Nishtha
"Beta, we're going to reach in 10 minutes. Have you all left?" Aai asked me on call.
I applied my minimal makeup to complement my blue salwar suit with white patiala pants, with my duppata resting on my shoulder, falling elegantly on my ride side, "Yes Aai, we're leaving soon. Don't worry."
"I'm not worried, I'm just asking." She said.
"Okay chalo, see you." I said and cut the call.
Looking at myself in the mirror, I gave myself the final check and then headed out, after grabbing my purse and phone. I saw him waiting downstairs in simple jeans and a shirt.
He looked so good.
Stop it.
I cleared my throat to grab his attention. When he looked at me, I continued, "We can go."
I saw him eye me top to bottom and I felt a strange feeling of self consciousness. I stood halted in my steps, "A...am I not looking good?"
He shook his head, "No, you look fine.... But."
"But?"
"Something is missing."
"What?" I said, looking in the mirror.
"Wait." He said and walked away, leaving me wondering. I went closer to the mirror to check what am I missing.
It all seemed fine, then what's wrong?
Then, through the mirror, I could see him approaching me, so I turned to him. He took out a small box and opened it.
Sindoor.
"Oh... yeah I... I forgot." I said and was about to take a pinch of it when he moved it away from me. Then, he turned me so I'm facing the mirror and came close to me, then, he took a pinch of it in his hands and adorned it on the middle partition of my hair.
"Now you're ready." He whispered.
I felt goosebumps and I looked down instantly.
"T..thanks." I said and moved away.
"Let's go." He said.
We made our way to the car and I sat in silence as the music filled the car. We always had the same music taste so I wasn't upset about the song choices playing - my mind was focused elsewhere. I didn't want to talk to him, so I just closed my eyes and pretended I was asleep. But I wasn't. I was worried about having a family dinner. I was worried to enter that house.
Ever since Yuvaan had thrown me out 4 years ago, I've been terrified to go back in. Each and every wall of that house had heard my screams and my cried, and going back there was not only embarrassing, but also a slap on my own self respect.
I hated going here.
The one thing I liked - going here increased my little hate for Yuvaan. I found it so hard to hate him, heck! I still have feelings for him, but when I see the main door of this house, the same door from which I was thrown outside to stand in the rain.... The feelings get replaced with hate.
More than hate, it's disrespect.
You can live with someone you don't love, but you can't live with someone you don't respect.
I didn't respect Yuvaan anymore.
As much as I tried to.
"We're here." He said, as he tapped my arm. I opened my eyes as I caught off guard from my thoughts and faced the main door.
The same main door.
Ever since we got married, I've only been here once, before we shifted to the penthouse.
Thank God we did.
Seeing this house triggers all those memories and I felt a gush of anger, hatred and fear arise in me. I hated seeing this house.
I didn't say anything and quickly got down and adjusted my suit, put my duppata properly on my right side, with it falling elegantly without touching the ground.
Looking at the house, it looked the same. I knew the guards recognized me, because they gave me a sad smile. This isn't new. They witnessed me sitting and crying on the main door. They weren't even allowed to book me a cab back home. Only I know how I got through that night.
I sighed and tried to control the falling tears.
I saw Yuvaan approaching me and I looked away and wiped the tears off and then started walking ahead. He caught up to me.
"Are you fine?" He asked me.
Seeing him right now is the last thing I needed. His every word which he had said that day was running loudly in my mind and the hatred I was feeling was loud, very loud. I didn't want to see or talk to him.
"Nishu... are you okay?" He asked, holding my hand and stopping me.
My anger was peaking. More than anger, I saw him and I got reminded off how he threw me away after saying all those things to me. How he refused to even hear my side out before just throwing me aside like I didn't matter, how he was the reason that I... never mind.
I looked at him, with a furious gaze, "My name is Nishtha, and I'm fine. Just go inside." I said and walked away, pulling my arm away harshly.
