Tomura and Dabi were arguing.
Well, they weren't yelling like mom and her boyfriends used to, but there were definitely snarky comments being made toward each other, and the tension in the air between them both was weighty.
It was making you anxious. An anxiety that you hadn't had for quite some time and weren't too fond of its reappearance.
Unfortunately, your anxiety didn't seem to be helping matters either. You were clinging to Dabi whenever Tomura wasn't around, and trying your hardest to appease Tomura when Dabi wasn't around. Even to the point of asking to do extra math even though you hated it, because in your head, doing math well with Tomura made him happy.
Dabi was getting a little reluctant to hold and be held, and Tomura was trying to get you to stop doing math with him and instead focus on English with Spinner or Japanese with Jin or Atsuhiro.
So you were clinging to your teddy at all times, sucking the ear like you so often did when you were worried. You didn't even care that it made you look like a baby. You needed something grounding, something to soothe you, and your teddy provided that when Dabi couldn't.
Himiko was trying to play cards with you and Uncle Jin, trying to distract you from the hushed argument between Dabi and Tomura at the bar.
Kurogiri had been gone for a while, and that's when all the tension had started. Everyone else seemed a little tetchy, too, but weren't being quite as argumentative as those two.
Their voices were mere hisses, but you did keep picking up on the odd sentences here and there.
'She needs a...', 'She's eleven', 'Her clothes are too tight for her', 'she's not fuckin' havin' one'.
You definitely didn't like that whatever this argument was about, it had to do with you.
Himiko and Jin gradually get louder and louder, trying to drown Tomura and Dabi as their argument slowly grows more and more heated.
Eventually Tomura growls under his breath and spins around in his seat, his red eyes narrowed and angry.
"Starlight."
You curl into your teddy a little more, holding it closer to yourself. Uncle Jin senses your distress at being called out for and wraps an arm protectively around your shoulders.
"Do you want some new clothes?" Tomura asks.
You hadn't expected that. They were arguing about clothes?
You glance at Dabi to gauge what your answer should be, but he's shooting daggers into the side of Tomura's head. You take that as a sign to say no, but Tomura holds his hand up to silence you before you can even get any words to leave you.
"Ignore him. Do you want some new clothes?"
You hadn't really thought about it. The clothes you'd been given by Uncle Giran and Himiko were admittedly becoming a little uncomfortable to wear.
Your clothes had been getting tighter and tighter, especially around your chest and the sleeves were riding up quite high these days, too.
You nod, feeling a little nervous for Dabi's reaction.
Himiko squeals gleefully, throwing her cards on the table.
"I wanna go!" She announces, leaning over the table to look at Tomura.
"You can go and help Star pick out some new clothes." Tomura agrees, throwing a card through the air that Himiko catches easily. "There. Problem solved."
Himiko turns her attention to you, her little fangs exposed in her excited grin.
"We can get some cute skirts, some shoes, maybe even a bra!" She giggles, giving you a once over with her feline eyes.
"She's not havin' a fuckin' bra." Dabi snaps.
You cower a little. He'd lost his temper and cursed without even apologising immediately afterwards and telling you not to repeat what he said.
"But she's growin'." Himiko argues with a frown.
"She's eleven!" Dabi seethes.
Jin pulls you close with the arm slung over your shoulders, kissing the top of your head quickly before slowly getting up and motioning for Dabi to follow him.
"I think you think we're talking about lingerie." Tomura drawls, looking at Dabi as he stands from his seat scowling. "We're talking about training bras. Idiot."
"I'm not a fuckin' idiot." Dabi snaps back, the heat rising in the room.
"Dabi. C'mon. Smoke!" Jin encourages, walking over to him and squeezing his shoulder.
Jin tries to use his strength in comparison to Dabi's to turn him away from Tomura, and towards the door leading to the courtyard. Dabi stays put for a minute, in some kind of staring contest with Tomura, but does eventually allow Jin to drag him away.
