Touya had a little while to himself. Not long, probably an hour or two while Star slept, but he probably wouldn't allow himself longer than this smoke break to get back to her.
Partly because he was worried about her, but also because he knew she'd get stressed if she woke up and he was gone.
She was so lethargic. She'd be awake and fully aware and conscious for about an hour or so, and then start getting all cuddly and quiet, and then pass out for a couple hours, and then the cycle would repeat.
He knew it was because she wouldn't eat anything of substance, and they weren't able to get any of the liquid nutrition packs or tube feed for the feeding tube from hospitals that Giran had contacts within, because the hospitals were under so much strain after the war that everything was carefully accounted for. No-one wanted to risk being found out, no matter how much money was offered or safety was guaranteed.
So they had been trying everything to get her as much nutrition in her as possible. Even Aiko, who was cold to Star when they first met, was getting involved whenever she was over visiting her dad. She told them what tablet supplements she could have in the shakes, and what they could sneakily encourage her into eating which would help her calcium levels and iron intake and they managed to get her to eat gummy vitamins, too.
Whenever he tried gently coaxing her into telling him why she wouldn't eat, she was consistent in telling him that she wasn't really hungry, that the smell of food made her sick, and whenever he tried to get her to mindlessly snack on something like he had before, like Zero had said was encouraged online in situations like this, she got snippy with him.
Bribing didn't work, either. That just made her even more unhappy, because she'd get stressed that she'd miss out on whatever they'd promised her just because she couldn't bring herself to eat.
One time she'd even cried in frustration because she wanted to eat, but her body wouldn't allow it. Touya had needed to go outside to cool off, to try to overcome the feeling of uselessness but ended up having to just deal with it, thanks to both of their anxieties about leaving the other alone.
He wasn't sure what he was meant to do, and he was struggling keeping his temper with it all, too. He just wanted her to be okay. He wanted her to be the happy, healthy little girl he'd managed to get her to be, not this quiet, anxious and overly clingy, almost skeletal child. She hadn't even looked this bad on the streets when he'd first found her.
He's laying on the stone slabs that Giran calls a 'garden', staring up at the sky and contemplating what could be causing Star's sudden aversion to food as he smokes a cigarette alone.
It could be that her stomach had gotten used to a lack of food and was making her feel nauseous whenever presented with it now.
He was hoping that it wasn't because the two that had taken her had used food as some kind of punishment, and he feels like Star would have mentioned it if that were the case... But it could all also be stress induced, too.
The poor girl had been taken twice since being in his care and it was bound to take its toll somehow.
He needed Tomura.
He needed someone that was better than him at remaining level headed, which was a quality he never thought he'd say Shigaraki had, but he also never thought he'd date him either, and somehow that had happened too.
And although Tomura would never admit it, the sight of him when they'd all first formed the League of Villains told Touya that there was some kind of issue regarding eating with him back then, too. He looked like Star did right now with her bones visible through her skin.
He's midway considering whether she'd developed an eating disorder while she was away when Giran makes himself known through Touya's heavy fog of thoughts, laying beside Touya with a grunt.
Touya looks over at him with a raised eyebrow but an amused smirk on his lips.
"You gonna be able to get up, old man? I ain't helpin' ya." Touya teases.
"Shut it." Giran responds with a small grin back, a cigarette hanging from his own lips. "What're you doin' on the floor, son?"
"Thinkin'." Touya replies, turning his head to look at the sky again.
"Yen for 'em?" Giran asks, exhaling smoke through his nose.
"You couldn't afford them, grandpa." Touya snorts.
Giran rolls his eyes and falls quiet again, just laying with Touya and being company without having to fill the silence with bullshit.
He always knew when to speak and when not to speak with Touya.
"Star?" He asks eventually.
Touya grunts an affirmative, flicking the end of his cigarette across the ground and folding his arms under his head.
Giran hums thoughtfully, but doesn't pry further.
After a while, Touya takes a deep breath, choosing to trust in Giran again, to be vulnerable with him about his worries.
"Ya think kids her age can have eatin' disorders?" He asks, trying to sound casual.
Giran glances at him, Touya just about catching it from the corner of his own eyes. "I don't think tha's it."
"What do you think it is then?" Touya asks, his jaw clenching from worry under his gnarled skin without him even realising.
Giran is quiet for a second or two while he has another toke of his cigarette. Whatever the man said, Touya would take it into account. Giran himself had a little girl, who was now a successful woman, and he had years of experience in being a parent.
