A/N: Happy New Year! May 2025 bring you happiness and blessings. A special shoutout and thank you to everyone who's stuck around with the story thus far. I know it must've been hard making it through those initial chapters without Asteria. I had to physically restrain myself from responding to any of your comments wondering when she'd be back because I wanted to keep it a surprise! Hopefully the wait was worth it. Happy reading!
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"Fe."
Asteria's voice comes out breathless. She leans against the doorway, heaving for air. I recognize the blue gown she is wearing immediately. I dressed her in it often when I served as her maid, finding that it complimented her eyes. As those blue eyes find my own for the first time again in months, I believe that it still does.
The rest of Asteria's appearance does not convey the same sense of nobility. Her normally well-kept hair is falling out of its braids and the hem of her dress is stained with mud. Her cheeks are flushed from exercise, and her make-up is slightly smeared. Asteria's expression conveys a multitude of emotions that leave me speechless. There is worry and anger mixed into her face, but scariest of all, there is also relief.
"Fe. I finally found you," Asteria says.
Suddenly, she rushes towards me with open arms. I panic, and my knee collides with her shin in self-defense. Asteria hisses and sinks to the ground.
I quickly snap out of my fear when I hear her cries of pain.
"Ah! I'm sorry. Are you all right?" I ask.
I kneel down next to her, then gasp as her arms wrap around me. I stiffen and wait for a knife to sink into my back or for her to bind my hands tightly behind me. I almost expect it and hold my breath in anticipation. Instead, the only pain I feel is from Asteria's fingers digging deeply into the fabric of my blouse. She pulls me close enough to feel the comforting warmth of her body. My arms twitch. I yearn to embrace her back, but I force them to remain where they are.
And yet, despite my restraint, my body still leans into her almost naturally. I bury my face into her sweet-smelling hair. The neck of her skin is warm, and I can faintly make out of the scent of her familiar floral perfume. A sigh of relief escapes my lips at seeing her alive and well.
Asteria pulls apart from me then but keeps her arms encased tightly around me. Her eyes are glossy with sadness. I am surprised by the sight of her crying. Hasn't she known what I have done?
"Fe. I'm so happy to see you again," Asteria says. She blinks away a few tears.
"I..." My voice falters. After all, I must be dreaming. There is no way Asteria is here with me now. I wrack my brain around what to say. I had rehearsed a script in my head many times before if we ever reunited, but now I cannot recall what those sentiments ever were. Before I can muster up any sort of response, rapid footsteps echo down the hall.
"See! Just where I told you she would be!" comes Arabelle's voice. There's arrogance in her tone that I remember hearing vividly while serving with her in Esterpool. A chill runs down my spine as I realize it was the same tone I heard her use the night she and the other maids attacked me. When Arabelle rounds the corner and enters into the doorway, a loud gasp escapes her lips at the sight of Asteria embracing me.
Regrettably, Alba immediately appears on the other side of her. Though far from the estate in Esterpool, her maid uniform is kept as prim and proper as ever, and her dark hair is woven tightly into a bun without the chance of a stray hair escaping. When Alba's eyes find mine, only disappointment lingers. Rather than appearing shocked at the sight of our reunion, she merely lets out a sigh.
"So it seems we have found her..." Alba murmurs.
Two more set of footsteps echo down the hallway. Vasa and Kesuk push past Arabella and Alba, who make sounds of complaint. It is then I notice the bow and arrow strung along Kesuk's back and the rifle in Vasa's hands. A hush falls over the room at the familiar click of Vasa's gun. He aims it toward us, directly targeting the princess's forehead.
Instinctively, I wrap a protective arm around Asteria's waist and pull her closer to me. She makes a quiet sound of surprise.
"Don't," I warn Vasa. His face twists in confusion.
"Drop your weapons," comes a commanding voice behind Vasa and Kesuk. Though I cannot see them, I hear the click of two more rifles, and Vasa and Kesuk stiffen. Two royal guards appear in the doorway behind my comrades.
Asteria's arms draw away from me as she stands.
