Chapter 38: Chapter Thirty-Seven ✓

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Sophia's POV:

I remember it all clearly. When I was 7 years old, I had a friend named Katy. She was the sweetest and the best friend any seven years old could ever ask for. Luckily, she became my best friend. We used to play all the time even though we lived far away. I met her at the church when my dad moved to another city, yet again. Even before visiting her house for the first time, I knew Katy was different than us. Her dresses were prettier than mine and definitely cost more money than my father could ever make in a year. Pitiful, I know. However, not even once she made me feel like an outcast whilst the other kids in school did.

I was different, I guess. That's how other kids in school saw me. They didn't want to play with me or my sisters. However, that never bothered me because I had Katy as my friend. She used to defend me when others teased me about my old clothes. She said my dresses were pretty and told me that I shouldn't pay attention to the mean kids. I knew she only said to make me feel better but it was these little gestures that made me want to be like her even more.

I used to hate moving around but I was glad I met her. One day, she took me to her house. Till today, I still remember how it was. It was huge and beyond my expectation. It was all white and large. They even had a tree house! For seven years old, that was a huge deal. Then I met her mother. I always thought my mother was the prettiest till I met Katy's mother Donna. From her expensive clothes to the pearls she wore left me completely astonished. It would be stupid to say she was really pretty. She was more than that. I couldn't point out even one flaw out of her.

Whenever, we went to her house her smile would turn upside down and disgust would appear in her eyes. She had a way of making me feel about two inches tall only, just with that look. Even the seven years old me knew she didn't approve of our friendship. I used to ask my mom about why she didn't like me, or why the kids in the school made fun about my clothes. My mom used to smile politely, whispering in my ear that I shouldn't be paying attention to these matters as god has given as a lot. Stupidly, I believed her words. After all, god was a solution to every problem we faced.

There were points in our life when we didn't had enough to eat but I never heard my parents complaining to their 'god'. Even as a little girl, I knew God was kind to people who don't deserve it. More specifically, God favoured rich kids only. They never went church like we did. I've never heard Katy's parent thanking God on regular bases like we did. I was always surprise how god listened to their wishes and their prayers all the time. It told me a lot about his priorities. Even god had his favourite and I was sure I wasn't. Otherwise, I would've gotten a dollhouse on Christmas like Katy did.

It never affected me though. I ignored the mean comments about my family and my clothes. Katy and I were still friends and no one could separate us. I was born into a house of 9 people, including my grandparents. Our house was very little yet we had no problem sharing with each other. We had very little money but my parents treated me as a princess. A princess without a pearls, tiara, fancy clothes or even a castle but they adored me. My siblings were always complaining but I knew they loved me as much as my parents did. This was the reason why I was in my own pink bubble.

When my grandfather gave his favourite pen to my brother, which I wanted to have desperately, he smiled and said I will have everything in my life compared to my brother. My smile will literally melt anyone's knees and I believed that. I knew my smile could get me in and out of trouble easily even when we used to play in Katy's dad's office. He would get mad at Katy but never at me. The teachers cherished me and the girls were mostly jealous. I knew I was better than most of them and this used to bother a lot of parents. Why that poor girl is doing better than my daughter? I am a trustee of this school then why is she getting more attention than my son? Why is she the lead in every play? For once, I could rub it in their face like how they all used to do.

It all changed when I was 12 years old. There was an out of country trip that everyone in my class was going and I wanted too. I got the form and assured the teacher that my dad will be able to pay for the trip. The bitch didn't forget to give a pity look so I was more determined. I remember begging my dad every day to sign the form and fill the amount. He would glance at me nervously while my grandparent would look at me sadly.

"Honey, I am sorry but you can't go." He explained.

"But why? Everyone in my class is going. I want to go too!" I pouted sulkily.

"Sophie! Don't talk in that tone with your father." My mom scolded me.

"But everyone will laugh at me." I said in a small voice, feeling my throat burning.

"Oh, honey." My dad sat on his knees. "How about I'll talk with Roger and find a way?" He assured me and I smiled beamingly.