I reached the main entrance and rang the door bell, with Yuvaan behind me, still trying to talk to me, "Nishtha, what happened?"
I ignored him, and thankfully, the door opened and I was greeted by Vamika.
"Bhai! Hello!" She said and hugged Yuvaan.
"Hi Vami!" He hugged her back.
She let go and looked at me, "Hi Bhabhi."
She didn't hug me. That's because of Yuvaan. He put a strict ban on us talking. I knew she was scared of him. That's one more reason I lost my respect for him. He made me lose Vamika.
"Hi." I said respectfully.
"Shouldn't your Bhabhi get a hug?" Yuvaan suddenly said, catching us both off guard.
I didn't look at him, I knew his gaze was on mine, so I kept my gaze towards Vamika. I saw her look at him with a happy smile and then almost start to approach me, but I stepped a bit back before she could, "It's alright. Let's go in. We're already late." I said and entered, leaving the Nanda siblings at the door.
We walked in, with Yuvaan and Vamika near me, as we approached the hall. I got to the hall and before I could even process, a very old and familiar face came in front of me, making the hair on my skin rise in fear.
Bua.
What is she doing here?
Why is she here?
I have to have dinner with her?!
I felt myself unable to breathe properly and the ground beneath my feet was shifting.
I knew a panic attack was coming.
I needed to go somewhere. I tried to look at Aai Baba, whose faces calm me down. They smiled at me and I instantly went to hug them.
"Hi." I said, hugging her tighter than usual.
"Hi beta!" Aai said, and I let go. I hugged Baba as well, and then went to touch my in-laws feet.
Soon, I had to go face to face with the one person I was most afraid off. Her.
I slowly walked to her. She gave me the most horrible and disgusting look, with hatred oozing in her eyes. I gulped and quickly bent down to touch her feet and stood up, before she could react. I folded my hands and gave a very small smile and then walked back towards my parents and sat down.
"Uhh, guys! Let's all eat now!" My mother-in-law said, guiding us to the dining room.
I needed a minute.
I excused myself and ran to the washroom.
Once I locked it, I stood in front of the mirror as fresh tears poured down my face.
Why was she here?
What's she going to do now?
Did Yuvaan know?
Would he even have told me if he knew?
I cried and cried until I realized that I was here for the past 10 minutes.
I heard a knock on the door, "Nishu." It was my mother-in-law's voice, "Beta? Are you okay?"
"Y...Yeah Aunty. I'm fine. I'll be there in 2 minutes, you guys start eating." I said.
"Okay beta. Come soon." She said and left.
I fixed myself and washed my face properly. The mascara was almost gone and so was my kajal.
Screw it.
I don't have it with me to reapply it.
I tied half my hair in a clip, and steadied myself, ready to face her again. Then, I opened the door and walked back to the dining room.
"There you are!" My father-in-law said, "We were wondering what happened."
"Sorry uncle. I was just..."
"It's okay beta..." he said, so I didn't need to say anything, "Come. Sit."
I looked at the chairs available, one near Yuvaan and Bua, and one near my parents. I quickly went to the one near my parents, seating myself a far as I could from Yuvaan and his Bua.
I saw Yuvaan look at me but I ignored him the whole time. I don't want Bua thinking anything and then coming at me again. She would never go and say anything to her beloved Yuvaan, but I have to hear it. I had been hearing things from her for an entire year before we broke up.
There were small conversations happening here and there, but I stayed quiet and ate my food. I didn't have a lot of power left and for me to use the remaining power in trying to make conversation, I couldn't.
"So!" Speak of the devil, "How are you all?" She asked, looking at Yuvaan, "How are you Yuvi? And, someone please explain what is this?"
"Explain what?" Uncle asked.
"Rajesh! You know what I'm talking about. Since it's just insider family, I want to know how are Yuvaan and Nishtha married."
I felt a knot in my throat.
"Well, we have already told you this Meenakshi. We don't need to repeat it again, do we?" Aunty said.
