Alexis paused and took a deep breath before opening the fitting room door and slowly walking toward the three-sided mirror at one end.
At least he would be out of sight if anyone else came into the store.
Approaching the mirrors, he noticed that he was walking with a shorter stride, one foot in front of the other, in a decidedly feminine manner, causing his hips to sway a little from side-to-side.
Where did that come from, he wondered.
"Marvelous, Alexis."
"It beautiful on you."
He realized Ann and Brianna had entered the dressing room area and were behind him making compliments while his mom stood stiffly off to the side. He turned and looked directly into his mother's eyes. Words froze in his throat.
Brianna stepped over and gently put her hand on Beth's arm. "Just look at him. It makes him so very happy. You really should consider buying one for him."
"Yes, he is telling you something important, something you do not want to miss," Ann added. "You need to be completely supportive."
Beth hesitated, glancing at each in turn. "Alexis, I don't understand all of this, and to be honest it scares me, or I should say, it makes me very nervous, but you had the nerve to get me in here and show me this, so clearly it's important to you. This goes against everything I've ever thought or believed, but I guess," she stopped and took a deep breath before continuing, "I guess I can get you one dress as an early birthday present."
This was unbelievable. "Oh, mom! That's awesome," he said anxiously.
Alexis began to feel drained as he returned to the dressing room.
Standing behind the closed door, a tear escaped the corner of one eye. He thought about what had just happened. After a few seconds, he began to take off the dress.
He was still finding it hard to believe this was actually happening and not another one of his vivid, nightly dreams.
"Alexis," Brianna called from the other side of the dressing room door.
"Ye-Yes," Alexis called back through the tears.
"Before you're done, I have one more for you to try on. My mom chose it and asked your mom if she thought you should try it. She was hesitant at first but finally said, okay . . . Do you see now what I told you?" Brianna handed the outfit over the top of the door as she continued, "Try this on for us."
Alexis took the outfit by the hanger and held it up to see what it looked like. It was a short, wine colored, lace dress with a black spaghetti-strap top, underneath.
At first look, Alexis noted this outfit was going to be much too short for his mom or even his liking. He shook his head and hesitated. He knew that if they approved of it, he definitely wanted to try it on.
Taking the two tops off the hanger he discovered underneath them a pair of shiny black Lycra tights. Probably slipped there by Brianna, he thought.
He smiled at this and breathed a sigh of relief. Quickly removing the first dress, he couldn't wait to get this new dress and the tights on.
Once he had the dress on and managed to get the tights on his legs, he took a moment to calm his nerves before he excitedly, yet nervously walked out of the dressing room and towards his mom.
He could see from the look on her face she wasn't really comfortable seeing her son in a dress and walking so feminine, but he could also tell that she was trying really hard to be supportive and not show her discomfort, even if it wasn't something she completely approved of.
Unable to continue looking at his mom, Alexis turned towards Brianna who was gushing over how cute he looked in the outfit.
"I don't know which one I like on you better," she squealed.
Which one do you prefer, Alexis," Ann queried.
He glanced over at his mom as he answered the question.
"This one, I think I prefer this one."
He saw a tear escape the corner of his mom's eye as she turned to the side, away from everyone.
"Good choice, Alexis, wonderful. I absolutely think so too," Brianna added, before addressing Alexis' mom. "Beth, don't you agree?"
Beth quickly wiped the tears from her eyes and turned around, "Yeah, I guess."
"Good. Alexis, you go and change out of that outfit and we'll head to the register. That is unless you would prefer to wear it out of the store."
Alexis thought about it for a second and almost gathered the courage to say wearing it out of the store was exactly what he wanted to do, but then he glanced at his mom and saw more tears trickle down her cheek. "I'll go change. This outfit wouldn't go with the shoes I wore today."
"Wait!" Brianna called out.
Everyone immediately turned towards her, shaken by the urgency in her voice.
"Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to startle everyone. Alexis is right. She needs shoes to go with this outfit. I'm thinking strappy, with a little heel. Maybe a chunky heel or a wedge? What do you think, mom?" Brianna asked, looking at Alexis's mother.
The look on Beth's face said maybe Brianna had pushed her too far and maybe should have left shoes for a second visit, so she tried to course correct a little.
