The Jump

○●○ The Jump ○●○

Watching out my window I contemplated the events of this past week. I had lost everything. My connection to the supernatural world. My bestfriend. The man who was there for me when no one else was. The man I loved. We had shared a deep trust and understanding of eachother. We had a deep bond that connected us. And now that was gone. He was gone, just like the rest of them.

How did I feel worse than when Edward left me? Edward's abandonment was Earth shattering, but Jasper's disappearance had obliterated the entire universe. The pain was indescribable. I don't think I could take it much longer. There was nothing anyone could do to stop it, except for Jasper, but I highly doubted he wanted anything to do with me.

For the first time in my life the thought of suicide popped into my head. I was immediately disgusted, but the thought remained. The next few days I contemplated the idea of suicide. The easiest way would be to jump off the cliffs in La Push. All my misery would be over, all it took was drowing in the ocean.

Of course these were just sick thoughts in my head, not serious considerations. I could never do that to Charlie. But it had sparked an idea; if Alice saw me jump from off the cliff the Cullens would come home. I would show Jasper that I didn't need him after all. I could enact our plan without him.

All I would have to do is wait for a sunny day and go cliff diving. I could convince Jacob to wait on the beach so Alice wouldn't see me get out of the water. Yes, things were beginning to piece together.

That's how I found myself standing at the edge of the cliff. The water raging down below me. This idea seemed much safer in my head. I had called Jacob trying to get him here, but he hadn't answered and I was growing impatient and restless. I had to do something before I went insane. Maybe Alice would think that I'd gone crazy and come back all the same.

My feet inched closer to the edge, pebbles tumbled over the cliff and into the deep blue ocean. I stood there for a moment just breathing, trying to work up the courage to do this. I experimentally bent my knees and my heart fluttered with nerves.

I had to repeat to myself that this would all be worth it. If I could get the Cullens back then my heartache would go away. I could be with Edward.

"Edward." I sighed. The name felt empty on my lips. It lacked meaning and emotion.

Where was Edwards's warnings when I was in actual danger? I was about to jump off a cliff and there was nothing but silence from him. Only an empty feeling in the pit of my stomach. Maybe it would be okay if I never emerged from the depths of the water. With one single deep breath I steeled my decision. I was doing this, and no one appeared to be interested in stopping me.

I could have sworn that the cliff had doubled in height since I had last seen it, and more rocks were jutting out of the water than I had remembered. I bent my knees again and closed my eyes. I didn't want to look as I jumped, somehow it made things a little easier. I exhaled the breath I was holding and pushed my legs against the ground propelling me into the air.

"BELLA!" A voice screamed in panic. The voice didn't belong to Edward this time. It was Jasper's. Now my brain was creating fantasies of him too. Great. I might have stopped if I hadn't already been in the air.

The wind rushed past my body as I fell through the air. The weightless feeling was exhilarating. For once in my life I was finally free. Nothing could hold me back. I was at the mercy of gravity, and it felt incredible.

Something hard crashed into me, but that compared to the shock of landing in the freezing sea was nothing worth noting. My eyes startled open and I was blinded by the salty water. I gasped and water filled my lungs. I was almost certain that I was going to drown now. The panic was there, but I grudgingly accepted that fact without much of a fight.

I looked out into the darkness of the sea and said my goodbyes quietly. I sent my love to Charlie, and my mom, Jacob... and Jasper. I wish I could have seen him one last time. I pictured him smiling the way he did when he joked around, the way his eyes sparkled with life and happiness. I tried to remeber how safe I felt with him; secure. I smiled. This was the way I wanted to go, imagining what could have been, what life could have been. Dying didn't seem quite as scary now, or maybe it hadn't changed, but rather I was distracted by my wild fantasies. All I knew is that Jasper made me happy. Why couldn't I have realized that before jumping off these damn cliffs?

I felt my body heaved aggressively upwards and I realized I wasn't alone down here. I couldn't tell who had found me, but that didn't matter. I was just relieved that I hadn't died, for myself or for Charlie's sake I wasn't exactly sure.

I gasped for oxygen, sputtering, and coughing up water as soon as we surfaced. I was dragged on to the beach, and someone tapped my face, not in a rough way but you couldn't call it soft either. I blinked the water from my eyes and tried to focus my attention on the figure leaning above me.

"Bella? Bella? Look at me." Jasper's deep, baritone voice demanded. My vision began to clear and I could make out his worried expression. He was soaked in sea water, and sand clung to his clothes. He must have pulled me out. His hand was set on my chin forcing me to look at him. It physically hurt to look at him, knowing that I couldn't be with him.

"Bella? Are you okay? Are you hurt?" He asked desperately.

"Y-You said-" I took a break and coughed up some seawater. "You said, y-you wouldn't leave m-me." I said weakly. I knew that wasn't the first thing that should've came out of my mouth. I had almost drowned, but that didn't seem important at the moment. I wanted to know what Jasper was thinking more than anything.

