Chapter 16

Crackle.

The campfire crackled and burned, sending sparks flying. Maxim was frozen in place as if pinned down by Theodora’s gaze. On a night without the sound of insects or birds, the silence weighing down on the wilderness was deafening.

Maxim stood up from his spot. There was nothing to hand over to the replacement. After all, what would there be to report while keeping watch in a wilderness where no living creatures existed in the first place? Maxim tried to pass by Theodora and return to his tent.

“…Wait.”

That is until Theodora stopped him in his tracks. Maxim couldn’t go against her words. The burning flames. Reddish waves flickered on Theodora’s platinum-blond hair. Maxim turned his steps. He walked back towards the fire.

“Let’s talk for a bit.”

Theodora was sitting on the small, worn-out wooden chair where Maxim had been sitting. Her uniform was worn strictly according to regulations. He wanted to ask if it was uncomfortable.

Maxim sat on a small rock next to Theodora’s chair. It felt hard and cold. The fire burned. Theodora gazed at the burning flames. Maxim couldn’t tell why she had stopped him or what she wanted to say.

Theodora picked up the kettle sitting on the fire and poured tea into her cup. It was prepared to ward off drowsiness. Steam rose from her cup.

“I…”

“Don’t say you have nothing to talk about. I didn’t stop you to hear your story.”

Theodora. What was left in that voice now? Her voice, tinged with a certain anger, frightened Maxim. He felt utterly pathetic for not even having the courage to be hated by Theodora. Even though she had begun to hate Maxim the way he wanted, he couldn’t comfortably listen to that declaration.

Maxim hid his trembling hands behind his back. The mocking words of Emil Bordin, that bastard, came to mind.

‘Now, before the boundaries blur and become tangled threads, you…need to clearly define for Lady Theodora which one she should choose.’

Good for you, Emil Bordin. It turned out the way you and the Viscount wanted. Look, you bastards. Theodora really hates me.

Maxim turned his head towards Theodora. She didn’t avert her eyes. She didn’t awkwardly deal with him either. In those eyes that reflected neither fighting spirit nor hostility, there was anger, hatred, and a faint sense of disappointment.

“I won’t ask about yourself. Just answer this.”

Crackle.

Another spark flew.

“Did you really… forget about knighthood, about swordsmanship? Have all those things become matters you don’t care about anymore?”

Maxim knew. Theodora must be peering into him right now. With those eyes filled with gray swirls, she would try to uncover Maxim’s true intentions. That’s why Maxim decided not to meet Theodora’s eyes.

“You don’t even want to answer?”

“I forgot.”

Maxim’s voice didn’t tremble, at least at that moment.

“Say it to my face, Maxim Apart.”

Theodora.@@novelbin@@

Although Maxim knew he shouldn’t turn his head, he couldn’t stop himself from turning at those words. The rainwater from the selection exam came to mind. Theodora asking him if he wouldn’t draw his aura blade came to mind. Himself, who had no choice but to refuse the conversation through swords, came to mind.

“Is the knight in you, the knight Maxim Apart I knew, really gone?”

Those words were sharper than any sword in the world. Maxim hesitated to utter a word. He’s gone. You should have just said that the boy who dreamed of being a knight, the one you knew, is dead now. But Maxim couldn’t bring himself to say those words right away. Not knowing how Theodora’s eyes would change when he uttered those words, he hesitated instead of answering immediately.

“…Hurry up and answer me.”

Why am I so weak?

Maxim looked at Theodora’s face. Her lips were maintaining a straight line, but it was precarious. Her eyes were unusually clear. Her furrowed brows, as if angry, were twitching. She often made that expression when she wanted to cry.

“He’s gone.”

Maxim finally blurted out the words. Did he gain the courage to be hated? No, Maxim simply didn’t want to see Theodora make that expression. That’s why Maxim spoke. To make her heart more at ease, he calmly lies.

“Theodora, the Maxim Apart you knew is gone.”

“Money, power. Was that all you wanted?”

