I walked in, Castor following me. Centaurs looked at me with appraising eyes.
After the first few seconds, they ignored us, talking to the green girl. Castor sat down, his chin on his hands. He suddenly looked terrible in the dim light. And he looked so young, even though he was probably slightly older than me.
I slid down next to him.
"You asked why I ran away."
"You're right. It doesn't matter."
"I couldn't stand living in the same house as my dad."
He met my eyes. I nodded.
"Do you miss it at all?"
He took a deep breath. "I don't miss my dad or the house or any of itâexcept my brother. He helped me run away. I haven't seen him since."
How long ago was that? "I was twelve at the time, so about six years."
"That's a long time."
He nodded. "Too long. I was supposed to go home after our job. A few months, they promised." His palm hit his fist with an angry slap. It must have hurt to sign it that emphatically, but he gave it emphasis. "I thought I was going to die, and I'd never go home again. Then I didn't, and I still don't know if I'll ever be able to go back."
"You're not going to die. We'll both go home. All of us. Me and you and Juniper."
He smiled. "I'd like that."
"You lived up North. Where?"
"The mountains. My fatherânever mind."
"What?"
"It doesn't matter now."
I didn't push. "Could you take Juniper up to the mountains with you?"
"I don't want to live in the mountains. I could write to my brother to meet me in some small coastal town. He'd come."
I nodded. "You and her are good for each other."
"Yeah. I wouldn't change it for the world. I just wish... I wish I'd met you two under different C-I-R-C-U-M-S-T-A-N-C-E-S."
"So do I."
He took a deep breath. "I knew things were getting bad over here. It'd have to be bad for them to T-H-R-E-A-T-E-N us with W-A-R, but I had no idea about any of this."
"None of us did."
He shook his head. "We should've."
I didn't say anything. Even if there had been a way for me to know, no one ever told the not-so-friendly pirates just off the coast when anything interesting happened. Most of the places we got news from were far away lands and traveling people unlucky enough to be carrying delicate riches in their hold.
I watched the centaurs stamp their feet. I felt safer among them than I did alone with the night, but that wasn't saying much.
Eventually, when the centaurs were done talking to the green girl, she spun around, a thick braid falling away from a pointed ear.
An elf. Why hadn't I figured it out sooner?
"We're sorry for that incident. That's not fair to either of you."
She was speaking too, evidently for Castor.
"We'll deal with the vampires," she continued, "but until we do, all the humans need protection. The centaurs will watch over you tonight, the elves tomorrow. We will address this."
She stood still, and me and Castor looked at each other. Castor said something sharply.
A centaur answered, and the elf translated.
"We're sending people out to make sure."
Castor didn't seem satisfied, but he didn't argue anymore.
"Now let's get you two back to bed."
A centaur helped us back up, and he seemed confused when we both turned toward the lake. Juniper was up, and she wrapped her arms around Castor as soon as he was close enough.
They were more intimate in a few weeks than I could even imagine being in a lifetime. Her fingers were in his hair and the way they looked together was just so entirely perfect.
For a moment, I missed Ryan. Then I remembered the pale, lifeless skin. She had supported them and that had almost been me. She had caused that, and she had supported it.
But she'd also tried to save me.
Feelings raged inside me and my throat ached.
I turned to the centaur pacing behind me. He met my eye and I turned away.
I turned onto my side, the air feeling too cold and lifeless. I felt like I was drowning in it all.
I can't drown. You can't drown, Arriana. You're a siren. Sirens don't drown.
But there I was, drowning. Even as I tried to take even breaths, I was getting sucked deeper and deeper, down, down, down.
I couldn't stop. I couldn't fight the current. Even as I squeezed my eyes shut, I was disappearing to a world of dead men and girls on fire. My lips burned from the memory of her, her lips fusing with mine, even as the air around me grew colder and their eyes bored into me.
The torrent of memories blurred into dreams. I was standing, surrounded by vampires as they stood over bodies. I watched in horror until there was a hand under my chin, drawing my attention away. Then, there was her face, her hands in my hair. I tried to pull away, and then I saw it, him. Castor was backing away from an approaching figure, the fangs gleaming. I tried to run toward him, but there was a hand pulling me back.
No, Ryan, I yelled. The hand was still holding me back and I watched as it was too late. I couldn't get there.
I yelled as it happened, and then the air closed in on me.
Then I was staring up at a lightening sky. I rolled over. Castor's hand was draped over Juniper's body, and one movement would've had him in the wetness of the lake. They slept so peacefully.
The centaur looked at me, his eyes looking amused.
Bad dreams? He seemed to ask mockingly. I squeezed my eyes shut.
The next time I woke up, it was light and I wasn't alone. Castor and Juniper were still in the same exact position as before, but now a figure sat cross-legged next to me, her palms facing the sky. Flames sprang up from each of them, ruining the look of peaceful meditation.
I tapped her arm, and she opened one eye to look at me. She made a fist and the fire died.
"Why are you here, Ryan?"
"I was worried about you."
"Why? I thought you supported vampires killing people?" I snorted.
"You're not people. Neither are your friends."
I looked up at the sky indignantly.
"I don't know what you want me to say."
I turned, so my whole body was facing her. She sighed, and then she laid out next to me, so our eyes met, and our lips were inches apart.
"Maybe don't say anything."
I thought she was going to kiss me, and I would've let her. But she just laid, looking as though she could see into my soul. Her hand slipped into mine.
I don't know how long we lay like that, but it was long enough for her hand to grab mine and pull me up, out of the water.
She was perfect in that moment. At that moment, she wasn't a liar, she wasn't confusing, she was just beautiful and completely and utterly mine. And I was hers.
But when we moved, when the warmth of her skin against mine wasn't stronger than the cold hand of death, she was cruel again. She was the girl who Juniper had witnessed kiss a guard and an old witch warned me against kissing.
But I couldn't bring myself to let that perfect girl go. I loved that girl with all my heart, and she loved me back, no conditions put on the love.
Ryan wasn't that girl and probably never would be, but she was getting better and better at playing her.
She could talk and make the rest of the world disappear. She could make my misgivings disappear, but they always crept back in eventually and left me even more dazed and confused than before.
Castor was the once that interrupted us, asking if I'd heard any news about his crew. I shook my head and sat up, and the spell was broken. The perfect girl had slipped out of my fingers.
He didn't ask about me about Ryan. Maybe he knew I couldn't answer the simple question "so what are you two? Are you together?" Maybe he understood better than me. If he did have some secret understanding, he never shared it with me.
Ryan's hand stayed in mine, but it was Ryan's hand. No one else's.
An elf was on duty now, but none of us paid much attention to him.
"I have news," Ryan offered at last. "But you're not going to like it."
"What news?"
"5 men dead. Even more hurt."
His face paled and the last slimmer of magic slipped away.
"I'm sorry," she signed, and she genuinely looked it.
Castor shook his head and then he was moving fast away from us. I didn't follow.
I'd had enough of death. I leaned onto Ryan's shoulder. Her head piled on top of mine.
The magic was gone, but I willed it back, hoping it would return before the dead eyes and the feeling of drowning.
But neither came.