"Enough!" Asteria shouts. Only once have I heard her use such an inflamed tone before, and it was the night that I lie injured on the floor of the maid's quarters. She points her finger at her guards. "Do not arrest the two men with Fe. Have them give up their weapons and watch them. Keep Arabelle under your supervision as well. Do not allow anyone to leave this house. I want to speak to Fe privately."
Vasa and Kesuk glance at me in fear. Their widened eyes are asking me if they should try to revolt.
"Go," I say to them. "I need to talk to the princess, too."
Kesuk and Vasa hesitantly turn away, followed by Alba. It is Arabelle who turns away last. The disappointment reflecting in her eyes is satisfying. I have no time to process the reality of her betrayal because Asteria quickly shuts the door and turns to look at me once more.
I hate that as my former lover faces me, my heart leaps in its chest. I hate how I want to rush to her and kiss her without a care in the world. I hate that the slight smile on her face gives me hope after I convinced myself for months that she would never want to see me again. It takes every ounce of effort to remain standing where I am and not running into her arms.
"Let's sit," I say, finding a comfortable spot on my bed.
Asteria sits down beside me with no hesitation. Immediately, she reaches for my hand and squeezes it tight.
"Fe," she says, but this time, more like a whisper. Tears stream down her cheeks. I know I should pull my hand away, but I allow her to squeeze it tighter. I savor the warmth radiating from her fingertips, finally allowing myself to believe that this is real â that she is really in front of me once more.
With her other hand, Asteria reaches out and strokes my cheek. I twitch at her touch. There is nothing stopping me from leaning forward and kissing the pink lips that look as soft as the last time I tasted them. However, I have hurt her too much to allow that to happen. I grab Asteria's hand and gently move it away from my face.
"Asteria, slow down," I urge. "Firstly, you must know by now that 'Fe' is not my name. My real name is Fetia."
"Fetia," Asteria says. She tries it out on her tongue. The sound of my real name passing through her lips sends shivers down my body. How can my name sound even more lovely coming from her?
"It is a beautiful name. What does it mean?"
"Star," I answer.
"It is very befitting of you," Asteria says. I allow her knuckles brush against my cheek. She tucks a stray stand of hair behind my ear. Her fingers play gently with the newly cut strands, and I withhold a hum of pleasure.
"Fetia," she says again. My heart quickens.
"Yes?" I ask. I look into her eyes, wondering how they are still filled with love after everything I have done to her.
"You cut your hair." It is the first time she sounds genuinely disappointed. I almost want to laugh.
I reach up and touch the chopped strands that are still drying from my recent dip in the lake. "Oh. Yes. It was going to be easier to disguise myself this way..."
"I see," Asteria says. "I suppose it will always grow again. Nonetheless, your hair is still just as beautiful as I remember â as dark as the night sky itself."
Silence fills the room. I struggle to find the right words to say in response. Suddenly, a strong breeze blows through the window, causing the hairs on my neck to stand on end. I turn and shut it, now affording us total privacy.
The slight distraction gives me a moment of clarity. I take a deep breath, reminding myself that as happy as I am to see Asteria, there was a lot left unsaid between us before we parted. As easy as it would be to begin mindlessly kissing her, whatever I have to say next will be as important as ever.
I sit down beside her and stare at Asteria seriously. "Asteria, I'm happy to see you, truly, but why are you here, acting joyful, after all I have done to you? Surely you must know my sins by now."
Asteria lets out a sigh and turns her gaze from me. It is then that I notice the hurt that she carries in her expression. "Yes. I know."
"Then why? Why did you come looking for me?" I ask. "That was reckless of you. You have no idea what I could have been planning. I could have hurt you. I did hurt you," I say, glancing at her shin that I am sure will be bruised in a day's time.
"My leg will be fine," Asteria says. "Truthfully, Feâer, FetiaâI knew. Before the assassination."
I glance at her, blinking back shock. "What?"
"Not all of it," Asteria clarifies. "I knew you were hiding something, and as time passed, I suspected you were one of the spies my father was warning me about."
"For how long have you known?" I ask.
"Since we took the trip to Magewell," Asteria answers. "I knew you were sneaking out at night."
My cheeks grow hot in embarrassment. "I ..."
"Who were you meeting?"