Himiko's too busy being excited about the idea of shopping to really realise how panicked you were about the arguments that had been brewing recently.
Tomura, however, does notice.
"Come here." He beckons you over with a slender finger.
You follow obediently, carrying your teddy over with you.
He doesn't look mad at you, but you couldn't help but fear that because he'd been arguing with Dabi, that would then lead to him being mad at you, too.
That's how it had always worked with mom and her boyfriends, after all.
He gently pulls the teddys ear out of your mouth, hooking his index finger around the material and pulling it skilfully.
You pout, but obey. You knew what he was silently trying to tell you.
You were too old to be using the teddy like some kind of pacifier.
"Stop worrying." He says simply, brushing the back of his knuckles over your cheek.
"Dabi's angry." You state quietly.
"He's stressed." Tomura corrects. "It's nothing to do with you."
"He's mad about me having a bra." You argue, uncertain as to why Tomura would lie to you about Dabi being mad at you. "What is a bra?"
Tomura sighs, and looks like he is going to pinch the bridge of his nose before stopping himself.
"A bra is what people with breasts wear to support them."
"Breasts?" You squeak, your face burning. "Like boobs?"
"Yes, Star. Boobs." Tomura groans, looking like he's a little embarrassed himself.
"I don't have boobs!" You deny.
"Do too." Himiko chimes in, giggling as she skips up to you both. "Lil' baby ones!"
A choked noise leaves you in mortification, and Tomura throws Himiko a look of warning.
She scrambles to correct the situation and no longer be on the wrong side of Tomura.
"We could get cute ones with bunnies on them! Or ducks!"
"I don't want boobs!" You exclaim, your face getting hotter and hotter. "I wanna stay how I am!"
"Boys don't like tha-"
"Toga." Shigaraki warns, his voice low and dangerous. You hadn't heard him talk to anyone like that for a while.
She shuts up immediately, but wraps her arms around you, placing her chin on your shoulder as she pouts at him in response.
Tomura glares at her for a moment longer before rubbing one of his eyes and grunting a little.
"How about this: Toga will find you some today, and I'll order you a couple of binders. You can try both and then decide which you prefer and we can move forward from there."
"What's a binder?" You ask, ignoring Toga as she affectionately kisses your shoulder.
"It's what girls wear to look like boys." Toga replies before Tomura can.
"I want one of those!" You nod.
"Fine, whatever. Just..." Tomura scratches at his neck. "Tell Spinner to take you to the closest mall."
Toga squeals in excitement again, and runs off to the gym to go and find Spinner while you stay in place, still burning with embarrassment as Tomura gazes at you with a look of sympathy.
"If..." He begins, and then stops for a moment to collect his thoughts. "If you need help with anything, talk to me, okay?"
You nod. You knew that as scary as Tomura could be at times, that everyone at least once had come to him for help. You'd come across Toga crying with him alone at the bar once, as well as overheard hushed conversations between him and Spinner.
He nods back at you and motions for you to come closer. You obey, feeling a little more relaxed now he's speaking to you directly.
He places a hand on the back of your head, one finger lifted far from your head, and he gently bumps his forehead against yours.
"'Mura..." You whine in embarrassment, and he gives a dry huff of amusement.
He moves away from you though, taking the whine as a complaint.
"Can you and Dabi stop arguing please?" You ask politely,
Tomura looks a little thoughtful. "We're both stressed. We're not arguing, really. They're just little spats."
"Is Dabi mad at me?" You ask self-consciously. "Because of the clothes?"
"No. He's sad that you're growing up." Tomura sighs, turning on the TV to watch the news, silently dismissing you. "He needs you to need him to feel validated. He's scared of you not needing him anymore."
*â¢*
You'd never been in Spinners van before. It was weird being so high up, able to see the roads clearly, and you'd loved every second of it up until about five minutes into the journey when you started feeling sick and had nuzzled into Himiko's side for comfort.
