"Are you sure you weren't asleep when these things occurred?" I nodded my head, trying to peel away a sticker on my book that I had brought to read while waiting in the waiting room.
"And this has never happened before? No hallucinations or?" I looked up. "Not that I'm sure of." The therapist looked at me, studying me for a few seconds before letting her pen drag against a paper, writing down something. "We have an area in which we could go more in depth in your mental state, but I'm afraid you'd have to stay over night. If you want, I can set up an appointment with them so they can help you." I shook my head.
I knew this would be a heavy topic, I have been in and out of therapy for years but usually for depression and anxiety, not these kinds of things.
"I don't feel comfortable with that." She flashed me a sweet smile. "That's alright, but if you change your mind I highly recommend you do so if you believe this is a big concern. If it gets any worse, I do want you to come back. Having mental problems like this going untreated is dangerous." I nodded my head, the clock ticked besides me, I turned my head and looked at it, I had two minutes until my session was over.
"Do you know anything about how to deal with this?" She took a deep breath. "I think you should just try to use the anxiety techniques I've taught you, okay? Try to push away the intrusive thoughts and if these incidents happen, try to just ignore it the best you can. But then again, I can't give you exact advice until I've diagnosed you."
"What would you diagnose me with?" Before she could speak an alarm went off. It was mine, I put alarms on every session so I knew not to waste time.
"Forget that," I said, picking up my phone and pressing 'cancel'
"I'll figure it out. Thanks for your time." I flashed her a fake smile and stood up, she stood up as well and opened the door for me.
-
I put my headphones in, music blaring through them and blocking out the noise that surrounded me, which was basically nothing but the sound of my shoes crunching against the ground below me. I didn't want to be in my head, and I knew being alone would make it worse but I try to make the song loud enough where my mind would only be distracted by the lyrics and beats.
Of course this didn't work out how I planned because I had an idling feeling that 'something' was behind me, and I don't mean the occasional car passing by.
There was no one behind me, no Camila, at least.
My eyes were trained on the ground in front of me, every rock and twig was in my area of view and though it wasn't exactly the most pleasing thing to continuously look at but it was better than what caught my attention later on.
I looked up to see a blurred horizon with what looked like a girl standing in it. I couldn't see much of her due to the mirage effect.
I stopped in my tracks, squinting my eyes trying to focus her out. She was wearing white and had brown hair cascading down her body but no other detail was obvious to me. I suddenly got hit with the panicky thought that this was Camila.
So I fearfully turned in my tracks and began walking the other way but when I focused my view the other direction, there she was again.
My eyebrows knotted together and I could feel my heart begin to pick up a pace.
I looked behind me, to the direction I was once going, to see she wasn't there anymore. I looked back in front of me to see, once again, that she wasn't there.
I must've been seeing things. My eyes deceived me, so I shook it off and began walking again.
While walking slowly, I took out both of my headphones, not wanting to be taken off guard from one of my senses being occupied.
Immediately I jumped, "Finally," I heard. "I've been trying to talk to you for the longest time." I clenched and unclenched my shaky clammy hands. "What do you want?" She groaned. "I feel like you ask that every time."
I had the burdening thought of the night before and didn't know if she was planning on bringing it up again. I really didn't want to talk about it, or even talk to her in general.
I silently waited, she was right, I did ask that often and I had no comeback. It was already too late to reply when I had processed her words anyway.
"I just want to talk, I feel as though you're avoiding me." I took a deep breath and laid my hand on my abdomen, trying to do a simple breathing exercise my therapist recommended for me. "I don't really want to talk." I stated simply, my voice was shaky though. "Did I do something... Wrong?" She questioned innocently.
"No, I just don't understand what you are."
"I'm Camila." I shook my head. "You're not human." I persisted. "Why are you so sure of that?" I shoved the headphones that were still in my hand into my pocket. "No human can do what you've done." I replied.
"That doesn't mean I'm not human." I scoffed, becoming annoyed. "Yes, it does. No one just disappears and reappears anywhere, people don't feel like how you feel, people don't just stalk others like this." She was silent for a few beats.
"I never said I was normal." I ran my fingers through my hair. "You're my imagination." My eyes trained on a newspaper that was lightly being carried by the wind, it looked dirty.
"Others would disagree." Her voice was a whisper and the sense of her presence I've become familiar with had disappeared.
I looked behind me and she wasn't there, I wish I could say I was surprised. The newspaper I was distracted by was caught against a larger rock not that far from me, in that moment I decided to walk towards it.
When I got to it, I saw that the ink was smeared, I reached down and grabbed it, lifting it up to my view I searched it all, trying to find something that I could read.
The only word that was readable was,
'Camila'