"Uh, maybe a canvas tennis shoe in a soft color or a Converse high top in yellow or . . . perhaps, pink? What do you say, mom?"
"No," Beth replied. "I think this will be all for today." Sweetie, go ahead and get changed, please."
Alexis hadn't even considered the possibility of trying on shoes, but now that Brianna had introduced the possibility, his heart was all a flutter and now he really didn't want to walk out of the store without getting to put his feet into at least one pair of girls dress shoes in his size, so he gathered his nerves and spoke.
"I know you might not want to buy me a pair, and I understand that, mom, but can I at least try a pair of heels on and see how it looks with this dress?"
Beth was already uncomfortable with the situation, but hearing her son ask to try on heels was just a bridge too far, a situation she didn't seem ready to accept at the moment.
"No, I think we've done enough for today. Go ahead and get changed, please."
With disappointment plastered across his soft, young, unisex face, Alexis returned to the dressing room and Beth reluctantly handed her credit card to Brianna.
As they stood there waiting for Alexis to return, Brianna rang up the purchase while Ann greeted another customer who had just walked in with her daughter.
"Hi, Carol," Ann called out before turning back to Beth, "Excuse me for a moment. That is the designer from Velheim Couture. I'll be adding her fall collection in a few weeks. Give me a moment and I'll be right back."
When Alexis finally emerged from the dressing room, he realized a girl his age was in the store and he began to panic.
With his head down and his gaze buried in the floor, Taylor passed by Carol's daughter, who was headed into the dressing room area.
The fear in his eyes brought back memories to the girl's mind of how scared she had been back when she first wore girls clothes in public. Being able to understand what he was feeling, she made a point to walk in front of him so he would have to look up in order to avoid a collision with her.
When he did look up she stepped aside and looked him right in the eyes, while simultaneously giving him a warm smile.
"That dress looked very pretty on you," she whispered to him as they passed each other.
Alexis found the quick encounter to be odd, but also comforting.
As he approached the sales counter and Brianna took the outfit from him, he looked back in the direction he had just come from and smiled.
Brianna put the dress into a bag with the store logo printed on it then started scribbling on a piece of pink notepaper. "A private message for you," Brianna said with a sly smile and a twinkle in her eye, as she folded the paper and slipped it into the bag.
So much had happened so fast. "Thanks, Mom. Thanks, Brianna," was all he could say.
Ann Mitchell walked back over and pulled Beth aside, "This is a big change, a big turning point for both of you. You have got to let your child explore. This exploration doesn't hurt, but not allowing it will. He and you have got to try to better understand all of this, together. The last thing you want to do is lose your child over this."
"I guess so," Beth replied nervously as Ann handed her a small pamphlet.
"Check out some of these support groups. They'll be an invaluable resource for you and your child"
"I will. My sister has been telling me I need to be supportive."
"And bring him back. He's safe here. This is the perfect place for him to explore. Besides, I've got the cutest pair of chunky-heeled, strappy sandals over there that I know Alexis would just love to try on."
Ann gave Alexis a wink and a smile.
"And we've got a shipment of gorgeous cocktail dresses arriving next Monday that is love to introduce Alexis to," Brianna added.
By now, the level of discomfort was causing g Beth's anxiety to spike and she needed out of the store, as quickly as possible.
"Thank you, Ann." She muttered as she made a beeline for the exit.
Alexis kept looking straight ahead as they exited the shop and headed for the car. Did this just really happen? Was Mom really okay with his getting a dress? What would she say once they were in private? Would she really let him put it one once they got home or would she forbid him from even having it? Maybe she really didn't approve and just didn't want to embarrass herself in public.
Beth also avoided eye contact on the way to the car. This was certainly not what she had expected when Alexis said he wanted to go to the mall this morning.
"Well, it looks like it's time we had a serious talk," she said once they were in the car and headed towards the house. "You are approaching that age where parents need to give their children 'The Talk' and I was planning to have Grandpa do it. But now things have changed. I really need advice from Alexandria. She has experience with daughters."
In her head, Beth realized what she had just said.
She sighed and then continued, "This was absolutely not what I expected and it was hard to except. Knowing how hard it was for me to get through, I realize it must have been even harder for you. For you to muster the courage to do that, tells me this is something I can't just brush aside and hope it goes away. If you will promise to take it slow and help me, I will try to be understanding and supportive. Just know this, no matter what you wear, Alexis, I will always love you."
