Chapter 20

I’ve yet to find the courage to tell them.

A week has passed since the pregnancy test confirmed my suspicions; since Harriet Nash graced me with her visit and legal papers. I’ve been working hard to keep my symptoms under control though the morning sickness is the hardest to hide.

I keep lemon water handy all the time. It helps to take some of the edge off. I’ve been blaming my growing appetite and the nausea on the various stress factors that I’m dealing with. I’m still early in the first trimester so I’m able to hide anything else from being noticed. I can get away with it for a while longer.

Work and the kids have been keeping me busy. As summer moves along, fires continue to pop up across the city due to faulty air conditioners, barbecues gone awry, and defective wiring combined with dry heat. The alarm has been sounding more often than usual across all three shifts. I continue to handle my job with poise and dedication. Chief Holt seems happy with my progress so far.

“Thanks for these,” he says one morning as I drop off a couple of case files for him to go over. “I was looking forward to reading Jamie’s reports from 7th and Broadway.”

“What are these, exactly?” I ask the chief as he flips one open. “I mean, I know they’re marked as case files, but for what exactly?”

“Two fires that our firefighters flagged as possible arson,” he explains. “The police didn’t notice any signs of foul play, but our guys did. When that happens, they’ll write them up in a case file then pass them over to me for review. If I’m satisfied with their conclusion, I pick up the phone and get in touch with our Arson squad buddies.”

“I see. It’s good that your men are able to spot these things,” I reply, then turn to leave, eager to get back to my desk.

It’s been a tad awkward for me since Harriet’s visit, at least where my interactions with the chief are concerned. Not because of anything he’s said or done, he has been nothing but kind and patient, day in and day out. I’m the one feeling weird and guilty and all kinds of uncomfortable that I have trouble managing these days.

I keep conversations to a minimum and focus on doing a good job. It’s all I can do until I am able to think more clearly.

“Halle, hold on for one second,” Chief Holt says.

I stop in my tracks and slowly turn around. “Yes, Chief?” I ask, my voice on a higher pitch than usual.

“About the whole Harriet Nash thing, I need you to—

”

“I’m so sorry,” I blurt out, cutting him off. “It’s a personal problem, it spilled into your house, and it will never happen…” My words fade as Holt laughs lightly. “Chief?”

“Still apologizing for things that are out of your control, I see.”

“I don’t understand, sir.”

Holt leans forward, elbows resting on his desk. “Halle, I’m not mad. I’m not even mildly inconvenienced by Harriet Nash’s presence in this firehouse. If anything, I’m irked by her audacity. Eric and his brothers told me everything I needed to know about your situation long before that woman showed up.”

“Oh…” My face flushes as I look down.

“It’s nothing to be ashamed of,” he says, his tone and gaze softening as he measures my reaction. “Halle, you were the victim of a terrible man and clearly his mother isn’t much better. The Nash name bears an ugly reputation because of her and her husband’s deeds. These are bad people, Halle. You’re working hard and doing your best to provide for yourself and your children. There’s no doubt in my mind that you have nothing in common with these folks.”

“You give me too much credit,” I mumble, briefly recalling some of the things I witnessed and never told anyone about. “I’m not without my flaws, sir.”

“Nor was I insinuating that. Nobody in this house is pristine,” the chief replies. “But we do our best to not let our past mistakes define us while we build better versions of ourselves for the future.

”

“Thank you, sir,” I say. “Even so, I apologize for the unwelcome intrusion. You hired me to get a job done, not to stumble over lawyers and sociopathic ex-mothers-in-law.”

“I just want you to know that this firehouse stands behind you,” Holt says. “You have our full support, no matter what. Legal resources, financial aid, whatever we can provide through our operations and our grants, I will make sure you have all the tools you need to fight your battle in court and keep custody of your children, Halle. Character witnesses—those we have aplenty. Every single firefighter in this station will vouch for you.”

“Sir, you’re too kind.”

“You’re one of us, Halle, and not just by blood. Not just because of who your dad was. You’re one of us because you work here, with us. You’re part of this team. We protect our own. Is that clear?”

I nod slowly, blinking back tears.

“Then you should know that I alerted all shifts at this station to stop Harriet Nash or any of her legal representatives from entering the premises without the police and a warrant present,” he says. “I’ve also sent word to an old friend in Organized Crime to take another look at any cold case files that they have regarding any of the Nash family members. If that shrew wants to take you to court, we’re going to give her one hell of a headache in return.”

I’m so overwhelmed with emotion that I feel like I could collapse, right here, right now, and cry my heart out. These are good people. Strong spirits, kind hearts.

“I’m speechless, sir, thank you,” I manage. “Can I get back to work now?

”

“Sure. Just take it easy, Halle. You’re not alone in this,” he firmly states.

They keep telling me that yet I still feel alone. Chief Holt, the Danson brothers, Marie. They’re all correct in the fact that I’m truly not alone in this. I’m just used to feeling that way because it was Colby’s weapon of choice to manipulate me, to keep me by his side. He made me feel useless and helpless, lonely, unseen and unheard, because then he could step in and say he was saving me from the evils of the world. There was nothing to save me from except himself.

Oh, the irony.

I give the Chief a subtle nod and go back to my desk. Less than a minute later, Eric comes up from downstairs. I didn’t even hear the trucks pull in but upon seeing him I immediately smell the smoke and burnt wood. “Hey,” he says, smiling softly as he strolls over. “How’s it going?”