I almost want to offer up an excuse after having lied to her for so long. It has become second nature at this point. However, lies will afford me nothing now. I lower my head and confess.
"My sister," I admit. "The one who was pretending to be a soldier and who was responsible for your father's death."
I expect Asteria to be enraged, but she only nods. "Initially, I did worry you were sneaking out to spend time with another woman." Her cheeks flush as she offers up this thought, and I'm sure mine do as well. "But then I noticed your discomfort at the royal meetings when the topics of spies surfaced. It was merely a hunch, but since you snuck out each night, I was afraid it was true. My father's words stung that trip, but your actions did, too. I was angry and upset with you and myself for falling for whatever act you were putting on. However, that last night...I asked you to stay with me. I thought you wouldn't, and it would prove I had been a fool, but you did, and that confused me even more. I figured, if you truly were just faking your feelings for me all that time, you would not have stayed."
I gulp, remembering that night just as well. It was the night I realized I loved Asteria.
"I know that you are responsible for Zofia's death," Asteria continues. "And that you intended to kill me as well."
"How?" I ask.
"I found the knife under my bed one morning," Asteria explains. "I realized that was why you must have snuck into my room that night - to slaughter me as well."
I glance at her in shock.
"Do you deny it?" Asteria asks.
"No, but...Asteria, if you knew all this, then why did you not turn me in immediately?"
Asteria fidgets with her hands. "A part of me does regret it. My father might have lived if that were the case. Stephan would not have had to assume the throne prematurely. However, I think...I think there was a part of me that was okay dying by your hand. I did not feel I had much to live for anyway being locked up in Esterpool. At least I would die feeling loved."
"Asteria," I say painfully. I want to reach out and comfort her, but I force my hands to remain where they are. "But what then when you found out I had fled? You knew my family was responsible for your father's death and brother's injury, and I am sure that was when you learned of Zofia, too. Surely you must have finally felt the pain of my betrayal then," I say.
Asteria sucks in a deep breath. "Do not misunderstand. I am upset at you for lying to me. I am mad that Zofia is dead because of you. I blame your family for the political turmoil that has happened as a result of my father's death," Asteria says, and only now do I see the flames of anger in her eyes. "For months, I was either sorrowful or angry. My father, my brother, Alba â they had all warned me about you, but I could not help but fall for you anyway." The flames that dance in her eyes burn as wild as my mother's, but then, Asteria's eyes soften just as quickly as they burned. "Even in the depths of my grief over your betrayal, my love never died completely."
As she wrings her fingers together nervously, it is only then I notice how bare her ring finger is.
"Wait. Aren't you engaged?"
Asteria makes a look of confusion and disgust. "Engaged? Is that what you had been told? I think my brother is quite happy letting me die as an old maid. He is more concerned with the affairs of his country than my marital status. Who did you hear that from?"
"Ah. Never mind," I murmur. Suddenly, the weight of Kiana's lie settles over me. Did she tell me that to protect me? Was it because she knew I would go after Asteria if I did not think she had moved on?
"Fetia, I am sure anyone else would tell me that your feelings were as false as your name and role. However, I know your feelings for me had to be somewhat true. You did choose to remain with me that night in Magewell. You chose not to murder me. At one point, you must have loved me deep down."
"Of course I loved you," I say without a moment's hesitation.
Asteria's shoulders immediately relax. I had not realized how tightly they had been wound. She releases a long breath, one that perhaps she was keeping in for the months that I was gone. I can only imagine the pain she must have felt, wondering if the love she thought she would never feel again after Elena was also false.
"What have you been doing in Magewell all this time, then?" I ask.
"The news came very shortly after I had arrived to Magewell that you had fled. I tried to channel my grief into my duties and focused on acting as Stephan's advisor. I had hoped that maybe I could convince him to have some compassion when it came to ruling, especially when he ordered the destruction of your village, but I became too 'overbearing,' as he called it, and he threatened to exile me to Gracesard Isle, as my father once promised to do.
"My new goal then became to find you. Of course, the only way to convince my brother to let me do so was under the guise of wanting to capture you to bring justice. However, that was not ever the goal. Truly, I just wanted to see you, at least one last time. I have traveled all across Magnuvia. I was planning to set my sights to Flumensia after a few scattered reports of Landiani in the area."
