Today was a quiet day.
You hadn't really felt like this before, but it felt like there was an emptiness where your chest is, where your heart should be.
You felt kind of numb, and you didn't want to talk really, but you did want to cuddle. So you'd been particularly needy with Dabi, and Jin. The two people you knew and trusted enough to allow them to hold you for a long period of time.
Jin was more than happy to oblige, hugging you while you sat on his lap and did some more worksheets that Kurogiri had begun to spring on you again. He tried helping you as much as he could, his approach a lot gentler than Shigaraki's.
You wonder if maybe that's why you were feeling a little off-colour today. You'd tried doing some math worksheets with Shigaraki yesterday, and he'd ended up getting frustrated with you for not knowing your times tables off by heart. He wasn't yelling, but he wasn't exactly being nice either. Not that he was ever really outwardly nice, just tolerant of you.
You enjoyed leaning against Jin, he was a lot more solid than Dabi was, and you didn't need to worry about hurting him like you did Dabi, beginning to understand how fragile Dabi's staples and burns were now you finally knew what had happened to him.
It was nice having Jin lean over your shoulder to help you with your questions, him pressing quick kisses to your temple every time he leaned back again.
Sometimes he'd sigh and whisper praise to you as he rested his chin on your head, telling you how he wished his little girl was as cuddly as you, happily telling you all about her until you asked if you could play with her one day.
When you'd done that, he'd dismissed himself and gone for a cigarette.
You'd immediately got off of your stool to clamber onto Dabi's lap, earning a little surprised grunt from him, his eyes rolling in vague annoyance at being disturbed as he put his phone down on the bar.
"Wha's up, Star?" He asks, hauling you up so you can sit on his lap properly.
"Did I upset Uncle Jin?" You fret, thumping your head back into his shoulder to look up at his cold eyes.
His eyes slide to the door that Jin had exited from, his gnarled arm lazily wrapping around your waist to keep you stable.
"Nah." Dabi replies, looking back down at you. "He's just missin' his little one."
"I didn't know, so I just got a bit excited..." You explain, trying to correct the situation.
"Stop fussin'. It's fine. He's a big boy." Dabi sighs. "Ya finish your work?"
He leans forward to slide your worksheet towards him, resting his chin on top of your head much like Jin did. You straighten your head, your eyes scanning over the worksheet.
"Looks good t'me." He praises. "Attagirl."
He puts it back down, nuzzling his cheek against your head.
"Why don'tcha go an' play with Toga and Magne?" He asks, leaning his cheek on your shoulder. "Think Toga's doin' Magne's hair. You liked it when she did your hair last time, didn't ya?"
"Mm." You agree, picking at a loose thread on one of the hand-me-downs that Giran had gifted you a while ago.
You feel Dabi's eyes burning into you expectantly for an answer. He looks around quickly, checking that Spinner and Shigaraki were still engrossed in whatever game they were playing.
He gently grips your chin, turning your head softly to look at you.
"What's the problem, Starshine?" He asks quietly. "You're bein' all weird. Actin' like a puppy or somethin'." He tries to tease. "Someone upset ya?"
His eyes slide and narrow at Shigaraki for a second before he looks back at you, his thumb stroking your jaw gently.
You shake your head as much as you can with his hand holding your chin, and lean your face into the caress of his thumb against your jawline.
He stares at you, his eyes softening slightly.
"Tell me." He says, his voice still straining to be quiet. "No secrets."
You shrug as he lets go of your face. You didn't really know how to explain it. You just felt like something was missing inside you, like maybe you were hungry? But it was in your chest, not your stomach. Maybe you were just tired.
He doesn't seem impressed with this answer, his fingers moving to his cheek, and picking at one of the many staples that lined it and his eyebrow lifting at you.
The corners of your mouth fall as you try to think of a way to word it. His thumb glides over your cheek softly, his face falling into a look of concern.
"I just don't feel very good." You reply quietly, reaching for his hand again as he withdraws it.
He swats your hand away gently, placing the back of his hand on your forehead. His eyebrows furrow.
"You feel fine. Your head hurtin'? Tummy? Gettin' a cold?"
You shake your head. "I think maybe I'm just tired?"
He gives you another once over before glancing at the other two at the end of the bar and then quickly pressing his mismatched lips to your forehead.
"Alright. Let's get ya to bed then, yeah?" He gestures for you to get off his lap, which you do obediently, waiting for him to follow suit.
You walk up to the elevator quietly, making sure you're close enough to Dabi to be able to brush his scarred arm occasionally with your own.