Naturally, being the touchy feely person she was, she was loving it, holding onto you like you were her child.
You groan when Spinner hits another bump in the road, and Toga pats your head.
"You're just like Dabi, huh?" Spinner teases lightheartedly, and you feel his taloned hand rub your back. "Sorry, Star. Nearly there."
"Do cars always make people feel sick?" You ask weakly.
"Not always!" Toga replies cheerfully. "Spinner just sucks at driving."
"Hey!" Spinner snaps defensively.
"Please don't argue..." You whine, gripping tighter onto Himiko's clothes. "I don't like that everyone's arguing."
"Aw, they'll be alright Star." Spinner reassures. "Sometimes adults just go through phases of arguing."
"Mhm! They just need to bang it out." Toga chimes in.
You flinch. You didn't want them to fight. You'd seen mom and her boyfriends fight before and it never seemed to work in fixing the problems between them.
"Toga! Not in front of Star!" Spinner chastises.
"I don't want them to fight..." You whine, your bottom lip trembling.
Toga snorts and Spinner shoots her another glare.
"They won't fight, don't worry. Toga was just trying to be funny." Spinner sighs. "Look, we're nearly there."
You cling onto Himiko in silence apart from the odd sniffle from the fear that Himiko had placed in you that Dabi and Tomura might start fighting in the scary way that mom used to.
Luckily, you do end up feeling the van slow to a stop relatively soon after Spinner announces that you're close.
"Alright. Don't go crazy with that card, we're limited now Kurogiri's gone. A couple outfits'll do apparently."
"Mhm." Himiko replies lazily, peeling you from her slowly. "Come on! Let's go shopping!"
"Who are you going to turn into today?" You ask, trying to make your stomach stop churning.
"A high school student!" Toga replies, all too eager to discuss the topic. "I forget her name... but she's pretty!"
"How long you got with it?" Spinner asks.
"Probably an hour." She replies, pulling out a vial of blood.
You scrunch your nose up at the sight of the blood and turn your face away so you didn't have to watch her drink it. When you turn to face her again she's a different girl that looks about the same age as the real Himiko, only with brown hair and fuller lips.
It was still a little weird, but less weird than the grandma she had pretended to be on your birthday.
"Can you come back in fourty minutes then?" Spinner asks. "Neither me or Star wanna see you naked."
"Rude." She huffs. "But fine. Come on Star!"
She pulls you out of the car by the hand, beaming at you and waving goodbye to Spinner.
"What does he mean, naked?" You ask.
"When my quirk wears out I get naked." She giggles. "Makes the boys all grossed out."
"Weird." You comment thoughtfully. "You'll get in trouble if you're naked in the mall."
"Mhm! So we gotta be quick!" She informs you, still dragging you along.
And you are, really.
You only go to one shop, and with Togas help navigating the store, easily finding a couple new pairs of jeans, a handful of shirts, a new pyjama set, and two new skirts which Himiko had insisted on.
And then she insisted on picking you up some new panties and those bras that Tomura had mentioned.
You stand in the aisle as she looks over all the options, cooing and picking out ones she thinks you'd like.
"Stop being all shy! They're cute!" Himiko exclaims, her new identity shoving a pack of plain white trainer bras towards you.
"I don't want them." You complain, looking around at the crowds of people to make sure no-ones looking in your embarrassment.
"Look, there's a duck on this one!" Himiko tries to convince you. "And a bunny on this one, and a kitty!"
You run your fingers over them uncertainly, reluctant to own something that you weren't convinced you needed.
"Well, we're getting them." She says firmly, chucking them in the basket. "Running out of time if you wanna make your own decisions!"
You shrug, and allow her to pick out the rest for you.
Toga typically wore cute clothes, and you trusted her to pick out nice ones for you too, even if it was underwear.
She continues on talking eagerly in a fake voice as you walk to the checkouts, telling you how excited she was to see you in the new clothes you'd picked out together.
