head in confusion.

“Regrets?”

“That I didn’t tell you the truth back then, that I didn’t reveal everything, even if it meant facing whatever consequences came our way.”

A palm and a half separated their shoulders. The closest they could be. Maxime lowered his gaze to that empty space. A distance that, for them, felt far too vast.

“Would our fates have turned out differently?” he wondered aloud.

Would you have fewer scars? Would we still be so distant?

Theodora shook her head at his words.

“That’s not for you to regret.”

The one who should regret is me—the one who never tried to turn back, who let you go simply because you tried to push me away.

And they looked at each other.

We both have our regrets.

We both struggle to move forward.

Their eyes said this to each other. Neither dared to speak again. They knew the past couldn’t be erased, and they had much left to resolve.

“But there is one thing I don’t regret.”

Maxime spoke, and Theodora turned toward him. A palm’s width between them. Within reach.

“What is it?”

“Meeting you.”

This tangled, messy story began with one thing that felt right. They couldn’t return to the start.

Maybe… they should start again.

Theodora unclenched the fist she had held close to her chest. She extended her hand, and Maxime looked at her, unsure.

“A handshake.”

What was this handshake for? Not to forget the past but to affirm that this wasn’t the end. A sign that there was more to continue, a promise that distance didn’t mean finality.

Maxime took her hand.

Come to think of it, had they ever shaken hands before? As she stood, Theodora felt the shadow of impatience and unease lift from her face.

“Shall we walk a little longer?”

She offered, thinking it would be fine to welcome the New Year together. Maxime rose, letting her guide him.

“Let’s walk a little more.”

They walked again, circling the backyard until they lost count of how many laps they’d taken. Theodora laughed softly at the absurdity of it all.

Just as they truly began to stroll, she sensed his gaze and looked up.

“Huh?”

Maxime was quietly watching her. They both halted. The rustling of grass beneath their feet ceased. Time seemed to stop as they looked at each other.

Even though she wasn’t looking in a mirror, Theodora could tell her eyes were trembling. Moonlight rested gently on their heads. Maxime’s face was both deeply familiar and strangely new.

They said nothing. Or perhaps it was truer to say they couldn’t. She often found herself speechless when gazing into those golden eyes. When they first met in the training hall, when they spent that first night together, when they shared their swords, and when he left her in the snow-covered training grounds.

I feel like I’m always trapped in your gaze.

You keep me here, standing still.

The swirling cloud in your eyes always shifts in different shapes and colors. Sometimes they held the warmth of embers, other times, the glint of a blade, and occasionally, the gentle color of morning mist on a lake.

Tonight, Theodora’s gaze was as confused as the swirling night sky. Moonlight settled into it like a storm. Stray strands of hair danced in the wind, and her lips parted slightly.

She couldn’t talk about the past or the present. She was drawn to him, and his gaze beckoned her, unable to resist.

“You look beautiful tonight.”

It was all she could say. She didn’t know how her words would reach him. Her eyes continued to tremble. The shadows obscured her face, so she couldn’t tell how he reacted. Maxime, upon hearing her words, blinked as though he’d misheard.

Beautiful.

She’d heard it a thousand times before, though each time, her heart would pound with joy. Words like “pretty” and “beautiful” had become familiar, almost casual to her.

But had such a simple word ever made her heart race like this? Just like the first time he’d said it to her, her body pulsed with excitement she couldn’t control. Her cheeks flushed. She stepped closer.

“…Say it again.”

Her voice was small. She wasn’t sure what expression she wore, but when she tried to smile, her face stiffened, her cheeks a deep red.

Theodora raised her gaze.

Could she be selfish this once?

“Let me hear it again.”

Her hand found Maxime’s collar, clutching it as though she had finally found what she’d been searching for.

“You’re beautiful.”

She wanted to hear it. She’d missed his voice, the tender whisper, his gaze focused solely on her. Why couldn’t she answer him with the same honesty?

“10! 9! 8! 7!”

The voices of people counting down echoed around them. Theodora moved even closer. Toward him, toward his familiar embrace, toward his gaze.

“Just once more.”

“You’re beautiful, Theodora.”

“Tell me again.”

“You’re beautiful.”

Her eyes shimmered with tears. She turned away from him, knowing the moonlight would reveal her expression.

“6! 5! 4!”

She wanted to smile, to look at him with a smile, but why? Her heart wouldn’t let her.

“I want to hear it again and again.”

“As many times as you want.”

Speaking with him again filled the wounded heart she had carried all these years.

“3! 2! 1!”

The countdown reached one. The New Year had begun.

Piiing—

Fireworks shot up from near the palace, coloring the black night sky. Red, yellow, blue—explosions of color lit the world, turning night to day.

The moment etched itself into their minds, both slowly and vividly. Theodora’s eyes filled with tears as Maxime reached out, the space between them closing to zero.

His fingers touched her cheek, wiping away the tears he hadn’t wiped away last time. His hand lingered tenderly, and Theodora’s hand rested on his.

“I still love you this much.”

Theodora said, her face illuminated in the light of the fireworks above. Her dark, warm gaze, her platinum hair spilling like silver, her delicate features and pink-tinged cheeks—they closed the distance between them. Theodora’s other hand rested on his arm.

“When this is all over, will I be able to hear those words again?”

Theodora asked. Maxime stroked her cheek, nodding.

“Yes. Anytime.”@@novelbin@@

“I won’t break. I won’t surrender to my father, or to the Count. And…”

Theodora spoke with newfound courage.

“I’ll run to you again.”

For now, that was enough.

The fireworks continued to bloom in the sky. Standing where they had finally bridged the gap between them, they looked at each other as if they would stay that way forever.