12: The Carnival of Earthly Delights - Part 2

She got up the next morning feeling little more rested. Or, well, it was what passed for a morning, at any rate. But as there was no time here, and so night and day had no meaning. She packed away the sofa, putting it back in her pocket. And picked up her sword sheath to continue on.

She thought about which way to go. But as her vision was surrounded by trees, it was no easy matter to get her bearing. She tried to use which way she had come from as a metric to continue on, hoping that if she at least kept up in a straight line, she was sure to find somewhere eventually. At any rate, she did not want to go back towards the Q. Assuming it was even still there. That provided another issue. She had no way of knowing whether the landscape even stayed the same from moment to moment. And as an extent of this, it could be difficult to gauge any serious progress along it.

But she had to go somewhere. And using the angle she had pointed the sofa the previous night as a reference, she tried to continue on, hoping she was going the same way. As she trodded along quietly, she stole a moment to glance around, this being the first time she had seen the forest in daylight. The trees loomed tall and gnarled, their twisted branches reaching out like claws, reaching at the dim sky. The air was thick with an ominous silence, broken only by the rustle of leaves and the distant calls of creatures that had no name.

But despite all of this, the space did not feel very active. Despite the potential for occasional horrors that might meet her, she felt more that the forest was a quiet place. As if every frame of motion was a snapshot of immobile time, like a tortoise who can never begin its journey as it has always a smaller journey to do ahead of it.

This morning she did not have to fight against any horrors however. And so she trekked through the remainder of the forest without much incident. She wondered whether this was a coincidence or whether they were merely more active at night. At the park, they were active around the clock, but there was no guarantee that the forest operated on the same rules. Or any rules at all, really. She wasn't used to life operating on consistent rules. In her real life, the rules could change on a whim or be haphazardly applied differently based on who they were being applied to. So she had come to expect the unexpected. There was no reason that here wouldn't operate the same way.

However, though there was nothing there to overtly antagonize her at the moment, she did notice something out of the corner of her eye. It was some small black shadows with glowing eyes that were staring at her from far off. They did not approach her. And they did nothing but observe at a distance. For a moment, she stopped to stare back. But this did nothing, and at any rate, if they were leaving her be, she did not want to make more problems for herself by approaching needlessly. So she went on, occasionally glancing at them. And though they seemed to follow her for some time, she never saw them from any closer. And as she got to the edge of the forest, they eventually vanished without her ever seeing them up close.

Seeing that the trees were now getting more sparse and that she must be soon getting to the edge of the forest, she continued on. And in time, she came out to another clearing. So glad was she to finally be out in the open that she momentarily looked all around, not noticing the striking image before her. But eventually coming to, she saw that the only figure in front of her was a large teacup with a smug grin. It seemed to be alive, so she walked up to it to see if she could ask it for directions.

“Hello, Mister Tea. I'm afraid I am a bit lost. Could you tell me what way I should go from here?”

The tea made a face, as if it was thinking. “Well, that depends a good deal on where you are trying to end up.”

She thought to look around her for the spire, but could not see it from within the forest. And as it was not the only mountain range in the area, she was not entirely sure how to describe it either, to one who may not have seen it themselves. She thought about this for a moment, and then, getting discouraged, looked down sadly.

“I suppose I don't really know exactly where it is I am trying to end up.”

The tea reached for its own cup and lifted itself up off its plate to take a drink of itself. "Well, then, it should not matter much which way you go.”

She thought about this too for a moment before responding. “I can't stay where I am, though. I need to keep moving. But it wouldn't do so well to go in the wrong direction.”

The tea held up its hands. “But if you don't know where you are trying to go, then what makes any direction the wrong direction?”

She considered this for a moment. “Even if you don't know where you are trying to go, I suppose you can know where you are trying to get away from.”

The tea made a face, like it was thinking. "Well, then, where are you trying to get away from?”

She was suddenly shocked by this question, since she had initially meant it less rhetorically. But she realized that she had conveyed what she was feeling but unable to describe. And the feeling cut through her like a knife. It pulled forth deep emotions, bringing them up to the surface. And as it did, she started sobbing suddenly and rubbing her eyes, sniffling for a time before managing to respond.