Is that why you met me? Is that why you so easily left when the engagement proposal came? Theodora was silently asking.

Surely, if I answer in a way that fits the question she’s asking now, she’ll come to hate me. Maybe she’ll truly despise me.

Maxim wasn’t prepared yet. But Maxim also knew well that the world doesn’t revolve around preparation alone.

“Yes.”

He thought he would at least get slapped. But Maxim’s cheek was unharmed. Could she be crying? Maxim carefully observed Theodora’s face, but there were no signs of tears. Rather, it was the opposite. She had a cold expression as if her tear ducts had completely dried up.

“I see.”

Those words drove the final nail into Maxim’s heart. He could tell. With this, Theodora would surely hate him. No, she would despise him.

With Theodora’s answer, silence returned to the campsite. Theodora grasped the cup, still steaming, with both hands.

“You’ve worked hard. Go inside.”

Maxim awkwardly got up from his spot. It hurt much more than he thought. Clutching his throbbing head with one hand, he walked away.

==

A conversation was needed.

Theodora had been thinking that way since meeting Emil Bordin at the palace. Maxim’s engagement to a branch family of the Bening household had now become a visible and audible reality.

Maxim, Maxim Apart.

Theodora repeated that name endlessly as she walked through the garden. He had lifted her from one bottom while simultaneously throwing her into another.

She had to face him somehow. She needed to forcibly pull herself out of this whirlpool of emotions. And to do that, she had to confront him one more time.

No, it was just an excuse.

Theodora already had more than enough reasons to dislike Maxim. It was just that her heart was reluctant to harbor a one-sided hatred towards Maxim. Theodora, who had never resented or truly hated anyone, found that hatred unfamiliar. She wanted to hate him, yet at the same time, she didn’t want to. That’s why Theodora had to firmly hate Maxim before sinking deeper into the quagmire.

‘I have to twist this emotion, even if I have to force it.’

On the day they set out for the uninhabited zone, Theodora made this resolve to herself. A single conversation was enough of an opportunity. She had to convince herself that the emotions she felt when she saw Maxim were hatred.

Theodora deliberately planned to take over the night watch shift from Maxim. She didn’t want to have a conversation in front of others. If he didn’t want to talk? If he avoided the conversation and didn’t even listen to her? Then, it would be a matter of simply hating him. Theodora thought so as she tried to fall asleep.

Of course, she couldn’t even get a proper wink of sleep.

Theodora woke up in the barracks, rubbing her tired eyes. The wilderness, where only the sound of the wind could be heard, was not a conducive environment for sleeping. It was almost time for the shift change. Theodora opened the barracks entrance and stepped out to take over before Maxim came to wake her up.

Maxim was poking the firewood with a stick and keeping it in place. He was sitting on the chair with a peaceful expression, his light brown hair casually swept back. The sight of him, seen up close by Theodora, momentarily reminded her of the Maxim from the past.

When she saw the appearance she thought no longer existed in Maxim, Theodora denied herself, telling herself it was just a misconception and that her task was to clarify her feelings towards this man.

At that moment, Maxim looked up.

Their eyes met at an unexpected moment.

“…”

“…”

Silence passed. No one spoke first. Maxim stared at Theodora momentarily, then got up from his spot and headed towards the barracks. At that instant, Theodora had to suppress the urge to hit Maxim.

“…Wait.”

Theodora stopped Maxim in his tracks.

“Let’s talk for a bit.”

Maxim returned to his spot. He awkwardly sat on a rock placed next to the chair. Theodora brewed tea to sort out her complicated thoughts. Since she only put in a few tea leaves, it was closer to just boiled water than tea.

She could feel Maxim glancing at her furtively. Theodora took a sip of the tea. Now was the time to treat him with negative emotions.

“I…”

“Don’t say you have nothing to talk about. I didn’t stop you to hear your story.”

Theodora forcibly silenced Maxim. Once she started speaking, it was easier to say the next words.

“I won’t ask about yourself. Just answer this.”

