*Forty-Five*

My small conversation with mom brought me back to thinking of how I'd almost bought Finn a present, keyword: almost

Hence: I hadn't bought him a present

The thing was I didn't bring up serious topics like Christmas, thanksgiving or family dinner's up around Finn, reason being I didn't want our relationship to become an actual relationship. Finn wasn't my boyfriend; I don't think I wanted him to be

I was seriously running out of nice ways to say; that I didn't want Finn around like in my life anymore without me sounding like a complete jackass

But basically if I was being blunt: I didn't want to bring him home and have to introduce him to my family.

If I'm being honest, admitting this out loud had me feel like such a class A Bitch, but I was too much of a jerk to actually do anything drastic about it

I found Cecily that afternoon packing groceries into the kitchen cabinets, and after a series of; Hey's and Hi's, I helped her unpack the last of the goods

'' quick question'' – I began

Cecily turned to face me ''Shoot'' she said folding her arms across her chest

''Finn said you guys don't have thanksgiving together- ''

''he said that?'' she interrupted

''not is so much words'' I admitted

Cecily leaned back against the counter ''why are you asking me this?'' she asked

I shrugged feigning innocence

''I guess I just wanted to make sure he wasn't spending Christmas alone, - '' Cecily met my eyes briefly before looking away, I carried on '' I don't know I assumed if you guys didn't have thanksgiving together you probably didn't have Christmas together as well''

This time she shrugged ''we haven't for a while, it's nothing new honestly''

''forgive me if I'm intruding but how come?''

Cecily frowned but didn't respond

''I guess what I'm asking is; could whatever is going on in your home be salvaged before Christmas?''

''ha! Unlikely'' She responded bitterly, seemingly to have zoned out for a brief moment

The moment passed

''honestly, you should take this up with Finn''

''believe me I've tried'' I said to no one in particular

Cecily looked to me, disbelief evident on her face

She sighed ''where are you going with this?''

''I just think everyone deserves to spend the holidays with their family''

I cringed at my own hypocrisy

Her frown deepened

''you said you guys didn't have Christmas together in a while – '' Cecily nodded her head at this statement ''knowing Finn he probably won't come out of his own accord, so maybe re-invite him, or get your parents to -''

Cecily didn't so much as interrupt me or say anything, it was her facial expression that stopped me dead in my tracks; she looked at me as if I were daft, so I let silence enveloped me instead of finishing. She didn't answer right away but after a beat of awkward silence she caved in

''Mom and dad would never....'' she began, I sensed a change in her tone, and I was afraid I might have pushed too far '' I don't think you understand the full –'' Cecily continued

''I get it -'' I added hastily, hoping that I hadn't already pushed I too far, - which I seemed to be doing often lately

''No you don't'' she assured

Ouch

''For people like Finn, it's the little things''

I didn't understand exactly what she was referring to

''define little'' I asked daringly

Cecily's demeanour softened like ice cream melting

''Finn has been robbed of the normal pleasures many of us constantly take for granted, so he relies on the little things to make up for- ''

Cecily bit her tongue; I could tell she was afraid she might've spilled too much

''That's unfair'' I answered my voice barely audible

''It is unfair isn't it'' she said to no one in particular

And in that moment I knew exactly what I had to do

Like a lot of questionable things I'd been doing recently, this didn't feel like one of those

It almost felt selfless

Yes, I wasn't ready to bring him to the parents, or start introducing him as my boyfriend, but this was something

I also didn't want commitment, and what I had in mind was a win –win situation

Call me a bitch I'm honestly past it at this point

So I went out and went to get him gifts, only to wrap it up in different styles, shades and patterned wrapping paper, and top it off with the most obnoxious bows and ribbons I could find, scrawling on every package his name in a black sharpie.

