*Fifty*

I guess I lied, because I didn't see Finn for the rest of that year, so no there was no epic new year's kiss, lips meeting exactly when the first second of the new year welcomed everyone, and everyone welcomed the new year by screaming: 'happy new year' at the top of their lungs, whilst I had my tongue in someone else's mouth, and they had their arms around my waist. - Nope nothing like that.

Oh Finn had texted many times, inviting me to string along to his plans, or just simply come and see him, but as you can probably tell, I never accepted his invitation

I had my reasons of course, things had been much easier when mom was not speaking to me or so....present. Because now all she seemed to do was care, care where I was going, with who I was going, care about how I was going. - It was overwhelming. And the whole thing about her taking me to the places I needed to be at - I assumed it was more about her not trusting me than her suddenly caring about me travelling with strangers who were not her

For her it was fairly suspicious the fact that I had too many new 'friends' that have seemed to surface out of nowhere, well according to mom at least.

I mean I get it, after it had just been Amanda and I all these years, and now I was sleeping out by 'friends' houses that she has never met

I also couldn't bring myself to tell her about Amanda an I's falling out, I predicted that she'd even be more less trusting of me if she found out about this, like she'd trust my supposed 'friends' less if she knew, which is why I said nothing.

Another thing I had been dreading, were the opinions circulating, people watching because Finn was my ride usually, and now here my mom was after months of absence

I didn't know what people would think I didn't want to assume either, as it would just be negative things that would upset me more, things like; oh look she was dumped, and I knew it wouldn't have worked out, or Finn finally got tired of her...

I don't know why being dumped was something to be ashamed of, and either way I shouldn't have cared about anyone's opinions of me, but I did, all I seemed to care about was what people thought of me

Like if I did this what would they think of me? Or if I said that what would they say about me?

I wanted to be so perfect that no one ever had something to say about me, I know it was a lot to ask for, that no matter who you were there would always be someone who disliked you

But it's what I wanted, to feel validated I suppose

Now it wasn't just mom only making up for lost time by being present in my life, dad had seemed to have hopped on the caring train. The both of them had begun to start acting more like parents and less like..........mom and dad

I hated it, I had gotten accustomed to their old ways, I had adjusted, and now I was being forced to readjust

It was scary how normal everyone was acting; dad acting like nothing had happened, normal like he was still living with us playing the loving father and caring husband role

Dad called me last week, wanting to know about my grades and all that; he even went as far as making plans with me for the following weekend to teach me how to drive. I was dreading it because even though I could sort of drive, - and by sort of I meant I could move the car forward and bring it to a proper stop, reversing was really hard for me, plus the fact that the car jerked a lot when I drove it

Atop all of this, dad was not a very patient person.

It was Thursday and we had a pop quiz today, I anticipated this quiz because every once a week My Royce would give us one, when he didn't prepare a lesson for that day or he just didn't feel like talking to a bunch of kids who were simply there because they sort of wanted to learn but sort of would rather be anywhere else but here

Call-me –Collin lived for these pop quizzes, I could tell, and even though these pop quizzes didn't contribute in any way to our actual marks, call-me-Collin seemed to enjoy it profusely.

I suppose the best learning –or at least the only knowledge you'll actually remember and practice is the ones where you leant it for yourself because you wanted to remember it and not because someone told you or forced you to

So every morning call-me-Collin would ask me random questions concerning the test, ten minutes before the quiz would actually start, and me not being able to answer the questions really messed with my confidence. Regardless if I didn't care about failing these quizzes, I cared enough about not being able to answer call-me-Collins questions, which was why I made myself flash cards the night before and took pride in my aced quizzes

''How much did you get?'' call-me-Collin asked as we came out of the class clutching our test papers that had our marks scrawled on top of the pages to our chests

''Not bad'' I said slightly giddy that it had been the 4th quiz I aced that month

''how about you?.....'' I began '' Okay never mind you probably got a triple A 1403947% out of 100''

He laughed

''not actually, 96%''

''Nice'' I said, nudging him

''I messed up the last 2 questions'' He said sighing

Such an over-achiever

''it's still pretty good Collin'' I assured

He shrugged, brushing me off

''I meant to ask you why are you attending these classes?'' call-me-Collin asked changing the subject just like that

''Extra classes?'' I enquired slightly confused

''No just this class in general, like are you considering pursuing a job in a specific field that you require physics and chemistry?''