“I'm lost, Mister Tea. I feel like I've been lost for a long time.

“It's not just here. I feel lost everywhere. I don't feel like I belong with my family. They don't love me. They don't care about me. They don't have time for me.

“Everything I do, I do for them. But they never care. Why do I do it? Why should I do it? Tell me, why do I need to do any of it? Why do I need to do anything?”

The tea looked nervous, like it was not prepared for this line of inquiry. “This is a lot to spill out to a tea in the woods.”

She was still crying, but suddenly shocked with herself at how much she said, she made a sad grin slightly, and wiped her eyes. “I'm sorry. I just... I come here to talk. I don't have anyone else I can talk to.”

The tea put its arms down and shook its head. Or rather, cup. Which seemed to be functioning as its head. It didn't seem like it was very receptive to this line of conversation, and Mei began to be self-conscious that she had spilled so much so easily.

“I'm sorry. Maybe we should start over. I am trying to get to the tall mountain spire. A unique one. It sticks out above the clouds, far above all the others. If you know which one I mean, I would be happy if you could tell me how to get there.”

The tea looked suddenly extremely nervous. “That is Mount Meru! You cannot go there! There is nothing there!”

Mei looked quizzical. “What do you mean there is nothing?”

The tea got up and took a few steps back. “No, no! There is nothing!”

He took off running, and before Mei could protest, he was already long gone. She felt a little dejected at having been left once again alone. But as there was now nothing more in this clearing to hold her attention, she took one last glance around and continued on.

She journeyed on past the clearing and, over time, out of the remainder of the forest. Now at the edge, she could see an opening and past it, a large and deceptively serene-looking red river. Tall reeds swayed lazily along its banks, their slender forms casting rippling reflections onto the water's surface. Though there was a tranquility to the scene, there lingered a sense of reverence, as if the river held within its depths ancient stories and forgotten whispers, waiting to be discovered by those who dared to listen.

In front of the river, on a dock, there was a large statue sticking out of the ground. The statue looked old, like it had been worn down over time. The inscription on its base could not be read, and the face was no longer discernible. Something about it made Mei sad. Like someone's attempts to say that someone should be remembered had come to nothing. And it all crumbles down to dust.

Looking it over, she felt that the river was too wide and active to be swam through. But on the river's edge was a ferry. So this was a task she would not have to undertake. Coming closer, she could see that the ferryman was already on the boat. He stood there motionless and nondescript, as if he had been waiting there endlessly. As if his sole purpose for being was to bring her and her alone across the river.

She looked up at the mountain looming over her. She was not sure whether it was any closer now than it had been previously. But she was tired, and would be glad to rest her legs. There is a kind of extra-tired feeling. The kind where you are so tired you can feel it even in your dreams. That was what she was feeling now.

She stepped onto the ferry and gave the ferryman a coin. She wondered why it was that everything in this world was so money-obsessed. But it was no surprise. After all, money was a large chunk of what her family talked about. Not even in the sense of money being necessary for practical concerns. More like the idea of using money as a scorekeeper. And you proved your high score by amassing more of it.

The ferryman began paddling, and she sat down on the ferry. She would have tried to speak to him, but he did not seem to be very receptive to it. And so she gave up on that plan rather quickly. She leaned against a post to watch the river pass by, along with the land on the opposite shore. Now that she had more time to rest, she felt like she had forgotten something important. But hence is the problem with forgetting. You can't remember what you forgot because you forgot what it was that you forgot. She wondered what was at the mountain. And whether she would remember it when she got there.

She looked listlessly out at the river. While the rain had stained it red and the color unsettled her, it felt like there was something calm about it too. For rivers of blood are the basis of life itself. And to sail along one was like a journey through your own body – your own life. And this world was the world of her life, after all.

The rhythmic splashing of the paddle against the blood-stained waters lulled her into a contemplative trance. In the quiet solitude of the river, she found a strange solace, a brief respite from the chaos that had engulfed her. The mountain's enigmatic presence beckoned her forward into the unknown. And as the ferry glided along the river's scarlet currents, Mei couldn't help but wonder what secrets lay hidden within the shadowed valleys and towering peaks that awaited her arrival.

