Chapter 62

It was awkward.

Awkward and uncomfortable.

That’s what Maxime thought as he stood face-to-face with Theodora. They had been in this situation several times before, yet Maxime never welcomed it. The feelings he harbored for Theodora were uncomfortable and painful, a tangled mess of emotions he couldn’t name.

Affection? No, far from it. The emotion swirling inside him was darker than any shadow, a mixture of guilt and love that felt like it was suffocating him. Maxime didn’t even know what to call it.

How much does she know?

Maxime exhaled a long, silent sigh.

Does Theodora blame herself for everything that’s happened to him? Does she see herself as the reason for the curse, for everything that’s gone wrong? Does she think it’s all her fault for pouring fuel on the fire by getting involved with Count Benning’s schemes?

The flickering light from the lantern illuminated Theodora’s face. Since their first deployment to the no-man’s land, Maxime and Theodora hadn’t seen each other face-to-face. The bitterness and resentment she had once shown seemed to have vanished. Maxime looked into her eyes.

There were no more clouds of anger and hatred. Instead, her eyes were like the ashes left behind after a forest fire, empty and drifting away with the slightest breeze. Ashes that seemed like they could be blown away at any moment.

That sight dragged Maxime’s guilt back to the surface, forcing him to confront it.

Is this what you wanted to see?

The face filled with guilt, regret, and self-hatred—all mixed with her love and pain from the past. Is this what you wanted?

Maybe.

Maxime silenced the voice echoing in his mind.

Even so, I don’t want to see her like this right now.

Not that you can do anything about it.

I know.

That’s why Maxime decided not to speak with her. He took a step forward, intending to walk past her without a word.

Theodora looked at Maxime.

His face was pale, devoid of life. His once-light brown hair had faded, and his once-bright golden eyes had dimmed. Everything about him seemed drained.

Even now, Maxime was slowly dying. No, it wasn’t just death he was heading toward—it was something far worse. Theodora wasn’t ready to face him yet. She wasn’t ready to say anything to him, just as Christine Watson had told her—she had no right to.

She had no right to tell Maxime to be careful, no right to apologize to make herself feel better.

Those words would only serve to ease her own burden, and that wasn’t fair. Theodora thought that if she apologized, Maxime might tell her everything was okay. So, she suppressed the urge to speak, even though it gnawed at her.

Theodora watched Maxime as he stepped past her. She wanted to let him go.

Just let him go, Theodora.

But despite her wish, her hand reached out and grabbed the edge of Maxime’s coat. She knew that if she didn’t speak now, if she didn’t take this opportunity, she might never have the chance to talk to him again.

"...?"

That faint pressure was all it took to stop Maxime in his tracks. Their shadows, cast by the flickering lantern, danced together. Theodora couldn’t bring herself to look Maxime in the face. Instead, she focused on the sleeve of his coat that she had grabbed.

Of all things...

The sight of the blue ring on Maxime’s finger made her hand tremble.

Their eyes met, but neither of them spoke. Theodora didn’t let go of his sleeve, and Maxime didn’t pull away from her grip.

"Maxime..." Theodora began, her voice uncertain. She didn’t have anything specific to say. Her lips moved without producing any clear words, merely opening and closing.

Maxime gently pulled his arm back, and Theodora’s fingers slipped from his sleeve. She expected him to walk away.

Theodora watched as Maxime took a few steps away from her.

He was trying to put distance between them. With each step, she grew further from him. Those lost, childlike eyes and the hand that reached out in desperation played vividly in his mind, leaving Maxime unable to continue walking.

He stopped after only a few steps. He could feel Theodora’s gaze still on him.

"I don’t know when we’ll have the chance to talk again."

Theodora’s voice broke the silence. Maxime didn’t respond but remained standing, maintaining the distance between them. As she spoke, Theodora began to approach him.

"Who knows when the monsters will try to tear down the walls again... So, for now, let’s just..."

Theodora stopped herself mid-sentence, a small, shaky breath escaping her lips. The lantern she held swayed gently as she drew closer.

A tear rolled down her cheek. Maxime remained silent. Theodora stepped closer, stopping at his feet. She bit down on her lip, as if trying to hold back the sobs threatening to escape.

"Maxime... I..."

The words she wanted to say caught in her throat, unable to come out.

"I... I know now."

Theodora finally managed to force the words out. Tears welled in her eyes as Maxime watched her.

"I know why you had to leave me... What my family did to you... And..."

Before Maxime could stop her, Theodora’s words spilled out in a flood of emotion, like a dam breaking.

"I know what I did to you... What I did to you during that final exam three years ago... What you had to endure because of me..."

Theodora was now openly crying, no longer trying to hide her tears.

"I know now, but it’s too late."

Everything had already spiraled out of control. The curse she had placed on Maxime was slowly destroying him, and eventually, all that would be left would be a hollow shell of the man she once knew.

"I didn’t even get to say I’m sorry."

She was terrified.

Terrified of what Maxime would say once she finished confessing everything. Or worse, terrified that he would say nothing at all, that he would just walk away again, leaving her with nothing but the coldness in his eyes.