The next day, my dad went to the principal's office as he promised. Usually, I loved math but that day I couldn't help but groan in frustration. Mr R's office was right opposite our math classroom. When they both came out with a smile on his face, I couldn't believe my luck. Apparently Mr R granted a free trip because of my outstanding behaviour and grades. I ran toward the locker room when the bell rang to share this news with Katy. I was about to burst inside when I heard my name causing me to halt.

"I saw her dad in the office. Can you believe he was asking the principal if Sophia could go on this trip without paying for it? Like how embarrassing!"

"Such a charity case!" I heard another girl saying it.

"I'm glad I am not her friend."

"If I knew I can't afford, I would never beg."

Their comment never bothered me before, and it didn't bother me now too but what hurt me the most that day was whilst everyone was laughing at me, my best friend was laughing with them too.

We didn't see each other the whole day. All I could think about was 'why was she laughing with them?' 'Why didn't she tell them shut up'?

When it was time to go home, we met near the gate as usual. She acted nothing was wrong.

"Oh My God, so you know Ollie? He was totally checking me out. He asked if he could go out with me. I said..."

"Why didn't you defend me?" I asked her. Her face paled for second but then she got hold of her emotions.

"I wanted to but..." She said in a bored tone. I could see something flashing in her eyes. Excitement. But why would she be excited? She should be feeling guilty. Like I was for confronting her.

"But what Katy? You know I would have defended you in a blink then why didn't you? Their word didn't hurt me. What hurt me was my best friend standing there, listening to them and not saying anything to them." I snapped at her.

"Because what they said was true." She snapped back right at me.

"What... do you... mean?" I was stunned at her tone.

"Let's get real here. Soph, you know it as well that your parent can't afford for this trip." She spoke furiously.

"But..."

"And god, it is so embarrassing. Everyone was laughing. I get you guys don't have enough money but this... this is embarrassing. Anyway, I'm going." She must have pitied me because she looked a little sad.

I was about to tell her that the only reason why I wanted to go on this trip was because of her. I wanted to travel around the world as we promised when we were kids. I opened my mount when my attention was averted towards to Jenny, who was waving at her.

"I thought we were hanging out together."

"I forgot. Maybe some other day?"

"Hey maybe we can fill out the applications later. We should stick with..."

"Don't bother."

"Why?" I was confused now. Why is she acting this way? It was her idea to fill the application for high schools.

"You can't go there."

"Why not?"

"Because my mom told me your parents can't afford... for such a school. You will always be like this, a charity case. I really have to go now. Bye." She replied hastily and before I could reply her back, she was walking toward Jenny and joining their group. Tears threatened to fall from my eyes but I didn't let them I lost my best friend, forever.

The day she told me this, I swore I would prove her wrong. However, she was right when she said my parents couldn't afford it. They wouldn't even if they tried but I knew I had to do something with life. I had to change the way my life was. I would never let anyone talk to me this ever.

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Present Day:

I wasn't sure what time it was but the constant vibration of my phone woke me up and I wanted to fucking kill whoever it was. I opened my eyes to reach for the phone and removed his arm from my upper body. Looking over my left, I noticed his breathing was even and without making any voice I left the room and closed the door behind me.

"What the fuck Nat, have you seen the time?" I hissed and entered in one of the guest's room.

"I saw him the other day." Her voice slurred from the other side.

Great, first she calls me at three fucking am in the morning and that too drunk.

"Who?" I stopped myself from snapping at her.

"Arran."

My skin instantly felt cold hearing his name and then terribly hot as if I'm inside hell. Maybe I was.

"Where?" I kept the tremble hidden from my voice.

"In Greece." Her voice was suddenly high pitched. Bitch was getting too excited for my liking.

"Okay." I replied, not liking where it was heading

"With another girl." She exclaimed happily. I rolled my eyes at her the giddiness.

"Who cares? It's as usual." I haven't forgotten all about this. I knew he has never dated anyone that lasted more than a night.

"That's the thing Sophia, they seemed..." She purposely left the words hanging. I was too pissed to warn her to not play games with me. She didn't know whom she was messing with.

"Seemed what?" I bit my lip tightly causing it to bleed. Shit!

