Chapter 53: Bide: Chapter 49

Of all the ways I pictured today going, this was not a scenario I anticipated.

I stare at Lux.

Lux stares at me.

Every so often, my gaze flicks to her belly and a wave of nausea washes over me.

Lux is going to be a mom. My little sister is having a baby. I’m going to be an uncle.

.

My head spins as I mentally compile everything I need to do to baby-proof the ranch and wrack my brain trying to figure out how the hell I missed this. She didn’t drink at Mom’s funeral but I thought it was just her being responsible. She’s been tired lately but that’s hardly anything new. That godawful cardigan she wore the day Dad showed up should’ve been a dead giveaway something was up; she would never subject herself to Grandma’s scrutiny without a valid reason.

God, I feel like a dumbass.

“Are you mad at me?” Lux interrupts my internal spiralling, two protective hands on her stomach like she’s shielding it from me.

“No.” I sigh. “I’m not mad.” Not at her, anyway. Hell fucking yeah am I mad at the steaming pile of shit that knocked her up. Now seems like a terrible time to whip out an ‘I told you so’ but I always knew he was good for nothing. “I’m just surprised.”

“You and me both,” Lux mutters beneath her breath.

“Do the girls know?”

“No.”

“When are you planning on telling them?”

“I was planning on seeing how long it takes them to notice,” she jokes, or at least I think it’s a joke. “I don’t think Lottie will until there’s a screaming baby keeping her awake.”

That drags a laugh out of me. She’s probably not wrong.

She adds, “I’ll tell them. I was just… waiting a bit. Until I absolutely had to.” A foot nudges my thigh. “Until I told you.”

I nudge her back. “Why did you take so long?”

Lux drops her gaze, nose scrunching. “I didn’t want you to be disappointed in me.”

Ah, fuck.

Standing, I gesture for Lux to scoot over so I can stretch out beside her, slinging an arm across her shoulders and dragging her close. “I could never be disappointed in you.”

“I’m not gonna fuck it up. I won’t be like Mom.”

Heart? Breaking. Chest? Hurting. Temper? Flaring just a touch.

I clutch my sister a little tighter. “I know.”

“He’s not gonna turn out like us.”

“I think we turned out pretty okay.” I hum, reaching out to gently poke her belly. “It’s a he?”

Lux nods, rubbing her stomach fondly and jerking an elbow into my side. “What do you think of Oscar Jackson The Third?”

“Call him that and I’m kicking both of you off my ranch.”

My sister barks out a laugh. “Have you told her about that yet? Buying the ranch?”

“Luna?” The look on her face screams . “No.”

“You probably should. When you marry the girl, the place will be half hers.”

“You’re getting a bit ahead of yourself.” A lot ahead of herself. We’re not even back together but when I tell Lux as much, she snorts.

“So she just drove across the state before the sun was up for fun?”

“That was for you, not me.”

Another snort. “And what were you doing at her place so early?”

“Sleeping.”

“In the same bed.”

“On a couch, actually.” I’d planned to bring her to bed when she fell asleep but I was so comfortable, I passed out before I could.

“Oh, yeah, that makes a difference,” Lux drawls sarcastically. Shaking her head, she laughs under her breath. “Not together, my ass.”

I kiss my teeth in mock annoyance. We’re not together, and I don’t exactly have high hopes of us getting back together either, considering everything she has going on. I doubt that’s what she wants right now. I’m still trying to wrap my head around everything she told me.

A lot of information, a lot to process, in less than 24 hours.

“Speaking of the ranch,” I deftly change the subject. “I’m gonna look into hiring some more help for you.”

If Lux’s crumpled expression doesn’t tell me exactly how she feels about that suggestion, her mouth does. “I don’t need a babysitter, Oscar.”

“I know that, Alexandra. But you can’t do everything you’re doing now and take care of a kid.”

her face screams, and I roll my eyes. “You’re already spread too thin.”

“I have help already.”

Yeah, the presence of Dipshit and Dumbass doesn’t exactly soothe my worries.

“It’s a big ranch, Lux. You need more than two people helping to run it.” A dozen would be preferable. Plus an assistant to help with the business side of shit. But baby steps.

She’s still making that face so I poke her again. “Just let me help you.”

Lux regards me for a long moment before sighing. “

. But I get final say on who you hire.”

“Deal.”

They discharge Lux not long after Luna returns.

She was a menace to get out of the hospital; making a fuss over the wheelchair they insisted she use, protesting like a brat when the doctor put her on bed rest for forty-eight hours, scoffing obnoxiously when I was told to keep an eye on her. The whole drive home, Luna and I were graced with her ‘

spiel.

She wouldn’t let me help her up to the house. But when Luna sidled up to her and extended an arm, she took it without protest and hey, I’m not going to complain as long as she’s accepting help from someone, even if an alliance between them does scare the ever-loving shit out of me.

With the twins at their dorm and Eliza still at school, we successfully get Lux in bed without any questions and only minimal complaint. I get shooed from her bedroom the second she’s tucked under the covers, claiming she had a busy, early morning before sarcastically asking if she’s allowed to nap without supervision.