I want to question what reports she has heard, but Asteria continues without pause.
"Then, I received a letter from Arabelle a few days ago telling me that she had located you. I came immediately, and as soon as I heard your voice through the window, I knew I had found you."
I grind my teeth down as I am reminded of Arabelle's betrayal again. "That littleâ"
"Do not waste your anger on her," Asteria says. "I will deal with her from here on out."
I nod. "Thank you."
"And you? Where have you been all this time? And why are you in Flumensia?" Asteria asks.
I hesitate, not wanting to speak.
"Ah, my apologies. I suppose that was insensitive of me to ask, especially when my country is doing its best to track you down. Fetia, let me be clear â I have no intention of imprisoning you or killing you. If you can find it in your heart to trust me, I'd love to know how you have been these past few months. However, if you cannot tell me, then I also understand."
Vasa and Kesuk would tell urge me to keep my lips wound tight, but as I look up at Asteria, I realize how lonely I have been in her absence and how much I have missed her. Perhaps my allies would not trust her promises, but I do. After all, the only one who lied in our relationship was me.
"I was hiding in Landiani for a few months. My sister and I were injured and had to gain back our strength," I explain.
"Injured? Are you okay?" Asteria asks concernedly.
"Oh, yes. I sprained my wrist and ankle, but they've since healed," I say.
I hate that after all I have done to her, she still cares for my wellbeing. I hate that her eyes gaze at me concernedly and curiously after all this time.
I clear my throat and return to sharing my story. "My mother was interested in restarting her assassination plan again, and that was when I knew I had to break away from them. Asteria," I say, and my hands tremble as I share my next words, "I do not agree with my mother and sister's tactics, but I also want what is best for my country, and that is independence."
I expect Asteria to become upset, but she only nods and listens intently.
"I did not want my plans to involve killing the royal family or inciting more violence," I continue. "I started my journey by traveling to Kilneu, and it was there I met Kesuk, the older man you saw in the doorway. Vasa, who is from my hometown, was a soldier at a base nearby, and he agreed to join me," I explain. I conveniently leave Lagi out, not wanting word to spread of his involvement. "We have been focused on gaining allies to find a way to stop the spread of the empire and gain our countries' independence." I lower my head, avoiding her gaze. "I am sorry. I know that would weaken your country, but please know that I never intended to involve you or bring you harm when creating this plan. Just important to me as Landiani's independence was keeping you alive and safe from my mother and sister."
Asteria's eyes widen. "I understand," she says softly. "You spoke to me of these feelings months ago, near the end of our time together. I was too foolish to listen back then. I know my country has hurt you, and I can never convey how sorry I am or do enough to make it up to you. I tried to persuade Stephan to be merciful. I really did, but he was not receptive, and I apologize for the atrocities that have been committed against Landiani since."
"You attempting to persuade him was more than enough," I say.
Our fingers intertwine, and her eyes lock on my own. Her face begins to gravitate towards mine again. I think how easy it would be to lean up and kiss her, but I turn my head away at the last moment. Slowly, I remove my hand from hers.
"Asteria, I...I don't think we can be the same as we were, at least not right now," I say. It hurts to vocalize those thoughts, and I can see hurt reflect in her eyes. She hugs her arms to her body and averts her gaze from me.
"Do you still love me?" she asks.
"I..."
Yes. Of course. I would gladly shout my love for her to the skies, but I only manage a sigh.
"My focus right now is on my country. I need to stop my mother and sister from causing any more harm. And beyond that, I have hurt you. I do not think it would be appropriate for us to resume where we were after all the pain I have caused you."
"But I have said thatâ"
"I lied to you for the entirety we knew each other - my name, my history, my role â they were all false. My love for you was true, but you never knew the real me entirely. I think it would be best if we took some more time to process everything that's happened," I admit. It feels like every bone in my body breaks as I say it. Perhaps I am just being insecure, but I feel I do not deserve Asteria's love, at least not right now. Grief swells in my heart as I see another tear slide down her cheek.