Nothing else was said as they continued the journey home in silence.
Once Beth pulled into the drive and placed the car in park, Alexis was quickly out of the car.
Shopping bag in hand, Alexis had the house door open before Beth could even retrieve the key from the ignition.
Through the door, Alexis dashed to his room. Hastily he swung the bedroom door shut and collapsed on the bed.
After lying there, for a few minutes going over in his head what had happened at the mall, he realized that his mom was again on the phone talking to Aunt Sandy. He moved closer to the door where he could hear better.
" I still can't believe he did it. . . "
"Yes, it actually looked good on him. . ."
"It was so hard though. I almost lost the nerve to do it. I'm still struggling with the idea that this is what he wants. . ."
"I know and I'm really trying, sis. . ."
"I don't know how else to be supportive. . ."
"What do you mean. . ."
Yeah?"
"Well, do you really think some girl time hanging out with his cousins would help. . ."
"I know that sounds silly, but . . . Right . . ."
"When we have a talk I can find out if he wants to see a gender specialist . . ."
"What was the name of that book again. . . Okay, I'll do some research online later. . ."
"Sandy, you have been so much help."
As the sun set, off in the distance, Alexis sat on the edge of his bed and let the reality of the day really sink in. No more making resolutions then backing off. Now he would have to deal with a greatly changed relationship with his mom. He contemplated her 'no matter what, I love you' comment. With that one comment, she had really made him feel safe.
He glanced at the pale pink shopping bag with the sparkly letters that spelled out, "TG Dress Shop", lying on his bed.
Remembering the note Brianna had put inside for him, he quickly reached in and pulled it out. Unfolding it he saw that there was a phone number above a flowery signature and a smiley face. He fumbled for his cell phone and dialed.
"Hello, Brianna speaking."
"Hi, this is Alexis."
"I figured you would call. How was your ride home?"
"I was scared, Mom didn't say much. Just that she loved me no matter what."
"Marvelous, I am proud of you for finally doing it. After all these months that you have been agonizing, and I've been telling you it would all work out."
"What do you mean all these months? We just met today."
"Silly. Think about it -- Brianna Isabella Mitchell, B-I-M."
"B-I-M. That's impossible."
"What's so impossible about it?"
"BIM claimed to be a boy in miniskirts."
"So, was my skirt too long today?"
"B-but, you're a real girl."
''Am I?"
"Well, you certainly looked like one."
"You're right, I am . . . now. I was a boy until I was eleven, though."
"BIM is sixteen, you looked a little older than that. "
"OK, so online I fibbed a year off my age."
"How do you look so totally feminine with real curves?"
"Practice makes perfect, but the blockers and the hormones I'm taking, are the real heroes."
"I still think you tricked me online."
"No, I just use screen names and persona appropriate to the focus of each group I visit. I spend a lot of time in the support group where we met because the issues there are important to me. I knew I could help you communicate what you couldn't bring yourself to say directly. I just had to get you and your mother into the Trans Girl Dress Shop"
"What did you call your store? Trans Girl? TG as in transgender?"
"Yeah. TG for Trans Girl or transgender."
"I thought you said it stood for Today's Girl? Or, I heard it called Teen Girl by some girls at school."
"We call it Teen Girl because we do cater to girls as well, especially ones that are late bloomers who still want to look curvy and feminine, but a portion of our customers are special girls like you and me; born male. My mother helped me to realize my desires and dreams and now we both enjoy helping other boys get in touch with their feminine side. It's what we enjoy the most."
They continued talking for over an hour. Brianna described how she had started to become a girl, and what it was like to go through all the transition steps. Alexis could barely process the waves of new information coming at him or the flood of emotions he was now feeling.
His actions today showed what he had been afraid to tell and the world had not collapsed. He had tried on dresses at a store in the mall. His mom had bought him a dress and a pair of tights. And he had overheard mom using the word 'transgender' when talking to Aunt Alexandria.
Now, I need to start trying to find a way to talk openly with mom about gender identity, he told himself.
As Alexis sat on the edge of the bed he started to imagine having his first mother-daughter conversation.