, I think as I close the door behind me, I’ve just barely stumbled into my own bedroom, intending on following my sister’s lead and passing out for a while, when I hear the telltale snick of the front door opening. Wholly concerned it’s Lux sneaking out to do some shit she absolutely should not be doing, I slope outside with a groan, stepping foot on the porch just in time to catch a flicker of light brown hair disappearing into the barn.

Luna leaves the barn door ajar behind her. Enough that I can peek inside without alerting her to my presence. I can watch with a soft smile as she greets Clyde with a scratch between the eyes and a hearty pat to the side before scampering up the shoddy ladder of the loft I didn’t know she knew about. By the time I make it out there, she’s climbed out the window onto the overhang I’m suddenly very glad I fixed up last summer. Knees hugged to her chest, she tilts her face toward the sky, squinting at the soon-to-be-setting sun.

“Little early for star-gazing.”

She doesn’t jolt at the sound of my voice, and I have to wonder if she knew I was steps behind her the whole time.

When I settle beside her, legs swinging over the edge, she scoots closer, leaning her weight against my side ever so slightly. “You okay?”

I hum an affirmative noise.

“Are you mad I didn’t tell you?”

“No.” At first, maybe a little, but I was quickly overwhelmed by feeling grateful that Lux could at least tell someone. And maybe a little selfishly happy that she chose Luna, of all people, to confide in. “Thank you for taking her to that appointment.”

“It was kind of cool,” she whispers, tilting her head toward me, showing me the smile gracing her lips. “I saw it wriggling around in there. Size of an avocado, the tech said.”

“You saw .” I squeeze her hip. “Lux said it’s a boy.”

“Really?” Her smile brightens. “Aw. You get a nephew.”

, I resist the urge to say.

Now who’s getting ahead of themselves.

“Are you okay?” I throw her own question back at her. “After last night.” When she does nothing but nod, I tug on the ends of her hair. “Words, sweetheart.”

She makes an indignant little noise and scowls but it’s half-hearted. “I’m good.” A manicured hand, nails a rare light blue, slips into mine, another wrapping around my bicep as she completely slumps against me. “I’m glad you know.”

Leaning down, I nudge her forehead with mine until she tilts her face upward, allowing me to brush my lips over the corner of her mouth. “I’m glad you told me.”

“I’m sorry it took so long.”

“Stop apologizing,” I mutter, kissing the other side before settling over her lips. My hand cups her cheek as I kiss her properly, soft and slow, in no rush to do anything but revel in the feel of her lips against mine. She sighs into my mouth, indulging me for entirely too short a time before pulling back.

Her voice is quiet, her expression so unfamiliarly unsure, her bottom lip trapped between her teeth as she asks, “Jackson, what’re we doing?”

“You tell me.”

A brief pause passes before she swallows and says slowly, carefully, “It feels like we’re back together.”

I don’t want to ask because God, do I fear the answer, but I do anyway, my voice embarrassingly croaky. “Do you want to be back together?”

For an agonizingly long time, Luna doesn’t reply. When she does, it’s so quiet I have to strain to hear her. “Yeah.” I literally go limp with relief. “But I’m scared I’m gonna mess it up again.”

Yeah, that makes two of us. I’m scared fucking shitless but for different reasons. It’s scary how much of me belongs to her. How much of me is affected by, controlled by another person. But honest to fucking God, I wouldn’t change it for the world. She fucking owns me and I don’t give a shit.

I rest my forehead against hers. “You won’t.”

She peers up at me, a soft, kind of frightened look in her eyes. “You can’t say that.”

“Just did.”

“

.”

“

.” I mimic her tone, adding an extra whine to it, pulling a reluctant smile out of her that I can’t help but kiss. Gripping the nape of her neck so she can’t go anywhere, I murmur against her mouth, “I’m not gonna rush you. I’m not gonna push you to do anything you don’t wanna do. I’m just gonna tell you that the way I feel about you has never changed, not once. And if you try to push me away again, I won’t let you. I know better this time. I’ll fight like hell because I fucking love you, Luna.”

As the words leave my mouth, Luna’s eyes clamp shut, and I can’t tell what that means. If she’s steeling herself to shoot me down or trying to hide tears or just needs a minute to think.

Whatever it is, it lasts longer than a minute. It feels like an eternity. Goddamn forever passes before, eyes still shut, her mouth opens. “I don’t know if I can do it again.”

Heart stilling in my chest, my voice is barely a whisper. “Love me?”

“Lose you.”

“Did you hear what I just said, sweetheart?” A stroke of my thumb against her cheekbone coaxes those baby blues to open wide. “I’m not going anywhere, and I’m not letting you.”

Doubt still clouds her features, and I get it. I really, really get it. I don’t hold it against her, not even a little, as I carefully pull her onto my lap and kiss the top of her head. “I got you to trust me once, Luna. I can do it again.”