"I’m sorry."

Theodora apologized, her tears streaming down her face. She had thought that apologizing might make her feel better, but now she wasn’t so sure. The weight of Maxime’s gaze made her feel more exposed and vulnerable with every word.

"I didn’t know anything, and I just blamed you."

Piece by piece, Theodora laid bare her sins.@@novelbin@@

"I pushed all the blame onto you..."

I ruined your life and left you with scars that will never heal. Theodora’s lantern slipped from her hand and shattered on the ground with a sharp, resounding crash.

"I’m sorry..."

Her voice softened into a broken sob. Kneeling before Maxime, she grabbed at his clothes, pleading for his forgiveness. She didn’t even want forgiveness, really. What she wanted was for Maxime to lash out at her, to condemn her, to give her the same hatred she had once shown him.

"Maxime, I’m sorry..."

It was a cowardly apology, made in the darkness so that her face couldn’t be fully seen. Theodora began to feel disgusted with herself. Her legs gave out, and she sank to the ground, kneeling before him.

Maxime looked at her. At his former lover, trembling and weeping uncontrollably, clutching at his clothes. What could he say? He had never blamed her. He had never hated her. And because of that, he couldn’t lightly say that he forgave her or accepted her apology.

"I..."

Maxime spoke softly.

"I never hated you."

It was a simple, factual statement. But Theodora shook her head, refusing to accept it.

"No, Maxime. You should have hated me. You should’ve despised me—wanted to kill me!"

It was as if Theodora believed that’s what she deserved. Maxime remained calm in the face of her outburst.

"You don’t need my forgiveness to atone, Theodora."

Maxime bent down and picked up the shattered lantern. Then he looked at Theodora, still kneeling on the ground, her face turned away as if she couldn’t bear to meet his gaze. Maxime gently placed a hand on her shoulder. Theodora flinched but didn’t pull away. Slowly, she lifted her tear-streaked face to look at him.

They were close now.

Her tear-stained face, marred by regret and sorrow, was close to his.

"I forgave you long ago. I never thought it was your fault."

Theodora’s expression crumbled.

It was the answer she had least wanted to hear, and yet, the one she had longed for the most. The knowledge that he didn’t hate her, that his anger and resentment weren’t directed at her, lifted a weight from her heart.

But that same realization also dragged her back into despair. The hatred and resentment had only ever been her own emotions, never his.

"Why..."

Theodora’s voice cracked.

"Why would you do that? I don’t deserve your forgiveness. I caused you so much pain."

Her apology was more than she could bear.

"That’s not true, Theodora. What I gained from being with you is worth far more than anything I lost when you left."

Maxime looked her in the eyes as he spoke.

"You were that important to me. You mattered that much. One mistake wasn’t enough to turn all that into hatred."

Theodora stared at him, her expression one of disbelief.

"I... I thought you were important to me too. You were the only one who taught me what it meant to love someone... What it meant to care about someone."

What Theodora now hated was not just that Maxime had left her, but that she had allowed that love to turn into resentment.

"I’m sorry, Maxime. I didn’t deserve your love."

Maxime raised his hand to gently lift Theodora’s chin.

He remembered the training ground in winter, when the snow had fallen. The farewell they had exchanged on that snowy day. He remembered Theodora’s tears, her trembling voice, and her shaking shoulders.

It’s okay. I still remember.

Maxime was relieved that now, at least, he could wipe away the tears he hadn’t been able to back then.

His thumb gently brushed away the tears on Theodora’s cheek. Her eyes widened in surprise at the unexpected gesture.

"I wanted to protect you."

Maxime spoke softly.

"But I didn’t want you to know that."

He stood up.

"...That was my mistake."

His words sounded like self-reproach. Theodora remained seated, watching as Maxime stood and began to walk away. She touched her cheek where he had wiped away her tears.

"Maxime."

Theodora called out to him one last time as she knelt on the ground.

"Can’t you sit out this battle?"

Maxime, still facing away from her, replied bitterly.

"I’m sorry, Theodora."

Even if he wanted to, there was no way to change the outcome. The curse had already progressed too far to be stopped. But he couldn’t bring himself to say those words aloud.

The night in the wilderness was bright.

When the clouds obscuring the moon dispersed, only the pale light of the moon remained. It was so bright that it swallowed up the stars, blotting them out.

Behemoth stood tall, gazing up at the sky.

The time is near.

The time to exact revenge on the arrogant god who had imprisoned him in this desolate land and on the humans who had followed that god.

He had recalled the monsters, gathering his strength for the final assault. It was an act of mercy, giving the humans time to tremble in fear before their inevitable doom.

Behemoth’s massive paw slammed into the ground. All of the no-man’s land shuddered with a tense, nervous energy, as if holding its breath. Behemoth drew in a deep breath, as though sucking in the very air around him.

Witness me. Worship me.

For Behemoth was worthy of both.

When dawn comes, when the light of day banishes the darkness...

Behemoth’s gaze was fixed on the cliff’s edge in the distance.

I will destroy that wall, and I will show them once again who the true master of this land is.