*Seven*

The next few days that followed I stayed at home, I was pretty beat and weak.

There were some glass shards that had lodged itself in my back from when I had slept on the kitchen floor on the lovely comfortable mat of glass.

The glass had wedged itself neatly into chunks of my skin, which Matt had to eventually pry out because my arms wouldn't reach.

He cried a lot and his hand shook when he removed it causing more pain, but he got the job done.

There was a little blood on my bed when I had gotten back to my room the next morning when Matt woke me and had put my arm over his narrow shoulders, in attempt to help ease my pain

The first thing I did was look down to in between my legs, - because that was exactly what I needed to make things worse. But there was no sign of blood.

Where could it have come from, because I hadn't been in my room whole night? I walked slowly to my bed catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror, I was a mess. I smoothed my hair down, and felt at the back of my head that the hair was stuck together and crusted to my head. I pulled the hair from my scalp

''Fuck!'' It hurt

I felt underneath the dried hair and found a wound, which was a small gash on my head.

I thought back to yesterday, to where I knocked my head on the stairway rail, - which also explained the blood on my bed.

The days went on, Matt went to school. I stood in the shower for long periods of time, where I let myself cry some more.

The pain in my back was excruciating, I bit down on my tongue, the water seeping into the wounds rinsing away the glass and vodka remains.

I gripped the edge of the shower door, the water burned my skin. I shut the faucet, and climbed out the shower and stood in front of the mirror,

What a mess I was.

I told Amanda to send me all the notes of all the work I missed in the few days I was out of school, just so I wasn't completely bored at home.

I went out of the house the night Dave's parties would usually commence. I could stay at home, I had been doing a terrific job of that whole week, but I was bored and I had a plan.

When I arrived Amanda spotted me first and came running towards me, arms outstretched ready to embrace me

I was rarely out of school, even when I was sick.

''Where have you been all week?'' She asked hastily

''I wasn't feeling well?'' I declared, not entirely lying

''And you feeling better now'' she asked devilishly

I smiled at her and we walked inside, and when she put her arm around my shoulder I bit down on the pain and smiled at her.

That was the night I let myself act like any other stupid teenager.

Four drinks in - of something that to me tasted like air-freshener, paper and vinegar, I found Finn sitting outside on the bench out front.

I went outside and sat on the same bench as him, the alcohol making me more confident than usual.

Two seconds of sitting there, a girl came outside holding two cups and spotted me sitting quite comfortably there. She told me to move and looked at Finn like she had some weird right to sit there, I gathered she had sat here before, and I had 'stolen' her seat

''Scoot'' she snapped

I didn't care, and I didn't move

''Eat my ass'' I said nonchalantly, I wasn't in the mood.

I glanced at Finn partly, a smile playing at his lips as he took a drag from a very short cigarette.

The girl was pissed, she looked at Finn then at me, and I pretended to see something in the distance, just so that I didn't have to look at her.

Eventually the girl left and slammed the front door.

There was a moment of complete silence, before either of us said anything to one another

''You into that?'' I asked unable to help myself pointing to the empty spot where the girl once stood

''Do what do I owe this pleasure?'' Finn asked totally ignoring my question.

I admitted I was never the one to voluntarily sit by him; he was usually the one to

A sigh escaped my mouth as I leaned my head back.

How I saw it, I had two options; to either sit in silence like the wimp I was, or just spit it out

I decided on the latter

''I need something that will help take the edge off things'' I stated my voice for some odd reason breathless

I felt Finn's eyes burning through my skull, probably trying to piece if I was kidding or not

''I want to feel something great, that I'm pretty sure only you can provide me with'' I repeated emphasising my earlier bold statement.

Finn came closer to me

''You sure'' he whispered

''Yes, I'm sure'' I said more softly than I had intended

''Here?''

What was this? Did this just turn into fifty million questions?

''No up my ass-hole, - just give it to me'' I said losing my patience

He chuckled, for some reason the dick found it hilarious.

I was being a bit harsh, even for a guy like Finn, but I was a bit agitated from the beginning of the week and I didn't like that I was taking it out on everybody.

I took a deep breath and mentally dissipated my rage, I was acting like my mother, I did not want to be like her, I let out a breath, and plastered a smile across my face.