As much as I wanted to pretend that this didn't mean anything to me, I knew it did, because I was giddy, and looking forward to everything coming together in just a few more days

I had a plan

We'd have an exclusive Christmas dinner for Finn alone; we had gone all out, Christmas tree and everything. I'd found an old artificial tree in our storage that had taken us a few times to assemble, but I deemed it worth it the moment the finished product took my breath away

I also had also never envisioned myself meeting Finn's parents, well the way I had at least. I dropped the tree at Cecily's house –which mind you didn't even qualify as a house, it was more like a manor, for a moment I had thought it was the white house instead of Finn's birth home

Mrs Windel opened the door, - I strung this conclusion together purely based on the fact that she was the splitting image of Finn, -or should I say Finn was the splitting image of her

''Hi'' I managed to get out, and I could practically see the confusion on her face when Mrs Windel looked from me to the gigantic tree standing beside me

''Hello'' she answered in more of a question than a greeting

''Uh, is Cecily home?'' I asked even though I knew full well that Cecily was home as she had texted me to drop the tree

''oh yes, sure, come on right in'' Mrs Windel said stepping aside, giving the tree a side eye

I decided it best to leave the tree outside

''I'll be right there Emily'' Cecily called down from wherever she was

''sure'' I mumbled back

Mrs Windel said nothing as she closed the door behind me leaving the Christmas tree on her front step. She instructed me to have a seat, as Cecily would be right down, and I felt like a boy waiting for his prom date do descend the stairs

When Cecily finally did come out, the both of us hoisted the tree into the back of her boyfriend's truck that he had loaned to her for the weekend for this exact reason. Reason being; that Cecily would go through to the cabin Christmas morning as she wouldn't really be busy, and could afford to slip out and execute phase 1 of my Christmas gift to Finn. While Cecily did that, Dave would take Finn out the morning for some bro-bonding experience or whatever you want to call it, I wasn't exactly sure what the bro-bonding experience entailed, so long as Finn was distracted and not compelled to come home

My job was basically to prepare the food and supply on that end, which meant when mom and I prepared food the morning for Christmas dinner, I'd have to increase the quantity of everything we made

And as for the present's, that too I had left with Cecily to place under the Christmas tree when she did set everything up

This whole operation was stressful - I'm not going to lie, because it was Christmas after all, a day you spent with family and loved ones. And here I was planning a Christmas excluding any type of family. So basically to avoid any suspicion, we'd basically all have to slip out earlier

Thankfully for me our Christmas was one heck of a shit show, and it lowered the standard enough for me to not look forward to another Christmas ever again. I didn't even have to slip out early like I thought I would need to, because no one came, - not even dad, and mom had called it a night by going to bed earlier than usual, and Matt and I sat at the table eating our dinner in silence

It was kind of obvious that mom and dad had tried to make up for Christmas being a disaster by getting us higher priced gifts. But their attempts were null and void because the gifts sat opened and neglected on the coffee table in the lounge area

After Matt and I ate dinner, - me leaving a lot of space for my second round of a Christmas dinner that I'd have later this evening) we cleared up everything and headed up to our bedrooms, where I would change out of my Christmas pyjamas into the most red cliché Christmas dress I could find in my cupboard, to top it off I threw a sweater on over it, as I did not have the confidence to wear it just like that) and paired it with black combat boots

When I exited my room, there was Matt looking at me all sad and doe eyed

''what's wrong kiddo?'' I asked

''don't call me that, I'm not a baby'' he responded all defensively

''okay, okay never again, what's wrong?'' I held up my hands in apology

He wiped at his tears that I hadn't noticed soaked his cheeks

''Where are you going to?'' he asked changing the subject

''to a friend'' I added, already walking away from him

''what friend?''

''not a friend you know'' I retorted not even glancing around me, making a b-line for the front door

''can I come?''

I stopped dead in my tracks, and turned to look at him, I considered saying no, but I could tell Matt wanted an escape from this house as much as I wanted it

I stayed silent for a moment longer, thinking what I was about do next thoroughly

''Yeah okay sure, get your coat'' I responded before I could change my mind

I saw Matt's face light up like star, and I'd never seen him run so fast up that stairs, as he almost tripped over his own feet

Looks like I was bringing Matt with too

I left mom a note on the fridge and I texted her saying Matt and I went to a friend of mine, just in case she came out of her room and looked for us,- which I doubted but just to be sure, I left it

To say Finn was surprised was an understatement. He beamed, and my heart smiled

In that moment I didn't care that the year had been terrible, that I might have overcooked the lasagne, or that a year ago my life was very different to what it was now, because Finn's face had made everything worth it

That night had been one of the few highlights of that year. Cecily had gone out everything was beautifully decorated, we ate dinner in candlelight and the music softly coming from the stereo player brought the room to life

