Finn
A few nights ago, Finn woke up grungy, hung-over and naked. He fumbled around in his drawer for pain killers and a bottle of water
He got up, legs dangling on the side of the bed, pulling on his clothes of the night before
Finn lay back down, blowing puffs of smoke towards the ceiling
Snippets of the night before tickling the edge of his memory; One too many shots, an edible and a half bottle of vodka later, he felt sick to his stomach
Finn turned to look at the empty space next to him, and the white cushion that had still had a dent in because of a head that had lain there the night before
Finn smiled to himself, running a hand through his hair
Emily
He would never care to admit it, but his head, thoughts and entire being was filled with her and only her 24/7
Finn peeled the sheet back of the bed, just a little bit, enough for him to climb back into bed and cover himself
What were another few hours of sleep?
That's when he saw it
First he thought his eyes hadn't adjusted to seeing daylight, and his eyes needed to sharpen the image, like a camera out of focus, needing to re-center
Finn rubbed at his eyes, then blinked profusely
The evidence still evidently there: A smudge of blood
He just shut his eyes again; he was too tired for anything, when a thought crossed his mind causing him to shoot up so fast, his head hurt from the abrupt movement
''Fuck'' was the words that sprung off his tongue on pure impulse
It couldn't be? Or could it
But what about those terrible marks he had seen on her back?
But that was at least a month ago by now, surely it would've healed by now
What the fuck had happened last night, Finn ran a hand violently through his hair
Last night
oh no
''fuck, fuck, fuck" he muttered, getting up and pulling off the sheets completely off his bed
Getting wasted was definitely a check on the list of what he had done last night; there was nothing else to explain how shitty he was feeling in this moment in time right now
Finn remembered her soft thighs, and pearly porcelain skin, warm to his touch, he felt his skin start to tingle
''C'mon cut it out Finn''
What had he done?
Actually he thought he knew exactly what he had done, but he hoped for his sake it hadn't happened
Checking his phone, he took a deep breath: no texts no calls
Finn yanked the sheets violently, and dragged it into the bathroom, where he dumped it into the bath, planning on washing the sheets himself, instead of dumping it into a dirty laundry hamper and waiting for the house cleaner to clean it with the rest of the dirty laundry
Call it guilt, disgust, shamefulness even
The one person in the whole entire world that he cared about the most and didn't want to hurt in any way, he ended up hurting in the worst way
Finn considered calling immediately and telling her he was sorry, but the guilt was too much
What the fuck have I done? His subconscious screamed at him
Running a hand through his hair Finn lit another cigarette
Thoughts running wild of Emily and what he had done to her
What if she never forgave me? Never wanted to speak to me again? What if he never saw her again? Finn's thought ran wild with endless possibilities
Best case scenario: she sent him to prison, he did time, but she still saw him, and they stayed friends
Finn couldn't anymore; he turned the faucet on, and dunked the sheets into the basin, getting to work immediately
Sure he had sex with many girls, maybe some who were even virgins
But they had wanted it; to make himself feel better he'd even go so far to say that they'd begged him for it
It was never anything like this
Most of the time he didn't think Emily wanted him at all; it was like he was constantly fighting for her, and they might've finally been in a good place, but now Finn was sure that what he had done had definitely ruined all chances he ever had with her
Was she okay? Was she hurt? Was she mad?
Fuck this
He dialed her
Straight to voicemail
His courage died down, he decided to not call again
Standing in front of the mirror, hands gripping the sides of the dresser, he pointed to his reflection in the mirror
''You are a fuck up'' he told himself
Finn had done the one bad thing that under no circumstance was it okay to do to anyone, even if you hated them, yet somehow he had managed to do this very deed to the one person he cared for more than he probably did about himself
He knew it sounded stupid, cliché even, but he never felt the way he had around anyone besides Emily Harrison
Finn hopped into the shower thinking it might wash away some of the despair and shame
No luck there
He dressed hastily, with the sole intention of going straight to her house after and checking up on her; he didn't care if she was mad or never wanted to see him again
He just had to make sure
Finn's phone vibrated and he lunged for it like a teenage girl who had just landed a new boyfriend
Thinking it was Emily
How wrong he had been
Finn slumped into the armchair
The only thing he had been dreading for months, other than Emily leaving him
Shit
The thought of what he had done, sent his heart racing, this day was plummeting downward fast.
This was bad, the one bad thing that could possibly, potentially lead to the orchestration of his death, seemed to have just fallen in place
The text read:
Friday night 8pm the docks
It was from an unknown number, but he knew what that meant, despite how vague the message was he knew exactly what he needed to do
Finn wasn't ready
He definitely hadn't expected for this to have died down so quickly, it had only been 5 months after all
And Finn had gotten used to living freely, without having to live like he was being watched constantly
But now all this was going to be gone, just like that
And what about Emily
Finn got dressed, packed a duffel bag, grabbed some cash from the floorboard under his bed
He needed to get out of here, the sooner the better; he booked a room at the Reistern hotel for a week. It would have to do for now
Finn needed to be far away from the life he had sort of built for himself in the last few months, for safety
For everyone else's safety
Finn wished he could do it all over again, like start life over again, maybe he'd be smarter about the decisions he made at school, maybe mom would love him, maybe dad wouldn't be that disappointed in him
But there is a time in your life where you stop caring and you start trying to make the best of what you've got, but this was seemingly getting more impossible as time grew on
Even if he could go back to the night that Frank died
Frank was one of his best friends, the most genuine people you could ever meet, life treated him poorly, and that's how he came to work in this field
Finn had been doing this for 3 years now, by then you'd know the names of most of the staff, and the work practically inside out, but not in this case. In the three years that Finn had worked and he had learnt nothing, all he knew was that the person they reported to was known as; Big Rick. Big Rick was as high as Finn went when it came to management at least. Big Rick was like the CEO of Finn's company, but in the real world Big Rick was nothing but a busboy
If this were a hotel, Big rick was the car guard.
