You wake up in your old yellow room with the large black patches on the walls, just like you had so many times before. The first thing you do is listen carefully for any sound of fighting, crying or just general heavy footsteps, any kind of sign that someone might be angry or heading that way.
The house seems to be quiet though, which means if you keep quiet and out of mom and her boyfriend's way, you might be able to have a nice day.
You get up as quietly as you can, not wanting to ruin the nice day before it has even started, and creep down the stairs, making sure to miss the squeaky ones.
There's still no sound of arguing or hitting, or mommy snoring like she does sometimes when she falls asleep downstairs after taking a lot of sleepy medicine.
You peer around the doorway to the living room slowly, surprised to see Uncle Jin laying on the floor. You wonder how he got here. Mommy probably like-liked him because he's big, strong and blonde and kind of scary looking if you didn't know him.
"Jin!" You whisper-yell. "What are you doing?"
You giggle quietly as you approach him. He was probably going to do something silly, like try to scare you and grab your ankles the second you got too close. It would probably get you in trouble if you yelled, but you didn't mind too much because it was Uncle Jin, and he always made you laugh, even if you were grumpy.
"Jin?" You whisper, crouching next to him and poking his shoulder.
It surprises you, even though you expect it, as he wraps his arms around you and groans right by your ear. You giggle playfully, trying to pull yourself out of his arms, using your hands against his shoulders to push him away. But when you push him away enough to reveal his face, his face is unrecognisable, bloody and melting.
*â¢*
You scream yourself awake, dazed and confused as you bolt upright in your bed, an unfamiliar bed, and a tightness in your hand and arm on one side.
While panting, you remember where you are. Who you're with, what they did and what they were calling you and saying about Dabi.
So when nurses begin to come in to try and soothe you, you yell at them to go away. You kick, scream, and try to get out of bed while they try to restrain you again, your quirk beginning to activate without you really meaning to again because your emotions were strong and out of control again.
Nurse Tachihara is at the forefront of it all, trying to soothe you, even as she gags. She keeps telling you to calm down, that you're okay, and that you needed to turn your quirk off off, otherwise they'd have to put you to sleep again.
"Please don't put me to sleep." You beg. "I want my pawpaw."
"Your dad? We can get your dad sweetie, what's his name?" Nurse Tachihara soothes.
"Dabi!" You reply through your teeth as you kick at another nurse, making no attempt to try to control your quirk.
Her body droops, and you fight against all the hands as they try to pin you down for long enough to safely sedate you again.
"No! No! No!" You whine as the needle gets closer, still trying to worm away from the nurses.
Tachihara's eyes begin to tear up as she strokes her thumb over your hand, the tears dripping down her face when the needle pierces your skin and you wail, kicking one of the nurses holding you down with enough strength to wind them.
"Y/N, please don't do that." Nurse Tachihara begs. "Come on, I know you're scared but it doesn't need to be worse."
"My name is Star!" You snap at her.
You then scream, ignoring every plea for you to be quiet because you were disturbing other patients, and tiring yourself out when you need to rest.
You scream until the sedative works enough to drain your energy to the point your body goes all limp without you wanting it to, your screams turning into pathetic, weak cries for help, Tachihara's eyes still watery as she squeezes your hand and tells you to just get some rest.
"Hate... you..." You murmur groggily before succumbing to the darkness.
*â¢*
You're back in the mansion, relieved to see the big painting Uncle Giran made for you. You exit your room in a rush to find Dabi. You needed to find Dabi, and that was all you can think about as you thunder down the stairs despite knowing Zero will tell you off in his usual gentle way if he catches you.
But when you hit the lower floor, someone swipes at you from the back, pulling you up by the collar.
You turn your head in fear. Imasuji.
"Well, well, well, if it ain't little Star with her little whore name." He sneers. "To match her whore mama."
"Go away. Tomura will be mad at you." You say, your voice still trembling in fear of him.
"Will he?" Imasuji snorts. "'Cause it seemed like he was mad at you."
He bares his teeth at you again in a mocking smirk. "After all, you're the reason Twice is hurt. Aren't you?"
You shake your head, but your heart sinks all the same at the seed of doubt being planted by the towering man. He shakes you hard enough to make your head roll back uncomfortably, your trembling becoming more noticeable.
He laughs cruelly at you, lifting you even higher, as though you barely weigh anything at all, and making the material of your shirt dig uncomfortably into your throat.
