Chapter 27: 25 ♢ Convalescence

"How are you this week Oliver?"

Oliver stretched his arms, feeling comfortable at his third appointment with Dr Rami.

"I started going to the gym. I lost a lot of weight this past year and I want to get fit again. It was tough so I hired a personal trainer."

"Studies have shown a link between physical fitness and mental health. I'm very glad you did that."

Nodding, Oliver took a gulp from his water bottle. "And no more damn juice cleanses. Water is so much simpler. They kept forcing these weird detox drinks on us at rehab. Why do rich people have to complicate everything?"

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"I returned to work today."

"Is that so?"

Oliver nodded happily. He had come straight from work so he was still in his suit but he had taken off the blazer to account for the heat in Rami's office. Apparently the thermostat had gone haywire, blasting the heating to full-mode.

"When are you getting your heating fixed?"

"Today, hopefully. Sorry it's so warm."

Oliver loosened his tie. "That's okay."

"So, how was work?"

Digging into his pocket, Oliver thumbed his sobriety chip. Three months. He brought it to work so that if he felt uneasy at any point he could use it to reflect back on what he learned about himself.

"It was weird. A three month sabbatical can really throw you out of the loop. Plus it didn't take long to realise that everyone has crazy rumours about what happened to me."

"Do they bother you?"

"The rumours? Nah, I don't really care anymore. I told one guy where I really was. Chad. He was really understanding."

"And what's your workload like?"

"I did what we discussed last week and actually had a long talk with my father about my responsibilities in the company. He was very understanding."

"What did you tell him?"

"I told him that I feel he overloads me with work sometimes that is way above my capabilities. And that there are more competent people in the company."

"Do you ever see yourself taking over your father's role in the company?"

Oliver let out a quick whoosh of air as he looked to the ceiling in contemplation. "I hope so. Maybe. In the future though. The distant future. So like in fifteen to twenty years."

♢ ♢ ♢

"Rami, you want a Twizzler?"

Rami nodded and took one from him, cutting it in half with his first bite.

"So," Rami said, continuing what he was saying before Oliver interrupted. "It took you six sessions to tell me about Charlie but it seems like he plays a very important role in your life. Were you afraid I wouldn't approve?"

"No, no, no. I don't really give a shit what people think. It's just... my relationship with him was very personal. And I can't put into words what he means to me."

"You have worked really hard on your sobriety. Do you think that being with Charlie will put that in jeopardy considering his past with drug-dealing."

Oliver stopped chewing and a contemplative silence settled between them.

"I... know him. He would never force me to take anything. He wanted me to get clean."

Rami finished off the red candy in his hand. "But what about the temptation?"

"I... I can get through it. I... I really love him. So despite the paradox that lays ahead of me, I want to be with him."

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"Sometimes we have a tendency to turn people into anchors for us."

"What do you mean?"

"We turn people that are close to us into these pivots. We force the responsibility of our sobriety onto them. But when we lose them we also lose the only thing keeping us from hurting ourselves."

Oliver sighed. "Rami, this is our seventh session and I still don't understand what you say sometimes."

Rami chuckled. "Okay. You told me Nora was your anchor. She kept you grounded. But when you lost her... you became lost."

"But isn't it normal to want a strong support system? And to have people you can rely on."

"Definitely. But we should also learn to stand on our two feet and try to achieve sobriety or self-satisfaction independently."

"So no more anchors?"

"No more permanent anchors. Just temporary life buoys that keep you afloat until you reach dry land."

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"I got my wedding tattoo removed. Well, I went to the first out of three sessions. It was painful as hell. But I just needed to get rid of that reminder."

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"I want to see him. I miss him more and more every day."

"They say absence makes the heart grow fonder."

"Yes, Rami, but they also say love makes you happy. And I'm goddamn miserable."

"Why don't you go see him?"

Oliver laughed. He didn't know why he laughed. He just did. "He's with someone else now."

"What if he loves you back?"

Oliver shrugged. "That would be amazing. But I can't really handle any heartbreak right now just in case he doesn't."

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"I moved out of my Dad's this week."

"Oh, Oliver, that's really good news. Last week you mentioned being hesitant about leaving."

"I just realised I can't be cocooned in his house forever. I do feel bad leaving him alone in that big house but this is good for me."

"And why is that?"

"I want to see how I deal with independence this time because whenever I lived alone in the past, I always turned to drugs and alcohol."