During the short elevator ride, Dabi keeps his eyes on the floor, but presses the back of his hand against your forehead again, as if he thinks it would have changed in that short a time.
He holds the back of your head as you walk to your shared room, his thumb coursing over your skull rhythmically.
He holds the door open for you, telling you to go and brush your teeth and he'll try to find Adventure Time for you on the TV.
You hum, doing what you're told, and climbing onto the bed, reaching for teddy as you lie down.
Somehow lying down feels worse.
Dabi sits on the edge of the bed, clicking on Adventure Time and then placing the remote next to you, leaning down to kiss your temple.
"You have your nap, an' hopefully you'll feel better when y'wake up." He says as softly as he can, moving the hair out of your face gently. "I'll come an' check on you in case ya need me."
"Stay."
He blinks, before sighing. "Budge up then, princess."
You roll with teddy in your arms, allowing enough space for Dabi to lie beside you.
He chuckles slightly, getting on top of the sheets beside you, crossing his arms behind his head.
The second he's beside you, you're basically burying yourself into his side, your face smushed up against his ribs.
A warm hand lands itself in your hair, his fingers carding through it gently, his chest rising and falling evenly as you lay together.
The empty feeling gets worse the longer you lie there, although you don't understand why. It starts feeling a little more uncomfortable the more you begin to worry about it, the emptiness beginning to feel a bit more weighty.
"Dabi?" You ask quietly, looking up at him.
His eyes are closed, his head tilted a little to the side.
"Hmm?" He hums without opening his eyes or mouth.
"I still feel bad." You tell him quietly, shaking him a little.
"Y'haven't rested yet." He replies, his voice extra gravelly. "Sleep."
You 'hmph', plopping your head onto Dabi's chest, nuzzling your face into him as much as you can, squeezing him a little harder with one arm, the other still clinging onto teddy.
He sighs once more, petting your hair again.
"C'mon. Tell me wha's up." He urges, his voice still a little sleepy.
"I don't know how to tell you." You whine, frustrated at the indescribable feeling.
"Well, jus' try it." He yawns, rubbing your head with his hand.
You think about how to word it for a few moments, your thumb running over the staples you can feel under his shirt. He continues rubbing the back of your head with his thumb, blinking exaggerately as if trying to stay awake.
"I just don't feel right..." You repeat, your mouth pulling into a small frown, and you begin feeling tearful. "I feel hungry but not in my tummy, in here."
You tap your chest when he looks down at you.
"It hurts?" He asks with a frown.
You shake your head. "It feels heavy but also like something's missing."
His face softens, a look of understanding on his face as his pets of your hair become a little more firm.
"Oh Y/N." He sighs, lifting you up and pressing your face into his neck, his head resting on yours.
"Star..." You correct quietly. "You always call me Star."
He chuckles and shakes his head slightly. "My bad, little Star."
He kisses your head, pressing his cheek against it again.
"Still got some sass in ya even when you're feelin' like that, huh?" He teases, his voice rumbling though his entire body.
"What is it?" You ask, wanting to look at him but not being able to with how tight he's holding you.
He's quiet for a second, before replying: "Nothin' that won't pass."
"It'll go away?" You ask hopefully.
"Uh-huh." He replies, kissing your head again. "'Cause I'm here to look after you. An' so is everyone else."
He continues before you get the chance to say anything in response.
"You'll feel better. It could be a little while, but it'll go away, an' you won't feel all heavy anymore." He promises. "An' I'm here to look after ya 'til that happens. 'Kay?"
"Okay..." You agree, earning a small squeeze from Dabi.
He continues holding you tight, his hand on the back of your head, holding your face to his burned neck, and his other arm wrapped around you.
Dabi's words help a little, the heaviness around your chest feeling less and less like an ache, but you still don't really feel fully yourself still, that horrible numbness far from gone.
You find yourself feeling extremely thankful for Dabi, that emptiness in your chest panging at the idea of what could have been if you had never found him.
"Dabi?" You ask quietly, shyly.
"Yeah?" He replies, the rumbling of his voice extremely soothing to you, his lips moving to kiss your head again.
"Love you." You say, your voice the quietest it has ever been, your face burning up.
He stiffens noticeably, a weird choking sound leaving him before he holds you even tighter, giving you a tight squeeze, his face burying itself in your hair, the staples on his chin catching your head a little painfully.
You don't mind too much, because even though he didn't say it back, he's squeezing you just tight enough for that 'missing' feeling to waver.
You squeeze him back just as tight, hoping maybe it will make you feel whole again.