Chapter 9

Even if Maxim might be screaming inside, even if he stuttered or his voice trembled, none of it mattered to Theodora.

Theodora looked at that detestable face, pretending as if nothing had happened. His neatly arranged pomade hair—that light brown hair, originally like blonde—had faded to a grayish-brown color. The gaze of the familiar golden eyes reached her.

What should she say?

Theodora looked at Maxim from a short distance. That appearance was too familiar and also too unfamiliar.

Theodora slowly moved her feet forward.

Let’s greet him. The person in front of me is truly someone I don’t know.

Theodora endlessly repeated that to herself.

“Nice to meet you. I’m Theodora Bening, the newly appointed commander.”

Theodora extended her hand. At first, Maxim seemed not to understand her intention, but soon, he realized it was a hand requesting a handshake and blushed. His hand rested on hers.

“I look forward to working with you, Vice Commander. Your name?”

Theodora glanced at the insignia on Maxim’s chest, indicating his position as vice commander, and spoke. She didn’t need to ask for his name, but she wanted Maxim to introduce himself.

“… I’m Maxim Apart. Nice to meet you.”

She was glad she wore gloves.

If she had directly faced the warmth of that hand, she wouldn’t have been able to maintain her expressionless face. Theodora looked at Maxim, who couldn’t look directly at her. What was he thinking right now? Was he embarrassed? Because he showed her a degraded version of himself?

Theodora shook hands a couple of times and quickly let go of Maxim’s hand. Seeing his dumbfounded face, she inwardly scoffed. She greeted the woman who seemed to be Maxim’s assistant.

“…I will guide you through the headquarters.”

Having regained his senses, Maxim’s voice was much calmer. Theodora turned her head and smiled at him.

“Yes. Please do.”

Theodora began to look around the knight order headquarters, guided by Maxim and Christine.

The training ground was clean, unlike the rumors she had heard about the loser knight order. However, there were no signs of intense training.

Did he really give up on becoming a knight and honing his swordsmanship, instead relying on his fiancée who promised success and wealth? Theodora looked at Maxim’s back. His words that he became a knight only for success gradually became a reality.

Maxim continued the tour. When Theodora entered the headquarters lobby, she had to suppress a sigh that threatened to escape at the shabby interior.

Although it was cleaned spotlessly, old and worn-out facilities could be seen here and there. There was no smell of iron. Only the smell of rotting wood remained. There was not a single knight staying late to train or maintain their equipment.

‘Was the path to the success he so desired this shabby?’

Theodora’s mood sank. The man who once said he would command the world with a sword in hand was gone. Only a dull man had obtained an easy and comfortable path through a political marriage and let go of the hilt.

Theodora didn’t want to think of the person wandering around this dilapidated building, having abandoned his desire for the sword and his admiration for martial arts, as the swordsman she loved. She didn’t want to think of him as the same person who changed her world and pulled her out of a dark abyss.

It was a miserable feeling.

It was even more miserable that the person who should feel miserable seemed indifferent.

Following Maxim’s guidance, they looked around the commander’s office, the second-floor corridor, the archive, and the vice commander’s office. However, nothing caught Theodora’s eye.

“… That’s roughly the structure of the Raven Knight Order headquarters… I understand you will visit again on Monday morning.”

Maxim’s voice was heard. Theodora looked at his face. He had regained his composure. At that sight, the north wind in Theodora’s heart grew even colder.

“Yes, I plan to arrive a little earlier than the other members’ work hours. I thought we would proceed with the handover right away.”

“I understand. Then I will ensure the handover procedure can be done over the weekend.”

Unable to verbally say she understood, Theodora only nodded. Maxim glanced around and adopted an attitude as if he wanted to end the meeting.

“Then, good work…”

It was an impulse.

“Wait, I have something to discuss with the Vice Commander.”

Talk? What was she going to say and what was she going to ask? If he had really given up the path of the sword? How did he feel after abandoning her like that for an easy path and becoming the vice commander of a ruined knight order? Theodora wanted to slap herself for blurting out words she couldn’t hold back due to a momentary emotion. What did it matter? That person was already a complete stranger.

Theodora dismissed the soldiers who were trying to stay, looking at her. However, Christine, the woman who had been sticking by Maxim’s side, was hesitating and did not leave the room. Realizing that her worried gaze was directed at Maxim’s face, Theodora’s eyes grew even darker.