Finn put out his cigarette and scooted closer to me

In one moment his hands was on my thigh, sliding inside to the space between my legs, then just brushing past my zipper like a tease.

I frowned upon this

Then swatted his hand once realisation hit me

''No you dip-shit, I didn't mean that!'' I exclaimed, coming to face my mistake that when I had said I wanted something that's what he thought I meant

I wanted to see Finn's face just in case he thought I was an ass for hurting his ego, but I couldn't make out anything because it was really dark.

''Give me something to take, like I don't know, to feel something''

It was a wild shot, but I took a wild guess that he had something

This time I didn't have to repeat myself twice he knew exactly what I was talking about.

But he might've not exactly wanted to give it

So he did have

''Why?'' he asked facing me now, that I saw his face, - the light of the Moon highlighting his hollow cheeks and cheekbones

''Jesus, I'll pay you'' I stated

''No I don't mean like that -'' he interjected running his hand through his hair ''why, now?''

I bit the inside of my lip, contemplating if I should just walk inside and forget about all of this, or stay and ask him one more time before I go back inside.

''Honest truth?'' I asked, my eyes meeting his for the briefest moment

He nodded

''I don't know, I think I've been feeling too much, that I need a break from it''

Finn didn't say anything, and I didn't expect him to, neither did I think I wanted him to, I wasn't even sure why I was telling him this

''ha-ha, the irony'' I said to no in in particular

''that's not an answer'' he said getting up

''wait'' I said grabbing his arm, semi-startled from the feeling of his skin underneath mine, I let go immediately

Finn didn't move he just took another puff of smoke

''I guess what I'm trying to say is, for once I don't want to have to hurt, and I know this might not make sense, and I don't expect it to, neither do I owe you a personal answer, -''

I looked to him, expecting him to say something, but he didn't

''I don't mean to be an ass about it, I just want to have the option of not having to feel, even if it's for a moment'' I muttered into thin air

Finn still didn't say anything he just listened

''God I sound like a psycho, on crack '' I said and got up ''it's okay just forget it'' I brushed it off

I took a step and this time Finn grabbed my wrist, and when I turned to look at him, he tugged me down so that I sat on the bench again

''I know I'm in no place to say- but you're smart, and I hope you know that this type of thing doesn't fix anything'' he stated

I nodded my head, not quite saying anything, of course I knew getting high or shitfaced, would not be able to erase everything bad from my life, but sue me for craving a good time so badly, that I was willing to go to these extra measures to ensure I got what I wanted

''I know'' I said, to no one in particular

''ill set you with something, just know if you get caught it's just you'' Finn said in a sort of urgent whisper

I shivered.

I understood clearly. This was on me, if I got caught; it had nothing to do with him

Before I could assure him that I'd keep my pie hole shut -

''I think I should have something in my room'' he interjected

I decided to scratch what I was just about to say, and nod instead

We went inside, I hung my head low because I didn't want anyone to see anything let alone me walking with Finn to his room, luckily everyone's attention was on Josh, I couldn't see from over the crowd but I heard him yelling, and everyone cheering.

I walked faster.

We went into Finns room and I shut the door

''Lock it'' he said glancing at me from over his shoulder, I gulped and turned the key slowly

I will say this experience was unnerving -I thought drug dealers were supposed to eliminate your doubts of you becoming a stoner, and sell you the dream of drugs being the best thing ever since the beginning of time

Maybe Finn had just said that as a precaution because I looked like a squealer.

Finn's room didn't compliment him at all, there was a simple double bed, and the room was all furnished in white sleek designs, a sofa a cupboard some laying clothes on both.

He pulled out something from in his draw, I couldn't really see what he was doing as his back was faced towards me, all I could see was that he was doing something, because his arms were moving

I shivered it was a bit chilly and I didn't bring a jacket, he noticed this, and gestured for me to close the window.

I watched Finn take out a vial holding some type of white powder.

I didn't know drugs, I never did drugs, I never read up on it or anything, I was a pretty basic, boring person, the only thing I knew about; was cigarettes, hookah pipes, juuls and vapes.

So I was scared, I had no idea what this was.

He ripped a piece of paper from a notebook that I hadn't noticed on his nightstand, and sat down by the small glass coffee table in the centre of his room.

Finn gestured for me to sit next to him; I walked over and sat down awkwardly crossing my legs.