"I thought that's what you wanted. I had no idea you would- you would.. How could you try and kill yourself?" He asked, obviously trying to keep his voice calm.

"I-I wasn't trying to, well not really." I coughed.

"Not really!" He said loudly, shaking his head. "Dammit Bella, you are going to be the death of me." He mumbled after taking a deep breath.

"I-I'm sorry." I whispered.

"Just why, why on Earth would you do that?" Jasper asked waving an angry hand at the cliffs.

"Y-You were gone, so I had to get them back myself." I whispered nervously. In my mind I was begging him not to leave me again.

Jasper swallowed hard and closed his eyes. He shook his head, and sat down on the beach next to me. He rubbed a hand over his face.

"I'm sorry. I've ruined everything. I can't apologize enough." He sighed. He looked down at me with pleading eyes. "I know you despise me, you have every right to after what I said. I've been a plain awful friend, and I never should have kissed you like that. Ruining our relationship, and your relationship with my wife and brother was never my intention. I lost my temper and said things I didn't mean, and for that I'm sorry. Just please never do anything like that again. I've been through indescribable horrors in my life, so believe me when I say I know your death would be my undoing."

I felt tears dripping down my face. Tears of joy or pain? I didn't know. I wanted to be near him more than anything, but I just couldn't do that to Alice. It would break her heart if she found out, and she probably already had. My stomach twisted in knots and I felt like I might be sick.

"You're conflicted and... sad, almost sick." Jasper whispered. I nodded pathetically. I wanted to tell him everything, but I just couldn't form the words. All I could do was weep helplessly.

He slowly came closer giving questioning looks every few inches. He took my hand and I threw all caution to the wind. I sat up and clung to his shirt like a leech to skin and quietly begged him to stay with me. His cold skin was freezing against my wet clothes, but I didn't care. If I caught hypothermia, than so be it.

"I'm not going anywhere. I promise. I'll never leave you again." He whispered. I just nodded into his shoulder. His hand gently cupped my face, lifting my head so our eyes could meet. "I shouldn't ask this, but seen as I've already ruined everything through my selfishness, I'm going to. I couldn't ruin anything more if I tried so... can I kiss you?"

A loud growl erupted from behind us. A large russet colored wolf emerged, snarling at Jasper. He was on Quileute territory, that wasn't good.

"Jake stop! He was just saving me!" I yelled, scrambling to my feet. Jake's eyes were locked on Jasper, and his snarling only grew louder.

Jasper stood up behind me. We locked eyes for a moment. He glared in Jake's direction, and then his focused darted around the forest behind him. He was most likely trying to find an escape route.

"Bella meet me at your house." He whispered before darting off. His body was a blur as he sped into the forest towards Forks. Jake glanced at me for a slim second before chasing after Jasper.

I stumbled trying to get to my feet. Once I found my footing I sprinted in the direction of my truck. With shakey hands I put the key in the ignition, and drive towards Forks. For the first time I wished that my truck would move faster.

By the time I got home, my heart was racing and I was sweating with nerves. I was terrified that Jake or one of the wolves had hurt Jasper... or worse.

To my relief Jasper was on my doorstep. I got out and ran to meet him. That's when I noticed the short, raven haired girl yelling at him; Alice.

"I can't believe this! You should have been watching her Jazz, you decided to lie to us all anyway! And you knew about Victoria! Didn't you? Now look what you've done! She's gone!" She ranted and raved. Jasper stood with his arms behind his back and his head hung low. Under different circumstances, Jasper being subdued by his tiny wife would have been funny, but not now. This was the farthest thing from funny.

"Alice please, I'm telling you-" Jasper began to say. His voice was soft and the look on his face was miserable.

"Don't talk! God, Jasper! I told you not to come here! Why didn't you listen to me?" Alice yelled.

"Alice?" I called, running up to the doorstep. She turned around looking completely shocked.

"Bella? How? You're dead!"

"Uh... no. I'm not." I told her. I realized that my plan must have worked, but where was everyone else? Why didn't the other Cullens come?

"That's what I was trying to tell you." Jasper whispered. Alice sent him a glare and he immediately averted his eyes.

"Where is everyone else?" I asked. I wanted things to go back to normal more than anything. I wanted to go back in time when things weren't so complicated.

"I thought you were dead Bella! I rushed here as fast as I could. I didn't exactly have time to pick everyone up. I called Carlisle he should-" She suddenly stopped talking, her eyes clouded over and she stared into the distance. Her mouth fell open slightly.

"Alice? What is it?" Jasper asked. He set his hand on her shoulder hesitantly, sending a stabbing pain into my chest. His love for her was still there, you could see it in his eyes.

"Edward!" Alice yelled, as she snapped back to the present. "We have to go! Now!"

"Alice?" Jasper asked again.

"Edward's going to kill himself."

The angst is a-comin', buckle up guys, gals, and non-binary pals, it's gonna be a bumpy ride.

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