Chapter 39: 40: Proposal on Pause

ARIEL

As Alex stares at me in anticipation, it feels like time has frozen.

He wants me to become his Luna…

To be mated in an official ceremony…

But am I ready for all that comes with being mated to a ~king~?

The parties.

The crowds.

The speeches.

I’m having anxiety just thinking about it.

Not to mention the prospect of eventually starting a family…something that is sped up ~considerably~ when it comes to royal mates.

It took me so long to get to where I am now…I just don’t want to backslide.

Maybe Alex has fully dealt with his trauma and come out on the other side a stronger person.

But for me?

The “other side” is still barely visible on the horizon. I have a ~long~ way to go.

“Ariel, you’re killing me with this silence,” Alex says uncomfortably. “Please, at least say ~something~.”

“I love you…” I say, followed by a deep breath.

“But…” Alex says, his face crestfallen.

“I’m not ready,” I say, even though the words feel like sandpaper on my tongue.

As much as it hurts me to turn down Alex’s proposal, now just isn’t the right time.

I can’t throw myself over a cliff while I’m still learning how to use my wings.

Though Alex’s eyes are imbued with sadness, he still musters a smile.

“I’m glad you’re being honest,” he says, wrapping me in a hug.

I finally exhale, feeling comforted in his arms.

“I wish I was ready. I really do,” I murmur, trying to fight back my tears.

“I know, my love,” he says, stroking my hair. “It’s a lot of pressure. ~Too~ much pressure. I’ll wait for you as long as you need me to.”

I bury my face in his chest, trying to dry my tear-stained face.

I have no doubt in my mind that I have a future with Alex.

I firmly believe that he’s the mate Selene told me to heal.

But for now…I still have some healing of my own to do.

***

I step out of the shower and dry off after a long day of patrolling.

As I pull on a T-shirt and a pair of leather pants, I examine myself in the mirror.

My hand is shaking...

It was shaking all during patrol too.

Despite Alex telling me that he’ll wait for me as long as I need him to, it doesn’t do much to appease my anxiety.

My wolf has been whimpering all day, and it’s making me feel like I’m going mad.

All I want is to feel ~normal~...

To feel like I used to before the hunters.

Maybe if I focus more on this investigation and start facing my past, I’ll finally find a way to move on.

~I need to confront my fears head on. I won’t let them hold me back.~

“SURPRISE!!!”

The hairs on the back of my neck stand on end, and I instantly switch into warrior mode.

I whip around, my fingernails lengthening into claws, and tackle the assailant who broke into my room.

“Ow, bitch! What are you doing!?”

I find myself lying on top of Amy, who looks more than a little annoyed that I’m pinning her down to my bed.

“Amy! Don’t fucking sneak up on a pack warrior like that! Are you crazy?”

“Is that even a question? Of course, I am,” she responds, smirking.

I collapse next to her, and we both start laughing our asses off.

“That’s the ~last~ time I try to pay you a surprise visit,” she says, nudging me in the ribs.

“We both know that’s not true,” I reply, shaking my head. “You’re way too much of a drama queen to not make an equally dramatic entrance.”

“This is true,” she says playfully. “I have to spice up your boring life somehow. It’s not like you’re a pack warrior who’s dating a ~king~ or anything interesting like that.”

As we both giggle, a knock on my door turns our attention.

Angel hesitantly pushes through but stops when he sees Amy. “Oh, sorry...I didn’t know you had company. Steve told me you were up here.”

Amy cocks an eyebrow as she surveys the tattooed hunk in front of her.

~Oh Goddess, he’s just her type.~

“Amy,” she says, suddenly shooting up and extending her hand. “You’re the guy they found in the woods outside my pack, right?”

~Wow, being tactful is NOT Amy’s strong suit.~

“Uh, yeah...I am,” he says, tentatively taking her hand and giving it an awkward shake.

“This is Angel,” I say, trying to hide my smirk. “We’re supposed to meet right now, but since you showed up unannounced…”

“Fine, fine, we’ll catch up later,” she says. “I can take the hint. I’m staying for a week or so anyway. I already okayed it with Alex.”