She felt uneasy thinking about what lie ahead at the end of this journey. And about what she had been told to expect there. But she had come too far to turn back now. She had to see it through to the end. Too many obstacles had been overcome to falter in the face of the unknown. With each passing moment, the mountain grew larger – not in distance but in shape - its silhouette etched against the cloudy sky like a silent sentinel.

In the distance on the other side, she could see what looked like a large city. It made her wonder what types of things might live there. But the city was not where they were headed. And so, as she watched, its visage came and went. This made her feel a bit sad, like there was a separate world out there that she was not part of. She lived in the world, but it was not her world. She was raised to be alone.

As if in response to her feelings, suddenly she heard wistful singing, like the sound of a choir singing an ancient and beautiful language. She stood up to look over the edge to see a row of flowers along the shoreline, singing in a high tenor. The sound of them was a comforting reprieve in this hellish place. And it made her think of the silver lining of beauty that can be found even in darkness. She thought of the ebb and flow of this sound as she was carried listlessly along the current.

She sat back down to just listen. And as she was drifting away to the quiet sounds, suddenly she noticed a male figure a few seats down from her and jutted awake again. She looked around at the ferry, but it did not seem to have stopped, leading to the figure's presence having a confusing air. “How did... how did you get on the ferry? We didn't stop.”

The man looked off wistfully into the distance. “No one knows. Not even the person who threw me in knows. Perhaps it is only the gods and demons who know such things.”

Mei wasn't sure about this answer, but it did not seem to warrant further conversation. So she let it be and opted not to follow up on it.

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The ferry slid eventually to a stop at the furthest edge of the river. She climbed out, and the ferryman continued on without her ever having heard a word from him, bearing now only the other single passenger. She wondered if he had a story. But, of course, that might not even be a meaningful question to ask.

The mountain still loomed over her, steep and imposing. But she was not yet at its base. And she still had a ways to go. She continued on.

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Mei traversed through the final field before the mountain, under the pink and red sky. From here, it was a straight line to the pinnacle. She had met a few more small-scale terrors on the way. There was a rampaging stampede of large slippers and spoons with an aggressive air. And although she had survived the encounter, she had been injured in the process, being covered now with injuries that left her blood dripping behind as she carried on. And although she was not yet at her limit, she was beginning to feel more tired, feeling like she was losing strength, and concerned about her ability to finish the journey.

She looked up at the mountain. Its size did not really seem to change with distance. It was as if no matter how much you walked towards it, it always looked the same distance on the horizon. She hoped that this did not mean it was moving away from her. But it did not seem to be. That was simply how things looked here. Its shape also became more odd the closer you got to it. From far away, it looked like a normal mountain. But as you moved closer, its shape changed. Looking at times inverted, or like an abstract mathematical model.

She trudged on through the field, with the long grasses blowing beside her in the wind. The field had a melancholy air. It felt like the absence of company. Certain types of nature made her feel like it was an exploration to be in them. But not so much when it was the flat nothingness of an empty field. She found herself wondering why she had been in her headspace for so long this time. For she had no memory of having ever spent this long inside of it in one go before. And this was something that began to make her concerned about what was transpiring in the outside world.

Looking back down, she could see only one thing laid out in front of her, in the center of the field. It looked like some kind of black stone table, like a slab laying on its side. As she approached closer to it, she could see that it was a table with three occupants. The first, to the left, was a floating eye, with veins drooping off of it like tendrils. In the middle was a short man with a large head, wearing an oversized top hat, on top of which was another oversized top hat. On the right was some kind of small ghost ogre wearing a tie, having a very thin neck but otherwise larger proportions.

She looked them over, wondering if they would mind if she sat.

The man in the middle stood up and held up his hands in greeting. “Welcome. We have been awaiting your arrival.”

She looked around, confused at what was happening. But she felt she really needed to rest. Although she was also concerned that if she rested too long, she might no longer be able to go on. But she accepted the interlude without protest and sat down at a seat opposite to them, looking around.

“What is this place?”