"They were glad you were gone, 'cause you're the reason Twice is dead." He sneers.
"Nuh-uh." You argue weakly.
"Yuh-huh." Imasuji replies mockingly. "You killed your mom, and now you've killed Twice."
"No I didn't." You frown, but your bottom lip quivers. "Dad! 'Mura!"
"Shigaraki wants you gone. And I'm all too happy to make that happen." Imasuji responds to your crying out with a cocky grin. "Shoulda just gotten you out of the way when I could have."
You make a strangled noise when he grips your shirt even tighter at the back of your neck, using his hold on your clothing to choke you.
Your hands fly up to claw at his hands as you panic. This shouldn't have happened, you had been being quiet. It was meant to be a nice day where mom didn't yell at you or cry and her boyfriend didn't hurt you or scare you.
You can barely make out the sound of your name being called somewhere, too busy trying to claw at Imasuji's wrists enough to hurt him enough to let go of you.
*â¢*
"Star." A voice calls, a little louder than it had in your dream, and you gasp awake.
There's a cold sweat over your skin, and your body's beginning to glow green already as you blink in the darkness, barely able to make out Nurse Tachihara's face in the dim lighting from all the screens in the room for a few moments.
"Go away." You say weakly. "I'll make you sick again."
"But wouldn't it be nice if we just got along?" She asks with a soft smile.
"You keep putting me to sleep." You accuse, your voice hoarse from all the yelling you'd been doing whenever you were awake. "I don't want to go to sleep again."
"I haven't done that." She replies calmly. "I keep trying to tell you how not to get put to sleep. You need to keep this under control."
She motions at the green aura coming off you. It's faint, weak. Not strong enough to make her feel sick, and you're too drained to put any more conscious effort into making it stronger.
You fall silent, turning your head away, beginning to cry. You wanted to go home. You wanted to see your pas and make sure that Uncle Jin was okay after your horrible dream.
"Did you have a bad dream?" She asks softly.
You ignore her, sniffling.
You wanted Dabi's warm arms around you and his ruined voice retelling the story of your nightmare in a way to stop you from being so scared and worried.
You didn't want Nurse Tachihara's attempt at soothing, even if she was nice.
"Okay... Well, I'll stay here with you. And when you feel like talking, we can talk." She says cheerfully.
But you don't talk. You don't utter a single word, just continue crying quietly with your head turned away from her, lacking the energy to even pull your hand out of hers.
You don't talk until a lady doctor comes in to try to look at your arm.
Then you start yelling as best as your voice will allow and kicking again.
Only to swiftly be knocked back out the second your quirk got a little too strong with all your feelings again.
*â¢*
By the afternoon of the next morning, they'd given up trying to be peaceful with you.
Since being taken to the hospital, you'd made several nurses physically sick, and had to be sedated whenever anyone that wasn't Nurse Tachihara came close because you would throw angry fits.
On the fifth time of having to sedate you, they had slipped quirk suppressing cuffs on you, just like Re-Destro had when he took you.
You'd made your displeasure known, ranting and raving and trying to tear the needles from your hand so you could just leave by yourself. You'd gone on, and on, and on, no matter how many times you had been attempted to be soothed by the nurses.
You'd carried right on until your voice had given out, and Nurse Tachihara stayed right by your side until you were thoroughly worn out, slumped on the hospital bed and defeated.
You keep your head away from her, away from the door, staring out of the window until your exhaustion pulls your eyes down.
You're not even sleeping yet when you hear the door to your room close with a quiet click. You don't even open your eyes when you hear a nurse ask Tachihara if you're asleep very, very quietly.
She must nod an affirmative, because there's the sound of more people entering the room, each of them speaking quietly to each other.
You want to get mad about people being in your space again, but you're too tired.
"What's happening?" You hear Tachihara ask.
"He's going around all of the hospitals in the area looking for her." A nurse whispers. "We need to move her and the others into the panic areas."
Your eyes want to shoot open, because that sounded like Dabi was looking all over for you. But you weren't meant to hear this, probably, so you keep them closed, pretending to be asleep like you used to when you wanted Dabi to carry you to bed.
"Has there been any... you know?" Tachihara asks worriedly.
"No fatalities, luckily, but he's damaged a fair few wards and completely destroyed a couple others..."
Tachihara gasps, the noise sounding faint, as though she was far away.