“Good. Just busy, busy,” I reply, barely able to look him in the eyes.

It’s been this way ever since I took the pregnancy test. I’ve been keeping our conversations to a minimum. Intimately, we’re still hot and heavy, still consuming one another with impunity. It’s easier to be physical. Fewer words are needed when the three of them are fucking my brains out and draining me of energy I’d otherwise burn on negative thoughts. But Eric can always tell when there’s something off about me. It’s why he keeps checking in on me.

“Why don’t I buy that?” he asks, carefully sitting on the edge of my desk.

I feel so vulnerable under his gaze. His concern should elicit a positive emotion, yet in the given circumstance, it’s bringing about getting sent to timeout vibes instead. I try to keep my eyes on the computer screen but his musky scent toys with my senses. His cologne blends with the charred wood in a strangely sexy way. It’s a familiar fragrance to me, one that speaks of home. It’s an odd thing, how much scent can bring about memories and nostalgia. More than our eyes ever can.

“I’m okay, Eric,” I say after a long pause. “It’s just a constant buildup of stress and anxiety on account of Colby still being out there, somewhere, biding his time, waiting for the perfect opportunity to strike.”

“He’s never getting anywhere near you, ever again,” Eric replies.

I give him a doubtful look. “Neither you nor your brothers can be with me twenty-four-seven, every day. We can’t keep living like this, always on edge, always waiting for the monster to come back. Sammy and Luna can’t live like this, either.”

“Colby will make the wrong step, soon enough, Halle. And when he does, Dallas PD will be there, waiting for him.”

I sigh. “Until then, I’ll apologize now for being on edge and cranky,” I reply with a tense shrug.

Eric leans in, getting close enough to beckon my full attention. “Halle, I’ll take you being on edge and cranky. I’ll have you every possible way,” he says, keeping his voice down so the other firefighters can’t hear. “I’ll have you in the morning, at noon, at night. In a good mood. In a bad mood. I’ll have you over and over, without exception, until our time runs out.

”

“Is this your way of telling me you fancy me?” I quip, half-smiling.

“It’s my way of telling you that I can’t get enough of you,” he says, his gaze softening slightly. There’s an underlying emotion there, something that sparkles in the blue pools of his eyes. It’s making my heart flutter and my stomach tighten. “And that no matter what comes next, I’ve got you. And so do Chase and Wyatt.”

“I couldn’t be more grateful,” I exhale sharply. “I’m just not sure what chance I stand against Harriet in court.”

“It won’t get to that.”

“You sound pretty certain.”

“Her son, the father of your children, has a BOLO out in his name. The mere suspicion that he tried to burn the diner with his whole family in it will be enough to cast serious doubt on Harriet’s case. Add to that her reputation, the countless open investigations into the Nash family, the fact that you had to run away and hide and file for a restraining order before you could even file for divorce… Halle, she doesn’t stand a chance.”

I want to believe him. I really do. But I’ve also seen how far her money and influence can take her. “Harriet Nash has won a lot more with less,” I say. “I’m not gonna hold my breath here, but I will do everything in my power to make sure that she and Colby never see Luna and Sammy ever again. That I’m sure of.”

“Don’t even think about running away again,” Eric warns, inching even closer. “I’m not letting you skip town. And rest assured that Chase will find you. That man is the perfect hunter. I kid you not.

”

“Eric, I—”

We’re interrupted by a dispatch alarm. The lights flash red as the siren wails all over the fire station. Eric groans with frustration, then plants a kiss on my forehead and gets back down the pole. “We’ll finish this when I get back,” he says. “I’m not done with you yet!”

“Be careful out there!” I shout back.

My heart’s the size of a flea as I rise from my seat to catch a glimpse of my men going to work again. Chase and Wyatt are already done gearing up when Eric catches up to them. The others load the equipment onto the rigs while the chief comes out of his office, ready to join them.

“You too, Chief?” I ask, my blood running cold.

It must be a bad one if Holt is tagging along. He gives me a stern nod, his brows furrowed. “It’s a five-alarm fire at a warehouse. Dangerously close to a residential area. Dispatch says there’s a risk of it spreading quickly, possibly exploding. Flammables are everywhere in that building.”

“Oh my God.”

“You’re manning the ship while I’m gone, Halle. I’ll keep you posted.”

“Yes, sir,” I reply as I watch him and the whole crew go.

Once they’re gone, an eerie and uncomfortable silence takes over the firehouse. I’m not completely alone here. We do have a few station personnel and security staff on-site, but up here, I’m on my own, with no choice but to keep working and figure out a way to focus on something other than whatever devastating blaze my men are about to walk into.

And then it hits me .

I’m scared more for their safety whenever they go out on a call than I am for myself. I have fallen so deeply in love with Eric, with Chase, with Wyatt, it’s a bond that links my soul to theirs, and the idea that I might someday lose one, or all of them, to the flames or some other field incident fills me with dread. I have a hard time imagining a future without them in it, without their arms wrapped around me. Their strength fuels me. It keeps me upright. Sammy and Luna adore them.

Losing the Danson brothers would shatter me.

And what about this innocent baby growing in my belly? Oh, God, what have I gotten myself into? Perhaps I should regret this, but I don’t. I can’t look back and say that I shouldn’t have done any of it because I don’t regret a single thing. I am better because of them. Better with them. But the ghosts of my past have such a tight grip on my present, their poison is threatening to destroy my future.