Can Dreams Be Realized?

BIM, and others Alexis talked to online, kept encouraging Alexis to come out openly to his mother. They kept saying it would be fine and that she would understand, but he also heard harrowing tales of gender-variant boys being grounded, or sent to military academy-style camps that tried to toughen boys up, and religion-based therapy groups that helped gays realize their masculine identity. Those real-life stories made dreams of falling down stairs seem minor by comparison.

BIM had told Alexis that he needed to find a way to visit the T G Dress Shop at Fashion Towne Mall. This supposedly was a place that could help Alexis communicate with his mom. "The sooner the better," was BIM's frequent remark.

>BIM: 'u need to get to the store and just walk in'

>Lexi: 'What then'

>BIM: 'Tell sales girl you like pink ;)"

>BIM: 'she will know how to help u'

>Lexi: 'How'

>BIM: 'Help you show ur mom what ur afraid to say'

>Lexi: 'Afraid of moms reaction'

>BIM: 'u said u wanted to drop hints'

>Lexi: 'Big risk'

>BIM: 'What do u have to loose? Any happiness you could ever hope to gain if you don't?'

>Lexi: 'True What if she makes a scene?'

>BIM: 'Won't in public. IMHO store owner knows how to handle that anyways'

>Lexi: 'Catch hell at home'

>BIM: 'Not 2 B urself is hell 2'

Week after week BIM had been encouraging him. Alexis's problem was getting his mother to drive him to Fashion Towne, then getting her to follow him into a girls clothing store. Today sounded like his first chance, and maybe the only chance he might have for a long while.

Looking up from his breakfast Alexis asked, "Who called?"

"Aunt Sandy. I'm going shopping today, okay?"

"I'm coming with you."

"Well, okay. Go get ready, and hurry up."

Alexis quickly put his dishes away in the sink, raced upstairs and rummaged through his clothes. What to wear to the mall was always a challenge, but especially today.

A pair of slim- cut jeans, stylish belt, a bright pullover top, and canvas hightops shoes seemed to work. These were boy clothes, but the least masculine he could find.

As he followed Mom into the garage and hopped into the car, she asked him, "Are you sure you really want to go shopping with me again?"

"Yes, I do."

"All I was planning to do at Fashion Towne was to look at the women's sportswear. A couple stores are having a sale. I want to look for a new pair of running shoes. I'm happy you want to go, but are you sure?"

"We don't go to Fashion Towne very often. I'll just follow you around. It's fun watching you shop." Alexis paused. "Maybe we can wander a bit after? See what's new on the east side of the mall," he suggested, planning to steer his Mom down the east wing of the mall, get her in front of the T G Dress Shop, then suddenly go in, assuming she would follow.

Risky, but he had promised BIM he would give it a try. He hoped that BIM's advice was right. Would getting mom in that store really work wonders? And  what would he say to Mom if she objected? This seemed more complicated than a game of chess.

Every move on his part would open up more possibilities for her reaction. It could get out of control, but he remembered his morning resolution to finally communicate to Mom, somehow, anyhow.

"Sweetheart, it's nice that you are always willing to go shopping with me. But, I worry. How many other boys your age want to go  shopping with their mothers? You really need more time with Grandpa. How about if we swing by his place first? I could drop you off, then pick you up on the way back."

Alexis panicked. This would ruin his chance to get to Fashion Towne.

"My birthday is coming up. Maybe I can look for something new?"

He was becoming a master at true statements that had double meanings.

"Well, OK. I'll do my shopping, then we can walk around."

They said little the rest of the drive. Alexis continued to focus on his plans, and he suspected Mom was lost in her own thoughts, as usual.

Beth parked the car and they strolled into one of the large anchor department stores. They paused only briefly to look at the jewelry and cosmetics right in front of the entrance. Beth's destination was women's sportswear and casuals section.

"I won't take too long but you know I always enjoy looking for bargains even when I keep my pocket book shut."

"Take as long as you want, mom."

Normally all day wouldn't be long enough for Alexis to do his fantasy shopping, following Mom through her favorite stores, but today, he needed to stay focused on the goal.