Hell, he'd even taken Touya in for the fun of it.
"Hate ta bring it up... But ya remember how when ya needed anythin', you'd go out?" Giran says, avoiding Touya's gaze.
"Yup." Touya says as dryly as he possibly can.
"An' when ya came back, I could always tell." Giran shakes his head a little at the memory. "Yer pride's always been ya downfall, Touya. Ya know that? You coulda just asked me for mon-"
"Save the lecture." Touya replies bitterly. "If you ain't gonna help me with Star, piss off."
"Oi." Giran warns, but it's not a serious warning tone, not yet. "Anyway, I used ta try to make ya those sundaes, 'cause ya used to come back all hot an' I thought they'd make ya feel better."
"Yeah, I remember." Touya replies.
"Well, ya never ate 'em!" Giran accuses but then winks at him, trying to make the conversation less serious than it was. "Ya always used to say ya didn't wanna eat for days after. Used ta get worried sick about ya, you were always so thin."
Touya frowns a little as he tries to recollect whether what Giran is saying is true or not.
"'Nyway, figured eventually tha' you were jus' outta yer body for a bit. Didn't feel hungry 'cause you weren't fully back yet. Sometimes when yer put in a stressful situation ya brain separates itself from yer body so ya can pretend it ain't happenin' to ya. Survival mode or somethin'." Giran shrugs. "Had it happen ta me when the Meta Liberation Army snatched us."
"How do I help her if that's what's up wi' her?" Touya asks, his eyebrows furrowing.
"Keep doin' what yer doin'. Keep makin' her feel safe an' she'll come back eventually." Giran says, with the confidence of a decades-old father. "Poor lil' love's been through a lot, she don't know what to do wi' herself. I watch her an' you can see her eyes go all blank from time ta time."
Giran sounds upset by the end of his sentence, and he sniffs as he flicks his cigarette away.
"She'll eat, son. Jus' gotta be patient wi' her. The more ya stress, the more she'll stress, and she's got enough o' that already."
"I feel useless." Touya murmurs. "It's literally one of the most basic human needs and I can't get her to just do it."
Giran doesn't say anything, which doesn't make Touya feel great, but it wasn't as shitty as it would be if he'd agreed that Touya was useless and a terrible parental figure.
"I just wanna go over there and finish off the job Zero started." Touya says darkly. "All these fuckin' idiots trusting the heroes with their kids, an' they sedate 'em for bein' scared, lock 'em in rooms, don't feed 'em and let known abusers near 'em."
"Keep yer head on." Giran says calmly. "Star needs ya. Can't go doin' anythin' reckless."
"You sound like Tomura." Touya huffs.
"Great minds think alike." Giran shrugs, sitting up slowly with a groan.
"You wouldn't feel the same if someone did this to Aiko?" Touya asks.
"'Course I would. I feel like it now wi' darlin' Star, too. I'm sure Shigaraki would feel th' same too, if he was here. An' Toga an' Bubaigawara. No-one wants this for the lil' love." Giran defends. "But she's been through enough wi'out you throwin' yourself into danger to defend her honour."
"I'm pissed off."
"We all are." Giran responds, painfully calmly for someone that's 'pissed off'.
"You don't fuckin' get it. She's smaller than she was when I found her!" Touya snaps. "She was always so curious, switched on an' lively. Even when she was nervy! An' now I see that side of her for a few hours, an' then she's gone again. She was doin' so well! She was healthy and happy."
Giran listens patiently, his face completely lax despite Touya's yelling.
"I'm scared!" Touya yells. "I'm scared she ain't gonna get better and it's all their fault. I wanna boil them alive."
Flames begin manifesting up his arms and Giran scoots himself further away, although there's nothing panicked about it.
"Let it out, son." Giran encourages with a nod.
"Fuck off." Touya hisses with steam leaking from his seams.
"Ya gotta let it out somehow, otherwise yer jus' gonna snap in fronta Star." Giran insists.
"Nah, stop fuckin' callin' me that." Touya snaps, for no reason, sitting up too and glowering at the man.
Giran holds his hands up in mock surrender just as Zero appears at the back door, opening it and peering out at the two curiously, his mismatched eyes lingering on each one of them before finally meeting Dabi's gaze and settling there.
"Is everything okay?" He asks, the corners of his mouth turned up slightly.
"We're fine, Zero. Why don'tcha get back inside?" Giran replies.
Zero turns his attention to Giran, smiling politely at him. "Sorry, but I need to make sure that Dabi's okay. I'm not going anywhere until I have an answer from him."