"Close." She replied.

"It's Arran we are talking about! He wouldn't get closer to anyone. Even if he tried!" It felt like I could spew fire from my mouth.

"But they looked in..." She hesitated.

"In what?" The uneasiness I was feeling before turned into a heavy dread in the pit of my stomach.

"In love." She paused, "I'm telling you Sophie, they were into each other. You should have seen the way he looked at her. Like he is falling for her. I talked to her, more like threatened but she seemed different. You can tell why he is into her. She is different than the rest. She is not interested in his money."

I was seething now. It is one thing to mention that trash, but to give credits to her obvious good looks crossed the whole girlfriend/loyalty line and she knew this too well. She wouldn't be saying this unless she was confident.

"Are you sure?" I questioned her, controlling my tone. I will not give her the satisfaction of my voice shaking. Never!

"They were seen together numerous time." She sounded disappointed at my reaction. Good.

"Who is she?" I walked around the guest room and stood in front of a large mirror, examining myself.

I still looked the same. I did yoga daily. I hired a top chef whose career started with introducing healthy eating. My personal trainer made sure I never gained an extra pound and my doctor made sure not even a single wrinkle appeared on my face.

"Don't you think you should leave him alone? It's been years Sophia. He deserves to move on too. He was happy with her and when I mentioned you to him, he got riled up but she made him smile again. Her, Sophia! He has changed."

"Who. Is. She?" I took a deep breath, stopping myself from punching the fucking mirror.

"I am not sure but if my sources are not wrong, she is the new assistant." She replied me back excitedly.

"Assistant?" I chocked out. The fucking nerve he has.

"Ironic isn't it?" I could detect a smirk from her tone.

"I will call you back." I didn't want to hear her anymore. I would not.

"Sophia, please don't do..." I didn't let her finish her sentence and cut the call. I covered up my face with my hands, shaking my head in disbelief, mumbling, trembling, and trying to breathe.

No it can't be true. It has to be someone else. It can't be Arran. He promised me. He promised me he would be mine. Only mine. He can't move on. I gasped loudly when I felt I was not getting enough oxygen. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't breathe. Grey dots filled my vision.

'I love you Sophia, I will always love you, no matter what.' His voice echoed in my head.

I can't help it as the memories get inside my head and my heart. No, no, no! It's not happening. I shut my eyes tightly.

'One day you will be hurting like I am right now but I wouldn't be there for you Sophia.'

I wanted to cry and yell until my throat hurts. I took a long, shaky breath and it's all I could do to keep my breathing calm. I wanted to pull my hair out in frustration when it didn't help. But mostly, I wanted to go back to that day so I could slap myself for letting him go. I wanted to kiss him, hug him, beg him to take me back in but I was too selfish to let him go. I hurt the person who loved me the most, who trusted me blindly and would've done anything for my happiness.

"No, there has to be a way. I will not lose he him that easily. I would go back and apologise. My Arran loves me. He will take me back. He wouldn't choose anyone over me and he has proven this time over time. Who wouldn't? Stop it Sophia, calm down. You still have this." Finally when my breathing turned back to normal, with silent steps I went back to the bed and sat down on my side.

"Hey, is everything okay?" His voice was croaky. I must've woken him up. My blood roared when I realised the concern in his voice wasn't aimed at me. I was probably irritating him.

"Yeah, I needed water." I lay on my side of the bed and touched the pendant around me neck. It was from Arran. I smiled fondly at the memory. Someone once told me that if you really want something, you shouldn't stop until you get it, no matter what happens or what you have to do and I was going to do whatever it takes.

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Past:

"Why did you beat him up?" I asked Arran as we were walking towards over next lesson. My question caught him off guard and the smile disappeared from his face.

"He deserved it." He grumbled in response. I widened my eyes in surprise.

"Why because he stuck something on my locker?" I knew he was the one who was sticking notes on my locker, calling me trash. I thought it was pointless getting even with him but realising Arran done this for me, it excited me.

"You knew?" He seemed surprised. I rolled my eyes.