We ate, and laughed at Cecily's absurd campus adventures and Finn's childhood pranks, Matt seemed to have fun too, Dave liked him, and the two of them talked about video games, and about their love for Gatorade

All through the night Finn sent me winks over the table, and I couldn't help but smile. Cecily eventually excused herself to fetch dessert and ordered me to stay put when I offered to help her, and Finn thought this was the perfect opportunity for him to slip me a kiss

After that we ate dessert and lye on the floor because of how full we were, so full we nearly forgot to open up presents

Finn opened a pair of headphones, a leather jacket and socks from Cecily and some tickets to some sports event he wanted to go to from Dave

Mine were honestly dumb; I had had no idea what to get him, and I eventually settled on random things

I had got him key ring that read: 'drinking and driving kills', a few plain pairs of white t-shirts, a lighter because Finn lost a lot of them on a regular, a custom hat, that read: I love my jeep and a lot of jolly rancher's – Finn's favorite candy. After opening everything he smiled ear to ear which erased every inkling of doubt I ever had leading up to this night, whether it had been buying him presents or even this entire night, because of my commitment issues.

Cecily had even laughed at my presents and said I'd outdone myself

Matt apologized for not getting Finn anything, Finn chuckled in turn, gave him 200 bucks and a hair ruffle

''I got something for you too, Finn whispered in my ear, which was kind of a attention drawer because everyone watched this intimate moment, I felt kind of awkward, I was in front of my brother after all and Finn's siblings that didn't exactly love the idea of me

I shivered, because of his tickly breath on my ear, but I doubt it looked like that to viewers

Finn pulled out a Cartier box

I heard a gasp slip Cecily's mouth

I looked away; I didn't even want to know what's inside the box, because I sure as hell did not spend the same amount on him

This was way too expensive

''Finn, no'' I murmured

''when did you get time to get that'' Dave added humorously

Finn ignored me and Dave, and opened the box

it was the most beautiful necklace I'd seen, I'm not being bias because it was for me, it was honestly lovely; there lye a thin sliver of a silver chain, with a pendant the shape of a balloon and a silhouette of a man holding onto this balloon that seemed to be floating away, I admit describing this it sounded kind of odd, but it was beautiful, this might sound weird, but it was beautiful, the balloon had diamonds in that sparkled when it caught the light, and the silhouetted man had one diamond on his body where a heart should have been

''Thank you'' I said whispering my thanks

Finn kissed me on my cheek

At least he kept it pg.; I still didn't meet anyone's gazes, especially not Matts, I didn't even want to think about what was running through his mind at this moment, mom and dad weren't the most affectionate people, in fact I don't remember them ever showing each other any sort of physical affection since the beginning of time

Finn swept the hair off my neck onto my shoulder, baring the nape of my neck to him, where he planted a kiss

''Okay get a room you two'' Cecily said

And I was honestly thankful

Dave and Matt left the lounge area first; Dave said he wanted to show Matt something, next Cecily left to open the door for her boyfriend Timothy

Finn didn't waste another moment before pulling me onto his lip, and kissing me so tenderly, I felt the tingle all the way down to my toes

''Thank you'' Finn said looking me in the eye where I saw in his eyes how much this had really meant to him

Guilt started to seep in

''you give me way to much credit, your siblings made this all happen'' I responded

''Stop trying to be humble, Dave said this was all your idea'' He asserted leaving no room for me to try and shift the credit onto someone more deserving

''He said that?'' I said unable to keep the surprise out of my voice

''Mmhmm'' was all Finn said, as he had already begun to trail kisses up my neck towards my jaw

The rest of the night was just a bow on top for everything that happened before that, first Cecily turned up the music so loud the floor vibrated, and her squeal of laughter brought everyone back to the lounge, when Finn and I got to the lounge, Dave, Matt, Timothy and Cecily were already there, Timothy and Cecily dancing and singing while Dave and matt stood idly by laughing, Dave joined shortly after causing matt to follow in his footsteps, when Finn pulled me to him so we could join the dance party

Sure it was the weirdest Christmas, but it was the best one I'd had so far

And when the music slowed, and the curtain dropped, Finn pulled me closer to him, looping his arms at my waist, while my arms rested on his shoulders, when he bent down and whispered in my ear that he was never letting go