"Of course not, but I thought it's better to ask Yuvaan and Nishtha themselves." She said, I could feel her spiteful gaze on me, "Yuvaan, you tell me. How are you coping?"
Great. Just great.
I looked down and continued eating.
I felt Aai hold my hand from under the table as I felt tears in my eyes, but I hid them.
"It's going good Bua." He said.
"My poor Yuvi, he's stuck in the same loop he tried to break free from. I don't know why fate is being so cruel to him. Rajesh.... We should get his horoscope checked, God only knows what's the issue."
She's insulting me in front of my family.
Amazing.
"Well, Meenakshi, we checked their horoscopes and then got them married." Uncle said.
"And? What did you see?"
"Well, they're meant to for each other." Aunty said, smiling. I looked at her and then looked back down.
"Meant for each other? I think you all have forgotten everything that this girl did 4 years ago. Welcoming her back like this?!"
"This is not an appropriate topic for the dinner and I'd prefer we don't speak about it." Yuvaan suddenly said, "Please eat."
He silenced everyone.
Everyone looked at him as he continued to eat. I didn't look at him because I knew this is all an act. He agrees with his Bua.
"Choro ka gulaam." Bua 'whispered' loud enough for everyone to hear, while looking at my parents.
I saw Aai Baba sit in embarrassment and my jaw clenched again. My insult is okay but insulting my parents, who have nothing to with this, is not, "Bua, you have an issue with me, so I think you should leave my parents out of this."
"Don't you dare talk to me. Good for nothing good digger. Others may have forgotten what you did, but I haven't." She spat.
I looked down, tears in my eyes.
"Meenakshi?! What's wrong with you? She is right, why are you including her parents in this?!" Uncle added then turned to Aai, "Please forgive her, she hasn't gotten the chance to clear the air yet, so she's still...."
"It's... It's okay." Aai said, very embarrassed.
"S...So, Uncle said to Baba, "how is Ghar doing?"
They started talking, trying to kill the tension in the room but I was well wounded. Yuvaan didn't bother to once take a stand or say anything when Bua came at my parents. He just sat there and looked at my parents being insulted.
Great going, Yuvaan.
After another 15 minutes of a very difficult dinner, I got up and took everyone's plates inside. Everyone else had started getting up.
I could sense Bua walk in, so I tried to run outside but she caught my hand, "It's very brave of you to come back. I didn't think you had the guts to come back after that, but clearly even 4 years of hatred from your beloved Yuvaan wasn't enough. You're back to get insulted again."
I looked down, hiding in tears.
"You and Yuvaan didn't happen before, and it's not going to happen again." She clenched my hand tightly, and I gasped in pain, and then she let go and walked away.
I felt myself about to cry until I heard Aunty walk in. She handed me the plates and I quickly arranged them in the dishwasher as she stood there, "Beta... I... I'm sorry."
I didn't look at her, "It's not your fault."
"I heard what she said to you. Right now."
I chuckled, "I've heard worse, Aunty."
She caught my hand made me look at her, "Beta, we want to help. Why aren't you telling Yuvaan? He can fix this."
I chuckled sarcastically, "the same Yuvaan who threw me outside this home, Aunty?! The same Yuvaan who didn't even hear my side when Bua was slut shaming and saying all those things."
"Beta..."
"Aunty, I know he's your son and I'm really sorry about this. I tried to be a good wife to him, I really did, I... I had feelings for him even now Aunty, but they've all died when I've seen him sit silently as Bua insulted my parents, they've died when he insults me everyday calling me a gold digger, a liar, saying things like I need to keep Vamika away from you... and..."
What are you saying Nishtha?
Who are you ranting to?
She's going to start hating you too.
"I... I'm sorry." I said looking away.
"Beta no. I... I understand, but Yuvaan is your husband beta, talk to him and he will help you out."
"I don't need to taste the whole ocean to know that the water is salty Aunty. One sip is enough." I said, "Thank you for an amazing evening." I said and walked out of the kitchen.
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