"So? Why did you?" I peered at him. He looked he wanted to be anywhere but with me. He hated confrontations.

"Because he deserved it and he's an fucking ass that's why. I'm not apologising if that is what you are looking for."

"But why did you beat him?" I asked him softly. "And I meant why do you care?" The air turned thick and serious around us. His eyebrows knitted together.

"Because I care, I like you Sophia and I don't want just to be your friend."

"Me too." I replied him back, surprising him. "I mean I do want you as a friend but sometime I feel we can be more, I don't know what I am saying..."

Before I could finish my sentence, he wrapped me in his arms and crushed his lips on mine. I felt the blood heat through my skin. My knees weakened, and I would have fainted to the ground if it weren't for his arms holding me securely in place. The loud hooting broke us apart. His fingers were still tangled in my hair and we looked at each other's eyes, smiling softly.

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Present Day:

After last night meltdown, I was treating myself with some retail therapy. I woke up feeling fresh and determined. I didn't want to hide anymore. I spoke to him this morning and I told him I wanted to move back. He was surprised at first but then resumed doing his breakfast. He said he would consider this and would let me know about it soon but I knew it was killing him inside too. He couldn't wait to go back either.

I walked inside a shop, the assistants immediately rushed towards me, greeting me eagerly. One of them handed me red wine. I sipped whilst I checked out the clothes. So far, nothing interested me. I was about to leave when my eyes set on a blue dress. It appeared to be my size too.

"I want that." I told the assistant, who was following me like a lost puppy. From corner of my eye I saw the girl hesitating. I removed the Dior's sunglasses and tilted my head slightly, daring her to object me.

"Sorry Miss, that dress is reserved." She looked she could pass out any moment.

"I don't care. I like the dress and I want it." I smoothed the pristine dress with my one hand.

"Sorry hon, I already bought it. This baby is mine." I turned around and saw a woman clutching the dress.

"Are you sure you haven't got the wrong size." I eyed her, rather plum body. Her face heated in embarrassment.

"It is still mine." She bit back.

"How much did it cost you?" A small smile adorned my face knowing how this was going to end.

"It doesn't matter sugar." She stood in front of me and rolled her eyes.

"How much?" I questioned her again.

"1000 euros." She replied back proudly. I noticed her eyeing my red sole shoes to my Prada dress.

"I am rather surprised you can afford it. I will pay you twice for this dress." I scoffed feeling embarrassed for her.

"Not happening." She turned a shade redder and she replied me back angrily.

"5 thousands." I saw the assistants trying to reason with the other girl. They rather have me as their customer than her.

"Are you out of your mind?" She yelled. I gave her a condescending look, and she smiled at me with sickly sweetness. That really irritated me!

"7." I said in bored tone.

Normally I wouldn't even care for this dress but since she was challenging me, I couldn't back down. After all Sophia gets whatever she desires, even this cheap dress that was loosing its appeal every second passing.

"Are you crazy?"

"10."

"Just leave it. Look at her eyes. She looks crazy." One of her friend tried to reason with her. Clever friend.

"No way, I saw this dress first." She was without a reason a stubborn bitch and guess what, so was I?

This left me with no other option so I tipped my glass of wine over the dress deliberately and gasped dramatically. Her face was worth watching. All the colour left her face.

"Oops, looks like you can't have this dress after all." I smirked.

The girl's face was clouded with furry and eyes filled with unshed tears.

Pathetic!

"Just place the damage under my name." I informed the assistant and walked out of the shop.

I walked around the mall buying aimlessly and waiting for the time to fly by. I made my way to the restaurant where I was supposed to meet my friends for a lunch. I saw Anna and few of our other around a table and when they all saw me, they approached me and questioned me like I've been gone for a long time. We air kissed each other and sat down to order.

The drinks soon arrived and I drank my third glass of wine. It felt so good to be drinking again. I sighed gladly but Anna placed a hand on my arm worriedly.

"Does he know?" She questioned me.

I looked at her as if she was out of her head. "Seriously Anna? Why would I be still wearing this if he knew about my plan?" I wiggled the ring on the third finger of my left hand. I informed her about my plans this morning. She disagreed, as usual but she gave me some tips.