He watched his Mom pick two summer tops and a skirt before heading for the forbidden territory of the changing rooms. Beth went in to try on the clothes and Alexis eased himself onto one of the chairs right outside.

Usually he had to share the space with obviously bored husbands or boyfriends, or worse with fidgety little kids. Today he was alone and could imagine he was shopping here too. So he sat there and looked around, pretending in his head, that each girl he saw looking at clothes, was actually him. He also eyed and admired various outfits hanging on racks near him and mentally picked out ones he wished he could try on.

As usual, he rushed over as he saw his mom coming back.

"Are you getting anything, Mom? That pink blouse really looks neat. It would work with lots of your other summer clothes. . . It's fun to watch you make well-coordinated combinations, and that one is a great choice."

"No, I really don't think I'm gonna get any of these. But, thank you for your compliments. Alex . . . Son, I worry about you. You have no interest in rough play or action video games, but such an adorable interest in music and dance and you seem to know so much about women's fashion. Maybe it would have been better if you had been bor---" She stopped before finishing the thought.

"What, Mom?" he responded. Did she just almost say what he thought she did. Maybe this was an unexpected opening. He was sure that his mom had almost said it.

"Oh, nothing. It's just something your Aunt Alexandria says right before she tells me I need to be supportive and let you explore for yourself."

Alexis figured his aunt's advice to Mom could only help. Support and explore where important words. "Mom, if you aren't getting anything here, let's explore a bit."

"OK, where?"

"Nowhere in particular, just looking."

She paused as Alexis marched past the men and boys' section of the department store. "How about here?"

Knowing that would only waste time, Alex replied, "Nah, nothing interesting."

Alexis led the way out into the main corridor and turned toward the east wing.

"Were those clothes too drab for you, honey?"

Drab. That's the idea, thought Alexis. Maybe she finally suspects what I really want to wear and is testing me.

"Yeah mom, drab. . . drab colors, drab styles, boring."

"Strange attitude from you."

They marched past shop after shop until Alexis finally saw the sign ahead; T G Dress Shop in a collage of colors.

As they approached he noticed three tough-looking guys hanging out directly across from the dress shop entrance. They were slouched against the wall and created an image that was a mix of motorcycle gang and up-to-no-good punks.

Alexis halted in front of the scrapbooking store next door, listening while pretending to be window shopping.

"Did that sissy come by yet?"

"Terry? No, I think he knows we are watching for him and is hiding out like the sissy that he is."

"He sneaks in here to this dress shop every Saturday. He'll show."

Alexis could see that these guys were bad news. He quickly decided that if their intended victim was not available then any other boy going into a dress shop would probably be an equally good target.

Dealing with Mom was going to be challenge enough without jeers and catcalls from these troublemakers. These guys' conversation did one thing, it reassured him that BIM had been telling the truth. Other boys apparently did shop here.

"Look, I haven't got all day just to harass some panty-waisted pansy fruitcake."

"Let's hang out ten more minutes."

"Yeh. We'll find him soon enough."

Ten minutes, thought Alexis. How can I stall that long? If I wander farther down the east wing then Mom might want to take a short cut through the parking lot to get back to the car. If I turn around I'll never get her back here today. Maybe I should go into this gaming store as a diversion.

It seemed risky to stay too long in front where he was stalling. If those guys bothered to look at him they would probably remark about his tight jeans and fancy belt. His outfit certainly would invite sissy comments from anyone so inclined.

"Alexis, do you want to get some lunch then head to the car?"

"Not hungry, I just want to window shop a bit, Mom."

"I didn't know you were interested in D&D. I guess it's okay though. I hear it can be a fun hobby."

"I guess so. Don't know much about it."

Just then Alexis noticed a tall woman come out from the T G Dress Shop. Her bold name tag read 'Ann Mitchell, Owner.' She was staring directly at the three boys while talking on her cell phone.

"Look, mall security is coming. That bitch called them."

"Let's go before they kick us out, again."

Alexis watched the boys quickly dash down the mall corridor and disappear in the direction of the food court.