"Do you feel alone in your new home?"

"Kind of. I'm not really there a lot of the time between going to work and working out in the gym afterwards. Plus I've decided I'm going to have dinner with my dad a few times a week too. So I'm not really alone a lot."

"Have you made any friends since you left rehab?"

"I've gotten closer to Chad. I used to think he was a douchebag but he's pretty nice. And I'd like to reconcile with my old friends."

"What's stopping you?"

Oliver thought for a moment. "The fear of rejection and what effect that rejection will have on me."

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"You've been very quiet today. Is everything okay?"

Oliver looked down at his his gnawed thumbnail and nodded.

"Are you sure?"

Oliver sighed. "I will hit five months of sobriety next week. Or at least I'm supposed to. I have been coming to these sessions every week for the past three months. But this week I nearly backtracked my entire recovery."

"What happened?"

Oliver told him about his day. He had gone to work normally, ready to be back home by five. However, Chad was having a birthday party and begged Oliver to make an appearance. The only problem was that it was in a club and it had been months since Oliver stepped inside that environment. He wasn't intending on going but after a particularly stressful workday he decided last minute that he would stop by just to say hi. He wasn't intending on staying long. Something was drawing him to the club and it was his fault for not realising sooner that it was the thought of drinking.

A familiar jittery feeling fluttered in his stomach as he stepped into the club. He was excited. He hadn't realised how much he had missed that 'V.I.P' experience until he was let into the club wordlessly by the bouncer before being led to the V.I.P area. Everyone seemed to know who he was. Looks of recognition flashed on their stranger faces and it looked like they were waiting for one of his infamous drunken spectacles.

It had happened so quick that he almost didn't realise it but someone had somehow placed a champagne glass in his hand and he reflexively put it to his mouth. As his lips parted and the liquid brushed his tongue he realised what he was doing and immediately spat it out.

"I feel like a fraud holding this," He sighed, holding up his four month sobriety chip. "I'm going to have to start all over."

Rami shook his head. "Oliver, you didn't break your sobriety."

"But I drank champagne."

"The fact that you spat it out instead of gulping down the glass and having more means that you deserve next month's chip. Not many alcoholics can do that resist that temptation. Well done."

"I... I don't know Rami."

Rami nodded and dug into his drawer, pulling out a box of Twizzlers. Oliver's face lit up when he saw them.

"Are you trying to make me feel better with Twizzlers?" He laughed.

"No! I just took them out because I forgot to share them last week! Anyway, I have an idea."

Oliver immediately grabbed a strawberry Twizzler before returning his attention to Rami. "What's your idea?"

"Have you ever heard of sponsors?"

"Yeah. Don't they have those in Alcholics Anonymous?"

"And Narcotics Anonymous," Rami quipped.

Oliver knew what a sponsor was because his dad had asked him if he wanted him to be his sponsor. Sponsors were basically people that had already recovered from their addictions who guided those with less experience in their journeys to recovery. In AA and NA, the sponsor's role was to help the 'sponsee' get through their twelve steps.

Oliver had rejected his father's offer because he didn't feel entirely comfortable letting his father know about every little obstacle in his recovery.

"I don't really have any intentions on finishing the twelve steps of AA. I never got to the 'making amends' step and even if I do, the steps get weirdly religious near the end."

"Some people prefer a secular approach to sobriety like you but don't forget that many people see religion as a strong guide in their recovery."

"Okay but I don't want to go back."

Rami nodded. "I know. But I think you should reach out to someone who has recovered. Do you know anyone who has overcome their addictions? Maybe someone from your social circle who would understand what you're going through?"

"Do you really think that will help?"

"Definitely. I wish I could be that person but I didn't grow up with an affluent lifestyle and thankfully I never fell into any addictions. The best person for advice is someone who has gone through what you have. And maybe they can do a better job of convincing you how well you're doing in your recovery. Do you know anyone?"

Someone from his social class who had recovered from an addiction? Who could he.... oh.

Oliver sighed as a name popped into his head. He hadn't spoken to her for a very long time. Would she even want to meet him?

"Yeah. I actually know the perfect person for this."

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A/N;

I hope the fragmented style of this chapter didn't confuse anyone! I was just trying to show three months passing! Next chapter will show the return of a character we have all grown to love. Any guesses who?

Much love,

-hexed

xoxo