"I didn't mean it that way." Her faced flushed deeply, "I mean its not like he would leave you at all, and he had his chance with your sister and look how that has worked out...." She slapped her hand over her mouth as everyone at the table looked at me with their eyes widened in shock.

That bitch!

I stopped dead in my tracks. If she weren't my best friend I would've slapped her right there. How dare she to bring her up!

"He would never even think of leaving me. Don't forget I have something no one ever will and as far as I know she is nothing and will be nothing. Don't say that ever again Anna. I will not think twice before leaving you and we don't want that do we?" I was breathless and full angry. I know my face is red and I could feel their eyes on my eyes.

Anna touched my arm softly, she looked down at her lap and I know she is genuinely sorry.

"I ... I'm so sorry, Soph." she stammered nervously. "I didn't mean anything."

"Anyway, I am out of here." I gulped down the whole glass and storm off. I didn't want to hear their sneers or their mocking looks. Not today. I know my slithering friends who would leave no stone unturned to bring me down. I stopped at the nearest bar I could find and order a tequila bottle, not in a glass, just the bottle. If the bartender was surprised he didn't show it. All it took was a hundred euro note and he handed me the bottle. I opened the bottle and took a long gulp, instantly feeling my throat burning. Coughing a little, I wiped my chin and smiled at him who in return winked at me.

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Past:

"I just don't understand why you want to travel around the world like drifters when you can help your dad with the family business?" I peered through the book that I was pretending to read.

He stilled and looked shocked.

"Well because photography is my passion." He replied back as if I was a dumb blonde.

"But your passion won't take you anywhere." I tried to keep my tone calm.

"Excuse me?" He stood up straight, his brows knotting together.

"Come one Arran, why would you travel around the world for nothing." I let out an exhausted sigh.

"Nothing?" He frowned

"Yeah, it's useless. It's not going to get you anywhere. Or us. I mean look at you and then there's your brother. There's only few years difference yet he is already helping your father. Why can't you be like him?" I shop up straight.

It was only yesterday when I heard Stacy saying how Adrian was going to take over the business and it unsettled me. I don't want to be with someone who isn't passionate about money as I was.

"Then you shouldn't be with me." He replied back coldly without even thinking.

I felt all the colours draining from my face. This is not how it's supposed to go. Its not like I was doing it on purpose. I truly love Arran but I don't like his carefree attitude towards his life. He thinks everything comes easy but it isn't that easy. Why isn't he realizing, that he could be at the top if he wanted.

"No. Babe. This is not what I meant. Look I'm really sorry. I just want you to be successful too. I want everyone to look up to you too." I wrapped my arms around his torso; he stiffened immediately and pushed me back. I was too shock to comprehend his change. I thought I had him at the tips of my fingers.

"I don't understand why everyone has problem with me being a photographer? All my life I did what everyone told me. Arran shouldn't play basketball he might hurt himself. Arran shouldn't be a lawyer because it's too time consuming. Arran shouldn't do this. Arran shouldn't do that. For once in my life I am sure what I want to be, whom I want to be, where I want to be. Yet here you are. Judging and frowning down like everyone else." He words were piercing my heart.

I knew Arran had his own insecurities. He hated when everyone compared him with his brother. He loved his brother but it annoyed him when everyone tells him to follow his footstep.

"I am sorry. I just want the best for you." I mumbled, looking down at my worn shoes.

He never cared when people judged me, he doesn't care if my clothes are cheap or when I can't hang out with his friend because I cant afford the entrance fees. On the other hand, I am constantly judging him without even meaning too. I don't know why I am like this but all I have in my head are Katy's words.

'You will always be like this, a charity case.'

I had to do something; otherwise her words might turn out to be true. I can't be the second best.

I'm not sure what made me to do it. Maybe, it was the unreasonable expectations I had with my life or maybe it was self-loathing. But I just knew I needed to do something different to happen. I had to change my life. I needed someone or something to divert me from my current path. Otherwise, I would've been lost and I would've let Katy win.