I cannot help it, then. I lean forward and lower my lips to her cheek. I press a faint kiss to her soft skin and wipe the tear away with my lips.
"I care for you so much," I say with as much earnesty as I can.
"I care for you, too," Asteria says. She sniffles and wipes some tears from her eyes.
"What do you plan to do now that you have found me?" I ask.
"I'm not sure," Asteria murmurs.
"I would be happy to have you beside me from now on, but I do not want to ask you to betray your country for my sake."
"I understand," Asteria says. "I'll need some time to think. At the very least, can we remain friends for the time being?"
"Of course," I say. "It is probably for the best, anyway. I have not told Kesuk or Vasa about us, and I still worry that if our love affair were discovered, your brother would do terrible things to you."
Asteria lets out a sigh. "I suppose you are right." We sit in the silence for a bit, until she asks, "This is a selfish request of mine, but since I do not know when I can ask again, may I at least hold you for a bit? Being here with you still feels unreal."
I should say no, but I find myself nodding without another thought. She grabs my arm, drawing me close to her. I slide my arms underneath hers and hold her tightly to me. We sit in silence, savoring each other and memorizing again how it felt to have our arms and bodies intertwined. I bury my head into Asteria's neck and begin tracing my fingers up and down her back, hoping to ease some of the pain I have caused her.
"I missed you," I say quietly. Out of all that I have withheld from her, I cannot keep that thought secret.
"Me too," Asteria whispers.
We remain embracing for a few more minutes. Then, Asteria gradually begins pulling her arms away. I want to protest, but I know that I was the one to ask for the distance. We disentangle and stare at each other once more. Asteria wipes a few more tears from her eyes, and I turn so she can not see them gathering in mine as well.
"I need some time to think," Asteria says. "I have been so focused on finding you, I have not yet thought about what it is that I want."
"I understand," I say. I want to beg her to stay, to never leave my side again, but for all I know, her absence may be what is best for the both of us.
"Rest assured, I will not reveal your whereabouts. That's a promise," Asteria says.
"Thank you," I respond.
"I suppose the others will be wondering what is going on. We should go speak to them," Asteria says.
I nod, though I am disappointed our reunion is already coming to an end. Selfishly, I wish we could have held each other a little while longer. Already, I cannot bear being apart from Asteria.
I reluctantly rise alongside the princess. Our eyes briefly meet, and then we open the door to my bedroom. From this moment forward, I know that we must leave our love affair behind and focus on friendship. I take a few steps forward, feeling the pain of that decision. Then, I quickly shove it from my mind as we return to the living area of Arabelle's cottage, where the others wait.
Kesuk and Vasa sit by the fireplace. They both are nervous, with Vasa running his fingers through his hair and Kesuk stomping his foot impatiently against the ground. On the couch, Arabelle and Alba sit together, though the distance between them is evident. Their faces are turned from each other, with Arabelle's gaze out the window and Alba's to the hallway. In the corner, Asteria's two guards stand and keep watch. Their names are absent from my mind, but I recognize them from Esterpool. All heads turn as we enter the room.
I glance at Arabelle first, and suddenly my anger rises at her betrayal. I clear my throat and glare at her.
"Firstly, you're no better than who I thought you were in Esterpoolâ"
"Enough," Asteria says, holding her hand out in front of me. I glance to her, wanting to continue scolding Arabelle, but her eyes tell me to let her take the lead. She takes a deep breath and turns her attention to Arabelle.
"Arabelle, thank you for alerting me to Fe's whereabouts. However, I forbid you from reporting her presence to anyone else." Arabelle shrinks back, and I see flames of rage in Asteria's eyes again. Clearly she is content expressing both of our anger. "For the time being, my guards will keep watch of you to ensure that you do not leave this house," Asteria says.
"Princess, my parents will be returning from their trip soonâ"
"We can send them a letter and let them know I called you to serve me in their absence," Asteria says. Her gaze now falls to Alba. "I need some time to think about how I want to proceed. I will remain here for the next few days. Fetia, is there somewhere Arabelle can be monitored?"
"She has been sleeping in the room farthest down the hall," I explain.
Asteria nods and looks to her guards. "I will entrust you two to keep an eye on her. Please escort her to her room for now."