Crackle.

Another spark flew. Theodora was starting to dislike that sound Maxim loved.

“Did you really… forget about knighthood, about swordsmanship? Have all those things truly become matters you don’t care about anymore?”

Theodora spoke, hoping Maxim would give the answer she wanted. She hoped he would affirm it. She hoped he would make it easy for her to hate him. For a long time, no answer came. She was looking at Maxim, but Maxim wasn’t looking at her. Theodora ended up asking first.

“You don’t even want to answer?”

“I forgot.”

Again, Maxim didn’t meet Theodora’s eyes. She was angry, thinking it was an attitude of not wanting to give an honest answer or not even considering it worth answering.

“Say it to my face, Maxim Aparte.”

Although she didn’t want to recall it, the scene from that day came to mind: the rainy training grounds, Theodora emitting an aura from her sword and pushing Maxim away, and Maxim refusing to respond with the same sword. Back then, she should have already abandoned everything and hated him.

“Is the knight in you, the knight Maxim Apart I knew, really gone?”

Maxim was hesitating. Theodora simply watched him. She fervently hoped that his words would be affirmative so that she could finally break free from the shackles of emotion and solely hate Maxim until she forgot him. But, but.

Even now, she didn’t know why a part of her still wanted him to deny her words.

“…Hurry up and answer me.”

From Theodora’s mouth, a voice weaker than her thoughts slipped out. Upon hearing those words, Maxim turned his head towards her.

I now deny and dislike everything about this person.

Theodora waited for Maxim’s answer.

“He’s gone.”

The driest words spilled from Maxim’s mouth.

“Theodora, the Maxim Apart you knew is gone.”

“Money, power. Was that all you wanted?”

In response to Theodora’s reconfirmation, Maxim answered in an even drier voice.

“Yes.”

A flame made of frost ignited in Theodora’s cold heart. Maxim had an attitude that made it seem as if he could handle the degree of her hatred. Or he didn’t care at all. The frosty flame burning her heart was cold yet hot. Now, to allow this flame to completely burn away the remnants of Maxim in her heart, she needed to add fuel.

“I see.”

At her words of appreciation for his hard work, Maxim sluggishly got up and returned to the barracks.

Maxim, do you know how much you have lost? How disgraceful it is to remain in the knight order with desire instead of aspiration?

Comfortably, Theodora vows not to let Maxim live his life as a knight the way he wants.

Theodora’s eyes turned towards the barracks where he was lying. The campfire crackled and burned.

==

The Raven Knight Order reached the frontier outpost, the territory of the Marquis of the Frontier, at the scheduled time. And at the sight of the outpost, which was much larger and livelier than expected, all the members except Paola were dumbfounded. Roberto kept looking around and exclaiming in amazement.

“No way, Uncle. I never thought it would be such a lively place.”

“It’s thanks to the support policies working well.”

“Just a short horse ride from here, it was a barren wilderness with nothing.”

The outpost was a large village. Towering walls protected it from monsters behind, and people passed through the streets with their respective expressions. As they entered the outpost, a soldier approached and guided them.

“They need a lot of soldiers, and the royal family wouldn’t want to let this vast plain go to waste, so they’re gradually developing it. Even when I came here before, it wasn’t as prosperous as it is now.”

Paola said, glancing at the walls.

“But beyond those walls… A brutal environment and monsters are lurking, so it’s hard to believe this lively atmosphere.”

“How long will you keep telling that story about the headless mantis?”

“You can say that because you haven’t seen that sight.”

When Roberto made a sarcastic remark, Paola shook his head and replied. While they were having that meaningless conversation, the soldier who guided them stopped in front of a two-story building.

“This is where the Marquis of the Frontier resides.”

The soldier said that and tried to knock on the door, but the door swung open first. The one who appeared as the door opened was a tall female knight with flowing white hair.

“What, have they arrived already?”

The Marquis of the Frontier, Camilla Faye, spoke to the Raven Knight Order in an even voice.