As Amy walks behind Angel, she looks at me and mouths “HOT!” while faux-fanning her face.

I shake my head at her as she leaves. Angel had better watch his back around that one.

He looks a bit like he just got hit in the face with an unexpected gust of wind, which pretty accurately describes Amy.

“Sorry about her,” I say. “She’s my best friend. Not everyone can handle her.”

“She seems like...a force of nature,” he replies. “That’s not a bad thing.”

Hurricanes and tornadoes are forces of nature too, but I don’t want to scare him off, so I keep my lips shut tight.

“Are you ready for our session?” I ask, suddenly feeling nervous. “Because I want to try something different today…”

Something that I hope I’m ready for.

***

“Close your eyes,” I say softly as I sit across from Angel in my makeshift meditation chamber. “Try to focus on my voice.”

As Angel follows my instruction, I take a deep breath.

I’m about to dig up some extremely dark memories.

Memories I want to forget forever.

But facing them may just be the best way to help Angel regain his own dark memories.

“I...I’m going to tell you about my experience...with the hunters,” I say a bit shakily. “Maybe it will trigger something about your own experience.”

He nods silently.

I close my eyes and begin to think about those two years...

The worst two years of my life.

“They kept me in a cage. Bound my wrists and ankles in silver chains. Injected me with wolfsbane and silver serum,” I rasp, my throat feeling dry.

“They...they forced me to shift. Over and over again. I could feel my bones break with excruciating pain. Every time.”

Without a word, Angel takes my hand and squeezes it. The gesture encourages me to keep going.

“They tried to break my will. Take away all of my agency. Take away my wolf.” Tears began to form in my eyes, and I tried to blink them away.

“I was just an experiment to them. They wanted to control me. They wanted me to be their weapon.”

The tears started falling as I thought of every needle, every painful burn, every broken bone.

“I thought I’d never escape, and that no one would ever find me. They kept me deep underground in a laboratory, barely clinging to life.”

Angel squeezes my hand even tighter.

~Is this working at all? Because it’s sure making me feel like shit.~

I choke back a sob as I try to continue. “They took everything from me. My family. My life. My dreams. My ability to feel normal. And I don’t know if I’ll ever have those things again.”

Suddenly, Angel’s claws are digging into my hand, and I open my eyes, gasping in pain.

His own eyes are open and bright red.

But only for a moment.

They return to their pleasant purple hue as Angel stares at me intensely.

“What happened?” I ask, concerned. “Are you okay?”

He nods but continues clutching my hand. “Ariel... I... I remember something.”

“What? What do you remember?” I ask urgently.

“I remember the lab... I know where it is.”

Ariel

I have a lead

Ariel

A big one

Ariel

Angel remembered where the lab is

Xavier

Wait, who?

Xavier

What lab??

Ariel

Angel

Ariel

The experiment

Ariel

I managed to trigger a part of his memory

Ariel

And the lab he was held captive in isn’t too far

Ariel

Maybe a day’s drive for both of us

Xavier

Then send me the coordinates and I’ll meet u on the way there

Xavier

There’s no time to waste!

Ariel

Agreed

Ariel

Let’s get Xavi back home

ALEX

“It’s too dangerous to go alone,” I say firmly as Ariel pulls on her combat boots. “The hunters are unpredictable.”

She’s already dressed in her tactical pack warrior gear, ready for a fight.

And she’s already made up her mind, whether I forbid her to go or not.

“I won’t be alone,” she says, taking my hand and trying to comfort me.

But knowing Xavier would be there didn’t comfort me at all.

“Alex, I ~have~ to do this,” she says with desperation.

As I stare into her eyes, I can see the torment behind them.

I know this is something that she has to face.

But that doesn’t mean it won’t be painful to let her go.

Truthfully, I don’t know what hurts more...

Ariel rejecting my mating proposal...

Or heading into a dangerous situation without me by her side.

But ~Xavier~ will be by her side...

And in a way, that scares me more than the hunters.