And then he looks back at Touya, tilting his head like some kind of expectant dog.
"We're fine, Zero." Touya huffs. "Go check on Star."
"I have. She's sleeping." Zero replies, and then goes back to looking at Giran. "Aiko's crying."
"What? Why?" Giran asks with a frown, getting up instantly.
"I said I wouldn't ask her on a date." Zero says nonchalantly.
Touya snorts, and Giran shoots him a look.
"At least he said no when he wasn't interested." He quips dryly.
Touya rolls his eyes, clenching his teeth at all the discussion of his past that had happened within the past ten minutes and ultimately deciding to keep quiet.
"Aiko ain't easy to make cry, Zero. Ya musta said more than that." Giran says. "What'd ya say?"
"She asked why and I said that I wasn't interested and didn't find her attractive." Zero says matter-of-factly.
Giran groans, wiping his aging face with his hand. "Zero..."
"Ya can't say that." Touya joins in, sighing through his nose. "It'll make her feel bad about herself."
"But I can't lie." Zero reminds him. "I don't find her attractive. Or anyone, really."
"Then lead with that. She won't take it as hard knowin' you're just not interested in anyone." Touya advises dryly.
"I'll go sort it out." Giran grumbles, clapping Zero's shoulder with his hand as he passes.
Zero looks at Touya, awaiting an order.
"Go relax. I'm gonna go back to Star." Touya says, pushing himself from the ground.
"Okay." Zero agrees, but he doesn't move, though. "Do I need to apologise to Aiko?"
"Probably, man." Touya sighs. "Wait 'til Giran's sorted it out, though. She's pissy even when she's not crying."
Zero actually looks ever so slightly perturbed by the fact he'd upset Aiko, his constant smile dropping slightly and his eyebrows pulling together faintly.
Showing emotion or having reactions was good, because that meant he was learning emotions, but it could quickly go wrong with Ujiko arrested and unable to 'reset' Zero if it was necessary.
But that was a future Touya problem, right now he had more pressing problems to deal with.
He peers into Aiko's old room quickly before going to check in on Star in Giran's again.
She's still sound asleep, her fists bunched up in the sheets as she sleeps. Touya gently moves her hair out of her face, looking at her peaceful resting expression as soft breaths leave her.
She's so small asleep there in the bed alone. He doesn't know how anyone could ever need to sedate her, even if she was being as 'bad' as she claimed. She an eleven year old, for fucks sake. And right now, she looked like a draught could knock her over if it caught her right.
"Pawpaw?" She asks groggily, frowning and squeezing her eyes shut even more as she yawns.
"I'm here. Get some more sleep, hon." Touya replies quietly, petting her hair.
"Cuddle?" She asks.
"'Course, babygirl." Touya says softly, kneeling by the side of the bed and kissing her temple before pulling her small, frail body towards him.
She turns around, reaching for him with her eyes heavy-lidded. She hums a little to herself as he wraps his arms around her and buries his face into her shoulder, closing his own eyes too.
"You're warm." She murmurs.
"Ya don't say." He replies teasingly.
"Warmer than usual." She yawns. "Like when you're mad."
"Jus' trying to keep my lil' angel warm." Touya lies easily. "Ain't got nothin' to keep yourself warm with anymore. Don't want'cha catchin' a cold."
She hums again, practically scooting herself off the edge of the bed to try and soak up his heat more than he was allowing with how he had been hugging her.
He chuckles despite his worry.
"Clingy lil' thing." He teases, but squeezes her.
"Love you." She says, her voice muffled.
"Yeah. Love you too, Starshine." Touya replies, amused.
"When can we go home?" She asks.
"Whenever you're ready." He replies, kissing her cheek and letting her go.
"Soon?"
"Sure hon. Soon." Touya promises, petting her hair as she slowly drifts off to sleep, trying not to look at the burn on her arm.
He needed to get over it, because she'd carry the mark of his fire forever now. He couldn't avoid looking at it for as long as he could get away with being her dad.
But it was a reminder of his failure to keep her safe. It was a reminder that his flames destroyed everything, whether he meant for them to or not.
His relationship with his father, and admittedly the rest of his family, his body, his life, his future, and now her.
He places his hand next to hers as she sleeps, close to her but not touching her, lest he get too in his own head and end up burning her there as well.
He rests his cheek on the bed and closes his eyes, willing for sleep to take over so he doesn't have to think any more about any of this.