“Go ahead first. It’s the weekend tomorrow, so you should rest.”

“…Yes, Vice Commander.”

Christine closed the door and left. Theodora glanced at the closed door and then turned to Maxim, who was looking out the window.

After a while, Maxim’s mouth opened.

“… It’s been a while. Theodora.”

It was a nonchalant greeting. So, Theodora also accepted the greeting nonchalantly.

“Yeah. It’s been a while, Maxim. Three years, right?”

Three years.

For Theodora, it was a time of endlessly eroding her emotions. This man wouldn’t know how much she had suffered. Maxim slowly nodded.

“Three years… That’s right. It doesn’t feel that long.”

She wanted to ask if he really thought so. But Theodora let Maxim continue talking.

“Why did you suddenly come to this dying knight order?”

He knew what kind of situation she was in.

“It’s a decision made by the Central Knight Order.”

“Are they trying to make this knight order useful?”

Words laced with sarcasm. It probably wasn’t sarcasm directed at her, but Theodora didn’t like Maxim’s brazen attitude. Now, she really didn’t care what circumstances he had. The Maxim Apart she knew was different from that man. She had no choice but to acknowledge that all the aspects she knew had disappeared.

“You’ve changed, Maxim.”

Did he realize the intention behind her words? Maxim flinched for a moment and then nodded.

“No one remains unchanged. You know that, Theodora.”

Stop.

“I’ve been,”

Stop.

“changed since 3 years ago.”

Theodora looked into Maxim’s eyes as he said those words. To not reveal any emotions, the light in them was dead. Theodora unknowingly spoke with emotion in her voice.

“That’s right.”

Silence flowed. Theodora asked in passing.

“Is your fiancée doing well?”

The words asked in passing were filled with fishbones that shouldn’t be swallowed.

“She’s doing well. We see each other occasionally.”

Maxim swallowed those fishbones. Theodora closed her eyes. She needed to settle her emotions.

“…I see.”

Theodora informed Maxim about the knight order’s reform. After calming her emotions, it was much easier to talk.

“They will have to undergo a selection test. For those who want to give up… I have no intention of actively stopping them.”

Theodora spoke as if warning.

“The Vice Commander is no exception. If you want to give up, the story might differ slightly, but…”

How good would it be if Maxim said he would give up and step forward? Then, she could really end things cleanly without leaving any expectations, regrets, or lingering feelings.

“No.”@@novelbin@@

Maxim shook his head.

“I’ll take the test.”

Theodora barely held back her contorting lips. He said he would take the test even though there was no need to. No, maybe remaining a knight was a condition for the engagement. If so, Theodora thought she would be in a truly miserable situation.

==

On the day of the selection test, Theodora stood in front of the podium and watched the ongoing matches. Four matches had ended. The only remaining applicant was Maxim Apart.

Theodora looked at Maxim, who was already sharpening his spirit. It was a feeling she hadn’t experienced in a very long time, and she didn’t want to say she missed that feeling. However, her hand naturally reached for the hilt, a habit that remained in her body even after three years.

Should they just clash?

With Maxim’s skills, he would easily pass regardless of who his opponent was. Even if Maxim had amnesia and forgot all his swordsmanship, he could defeat the knights here with just his sense of the sword. Maxim’s swordsmanship was never something to be disparaged while engulfed in emotions.

“Vice Commander Maxim Apart will… personally face me.”

Theodora said that and slowly walked down from the podium.

“Please come forward.”

Theodora had a specific reason for wanting to face Maxim’s sword.

Crossing swords. From the beginning, Theodora wanted Maxim to come forward while drawing out his full strength. She wanted him to fight while unleashing his Aura. She wanted them to maintain their full strength and let out a lot within the short grace period of 15 minutes. It was the only opportunity Theodora currently allowed Maxim. Because when they were lovers, crossing swords with full strength conveyed more to each other than words.

This is the only time.

Theodora spoke to Maxim in her heart. She desperately hoped Maxim would understand her unspoken message and come forward with his full strength without hesitation. If he did that, although she couldn’t forgive him, she thought she could treat him as a stranger without any feelings. She thought she could cut away the suspicion and hatred she harbored in her heart.

Along with a very slight, smaller than a matchstick flame, lingering attachment.

“Lione, keep the time.”

Theodora requested the new member.