The man in the hats waved his hands. “This is the last supper. For you are nearing the end of your journey.”

She felt it was ominous to refer to a meal that way. But she wasn't about to protest a chance to eat at this point. She remembered that she hadn't eaten in awhile. Although while you were here in her headspace, you did not really need food in regular intervals on account of it not operating with linear time.

“What type of food do you like the most? We can make you anything you like. But you get only this one moment.”

The ogre to the right interjected suddenly. “And be quick about choosing. I'm starving!” The tophat man shot him a glare.

Mei thought about it. She was indeed very hungry. She wasn't sure how they could provide a meal while by themselves in an open field, but she wasn't about to protest. She thought about what she wanted to eat most of anything in the world. “I could go for a Banh Mi, if you don't mind.”

As she said this, the man in the top hats clapped his hands, and then the three figures started running and doing various things that she couldn't quite follow. She wasn't sure whether the things looked entirely food-related, but at the end, they came back with a large serving tray with a dome and lifted it up to show several sandwiches. She was cautious about taking one, on account of the place she had found herself, but not wanting to be rude, she took one quickly and took a bite. The sandwich at least seemed to function like a real one, and so she kept eating it without protest, being now very hungry.

The other three occupants took sandwiches of their own and ate them in a quick gulp. Mei watched them in astonishment but ate hers at a fairly normal pace.

The man in the center spoke up again. “Would you like a wine pairing with your course?”

Mei considered this. But she didn't feel like pushing the limits. “Umm... I'm too young to drink wine. I'm only in middle school.”

The man stood there as if he didn't expect this answer and wasn't sure what to say next.

“Would you like... a soda?”

She thought about it. “That would be nice.”

The man set down and slowly slid a can over to her. She momentarily finished her meal. After this, the man in the top hats leaned forward and crossed his hands. “It is good that you are here, for there is much that we must discuss.”

But before he could go on, the ogre quickly interjected. “It is time for the next meal. I am hungry again!”

The hatted man shot him another glare. “We're not making another meal. You just ate.” The man looked back at Mei with a blank stare. “Pay him no mind. For he is always hungry.”

The ogre waved up its arms in protest. “Tis a cruel fate to be so starving at all times.” He looked at Mei. “Down this path, there is no respite. Once you begin the path of endless consumption, you can never be satisfied. And you will never be at rest.” It slammed its arm down on the table. “I consume, and I consume, and I consume, and what does it get me? Where does it lead?”

Mei thought about this for a moment. “Is this a riddle, or, like, a rhetorical question?”

“Is what?”

“The thing you just said.”

“What did I just say?”

Mei was frustrated and decided not to pursue this line of questioning any further. As she looked away from the right side, the eye on the other side of the table spoke up now for the first time and waved its tendrils wistfully.

“You see, there are people who will consume endlessly, all in order to keep up appearances. They will go on and on and on until the point where they consume even themselves. Who consider how they are perceived to be more valuable even than their own life. Who will even willingly go into debt if it means a chance to be seen as rich. Paradoxical as it might seem.”

The eye reached for one of the hats of the man to place it on his own head, and the man momentarily grabbed it to return it. The eye continued speaking without missing a beat. “But if you only exist in the observation of others, then who are you?”

It blinked. “In a sense, there is a disconnect between all life. Because the you that exists in the world can never be the you that exists in perception. Perception is stained by bias, even if it is your own. But you must choose whose perception you want to live in.”

The ogre, who had been making expressions for awhile, looked like it had suddenly realized something. It stood up on the table and began to look agitated. “Wait a minute. You were talking about me!”

The eye looked over at him. “I talk about many things. But yes, I was in fact, in this circumstance, talking about you.”

The ogre dove over at him, and the eye moved slightly out of the way, resulting in it shooting past him and crashing down on the ground, rolling on for some distance as the trio at the table watched it tumble down the hill. This motion seemed to have deflated it, however, and so they continued to watch as it slowly got up and walked back to its seat. After which, it scratched itself and spoke again, having seemingly forgotten the whole episode. “Does anyone want to gamble?”