The thing about pretending to be asleep, though, is: you almost always actually did fall asleep.
And it doesn't help when they start rolling the bed, the continuous noise and the movement lulling you to sleep.
*â¢*
But Dabi doesn't find you if he is looking for you.
You wait for him, not uttering a word to any of the nurses, not even Tachihara, but do comply wordlessly whenever they take your blood, crying a little bit every time, and allow them to change the dressings on your am, making sure you keep your face turned away from everyone whenever there's people around.
They keep trying to get you to eat, but you refuse, only drinking water, and even then they pretty much have to remind you to drink something every time.
You missed your nightly cocoa, and you missed Kurogiri's cooking, Atsuhiro's even more so, and you were even beginning to miss Zero's attempts at cooking, too.
By day three, you've completely given up.
Your body is weak even though it should be getting better because you're in a hospital, and you're asleep more often than you're awake.
The nurses realise after another blood test that it's partly because you're anemic and they haven't been giving you iron tablets, or an iron-rich diet.
You refuse to take the tablets, and refuse to eat the food even though Tachihara is beginning to get frustrated with you.
Eventually, you get threatened with a feeding tube, but you don't know what that is, and don't particularly care either.
You just want to go back to Dabi.
They keep getting police to try to talk to you, but you sit with your head turned away, silent and unwilling to cooperate. When they lean over to try and look at you, you turn your head even more deliberately further from them.
They were police women, not men, but it doesn't matter because you didn't want to speak to anyone but Dabi.
Nurse Tachihara tried getting you to at least consider talking to them, but you continued to refuse.
They said that HakuchÅ wanted to see you, but you had shaken your head.
You did not want to see her.
By day four, you were curled up as best you could with the needles in your hand, clutching your stomach as it throbs in pain. You still refused to make a sound though, just squeezing your eyes shut as you try to cope through the pain.
You hear Tachihara talking quietly with someone else before there's a weight dipping the end of your bed down and a gentle hand laying on your calf.
You turn your face further into the bed so you don't have to look at whoever was touching you.
"I hear you have a tummy ache, Y/N. Can I give you some medicine?" A female voice asks.
"Star." You croak.
"Sorry. Star, would you like some medicine?" She rephrases calmly.
You shake your head, and she rubs your calf.
"Come on. You're in real bother, aren't you?" She asks softly. "Just a quick spray in your mouth and then we can fix the problem. Does that sound good? I bet it does. Just need you to look at me and open your mouth really really quick."
You're about to shake your head again when a sharp pain pierces through your stomach again, and you have to give a little grunt.
It hurts worse now than your periods did, so you finally cave, your lip wobbling as you turn to look at the nurse addressing you. You almost startle when you see a lizard lady like Spinner looking at you with kind eyes and a soft smile.
"Hello! It's nice to see you properly." She greets, patting your leg. "Can you sit up for me? And then we can do this really quickly!"
You nod, weakly sitting up as Tachihara wheels a tray around to the scaled nurse, leaving it behind the woman currently talking to you.
The nurse you hadn't seen before nods when you're sitting, your good arm draped over your stomach and your eyes half-shut from exhaustion.
"Thank you, love." She smiles, her red scales shining in the light. "Now, why don't you close those eyes? I'm pretty good at aiming this spray for the mouth, but we won't take any risks, hey? I think a burned arm is injury enough for you."
You feel a little suspicious, but close your eyes. She seemed nice and friendly enough, so you decide to trust her and close your eyes slowly.
"Attagirl!" She praises, and the phrase makes you give a dry sob.
Pawpaw said that to you.
She immediately rubs your arm soothingly, her talons reminding you of Spinners enough to pretend that maybe someone you know is here.
"Oh honey, I know. Everything's so different and scary right? But you're being so brave." She says kindly. "Can you be a little braver and say 'ah' for me?"
You open your mouth silently, and immediately close it again, opening your eyes and pulling a face after she sprays into your mouth with gross tasting medicine.
"Good girl! Just need you to swallow it. I know it's gross but we'll get you a little treat if you're good for this. How about a book, or a toy?"
You swallow anyway instinctively, gagging at the taste. She rubs your arm again sympathetically.
"Tastes horrible doesn't it? All done now though!" She encourages. "You were so brave, trusting me! Can you trust me a little more, do you think?"
You squint at her distrustfully and she laughs, her grin widening enough to show sharp teeth that Spinner definitely didn't have. If you hadn't known Himiko before this, you might've been a bit scared.