“Yes, understood.”

Lione stood in the referee’s position without question, following Theodora’s words.

A chilling wind blew. The dust and dirt on the floor made a scraping sound as they were swept across the training ground. Opposite Theodora stood Maxim. A very sharp spirit. For a moment, she felt as if she had returned to three years ago.

Memories were poison. Theodora remembered Maxim’s combat stance, which she had seen hundreds and thousands of times. She could remember when he would leap from the ground and at what timing he would swing his sword. Theodora only wanted that information, but she couldn’t prevent the byproducts of memory from surfacing: the sensation of clashing swords, the gaze that met hers, and the smell of the air at the time.

Pat.

Theodora and Maxim simultaneously leaped from their positions and charged. The heavy sky began to pour. Maxim didn’t show his full strength from the beginning. Therefore, Theodora also didn’t reveal hers.

Clang!!

Swords clash. The sword wind generated from the collision scatters raindrops in all directions. Theodora pushed Maxim away and called out to him.

“Maxim Apart.”

“Yes.”

She wanted to tell him to use his full strength directly, but Theodora’s mouth couldn’t utter those words. Instead, she had no choice but to convey that message roundaboutly.

“Even if you manage to remain a member by successfully enduring 15 minutes in this match…”

Theodora took a short breath. Maxim’s gaze was obscured by the rainwater and difficult to see.

“If I deem your skills unfit for the position of vice commander, I will immediately strip you of your vice commander position.”

Maxim had his eyes closed as if mulling over Theodora’s words.

“Understood.”

Maxim’s expression clearly showed that he understood the hidden meaning behind Theodora’s words. Hoping he would no longer hesitate to use his strength, she ran forward first.

Maxim’s sword danced. Although not reaching his prime, it was still a powerful and high-level sword. Theodora received his sword for a while without saying anything. Since they had agreed not to use techniques solely for killing, it was fair to say it was full strength without using mana.

However, Theodora couldn’t be satisfied. She demanded full strength and the resolution to clash with everything, but Maxim was only focused on swinging his sword without activating his mana. She wanted them to fight with their true feelings contained in their swords, but Maxim’s sword kept hiding his heart until the end.

Clang!

In the end, Theodora unleashed her Aura on her sword. Maxim was greatly pushed back.

“… You’re not unleashing it?”

“Huh?”

Maxim’s surprised voice was heard. It wasn’t too late even now. Although the remaining time was very short, if he unleashed his full strength even for that moment, Theodora could respond.

“Aura Blade.”

Maxim’s expression was blank. He understood Theodora’s words. However, he never answered that question. He merely charged with a sword that kept hiding until the end. Theodora deflected his sword. She repeatedly deflected the blade swung at her without ever attacking Maxim.

“…Did you think that charging like that would make me see something different?”

Did you think I would be satisfied if you just gave me this as an answer? Theodora spoke indirectly. Even as Maxim heard those words, he continued to swing his sword. Theodora nonchalantly blocked the attacks.

The pitch-black sky flashed, and thunder shook it. Theodora looked at Maxim, standing a short distance away, holding a completely messed-up sword. She retracted her Aura from her sword. It was fortunate that it was pouring rain.

Maxim didn’t show his full strength until the end.

“In the end, you…”

Theodora didn’t utter the next words. Lione’s voice was heard.

“Commander, time’s up.”

Theodora twisted her lips. And then, with a frozen voice, she announced the pass.

“Maxim Apart, you pass.”

As for the vice commander position, she declared that he couldn’t be reappointed and that she would select a new vice commander. Maxim wasn’t looking at Theodora, and Theodora wasn’t looking at Maxim. The last chance had vanished in vain. The rainwater also extinguished the matchstick flame of lingering attachment in her heart.

Theodora wrapped up the session and returned to the main building as if running away. Entering the commander’s office, she locked the door and leaned against the window, feeling the cold glass. Then, finding her situation too ridiculous, Theodora couldn’t help but let out a hollow laugh.

‘What in the world was I expecting?’

Outside the commander’s office, the rain was pouring like crazy. Theodora turned her eyes and looked down. She could see Maxim’s figure through the window, and behind him, she could also see Christine. Theodora could see the scene of Christine approaching him, and him taking the hand she extended.

Really, what was I expecting?

Cold tears fell down Theodora’s cheeks along with the rainwater.