The eye shook its head in disapproval. It turned back to Mei. “It is you who must observe yourself. Where you come from. Where you are going. I pray you find your way.”

The hatted man took out a pocket watch to observe the time, and upon seeing it, he became visibly anxious. He stood up and bowed his head. “The time for discussion has passed. Remember what we talked about.”

Mei made a quizzical face. “But we haven't talked about anything yet.”

“You must go. Time is running short.”

He remained standing and pointed for her to go onwards. She did not understand, but she had no other reason to protest, and did not want to overstay her welcome. So she stood up and continued on. As she went, the eye turned and made a final wave at her.

“Fare thee well.”

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She arrived at the base of the mountain. As she began climbing, she could see that not only the clouds but the sun and moon and planets all circled the pinnacle. For indeed it was the center of the world. Ascending it was a process that took you out of space and time. Stars streamed past you like bright lights, flittering in rainbow radiance. The climb went in directions that had no name, for the shape of the mountain did not conform to normal space.

Although she was tired, she began rushing now, for she was eager to finish her journey and leave behind that which troubled her. But suddenly, she was stopped in her tracks. And so far from the top! She felt a great sense of fear. It was an air she recognized, the one that had tormented her all these years. There was a lot of things she no longer reacted to, as she had grown dull to the outside world. But this was one that she could never shake.

A dark figure emerged before her, slowly standing up and spreading countless hands into the air. The creature stood tall among its surroundings, having the visage of a thin and shadowy wrathful deity. It was split down the middle, looking half male and half female, with two heads and a monstrous appearance. It commanded a regal air. Demanding respect as if it was the lord of lords. Doing so as if through an endless chain of filial piety. On and on.

She tensed up and drew her blade, thinking it was about to attack her. But it did not. It put its arms down on the ground in front of her, and from them began shaping an object from the jewels in the ground. She waited to see what it was constructing.

It pulled up from the ground four sides of a structure. And in stages, she could see that it was constructing a large seat. The creature filled it with jewels and gold, and it began to take on a majestic appearance. As it finished with this, she could see that it held up now over it a crown, and beckoned to her with its other arms. The crown waiting to be placed on the head of the one who would sit on the throne.

“Is that... for me?”

It held one of its hands up high and gestured at the landscape all around her. She followed its hand motions all around the landscape. Seeing the world now from above, where it looked beautiful once again, the details of its corruption blurring into the landscape itself.

It turned back and spoke to her. Not with its mouth, for it had no mouth. The place where its mouth should have been was stitched shut. But in a voice that pervaded her being, entering directly into her soul. “All this will I offer you if you but fall to your feet and worship me.”

She looked back towards the throne, and although she tried to resist, she found that she inadvertently took a step closer to it. It had an enticing appearance. And it had a force that pulled you in. Seeing it made you want to sit on it. Made you feel like it was the only possible choice. No less so because the difficulty of her journey had made her want it to reach its end. She had been suffering for so long. And the opportunity for reward felt now like it was becoming overbearing. A temptation being placed before you that no one could deny.

But she stopped. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. What was it she wanted? To be accepted? To rule? Was this the end of her journey? She thought about what it would mean to take the path of compliance. And to simply accept that which was to come, in the hopes that she would come out of it as the one with power.

But no. She couldn't accept this. This isn't the thing she came here for. And she had no intention of becoming another dark queen. She looked up with determination. She could see now that, in its hands, it was holding chains for her arms and legs. Chains that would bind her to the throne. And she saw it now for what it was. For the chains it held were connected to it as well. And went back on and on, in an endless cycle. If she took the throne, she too would become like this. And she, too, would eventually come to hold the chains. Waiting here and hoping to ensnare another.

She took a step back. “No! This isn't what I want!”

Its demeanor became instantly more aggressive, with it now twitching in response to her words. She could tell now that it wasn't really trying to offer a deal. It was presented as a deal. But in the end, the only option was to accept. It began to drop its pretense of making an offer and started slowly moving towards her, quietly but aggressively. She began backing up from it.

It spoke aggressively, in an inhuman voice. “Your life is not your own. It is not in the man that walketh to direct his steps.”

