Thanksgiving sucked
No one was addressing the elephant in the room, and I'm sure everyone felt its presence
Pop even asked me if I was doing fine- that was him basically telling you that he knew something wasn't right, he just wanted to hear it from you
I said it was all good.
Throughout dinner mom was sucking up to dad, laughing at all his jokes
To be that shallow, made me mad
Pretending we were one big fucking happy family made me even madder
Mom told dad I had a friend, I evaded all questions concerning Finn directed at me, I was kind of mad at mom solely because she had been treated so poorly by dad and yet she was sucking up to him
I knew she wasn't exactly right, but neither was dad, and overall whatever mom did didn't give dad a reason to treat her the way he had
I sat silent through the duration of dinner, when dad kissed mom that was the end of my tether
I couldn't any longer, I excused myself
The rest of the night I holed myself up in my room, smoked just enough to have me buzzed but not quite high
I thought of thanksgiving, and how this was an occasion to be thankful, this might be the shittiest thing to say
But with everything bad going on, it almost seemed like I had nothing to be thankful for.
Around one in the morning due to no sleep I went to go sit on the balcony deciding to light another joint
When I saw it
I squinted, not sure if my eyes were fooling me
There on the front lawn lie a body
I got up so fast and ran to the front door, grabbing the wireless phone off the hook, preparing myself mentally to dial 911
I opened the front door slowly, walking towards the body
The body stirred
I yelped,
Okay not dead, that's a good sign right?
Heart racing now, I saw a light shining in the distance,
I squinted in the direction; someone had seemed to have left their headlights on
I walked towards the car and recognised it almost instantly
It was Finn's, but Finn was nowhere to be seen.
Oh no
This caused me to look back at the body lying on my front lawn
Of course it was him
I turned off the lights of the rover and locked the car doors, then made my way over to Finn
I shook him gently; he stirred but no major movement
''Finn- '' I started, then stopped, it was pointless
I didn't need to be a rocket scientist to know Finn was drunk, again
I looked around I don't know exactly what I was expecting, but there surely wasn't a solution for the problem at hand, I had no idea what to do
I sighed
It was late, I had no other choice, and sneaking Finn into the house seemed like the best and worst option
The first stop on the Harrison residence tour was: the bathroom
I propped Finn on the toilet, shutting the lid first, Finn successfully managing to knock almost every single object in close proximity over, every time something fell I shut my eyes tightly as if that would stifle the sound
''Baby'' he slurred his face all grimy
I took a face towel and made it wet wiping his face
''Why do you keep doing this?'' I asked sadly, wiping his forehead
This behaviour of his worried me, that he was being so reckless
He chuckled
A pretty normal response for someone who was drunk
''How was your parents'' I asked, trying to distract myself from I don't know what exactly
''My fucking parents?'' he laughed harshly
''Mom and dad couldn't give two shits about me'' he spat
This was news to my ears
''I'm sure that's not true'' I began carefully
''Don't you fucking understand? I keep on telling you? Dad kicked me out, and mom thinks I'm a disgrace, she said so herself'' I could almost hear the hurt in his voice
I didn't add that he had literally never told me this
''They were embarrassed of me'' he muttered
What a sad thing
Finn's head fell forward, and he was silent for a moment too long, worried, I lifted his head to look at him, his eyes were diluted and unfocussed
He wrapped his arms lazily around my waist, and pulled me to him, burying his head in my chest
Finn said something I couldn't make out
''Are you embarrassed of me?'' he asked
I didn't know how to answer him, I stayed quiet
''You are, aren't you?''
I stayed still, his hand wrapped tighter around me
Then his body convulsed as if he were about to throw up, I helped him lean over the toilet
Finn gripped the sides of the toilet, and puked his guts out
His hair was in his face mottled in some areas
He was a mess, one big mess; I had begun to wonder if I was good for him, or even if we were good for each other
I knew the answer to this, but I wasn't ready to admit it
We were two broken pieces to two completely different puzzles
''Come on'' I said helping him up urging him to move
I couldn't help him, his body was too lame, I couldn't carry him, carrying his body inside the house was already the most strenuous thing my body had ever done
'''stay with me'' he murmured
''I'm right here'' I answered
''But don't leave''
I nearly laughed at the irony; this was my house after all.
Maybe a year ago, I would've never considered letting a boy sleep in my bed, or in my house for that matter, but I was done caring, dad left after everything was cleared, he said he'd be back. Grammy went to bed, thinking her son was telling her the truth, but I knew dad wouldn't be back till morning maybe, if we were lucky
Mom had locked herself in her room, with a bottle of vodka; I had heard her crying when I walked past her room
I took Finn up the stairs and into my room, he fell onto the bed, I pulled of his shoes, and took out his phone and wallet out of his pockets, setting everything on my night stand alongside his car keys
I felt some joints in his pocket, but decided it best to leave it there. I was about to pull off his jacket when he stopped me
''Don't be mad'' he said
''Why would I be mad I smiled, but my smile evaporated, when I took off his jacket
Strapped to his body was a holster
I took a few steps back in a rush, glancing at the door, afraid someone might've seen
It couldn't possibly be legal for him to have that
Finn didn't look up, and even in his drunken state, he took the gun out of the holster with such ease and pointed it to the ground, then in one swift moment uncorked it and unloaded the magazine out of the gun
''Was that there the whole time?" I asked shakily
Finn nodded, setting the gun on the ground
''Why do you have that'' I found myself asking
''I need to have it'' he answered
''No you don't'' I argued
No one needed a gun
''Frank got killed because he thought so too, he was stupid, I can't be stupid, I can't afford it'' he stated
I didn't understand what to do with this information, I had no idea who Frank was, and his explanation for having a gun wasn't really a valid one in my opinion
But I let it slide as Finn was in no state to reiterate
I sighed and made my way over to my dresser, pulling off my dress, and slipping on a shorts and t-shirt so fast on, my bones made those weird cracking sounds
How graceful
Finn was watching me intently
I wished he wouldn't
I clambered into the bed next to him, moving so slowly, careful not to touch him
My back facing him
Finn shifted closer, and slipped his arm around me, his hand sliding under my t-shirt, I shivered his hands were frighteningly cold
He pulled me so that my back was against his body; I raised my knees to my chest, I was not used to sleeping like this
Finn moved my hair out of the way, and planted a cold kiss at the base of my neck
I turned around to face him, only for him to plant another kiss on my lips so gently
I ignored the stench of alcohol that radiated from him, and stayed still
Finn's eyes got droopy
''I love you Em'' Being the last words he muttered before drifting into a soundless sleep