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Present Day:

I was so drunk that I didn't even stop the guy from groping my ass. I looked over my shoulder and saw his sweaty face too close to mine. I laughed and pushed him away. I don't remember how much I drank but I knew I drank a lot. I was dancing with a college boy for fuck sake! I have standards or I thought I had. Luckily, there weren't many people around this time to witness this.

When I grew bored of dancing alone, I decided to leave. I took short steps to my car making sure not to fall in my heels and slid into the driver's seat. The clock on the dash said it was seven. Good. It meant there is still an hour till he comes back. I was in no position to drive but I would not risk having someone to pick me over. They would raise their eyebrows and gossip if they saw me like this.

Uneasiness settled me as I realised I was forgetting something. But what? I checked the time again and shook the uneasiness I was feeling. I went back inside the bar. I took few hundred euro notes and threw at the direction of the bartender. He seemed surprised but he was overwhelmed with the amount.

"Drive me to my home and you will get to keep them all." I managed to speak with my head pounding.

He didn't have to think twice as he threw the towel and followed me outside. I threw the keys of my Bentley at him and sat on the passenger seat. The bartender gawked at the car before eagerly sitting on the other side. He drove swiftly, speaking animatedly about the car, which I couldn't care less. I told him the direction and he stopped in front of my house. His eyes widened further looking at the mansion.

"Get out." I told him, opening my eyes.

He hesitated before following my order. I gave him another two notes and gestured him to leave. He looked at the money at his hand and smiled broadly.

I entered the code to our house and strolled inside. I randomly drop my keys at the nearby table and leaned against the wall, feeling sick. I was about to go to my room when I noticed his presence.

"You're home early," I said in genuine surprise. All the alcohol left my system immediately. He had that effect on me.

He doesn't smile or greet me as usual; instead he kept his cold eyes trained on my face and kept me frozen in place. This was going to end very badly with someone getting hurt very badly.

That someone was always me.

"Where were you?" He asked in a deathly tone.

"Why do you fucking care?" I tried not showing the tremble in my voice. I tried to move.

"Don't talk to me like this." Before I knew, he had his hand wrapped around my wrist in a deathly grip.

"Let go off me now!" I yelled and tried to free myself.

"Then answer where the fuck were you?" His hot breath fanned my face.

"Why do you even care? You've never asked me before." My chest tightened and my heart pounded against it.

"You are pathetic. You had one thing to do. You just had to pick your own son from school and you couldn't even do that." Suddenly, I remember Parker.

"Shit," I was supposed to pick him up at three as he was working late today.

"He waited 3 hours waiting for you. And god knows where you've been. It's disgusting... you are disgusting. Listen to me. You need to sort your shit together because I am tired of it. The only reason I'm putting up to you is because of my son. But if you test my patience one more time, I wont hesitate, Sophia. I will not compromise anything when it comes to my son. This is your last chance. Your last fucking warning! Get your act together." He released my wrist. "What happened to you?" He said softly after a while. I sensed the hopelessness in his voice. I tried to swallow the lump forming in my throat.

I could feel the pain running through his veins. I could see the guilt, guilt that I felt for the last five year. I recognised the sleepless nights by the bags under his eyes. It was the same pain and hopelessness I felt everyday. It was the same guilt I experienced every night when I went to bed. Only I was the one to blame. I swallowed the knot in my throat. It hurt. It hurt so fucking much.

I am yet to believe that it only takes few minutes for your world to turn upside down. Everything that ever made you safe and secure was gone in a second. I swallowed hard as he walked passed me. Anger was flaring inside me. It's my fault. I caused this. I am the reason why my husband couldn't have the love of his life. I was the reason that made him the guilty one in the whole situation. I was the reason why my own husband wouldn't look in my eyes. I felt empty. All I ever wanted was happiness

They say there is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness. I had a reason of my madness so I approached him, then I pursued him, then I made him only mine. And just like that my life was saved but his was crushed. And I helped him crushing down what meant the world to him. I helped him crush the only person who had his back. I helped him crush the only person who wouldn't go against him. I crushed the only person who was willing to give his life for him.

His own brother.

I crushed him.

I crushed Arran.

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