He worked fast, throwing the contents out on the table in a straight line, then doing the exact same thing again on the table in another line a bit further from the first line.

''How many hits you want?''

I looked at him, was he talking to me?

I had no idea what he was talking about

''I never did this before'' I said truthfully

He chuckled, running his right hand through his hair

''Jesus Christ''

I fidgeted awkwardly

''Are you sure about all this?'' he asked again pointing to the table

''I'm sure'' I said softly

''Okay -'' he took a deep breath

'' Close your one nostril with your index finger then -'' Finn began explaining how to take this - whatever it was

I looked at him, still confused, was i supposed to sniff it or eat it?

He sighed, and demonstrated.

Finn closed his one nostril then put his head against the table and inhaled in the row l of powder on the table in one go.

He wiped his nose of the remaining powder, and tilted his head back, pinching the bridge of his nose.

''God, this is so fucked up'' Finn muttered

I did the same. It was hard, because I would accidentally blow air out my mouth and it would move the powder out of the line, the whole time Finn just watched me amused, and I had to make a straight line again, because it would just mean more work to sniff in a squiggly line than a straight one.

I probably did this about thrice till I got everything in. It felt weird, my nose felt stuffy and blocked I didn't like it. I wanted it out again; Finn looked at me and was able to tell my discomfort.

''Breath in more deep, it's not in your bloodstream yet, that's why it feels like your nose is blocked, the stuff is just chilling in your nose''

I never thought I would say it, but I was tired of breathing. I breathed in some more, till my nose felt like it opened and just lost its virginity.

I walked slowly to the bed, then lay down on my back and closed my eyes

''Fuck'' I said softly when I moved and my back hurt reminding me of the whole thing that happened at home a few days ago and my not quite healed marks

''You good?'' Finn asked

''MmHmm''

I heard the bed move as he came to sit on the bed against the headboard.

I opened my eyes and looked at him, I saw him light a cigarette.

Tonight I was going all out.

I put my hand on his leg gesturing for the cigarette.

He looked down at my hand, smirking, then handed me the cigarette

''you do know how to smoke?" he said mocking me

I gave him a dissatisfied look.

''Not actually, - but I've seen it enough to be able to wing it'' I said referring to him, the undoubtedly designated chain-smoker

Finn shrugged and I put my first cigarette in between my lips.

It was a different taste, it didn't smell so shitty like Amanda's cigarettes, but these didn't look like Amanda's they were oddly formed.

''Rollies'' Finn answered my unasked question I put it in my mouth

It did nothing then I took the cigarette out.

Absolutely nothing happened

''You have to pull in the air'' he said dubiously, unable to hide the smile out of his voice

Who knew smoking was this hard

I did as he instructed and a small cloud exited my mouth

He smiled and I did it again.

I watched him smoke so effortlessly, how much cigarettes did he smoke per day, month, and year? I looked at him, unknowingly studying him

While taking a very deep breath

I blew out the air and had a coughing fit.

He chuckled but said nothing.

I got up from my laying position as it was awkward and uncomfortable and moved so that I was comfortable, I sat next to him, back against the headboard. And took in another breath, he regarded me warily while taking another drag. I said nothing

I handed him back the cigarette that I hadn't finished. he took it and butted it out in the ashtray on his bedside.

I felt great.

''You okay there?'' he asked mocking me

I swatted his arm then swayed till I lay on his shoulder.

He had a nice smell, like mint and some cologne, which was alien to my nose. Though laying on him, he wasn't very comfortable, I felt like I was being ear fucked. His shoulder was very bony

''you are very uncomfortable ''I said sitting up, my arms felt heavy, but my head felt great, like everything was just great

Finn said something but he just sounded like a murmur.

i lay down on my back, reaching for Finns arm, and wrapping my fingers around his arm, his skin was so soft, yet covered in a map of tattoos.

I loved the feeling everywhere, the way I felt the way he felt, the way my insides felt, I wanted to feel it forever,

I rolled over so that I was closer to him, and he slid further down the bed

And he let me lay on his arm

I watched the smoke exit his mouth, and touch the ceiling over and over and over again

I don't remember that day or how it ended or what happened to me that night. I just remember being so happy and content that my heart wanted to leap out of my chest