The guards nod in agreement and approach Arabelle. She rises reluctantly, hissing in false pain as one of them grabs her wrists and holds them behind her back.
"She is fooling you, Princess," Arabelle snarls as the guards lead her toward the back. "Don't let her sway you..."
Asteria rolls her eyes and says nothing. I manage to make quick eye contact with Vasa and Kesuk. Pure shock reflects on their faces.
"Apologies for the rude intrusion," Asteria says to Vasa and Kesuk. "You are Fe â er, Fetia's two travelling companions, yes?"
They both nod. Both are wide-eyed and stiff, most likely frightened at being directly addressed by the princess of Magnuvia herself.
Kesuk is brave enough to speak first. "My name is Kesuk. I'm from Kilneu."
Vasa jumps in. "And I'm Vasa. Fetia and I grew up in the same village in Landiani."
Asteria nods. "Thank you for taking care of her for the time being. I am in debt to you," she says, dipping her heads toward them. "Now, should we figure out sleeping arrangements?"
I nod, forgetting that needed to be discussed. I suppose my mind automatically assumed Asteria would be sharing a bed with me. I am embarrassed by the thought. Have I not just told her we cannot not be what we once were?
"I suppose Vasa and I can move out here and sleep on the couches," Kesuk offers.
"Yes, why don't you and Alba share their room?" I suggest. "They have the larger bed."
"Thank you," Asteria says. "That will work."
"I'll help you two with your belongings," I say. For the next few minutes, we move frantically around the cottage, moving bags from one room to another. Asteria has multiple suitcases, which I watch Alba carry around clumsily without the help of the guards who are supervising Arabelle. I help Kesuk and Vasa get the rest of their belongings out into the living room, and as I do one last check, I pass by Asteria in the hallway. Her fingers graze my arm, and she lightly grasps my elbow.
"I am going to unpack," Asteria says. "I imagine you have a lot to catch up on with Kesuk and Vasa."
I nod. "And you with Alba. Thanks for what you did with Arabelle. I hope I did not ruin your relationship with her."
"Please. You must know by now that you were my favorite maid," Asteria says. With that, she leaves me. I hope my cheeks aren't too flushed from her compliment as I find Kesuk and Vasa in the living room.
"Would you mind telling us what the hell is going on?" Vasa asks.
"Yes," Kesuk agrees, also slightly irritated. "I recall you saying that the princess would not make a good ally, and yet, she seems to be protecting you."
I play with the strands of my hair. "I did not expect her to be so forgiving. I am also shocked by it. As I said before, the princess and I were close in Esterpool, but evidently, she still cares for me."
"This is dangerous having her here," Kesuk says. "Even if she will not turn you in, do you not think there are other soldiers or officials from Magewell who could come looking for her?"
"She has not made up her mind yet on what she wants to do," I say. "She may end up leaving for all we know."
"That is dangerous as well. She'll have known where you were, at least at one point," Vasa says.
"I trust her," I say.
"But your instincts with Arabelle were wrong," Kesuk points out. "We should have known she would betray us."
"Asteria will not turn us in," I argue. "She's already promised me that."
"The promises of a Magnuvian royal do not amount to much," Kesuk warns. I try to push down my anger at his words.
"Why did she come here, then?" Vasa asks. "To find you?"
"Yes..."
"But not to turn you in?"
"Evidently not," I respond. "For whatever reason she came here, it does not matter now. What matters most is that if she chooses to join us, we will have gained a valuable ally."
"That does sound promising, but we need to be on high alert regardless," Kesuk says. "Affiliating ourselves with royals, even one who you trust, is going to make this mission much more dangerous. I know you trust her, but Vasa and I do not. She and her family have caused us much pain."
"I know," I say. "And I understand that. Let's just see what happens these next few days."
"All right," Vasa says. Kesuk nods beside him. Both seem annoyed with me, but neither argues with me further.
I leave them to unpack and return to my room. I know I should heed their words and be as cautious with Asteria as I was trying to be with Arabelle, but it is impossible to hide the newfound spring in my step when I look to her bedroom, knowing she now exists only mere feet away from me.
Selfishly, I want her to stay.