She's even brave enough to make conversation with the lady at the checkouts, telling her you were her little sister and making up lie after lie, telling her where you went to school, what your parents were doing, and what you were going to do after shopping.
You remembered all too well what Dabi had told you when you first met him, that sometimes adults lied and you had to go along with it or at least not deny it. So you don't say anything, just cling to the fake Himiko's sundress tightly, avoiding any and all eye contact.
Once your new clothes are all paid for, Himiko wishes the woman a cheery goodbye and leads you back to Spinners van quickly.
When you get back, Spinner's scrolling through his phone casually, with hismusic blasting. He nods at Toga as she clambers in first and then smiles at you as you shyly place the bag in the footwell.
"Get some nice clothes?" He asks, his voice, face and eyes all as friendly and caring as ever.
You nod, your face burning as it so often did when you interacted with Spinner.
You remember what's in the bag. Bras. Bras for boobs. Even Himiko thought you had boobs.
You hide deeper into the sweater you chose to wear today, making Toga giggle.
"She's shy." She explains.
You ignore them both, listening to the fast talking that Spinner always listened to in the gym, sinking lower and lower in your seat when you begin to wonder what kind of argument you may come back to between Dabi and Tomura.
*â¢*
When you got back, Jin, Atsuhiro and Dabi had all gone to work on foot.
You were too anxious and embarrassed to hang out downstairs with Tomura, Himiko and Spinner, so you had gone straight upstairs, watching TV shows on the children's profile like you were allowed to, and slowly dozing off.
You only wake up when you feel someone poking you in the cheek, your face scrunching up in annoyance as you groggily lift your head.
Dabi grins at you from above, a bowl of food on his lap.
"Hey there, sleepin' beauty." He teases. "Brought you up some dinner."
You groan a little, rubbing your eyes and yawning, processing your surroundings once more as you slowly wake up more and more.
"You're back." You state sleepily.
"Sure am. Legs're killin' me though. Kurogiri bein' gone is a pain in the ass." Dabi complains, passing you the bowl of curry.
"Did you make up with Tomura?" You ask, taking the bowl while still blinking away sleep.
"Star, I keep tellin' you we're fine." Dabi sighs. "M' sorry for losin' my cool earlier. That was bad."
"You didn't bang it out did you?" You ask worriedly.
Dabi chokes, his cyan eyes wider than they've ever been and the clear patches of his face turning red instantly.
"What?!"
"Toga said you needed to bang it out but I don't want you two to fight..." You explain, picking at the bowl of curry in front of you. "Mom used to fight her boyfriends all the time and it was scary."
Dabi stammers, his eyes still wide open for a few moments before a look of annoyance replaces the shock.
"Me an' Tomura ain't ever gonna fight, kid. Can promise ya that much. I know how scary it is when that happens." He promises.
"You were mean to him this morning." You point out.
"Yeah. That wasn't good of me." Dabi agrees.
"Are you mad at me?" You ask quietly, your eyes fixed on the vegetables in the bowl.
"Why'd I be mad at you?" He asks, sounding confused.
"'Cause of the bra..." You reply, your face warming up again.
Dabi sighs, and flicks your nose playfully. "Ain't mad at you, dummy. Jus' sad you're growin' up so quick."
"I'll always need you, pawpaw." You inform him, using the words that Tomura had earlier. "So don't be sad."
He blinks a couple times, but cracks a big grin that pulls at his staples. "We'll see about that kid. But I'll always be there."
He squishes your cheek between his finger and thumb, shaking the skin there playfully, ignoring your whines.
"Y'know where Toga's at now, Starshine?"
You shrug. "Her room maybe? Or with Jin somewhere."
"Right. Right." Dabi breathes, placing a warm hand on top of your head. "I'm gonna go talk to her. 'Kay? Eat your curry."
You nod, taking your first bite of the food as he ruffles your hair, standing up from the bed.
If Tomura and Dabi had made up, maybe Tomura would come into your room again and you'd have your little family and feeling of safety back.