She began to feel more fearful. Although she did not want to accept it, she began to feel like there may be no option. For it was far too large for her to challenge the way she had done so for the smaller terrors. As its hands began to engulf her, she was about to give up, but, getting a sudden twinge of panic, she lashed out aggressively, slashing at its hand. “I said no already. And I'm done talking about it!”

It recoiled slightly and looked at its hand, which was now bleeding. It spent a moment taking in what it was looking at, like it could scarcely comprehend what had happened. But in stages, it looked back at her, now even more aggressively. It crouched down, growling and screaming in her direction, and slapped at her, sending her flying onto her back. Though with no open mouth, the sounds it made defied comprehension. “Insolent worm!”

Mei slowly climbed to her feet and drew her sword. Although she had been running low on energy, she felt energized now, in defiance. Mei had always been adept at swordsmanship. And despite the creature's size, she felt emboldened now to stand against it with the last of her energy.

She saw that without physical limitations to slow her down, she would be unbounded by gravity. She ran and jumped, bounding into the air with her sword and slashing along the creature. She landed down on the other side, with a blood splatter surrounding her. She turned back to see how much damage had been done.

But she gasped. She looked up at its wound, and although faint, she could see that its wound was already healing. She thought about this quickly, wondering whether it could even be harmed if attacks like this had no meaning.

It lurched at her, pinning her to the wall and beginning to squeeze. Her heart pounded as she struggled against the creature's strength, her breaths coming in ragged gasps. She looked behind the creature at the mountain's pinnacle. She had gotten so close to the top. Yet it felt now so far away. And she wondered if she would fall here after she had come so far.

But no. It's not over until it is over. She breathed in and pushed slightly back at its hand to allow her space. And then she used this to slide underneath, slashing along its arm again as she did. She saw now that slashing it did very little. For the wounds would heal momentarily. But it could delay its use of that arm for the moment. And it seemed to take time to respond to the attacks, often staring at them in confusion.

It tried to grab her with two other arms, but she fought them off and backed up to give herself some distance. It began to lurch and swing at her repeatedly to wear her down, and although she was fighting off its arms, she still felt paralyzed by the fact that she had no solution to this fight, and so it was just a matter of time until she was captured.

The creature itself did not seem to have unlimited stamina, however. So it reeled back for a moment to rest for itself. The wind blew by quietly as it stood up tall, taking on an air of disappointment. And Mei faced off with it from the opposing side. “You are such a burden. Think of how lucky you are to have someone to take care of you. Who else would take you in?”

Mei looked down sadly. She knew why these words were entering her headspace. She could see that fighting it directly was pointless. For in a way, it relished the conflict and antagonism. But she realized that there was something it didn't want. And she could see now what she had to do. She stepped back to get a running start. And she jumped up onto the back of its hand, springing upwards and bounding between aspects of its body for more height. It tried to grab her as she went up, but she used the arms that tried to for additional leverage in turn.

As she reached the top, she jumped up to the crown, as it now desperately tried to grab her. But as the arms bounded down on her, she slashed through it, and with it ending its symbol of authority.

She flew through the air freely and landed on the other side, turning around after landing. As it saw what happened, it began to thrash and writhe, holding onto the crown as it began to decompose in its hands. As this began to happen, the creature started dissolving as well. It turned to Mei with anger in its eyes and tried to rush to her to grab her. But she took a step back. And it was prevented from doing so by the chains that bound its feet.

As it saw that its chains prevented its movement, it turned now on the chains themselves, trying to pull off the very same chains it had tried to saddle her with. And seeing them now as an inhibition that held it in place, it raged at their presence in a moment of self-awareness as it continued to dissipate, thrashing as it did.

In its final moments, it turned to Mei with sad eyes. And she felt overpowered by this and could not meet them, and so turned away to close hers. She kept them closed for a long while, in fear of the feeling of that glance. Wondering if doing so was an act of weakness. But as she finally looked back, she could see now that the shadowy figure was gone. And what lied before her was nothing but the empty chains.

She waited for a moment, thinking of all that had transpired. And then turned forward to continue on for her final ascent. The pinnacle was just ahead.