"Just need you to close your eyes again for me for a second, is that okay?" She asks.
"I don't want to sleep." You say quietly, your voice cracking from disuse.
Her look turns more sympathetic. "Don't worry, hon, you can stay awake for now, but I need you to keep your eyes closed and hold still for me for a second okay?"
You sway in thought momentarily before following her request. She was being nice, and she was probably going to just take more blood again but was being nice about it.
You close your eyes, listening to the room for anything to be concerned about, but you don't hear anything, just feel the bed shift a little where the new nurse was sitting.
Your guard immediately goes up though when you feel her taloned fingers touching your face with something that feels a little rubbery, her hand pinned to your face and the other down at your side. You try to stay still with your eyes closed though, her earlier comment sounding a little like a threat that you might be put back to sleep if you're not careful.
Then there's something pressing into your nose, and you yelp, your eyes flying open and your body jolting in a way that immediately makes her halt her movements.
You let out a strangled cry and she shushes you softly.
"It's okay. It's going to be uncomfortable for just a moment and then you'll feel better." She promises.
Your face crumples, pulling at the tube in your nose. "Why are you doing this to me?"
Her expression softens entirely. "Because you need to eat, lovely. Otherwise you won't get better."
Tachihara's eyes are all watery again as she speaks up, holding your hand again. "Close your eyes again, and you might not even know about it. And if you can feel it, you can squeeze my hand really tight."
She squeezes your hand to accentuate her point, but you try to shake your head.
"I'll eat! I promise!" You beg.
"I'm so sorry, honey, but it's a little late for that now." The scaled woman replies calmly. "Close your eyes and be brave for just a little longer okay?"
You whimper but close your eyes and grip onto Tachihara's hand tightly, screwing your face up in discomfort as the other nurse gently continues to push the tube through your nose. You squeeze Tachihara's hand so tightly throughout the discomfort, stopping only when they raise a glass of water with a straw to your lips. You sip at it with tear-filled eyes.
"Open your mouth for me, honey."
You do just that, silent tears streaming down your face from the discomfort and loss of Dabi being at your side to help you through.
She hums as she looks in your mouth, smiling at you softly again, her scales catching the light.
"I need to sneeze." You say after sipping more water, moving to rub your nose only to be swatted away gently by Tachihara.
"Don't touch it, love." She orders as gently as possible. "It just feels a bit funny at first. Hold on."
And then it starts up again, and you squeeze your eyes shut, gripping Tachihara's hand as she quietly praises you for being so brave.
"All done love!" The woman similar-looking to Spinner announces. "Just need to check it's in the right place real quick."
She fiddles with the tube as you scrunch and unscrunch your nose, Nurse Tachihara patting your hand in a silent way to tell you to stop.
"All good to go! Just need to attach it now." Your scaled nurse announces cheerfully. "Well done, Star! You were so brave, not like my little boy."
You look at her as she gently applies some tape to your face.
"How old is your little boy?" You can't help but ask curiously, reaching for the water again when your voice comes out all scratchy.
"He's thirteen." She replies, her cool scaled hands gently pressing a plaster to your cheek to keep the tube stuck to your face. "He's never been tough though. Used to cry like nothing you've seen before at a scraped knee. Nothing like you, sweetheart."
You think about this for a while as she throws everything on the tray away. "You shouldn't be mean about him. Dabi wouldn't be mean to me if I wasn't always brave."
She pauses, looking at Tachihara briefly before returning her attention back to you.
"I'm sorry if it sounded like I was being mean. That's not the case at all. I love that my Vesper feels comfortable enough to tell us when he's hurting." She replies.
"He's soft in here..." She says, tapping the center of her chest, smiling softly. "And I'm proud of that. Not everyone is."
You nod slowly, moving to touch the tube on your cheek idly, but stop yourself before the nurses can.
"Dabi said I was full of love." You tell them sadly. "Is that like how Vesper has a soft heart?"
She glances at Tachihara, who's scribbling in a notepad again, but smiles back at you.
"Yes, and that's a very good quality to have." She nods. "Too much hate in this world at the moment."
She finishes up putting things away while you sip the water thoughtfully, and sits down by your bed, giving you a sharp toothed smile again.
"I didn't tell you my name, did I, Star?" She asks enthusiastically. "I'm Nurse Wani. I think we'll be great friends."