I thought about it before answering

''This is probably going to come as a shock to you because you probably have everything figured out, like what job you want, how much kids you'll have, where you're going to live, how much money you're going to make per year –''

He smiled

''I wish'' he muttered

''I actually have no idea what I want to do, I don't know what I even like, so for now I just want all my doors to be open, you know, wanting to have options and all that'' I replied

''That's smart'' he admitted

''And you?'' I asked in turn

He frowned, before answering

''I hope you know that I don't ask you these questions because I want you to ask me the same''

Ouch

''The fact that you just said that proves otherwise'' I remarked

''No, I just mean like you should not ask things because you think it's expected you should only ask questions if you really want to know the answer, like when someone asks how are you, and you say you're good but then you ask them the same question not because you really care about how they are, you're just asking to be polite''

I thought about it, I think he was right I didn't actually want to know, but I didn't want to admit this

''No I really do want to know, maybe I can get some ideas from you and become better at your dream job than you''

''You could never become a better pole dancer than me, I've been told I was made for the pole''

I laughed

''I've been told the pole was made for me''

He laughed

I spotted mom

Time to go

''See you'' I said by way of greeting and he waved me off.

I greeted Mom when I got into the car, but mom was on the phone so she merely nodded; only starting the car when she put down the phone

''how was school?'' she asked

''it was good, I got 100% on my 4th pop quiz'' I exclaimed unable to keep the joy I was feeling at bay

''MmHmm,'' she responded not paying much attention ''I want you to stay away from boys'' she suddenly said taking a sharp left turn

I frowned, but stayed mute like a preschool kid whose teacher had just told him to put his index finger on his lip

''You need to focus more on your school work, you're young, you have your whole life for boys, focus on graduating'' she continued, and I wondered where this was coming from, and why she thought now was the best time to talk about this

I didn't know where this was going, but I doubted it really had anything to do with Finn, well he could have been one of the many factors that had led mom here, but then why hadn't she spoken to me earlier about this?

I thought of all the times mom could have possibly spoken to me about the sore topic of boys, but she hadn't.

So why now?

I assumed she saw Call-me-Collin and I talking, and thought she needed to intervene, which was why I was getting some sort of parent wisdom from mom right now

And mind her, graduation wasn't until 2 years at least, and I've done nothing else but focus on school since the beginning of time, I'm not boasting but I've never not come in the top 5 in my entire lifetime, so it was kind of insulting and slightly degrading that she had just said this to me

I mean even this term I'd been busy........... My mind had majority of the time been elsewhere, anyone could have put together what my mind had been on, and I had come 2nd place in my class

Not only that, I wasn't even one of those boy-crazed girls who sought out boys purely for their entertainment, don't get me wrong my intention here is not to slut-shame anyone but I knew of many people like this, and I actually prided myself on everything that made me different to the next person.

''are you listening?'' mom asked jolting me out of my thoughts

I said nothing; I just nodded my head, not even wanting to defend myself because mom was always right she could never be wrong (repeat line sarcastically) and if I had to say something this would somehow end up in her cussing at me

I hated the timing of her words of advice because I had planned on sneaking out that night, and I didn't want it to seem like I'm the type of kid who does nothing but defy her parents, but all the signs seemed to be pointing to that. I wouldn't have had to sneak out if Amanda and I were still friends, I could've gone to her house – mom could of dropped me there like she so persistently insisted on doing lately (insert eye roll here) I could've asked Amanda to cover for me, and then I could sneak out of her house

- okay this might have been some more sneaking out of houses, but this plan was more full proof than me sneaking out of my own house, and asking my baby brother to cover for me.

No wonder mom thought I was a bad influence on Matt

Because I was

I also couldn't tell mom that I was just staying out to see a friend that was not Amanda because she'd then want to meet the friend and the friend's parents, - you see why this could become a problem

There was Cecily, but even before the whole getting to the whole meeting your friends parent thing, I didn't think Cecily would even consider me a friend, I didn't think Cecily would even cover for me, as our relationship had become more hostile.

I blamed the fact that she didn't think I was good enough for Finn, or the other way around, I didn't know, either way she didn't like me anymore

And my other option Amanda....... Like I said, it was a no-go

Note to self: make friends with Amanda again