So what did that make Finn?
Finn didn't know how far, high, long the list was of people in command, or who operated any of this. One thing was for sure he wasn't keen on finding out
Admittedly when Finn had just been brought in, he had underestimated a lot about the industry he'd so willingly walked into, it would have helped if he had been more careful about the decisions he had made at the beginning.
Being on the streets already signified you had nothing: no home, family, friends, occupation, even title, it took everything from you, stripped you bare and shredded what was left, which was: his sense of belonging, pride and self-respect, it had been the lowest Finn had ever been in his entire life, Which was why, when big rick found him Finn was so grateful and eager to have found a new purpose
Like a light after years of darkness
Finn threw himself into it, thinking that this was his true calling, the life he was meant to live, with the people that understood an loved him for who he really was- after all they had seen him at his literal worst
Without him knowing Finn had fabricated a false reality, one wherein these people actually cared about him and this was his real true home
The sense of belonging was all Finn had craved for all these years after all, so this sweet taste of whatever it was, was exactly what Finn thought he wanted and needed, so he clung like hell
Undoubtedly it was fun at first; the drugs, the thrill, the adrenaline rush, the cash, - it was practically the teenage dream
But it couldn't be that easy? No occupation was that rewarding without it having something to compensate in turn for all the goodness and joy it brought
In this instance, it was; whenever you were summoned, you reported, which doesn't sound that hard, talk about the dream job right?
Finn didn't mind it one bit of course
Until he did
It happened like this, he was dealing at some party, spring break time, where the parties were phenomenal and the heat was near smoldering hot, Finn had indulged a bit too much, thinking what's the harm?
The one time Finn had partied the hardest he ever had in his entire life, Big Rick had reached out to him, instructing Finn to drop of the months cash payment at his office that night
As predicted Finn was a no show, and the very next day Big Rick drove up to Finn's apartment complex, paid Finn a nice visit where Big Rick left with the money, and Finn was left with three bullet hole wounds in his right leg and two feet
And that's the story of how Finn had gotten shot the first time, yes it was nothing scandalous, like a lovers quarrel, or some mafia war, just Finn's boss had gotten angry at Finn for not jumping at his beck and call
The bullet holes were not fatal, it just left Finn unable to walk for a couple of weeks, which was scary enough, because Finn couldn't even get to the phone to call for help
That was enough of an eye opener for Finn, young teenage Finn had never been so scared in his life, plus he was now scarred for life, he tried to leave after a year thinking he had enough saved and things were getting too intense for him, then there was the underlying fact: truth be told he missed his real family, even if they didn't necessarily miss him, he missed the family that didn't try to shoot at him no matter how much they hated him, plus he and Dave had been speaking for a couple of months
They'd basically been planning for the day Finn would come home, Dave would have a cabin waiting for him, Cecily and Dave would help Finn adjust, and how they'd slowly break the news to mom and dad together
Everything had been planned to the T
A week before Finn was scheduled to meet his Dave; a black SUV had been following him relentlessly for a week
He didn't want to take any chances by endangering his family, so he decided to not show up to see Dave to protect him
An alive safe brother was better than an endangered potentially dead one
It was then when Finn had realized he was trapped
Until a few months ago
Finn and Frank were assigned to one of the biggest shipments coming in
Finn didn't understand the complications of it all, big rick thought that Frank and Finn knowing nothing was far safer than knowing
Fast forward; it was a setup
Frank had done something stupid that night, really stupid, unfortunately it got him killed and two others arrested, Finn included, but Finn had been arrested for a completely different reason as them
Weeks after when Fin, Julian, Garrett and Hank got out on bail, Big Rick had expressed his thoughts: that frank died for nothing, it was a stupid way to die, because Frank could have prevented that if he had taken Big Rick's advice by arming himself, Frank would have be here with them today
Finn disagreed with Big Rick, Frank didn't die for nothing that night, instead Frank had died with Finn's secret; that it had not been a setup on the opposite party's behalf; it had been Finn all along. Finn had seen an opportunity- a way out, and he wasn't going to let that pass
Finn was the reason why frank had died
It was never supposed to end like this, Frank had known about Finn's plan; they were both supposed to come out on the other side at the end of this, but a miscalculation on Finn's side, and the opposite party responding to Finn by means of gunfire sent everything to hell
Unfortunately for Finn, his first plan was a bust the moment Frank's dead corpse hit the ground, but fortunately for him it was at this moment Finn saw another opportunity
The shipment had come in, but the war had had everyone distracted, that they didn't see Finn swipe it right from under their noses
The thing had spiraled so dramatically out of control that cops and he FBI had joined
There had also been many casualties and outcome's similar to Frank's, people arrested, those innocent arrested for crimes they hadn't committed
No one suspected Finn concerning the shipment, especially when he circled back to the location where all of this went down, after safely taking the merchandise away.
Finn was arrested for vandalizing property, driving with no driver's license and carrying a firearm with no firearm license
Finn's superior's had thought that the opposite party was responsible for the disappearance of the shipment, which resulted in many deaths and supposed suicides that occurred in the next couple of months
Finn had rented a storage space and kept it there
Thinking he'd sell everything, and buy himself out of all of this
And for the first time in months he had hope